LET BE -Day 26 in a year of …..

Posted on August 17, 2016 by hafong

Day 26, August 17, 2016 @2:42

For everything there is a beginning. But nothing happens until you start. Here I am, showing up. Do I have anything to say? What can I say about my intention of being – of not striving?

All my life I have strived to be better than what I am. I attribute my striving to feeling of lack in all aspects. That can happen when you are an immigrant and/or a child of immigrants. I was both having come to Canada from Hong Kong at 8 years old.

I strived to learn English, rid my accent, to catch up in school, to ‘fit’ in. I strived not to mind that I looked different – my hair is black, my eyes slanted, my nose small. I strived not to mind that we celebrate different things in different ways. I strived to be acceptable, to be the same as everyone. I failed, of course, but one never stops striving. There’s always something new to strive for.

My mission for today is to learn to stop. It is not easy but I can at least let go a little each day. There really is nothing to do and nowhere to go in this moment. There is no one to compare, to judge, to please except myself.

For everything there is also an ending. Can you let go a little? Try it. Till tomorrow.

PREPARATION – Day 25 in a year of ….

Posted on August 16, 2016 by hafong

Day 25, August 16, 2016 @7:50 pm

I’m running late. It’s been a long day. I can’t promise to be a clear silver tongue devil, having had a beer and now sipping wine. But at least I’m here, tap, tapping on my iPhone.

My practice of doing different today is preparation. I’ve come to appreciate its importance as it is the foundation to everything. I’ve never given it much attention in the past. I do not look before I leap. You know what can happen. A job is not well done. I get lost. Or worse things can happen.

Now, I’m practicing to be patient, preparing, researching, laying down the foundation before I build that mansion in the sky. I’m counting stitches, measuring, and gauging to have a sweater/blouse that will be fit to wear. I’m making intentions in the mornings when my mind is fresh and clear. What are you doing?

Till tomorrow. Sorry no pictures. It’s hard to do on iPhone. I’m choosing simple and easy.

START – Day 24 in a year of…

Posted on August 15, 2016 by hafong

Day 24, August 15, 2016 @3:10

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. -Viktor E. Frankl

I struggle every day in the short or long of that space. Do I bend and pick up the dropped object or do the natural inclination of walking around it? Sometimes, even that is too much. I just want to sleep.

I am fighting back against inclination and old habits of giving in. I am here another day to make new grooves of – showing up, of starting and doing of intentions. What good are words without actions?

I have learned from experience it’s more effective to strike while the iron is hot. And these dog days of summer are hot. You wouldn’t think it is a good time to knit a sweater – a mohair one at that. But why not and when would it be a good time? I could find no answer to the why or when. I have started. The pattern is chosen. The stitches cast. Knit one, purl one. One row is done. The next STARTED. I’m on my way towards a sweater. By December or January, I might have a new sweater to wear. How about that? Have you started something today?

Till tomorrow.

MAINTENANCE – Day 23 in a year of….

Posted on August 14, 2016 by hafong

Day 23, August 14, 2016 @4:25

I do wonder each day if I could make it back to this place. If I do, would I have anything to say? I’m here.

It’s easy to get excited about projects and resolutions. The trick is maintaining the enthusiasm and momentum. Without them, you could come to a full stop like the billiard ball just before the drop into the pocket. What is desirable is the domino effect – showing up day after day, no matter what. Some days are better than others.

I try to maintain if unable to advance for the day. I try not slide off the mountain. It’s a long ways down and longer to climb back. I try not to analyze too much. I do wonder sometimes why it’s such an effort to pick up something dropped. Why is it easier to walk around it? Now I stand and agonize for minutes and pick it up. I do it for other hard-to-do things. It’s a lazy brain thing. I am sure I will have many minutes of agony before my brain can see it’s not hard. No pain, no gain. Is that true?

Showing up is agony sometimes. But I want to change the agony to ecstasy. I’m not a sucker for pain. Onward we go! My half sweater parts are unravelled. I have found a pattern book. I’m ready to knit my life back up again. Are you ready?

Till tomorrow.

STUCK AND UNSTUCK – Day 22 in a year of…

Posted on August 13, 2016 by hafong

Day 22,August 13, 2016 @2:00 pm

Life is frigging hard. I blame my brain. It likes to be stuck in old habits. It likes easy. Then I blame the weather. I feel every storm brewing, every drop and rise of pressure. The clouds are building again. I am stuck so now I’m having a cup of tea. That’s my remedy for everything.

Life was clear this morning. The day was fresh. I was on a new page – reading Ruth Rendall’s The Crocodile Bird. I had already read it once but I have forgotten everything. It read like the first time. I was hooked on the first page! I felt my eyes racing forward, skimming over the words, missing the descriptives for the action. I stopped and read the second paragraph again – how the tail lights went over the bridge and the headlights came around the bend. I found that scene so descriptive. I see it in my head.

My intention for today is to enjoy the whole read. It’s good to be hooked, but I should be able read all the words, see the setting and characters and let the story unfold chronologically. Quite often I read the beginning and the ending. I might go back to the middle. Then sometimes I don’t. So far so good. I’ve read two chapters. Can’t remember the ending from the first read and I haven’t gone to the end.

Patience, forbearance and happiness are what I am trying to develop in this project of choosing different ways/things. I’m tired of bogged in insufficiency, ruts and having hard times. Even little things/ways are hard to change. They’re probably all biggies. According to Pema Chodron the 3 big difficult practices are:

Acknowledging what is happening
Choosing a different alternative
Making it a way of life.

It makes a lot of sense to me. What do you think? I’m a little unstuck. Back to what I was working on. Till tomorrow.

DON’T SAY NO – Day 21 in a year of….

Posted on August 12, 2016 by hafong

Day 21, August 12, 2016 @3:04

The day has a way of getting away on me. I’m sitting here with my decaf, trying to keep my eyes open, trying to find the words. One day I will drink real coffee again. The struggle continues. My brain is very lazy. Wanting the same easy. Wanting to sleep.

Mornings are the best for doing different. The world is soft in the morning mist. The mind is open and the brain hasn’t dug its feet in against something new. I breathe in the freshness of the day, make my intentions and have my cup of tea. Mornings are my best. I use them as springboards into the day.

It doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. I do. Today being Friday, was an exercise day. Monday is for mostly straight aerobics, Wednesday, step aerobics with weights. Friday for the most of the summer has been just aerobics. But today I walked into the gym and saw that the instructor had stations set up. It was a circuit training day. I went: Yuk! My brain and body seized up. From past experience I knew that I would like it once warmed up and into it. So don’t refuse to do something different. It can be good for you.

My decaf is done. I’m more awake. Virtual exercise helps, too. Now on to making some dog biscuits for Sheba. Till tomorrow.

ORGANIZATION – Day 20 in a year of….

Posted on August 11, 2016 by hafong

Day 20, August 11, 2016 @11:09

I’m really late. I’ve been dying for sleep since afternoon. But I have to fulfill my commitment. This is day 20 and my focus is on organization. I see the value living a life free of clutter, heaps and piles. For today at least, my dining table is serene. I would like my life looking like that.

For today, I strive for starting and finishing. For the most part, I have been successful. That’s all I ask – to be successful for the most part. It is late. I don’t strive for outstand- ing. I go for easy and simple. I ask for giving it my best. I have given both. I bid you good night and fall into delicious sleep. Till tomorrow.

BRINGING OUT MY KNITTING – Day 19 in a year of….

Posted on August 10, 2016 by hafong

Day 19, August 10, 2016 @4:02

It rained again today. It was time to bring out my knitting basket. I did say, if it rains again. The basket sat untouched in my closet for a few years now. It holds a lot of knitting needles, wool and not a few unfinished projects – 2 sweaters, 1 scarf and 3 dishcloths. Oh, the dishcloths are finished. They are but small squares.

I can knit, purl, do cables, plain Janes, scarves, dishcloths….I can do many patterns. I can do blankets and even crochet. I can start but completing is another matter. So here’s the thing. In this year of doing different, I’m going to start knitting again. I’m going to knit till I have a finished sweater. I’m choosing a sweater because it is more challenging. It is more creative and creativity can add so much to our lives. Finishing will add self confidence.

But first, I’m going to unravel the sweaters. I have no idea where I have left off with either one or where the patterns are. Same with the scarf. I no longer like the style. My eyes are heavy with sleep. I have to stand up and do something else. Till tomorrow then. Happy knitting if you are inclined.

SLEEP – Day 18 in the year of…

Posted on August 9, 2016 by hafong

Day 18, August 9, 2016 @5:47

My brain is not working well today having had only a few hours of sleep last night. I have a headache and the stomach has been upset for a large part of the day. This is because we took our house guests to the airport at 3:30 am. Having returned an hour later, we were unable to resume our sleep. I was able to have a short nap in early afternoon. But I do not feel that much better.

I shudder to think that was how I lived for over 30 years – mostly sleep deprived as a nurse. I would say I was probably getting 5-6 hours of sleep most days/nights after a 12 hour shift, catching up on days off. The most frequent question we ask each other was, Did you sleep? The next one was, Are you on days off?

Research have shown that shift work is really bad for your brain. A decade of long-termed shift work can knock 6 years off memory and thinking skill. So what will 30 years do? There is a whole host of health hazards associated with sleep deprivation and shift work. It’s scary stuff. When I was right in the middle of it, I prided myself on how well I functioned on little sleep. I was probably not thinking clearly at the time. Now I know better from experience.

Better sleep habits will be foremost on my list of musts. I know that if I go to bed earlier rather than later, I can get to sleep faster and better. Here’s to better night of sleep. Till tomorrow.

INQUIRY – Day 17 in a year of……

Posted on August 8, 2016 by hafong

Day 17, August 8, 2016 @4:17

The rain is making me sleepy and all I want to do is nap, nap, nap. Motivation is low. Routine and habit brought me back to this space. I have to sit and sip my tea before words and ideas can form. Maybe a snack will help, too. When all else fails, snack! I have to tell you my bean casserole turned out okay. But oven time was over 1 1/2 hours instead of 25 minutes. Next time, if I’m using fresh beans from the garden, I will parboil them first.

I have been listening to Byron Katie the last two days. I am familiar with her work but I always come away with learning something new each time. You always hear and see with new ears and eyes each time. Never dismiss or roll your eyes when someone is repeating his/her story. There’s always nuances, important ones that might change your life.

I love the 4 questions that she asks.

Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)
Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?

The work may be difficult to grasp, but now I do see it is a beautiful process. My perceptions have shifted, my mind expanding and my heart opening a little more. Are the thoughts in my head real? What is reality – the past, the future, or only now? Lots to ponder. If you are interested, you can visit her link here.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity