REST – Day 16 in a year of….

Posted on August 7, 2016 by hafong

Day 16, August 7, 2016@6:19

I am running a little later today. My doing different today is listening to the whispers of my body. I am feeling the fatigue of the fast approaching autumn and shorter days. So used to doing, doing, doing it is hard to stop. But then it is equally difficult to keep going. So I stopped and napped, letting go of everything for that time.

Now, I’m here in this space, tap, tapping out my words for the day. The rice is cooked. I’m waiting for the beans to casserole. Everything always takes longer than they say. Ah, it’s okay. I got the wine, the keyboard and pesky Sheba to keep me company. I wish dogs could bark in English. It’s hard to decipher one bark from another. I suppose she wants her afternoon walk. Maybe a few ear rubs will suffice. Change is good for dogs, too.

It was serendipitous that this morning I sat on the mindfulness for depression episode of the Mindfulness Summit 2015. I paid heed as I am prone to Seasonal Affective Disorder. I have been lucky these last few years that I have not felt the severe symptoms of the past. I thank Melli O’Brien and Ruby Wax for their contribution to the mindfulness movement.

My beans are calling me. I must do the easy and simple and go. Till tomorrow.

WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE – Day 15 in a year of….

Posted on August 6, 2016 by hafong

Day 15, August 6, 2016 @2:39

Afternoons are not any easier to show up here. The air is warm. What I really want is to lay down and have a nap. Maybe a cup of tea will help. That is my answer for everything – a cup of tea.

How quickly one’s brain get clouded. That small window of clarity is there for me in the morning when most of the world is still asleep. I can see that message on the wall before the world rushes in. I sit in the silence and the unspoken wisdom. Then I sit in the words of those who have trained and taught the wisdom – Melli O’Brien and Elisha Goldstein.

What I know for sure is that it is never a good or right time for anything. You have to make time for what your heart desires. It is and it isn’t all about me. It is about me in that it is I, who has the choice. It is I who must do the work. I am responsible. It isn’t all about me. The world is a big place. There are many me, me, me out there. We are all different but we are all the same. We are all part of humanity. We all suffer. We all bleed. If I can open my eyes and heart a little more each day, I can let more of the world in. I can suffer less. I can love more. I can, can’t I? What about you? Can you let me in just a little more?

Till tomorrow again.

LESS OF ME, I AND MINE – Day 14 in a year of…

Posted on August 5, 2016 by hafong

Day 15, August 5, 206 @10:34

Need I say that it is difficult to show up every day? It is. It’s late. Words and thoughts are harder to come by. But I’ve had a wonderful evening out, connecting with colleagues from long ago. Now I sit in the evening’s after glow wondering what to say. I’m remembering the conversations at the table: Have you heard about X. She has breast cancer and is getting chemo. Y is a private care home. Z died. What I know for sure is, time goes fast and life is sweet.

I know why it is that I choose to come to this place every day. It is to live. I made the commitment for a year. But why not for the rest of my life? A life is worth to live it well. I want to taste all its sweetness and bitterness as well. For how could I tell the difference without either? I want to feel the sun and the rain, the wind and the calm. I want to experience and weather it all – life in all its catastrophes.

And so I show up every day in this place in mindfulness. I am learning/choosing something different, to see another view, to be in another’s shoe. Can I be more of the world and less of me, I and mine? That’s one point from today’s session in mindfulness with Melli and Dr. Rick Hanson.

It is late. It is enough. To choose the easy and simple, I say good night. Till tomorrow.

GLORY DAYS – Day 13 in a year of…

Posted on August 4, 2016 by hafong

Day 13, August 4, 2016 @4:05

These are truly the glory days of August. My garden is flushed with delicious vegetables. Let me not squander the days away with stinking thinking, bad attitude, foul mood or low blood sugar. Afternoons can be treacherous. A cup of tea and a couple of chocolates to make me more agreeable. It does not help that Sheba is dogging in my footsteps wherever I go. Possibly she is also seeking sugar replacement.

Mornings are the best for setting intentions. And so I sat with Melli O’Brien and Tami Simon of Sounds True and learned about total body breathing. It is an episode from the Mindfulness Summit, October 2015. Today I am focused on learning to enjoy the process of sewing a blouse – being patient and deliberate with each step. In the past, I have rushed through to the end product, missing the beginning and the middle – missing the joy, missing a lot.

Now I see it is really not my stinking thinking or low blood sugar. It is really a storm brewing in my head. It has just burst open. I’m tap, tapping to the rhythm of pounding rain on the aluminum roof of the deck. It is very strange and beautiful. The rain came raging out of nowhere. I am very fortunate to have this wonderful space to sit and watch, surrounded by it all.

The rain have passed. I can show you the glory in the garden. Come, let me show you. It is my rainbow after the rain.

SHOWING UP NO MATTER WHAT- Day 12 in a year of…

Posted on August 3, 2016 by hafong

Day 12, August 3, 2016 @ 6:47

God is in a mood – raining and thundering all day. Still, it has been a good day. Worth getting up, dressing up and showing up. Other people’s words can give me a light bulb moment. “No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.” has become my mantra. It came from Regina Brett and her book, God Never Blinks.

That mantra has helped me day in, day out since I came upon it. It makes so much sense. If you don’t show up for yourself, who will? If you don’t value yourself, who will? So here I am – for another day. Dressed up, made up, earringed up, places to go and lots to do.

Life is good. It can be hard but it can also be easy and simple. Sometimes you can decide. Today it is easy and simple. Today is short and sweet. I don’t have a lot to say. I don’t need to say a lot. Showing up is enough. Till tomorrow.

MACHETE DAYS – Day 11 in a year of…

Posted on August 2, 2016 by hafong

Day 11, August 2, 2016 @2:33

Some days are tougher than others. I still get up, dress up and show up, though not quite made up or comb up. Some days you have to change the order of things when you feel disorderly. Life is a jungle of trials, tribulations and emotions. You have to machete your way through the undergrowth, and dodge bullets at the same time. You roll with the dice. It is called being flexible.

This is why I’m doing this year long project of choosing to do different. I need to stay nimble and flexible to dance the Plie, Pirouette, Tendu and Jete in the ballet of life.

Wanting to do different, I choose to show up again and again every day. Trying NOT to whine again and again, I come back to the Mindfulness Summit of the 2015. This morning I sat with Melli O’Brien and Jono Fisher. Some days I can focus better than others.

Still – I am here with bells in my ears. I’m ready for the dance of life, however it is. Are you?

LIFE HACK – Day 10 in a year of…

Posted on August 1, 2016 by hafong

Day 10, August 1, 2016 @1:43

I’m arriving in this place earlier and earlier. It is August 1st. I have felt the changes of the season coming, regardless of their silence and stealth. They cannot sneak up on me. I’m ready to receive them. Life is not perfect. It continues to be damn hard. I hack away at it, moment by moment, day by day. I’m hearing Leonard Cohen’s words:

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.

I’m looking at the light in the crack. I’m meditating to feel good from the inside out, working on myself from the outside in. Fake it till I make it. I know I will. Change your thoughts, change your brain. Change your brain, change your life. You become the sum of your thoughts and actions. Smile! You are on Candid Camera.

Life is hard but I don’t have to make it difficult. I can choose the simple and easy. I can choose an easy lunch to make and easy to clean up after. No need for elaborate culinary efforts on hard to do days. Perogies on a bed of stir fried kale and bacon, anyone?

What makes life hard for me is my thinking – It is HARD. Today I am making a conscious effort to have a different view. I stop when I’m stuck in that mode. I think: Why is it hard? What can I do to make it easier? I break the task into do-able steps. I tackle the hard ugly stuff first. I’m learning to be a life hack. What are you learning today?

Till tomorrow.

Day 9 in a year of…

Posted on July 31, 2016 by hafong

Day 9, July 31, 2016 @3:14 pm.

I am showing up at my keyboard earlier today. But it is not any easier. From the distance of now, this morning was easy. But I do remember having to take a tylenol to get it started. It is never easy. I just have to get here and peck out one word at a time.

This morning I sat with Melli O’Brien and Joseph Goldstein for day 2 of the Mindfulness Summit from 2015. I was more mindful, jotting down key points. The point that meant the most for me is that mindfulness is not a hobby. It is about the totality of our lives. Goldstein also stressed on:

Being simple and easy
Being with what’s happening
Practice in coming back again and again
Perseverance
discipline
courage

I’m listening to that advice. The sky has broken open. Thunder is rumbling. The rain is pouring down, drumming on the deck roof. I will take the day easy and simple. I will be with what’s happening – listening and watching the rain with Sheba on the deck. I will be back tomorrow.

Day 8 in a year of…

Posted on July 30, 2016 by hafong

Day 8, July 30, 2016 @9:10 pm

I’ve left my musing for the day too late. Now, I’m sitting in front of the television with the laptop on my knees. Sheba insists that we watch television in the living room after supper. You might think that it is crazy to be controlled by a dog. But then it is us who has trained her by our own habits. Dogs are creatures of habit. So here I sit. I hope I can think. I could turn my TV volume down. Sheba has excellent hearing.

The morning started well, considering I had trouble sleeping last night. I got up, made up, selected my earrings and other jewellery. I’m experimenting with doing different. It is ok to do more, even too much. How else will I learn? There are no wrongs or mistakes in playing and trying out. I thought about angles, lighting, posture and background for my selfies. It takes practice to feel comfortable in making faces – even with no one around. After a week, it is starting to feel fun.

I don’t know how ideas travel, do you? Where do they come from. It popped into my head this morning that I should repeat the Mindfulness Summit. I did the month long series of mindfulness in October 2015. Each day had a different speaker. Today, Melli O’Brien interviewed Dr. Mark Williams. It was very helpful and pertinent to my project.

Assessing and writing at the end of today is not a good thing. I am tired, feeling the heaviness of the heat and humidity. I can hardly think and type. But I am doing the best I can. THE thing is to show up here in this space each day to tell you how it was. I hope you are here for me. Till tomorrow.

Day 7 in a year of….

Posted on July 29, 2016 by hafong

Day 7, July 29, 2016 @4:48

Doing something new every day is not a hard nor easy task. If there are 50 ways of leaving your lover, there must be equal number of ways of doing anything, including selfies. Today, I’m trying for glee. Inside I feel scowlful, if there is such a word. And grumpy, though I’ve been told that I’m funny. Anyways, I’m out for the many faces of joy and exuberance.

The hard part is my brain is hardwired to the same old and familiar. It takes a short time to develop a rut. Some ruts are healthier than others. For instance, putting on makeup every day is now easy after 7 days. It’s become a routine along with the trouble of choosing a pair a of earrings to wear. I have a bad attitude of thinking everything is trouble. Maybe it is wording. Another new thing to put on my list. Speak and think with impeccability, even if it’s to myself. We become our thoughts.

Doing this project has made me more discerning of things, people and opportunities. When I saw a shelf of beautiful orchids at SuperStore, I said YES! to a gift for myself. When I think of gifting, it’s usually for other people and the expense is not an issue. When I do buy for myself, I have to do all this dickering in my head. You can see that the orchid is a good buy – only $22. No dickering. I just grabbed.

Familiar has its own value. Saves time and energy. I am fond of the store’s barbecue chicken. When I’m by myself, I get one and it’s good for a number of lunches and suppers. I don’t have to slave over a hot stove or hurt my head deciding what to cook. I dress it up with a salad or different veggies. I’ve never noticed that they had different flavoured ones till quite recent – regular and smoking something. Well, today I espy yet another – Portuguese! This project can be exciting – for me.

I’m still plugging away at my lists. I like to keep the new things that work. I am crossing off more items. As you can see – no baking bread or Sheba’s biscuits. Too hot and humid. I’m sapped but I’ve turned on the AC. I’m learning to be good to myself. Have you been good to yourself today? Tell me how.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity