So here I am again, in this space of in between…waiting. The roast is in the oven. The skies are dark, the sound of thunder in the distance….rain waiting to fall. I must admit that these last weeks have been very, very hard. I can’t describe in what way except that I feel very, very bad….but not sad. Sometimes I blame the weather. Other times I think I’m being possessed by some bad energy. Whatever the cause, I feel very, very bad. That I know. I do try to keep it to mys.lf and not rain upon others’ parades, but sometimes it does come out. So I do apologize to those whom I have showered upon.
Last night was one of the most bad nights in a long time. I felt the storm in me and it was a great relief to hear the thunder and see the flashes of lightning through my sleep. I wasn’t being just a b.&#@*! after all. When I woke up this morning, I wondered how long will I be like this. I stayed in bed for awhile, thinking….maybe feeling somewhat sorry for myself. It didn’t really do much for me so I decided that I must make some effort to snap out of it, as they say. I thought movement was the answer. I must move and get in the flow.
So I got up, dressed up and showed up for breakfast. Then I was stuck, not feeling like doing anything. Why don’t I just go out and weed part of the garden until I feel like doing something? came the thought into my mind. That’s the way it got started, doing one thing at a time. My tomato and potato patch looked so nice after I got it weeded and hoed that it led to more weeding and hoeing. Then it was time to take Sheba for her walk. We stopped at Mom’s for a visit and to get some vegetables. She complained that she wasn’t feeling so good because of the weather. So I got my weirdness honestly. Phew, what a relief! Nevertheless, I gave it an extra effort not to be feeling so when I got home. I reminded myself not to be hung up on being perfect, to treat myself with kindness….whatever I could do is better than no action.
I cut some peonies to put on the deck. They’re drooping onto the walk anyways, obstructing Sheba getting through. I search for a nice container but an old fertilizer container was the best I could come up with. But what the heck…it’s perfect in its own way. The rain is really coming down now…. lightning flashed and thunder roared. The roast is smelling delicious. Soon, it will be time to eat.