It’s Saturday and the morning brings the sunshine. I watch the light dance on the wall next to me. I am happy and fortunate to have this space. It is very healing. I’m very proud for I have created it especially for me.
I remembered showing my mother the plans. It looks like our garage! she exclaimed. Bless mothers for seeing the practical. While she saw a garage, I saw my sunroom.
When my body betrays me and my spirit is like spaghetti, the light through the windows, the warmth of the wood, the openness and yet coziness of the room wrap its arms around me, comforting and soothing me.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I could wish for no more. I know that everything is within me. I have it all. I have it in me to make them come true.
I’m tapping with my magic wand for Kat McNally’s #AprilMoon. Thank you for the space, Kat.
It is still April. The morning is mighty fine. I love how the sun comes through the windows and dances on the walls of the sun room and dining room at this hour. Everything is bathed in soft buttery light. I bask in its glow, appreciating the moment, knowing it will be gone soon. This is what makes me feel lucky, knowing and appreciating the now.
Yes, I am sitting and holding this space from Kat McNally’s #AprilMoon. I’m tap, tapping out the words from my fingertips. I feel lucky, too, that I am able to do this – to breathe through my nose all the way down to my fingertips. The words come out, one by one. They march across the screen, forming words and sentences. They give me life and sustenance. They help me live in the moment. They anchor me in the now.
Sometimes I drift away, carried off by my thoughts, of course. They are devious and intrusive – full of trickery. I am mindful of them. They can deceive you with their false truths. I try not to spend time in that space of wondering – ‘if I will ever’. Thoughts cannot do the deed. Thinking is just thinking but it sure can burn up the energy.
I try to stay in the here and now, not examining the past nor wondering about the future. I like it here, tap, tapping and watching the sun dance on the walls. It is peaceful. It is healing.
This is the best part of my day, sitting in my space, tap, tapping out my words for #April Love and #April Moon. The letters and words fall from my fingertips. I inhale and exhale, one breath after another – like the words across my screen. My body feels the relief, the shedding of tightly coiled emotions and tension. I am saved for another day.
I am a very obsessive person. This, I now know. It has not been very healthy for me. My obsessiveness have spiralled me into a vortex of anxieties and other related health issues. So my current obsession is not to be obsessive (laughing out loud not so loudly). I’m trying to remain soft and pliable and bend like the graceful willow. I do not need to be the mighty oak.
How do I un-adrenaline myself? How do I remain soft around the knees as they say in yoga? Having this space here to tap, tap out my angst is wonderful. To move my fingers across the keyboard is restful and reassuring. I am encapsulated in the quiet and stillness of the Universe, letting go of everything except this moment.
I’m tap, tapping from prompts offered by Kat McNally’s #AprilMoon and Susannah Conway’s aprillove2015. I’m careful of my words. They can send powerful messages to the mind. We know what tricks the mind can play on us. So pay heed what you say and think. I’m often guilty of not paying attention and let every wisp of smoke get in. That smoke smoulders and flares into flames. Before you know it, there is a raging fire.
Let me take care and form my thoughts carefully.
Good morning, self. It’s a beautiful morning. See how the light dances on the wall. Feel it kissing your sweet face. It is blessing you with its healing warmth. Bask and luxuriate in its arms. The morning will pass fast enough. In the meantime, enjoy the peace and quietness.
You are the child of the Universe. You are loved and cherished. Be happy for you are as you should be. Feel blessed by the love and goodness in your life. Be grateful for your riches. Be strong in your faith. Be forgiving in your heart. Be generous of the spirit. Above all else, love yourself – no matter what.
Now I lay myself down to sleep. Goodnight self. Close your eyes. Empty your thoughts and smooth your brow of care. You have worked hard and done your best today. Now it is time to rest. Let the sandman sprinkle magical dust onto your eyes. Sweet dreams, my dear.
I’m in a bit of a strange space lately – not really crazy, but not quite sane. I have a bit of a rant, some anger in me. I can’t quite let it out. You see, I have succeeded in calming my mind through my 8 weeks of mindful training. I’m the driver of my emotions now. When I feel the first heat of a burn, the system takes over. Do you need to feel that? A voice reverberates within me. HISSSSS! The extinguisher douses the flames. No heat or anger burns in my chest. I am saved again for another day.
Yes, I am in a bit of a strange bubble. I am happy to have Kate McNally’s #AprilMoon to write in. If you haven’t notice already, I’m not writing chronologically. Today is Day 10 and I’m writing on Day 6’s Prompt. I’m being soft and flexible.
Whenever thunder grumbles overhead, I think God is angry and having a big fart over his children’s shenanigans. Is that a disrespectful thing to say? I do have a bit of a foul mouth and have been accused of voicing what others would only think.
I think God does have a lot to fart over right now. I might as well say it than to have slow burning lump of coal in my chest or stomach. And we are all in it – this world of us. I feel the despair and hopelessness when I watch or listen to the news – another unarmed blackman shot in the back by the police, hundreds of aboriginal women murdered and missing. There are still so much more bad stuff out there.
It is better for me to let out this sadness and despair than to let it simmer inside. If we all fart crocodiles tears, have some dialogue and talk about our humanity, we would at least not feel we’re all alone in our sadness and hopelessness.
Just me talking again in my bubble without my space suit. Have a good day.
Morning, my favourite time of day. Saturday, my favourite day of the week. I’m sitting here this sunny Saturday morning in April, tapping out my words. I’m tapping from this newly uncovered flexible spot. I’m tapping in ease for Susannah Conway’s #Aprillove2015’s prompt: Five years ago. I’m tapping for Kat McNally’s #AprilMoon prompt on sources of inspiration.
#Aprillove’s prompt is: Five years ago. Five years ago, after being in a relationship with I, me and myself for many years, the three of us took a chance and became a WE with someone from the distant past. I remembered that moment vividly. My phone was ringing as I unlocked the back door.
Sheba lunged in, pulling me with her. We skidded to a stop in front of the phone. The call display said: Sasktel Pay Phone. My curiosity pushed me to pick it up. “Lily, this is the voice from your past”. An unfamiliar voice said. “I don’t know who you are. Who the hell are you?” I queried. The rest is history as they say.
Being WE has been a challenging journey but I have no regrets. Challenges has always been one of my greatest sources of inspiration. They have taken me down untravelled roads. I have taken many wrong turns and been lost many times but I always find myself again. I consciously choose The Road Not Taken. I don’t like regrets of I should-haves.
Had I not taken the chance of reconnecting with the past, I would not have experienced Ghana (where he was living at the time), the country, its people and culture. Some people thought I was brave, but I had no doubts. I felt it was meant to be. I’m a believer in synchronicity. Somehow the heart knows.
That was five years ago. We’re still together- now in Canada. It is still challenging. Our relationship is very complicated as they would say in Facebook. But we talk a lot to each other and watch each other’s back. Is that love? #April Love and #April Moon.
Once upon a time, not so long ago,I aspired to be Wonder Woman with her golden tiara, bracelets and lasso. I even doodled her on my iPhone app. I was going to make a poster of it and hang it in my office. It would inspire me to fly through the air, scale walls and rescue guys in distress. Have no fear, Wonder Woman is here! would be my chant.
That enchantment has faded and I have come to my senses. There are better models for me to emulate and they don’t look like Linda Carter. They’re more beautiful. They’re strong and real. They’re vulnerable with no protective suits. I am speaking of Anne Lamott, who wrote the little book on writing and life, Bird by Bird. She speaks of life in all its rawness and beauty. Her language is real and offers no apologies. I don’t know how many comments she received on her last post, but there was 53,000+ shares. She resonates with many besides me.
Am I gushing? I do love her. I learn to write in that one square inch of hers. That’s how you make a start. Write as far as you can see ahead of you. That is all. You will get there to the end. Our stories are important. My story is important – to me. My super power is to tell it, starting within the one inch frame, going to the end. This is for #aprillove2015. It’s not super but it is part of my story.
Today I’m writing from Kat McNally’s prompt in this space – the last time I felt completely relaxed was…. I’m not quite sure if it is possible for me to feel completely relaxed. But I’ve been working hard at it. You see, that is my problem – I work hard at everything with guns blazing. Does that sound relaxing? Of course not and it backfired on me. So now, I’m working on not working so hard. I do learn from my mistakes or it’s just my body was sending out SOS signals and I finally listened.
I have dedicated this week to nothingness and positivity. My body and mind demand it. I need to let go of the striving part of me, always striving for goals of further, better, more, of being in perfect harmony control. Nothingness is a little easier when you are down and burnt of energy.
I started the project(my striving mind talking again) with the way I walk Sheba. There was going to be no hurry, no yanking of the leash, she can sniff all she wants. How long can a sniff last? It was going to be a mindful walk, being in the moment with my furry baby. It worked pretty well, though I did forget myself a few times. OK Sheba! Enough! Yank on the chain. What can I say but bad habits take over.
We met someone early on our walk. Remembering positivity, I smiled and said good morning. She replied with: It’s a beautiful day. I replied with: It’s about time! Bad habit took over again. The retort was out before I could stop myself. I cursed a little at myself inside. I stopped. No beating on self allowed either! Positivity and kindness apply for myself, too. It was a good walk. I learned a lot about my behaviour being mindful. My talking mind was going a hundred miles/hour in my head. I saw what a hurried and controlling person I was inside. No wonder Sheba digs her heels in and refuses to budge sometimes! Dogs need to smell their coffee, too.
It’s good to take time out, let go and let the nothingness take over. In the nothingness of that time, however short, I found peace and relaxation. I will not ask nor strive for more. It is enough.
From where I stand today, I see that I still want perfection. I still long to be better and more – than what, I do not know. Even though I was born in China and have stood at the center of the world at Cape Three Points, Ghana, I still feel I’ve been nowhere. The lack I feel is endless. I recognize that. I accept them. They are just feelings. They are not me. I am whole as is. I am where I’m suppose to be. Here. Now.
I know that now. Had I recognize that years ago, what would I tell my younger self? I don’t know and if I did, would I believe myself? So from where I am standing or sitting today, it is best to get up and get on with life. If I had known better, I know I would have done better. If I could, I would, wouldn’t you?
What nourishes me? What is my favourite colour/flower? These are some of the questions about myself that I have not given much thought to – until recently. I haven’t given myself much consideration. I really don’t know myself and I haven’t taken good care of myself. Thanks to Susannah Conway’s April Love Challenge for bringing me that awareness.
It is time to look within myself, time to get acquainted with me, I and myself. April is the beginning of spring and new growth. It is a good time to cuddle up with my fur baby, quiet the mind and still body. We can just be in the empty space created. The world is too loud. How can we hear ourselves? How can we recognize what nourishes us in the noisy din? It is the spaces in between that defines shapes. It is the rest between notes that create music. Perhaps in this quiet and stillness, I will recognize what fills me. This is enough now. Everything is as it should be.