A sunny May 10th. I feel as if I’ve been in constant motion the last while. I’m breathless with it. My head is in a spin and full of things I need/want to do. What I want/need to do is to stop and get off the merry-go-round. How do I do it? My head hurts thinking about it. You can stop your body but it’s not so easy with your thoughts. It helps to tap on my keyboard in a steady, slow pace and let the rhythm sooth my head and slow my breath.
I do wonder why I get myself into this mess. The more I do, the more I want to do. This is as bad as the sugar, tea, and many other addictions. The more I have, the more I want, even after they are no longer feel good. It’s a treadmill difficult to step off. I stopped smoking because I had to. I had pain shooting up my nose. That was when I discovered my nostrils were all tarry and I had incomplete sinuses. Then there was the year we had bacon and eggs every morning. That added up – the pounds, that is. And the year we had ice cream every night also put on the pounds.
After I quit smoking, I couldn’t stand the smell of smoke. The ice cream didn’t taste all that great after we stopped. Tea tasted blah after too many cups. And yet, it is hard for me to stop all these addictive things. I think it is a habit, the repetitive habit of lighting up a cigarette, making a cup of tea, etc. before I do anything, or if I get stuck on doing something. I’m also addicted to doing challenges on social media – writing a blog post/daily for a month and doing an activity for a hundred days. They are all good things until I get obsessive about them. Sometimes it would be healthy for me to miss a day or two or even to just quit. Just to show I can stop.
I’m all revved up, typing up a storm. I should just stop now to show that I can. I can and I will. I need to chill.