Funny how much more time I have when I’m up before 6 in the morning. I’m still on that stretch of disturbed sleeping. The good thing is I was able to drop right off. There’s no point wrestling in the dark when I wake and can’t get back to sleep. So what even if it is just barely 5? Out of bed I tumbled after a bit of tossing and turning. By the time I got all the business of going to potty, washing my face, brushing my teeth and hair, it was almost 5:30. I listened for the clicking of Sheba’s nails as she follows me. Surprisingly, none was heard.
Ah, well! The fur baby was still sleeping, having been up at 3 am to do her business. Apparently I was still dead to the world at the time. I was a little miffed at her not getting up with me as usual. I set about to make my morning cuppa. It was nice to have to have some quiet and peace. No dog under foot whining for her breakfast. I was moved and soothed by the soft almost morning light. I did my qi gong movements waiting for the kettle to boil. After, I sat with cuppa in meditation, guided by my breath, watching my thoughts like clouds floating across my universe. It was so refreshing. My mind became a clean slate.
Then it was almost 7. I was happy that I had this time to myself before dawn. The noise and busyness of the past few days dissipated. I feel rested, relaxed and almost normal again. I shall hold the feelings of the moment in my mind to come back to again and again in times of stress. Beautiful Sunday.
I have to tell you, I’m having more than a few hiccoughs in 2019 and it’s only April. There’s 8 more months to go but who is counting? I’ve been here many times before. I’ve learned it’s best to accept the hiccoughs instead of fighting them. It takes some effort each time. I’m accepting that, too, because that’s how I am. It’s like doing the backstroke in a rocky swimming pool. There’s no smooth gliding. I’m tossed about. I’m not a good swimmer and I start panicking when water floods my face and up my nose. I have to rein myself in from thrashing wildly about, gain control and float through the waves.
I’m doing just that through this recent hiccough. Who knows what poked the tip of the iceberg. Do I still have hormones? Then there’s the weather, the clouds, winds, dip or rise of temperature along with the atmospheric pressure. Whatever. It does not matter. I’m out of balance, my mood can change on a dime, I can’t sleep, things don’t get done. It feels like weeks long but it is only a couple of days. Life feels like a wreck. I feel like a wreck.
I sound like a wreck, too, but I’ve changed a thing or two. I can almost stop my thoughts and feelings on a dime. I said almost. Now whenever those bad thoughts and feelings come up, I see a stop sign coming at me. I feel that hand pushing me back. STOP! And I do for a minute or two. Huh! I have to roll that around my mind and decide what is best to think, feel and speak. Sometimes the best course of action is no action and no words.
Well, I do hope I can sleep a little better tonight. Maybe I can practice doing the backstroke in my mind to send me off into dreamland. But what will be, will be. The future is not ours to see. Que sera, sera.
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Tagged acceptance, backstroke, changing, hiccoughs, learning, life, panicking, practice calm in my mind, que sera, sera, sleepless, stopping, thrashing, writing
I’ve finally got Taking Charge of Adult ADHD by Russell A. Barkley from the library yesterday. I was eager to dive into it this morning but my mind would not let me. I feel aggitated and distracted. I have this urge to skip this, that and jump ahead. Obviously this is not a good time. I have to lay it aside when my mind is more quiet and receptive. This time is better suited for following up on my to-do list.
- Giving a full feedback on Minna’s post on Suddenly Mad.
- Activating my new Costco credit card.
- Filing the papers from Sheba’s vet visit yesterday. I was happy to see that she had lost a kg. of weight from last year. I had thought she had gained.
- Starting this post.
- Introducing brushing her teeth to Sheba. She has some gingivitis. It would save expensive vet bill and her teeth. I put some peanut butter on my finger and let her lick it. Then I start putting my finger into her mouth and feeling her gums. All successful. Then I wrapped we gauze on my finger and put peanut butter on the gauze. She balked at first but the peanut butter won her over. I was able to rub my gauzed finger on her gums for a few seconds. Enough for first day.
Well, it is the end of day, a day devoted to the physical and practical. Nothing at all creative or spiritual. They were hard to do, want to procrastinate and avoid kind of chores. The biggest was getting Sheba washed, buffed and smelling like a rose. It was not easy. It was not hard. It was what it was, the wetting, soaping, rinsing and shaking all over. Then there was the cleanup after. That was the nastiest. But I’ve got it down to a science. It was much easier than the previous time. AND she is looking like a queen, smelling like rose.
It’s late in the day. Another different beginning to this 10th post of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It’s still the beginning of the month. It feels like it should be the end. That’s what a busy full day does to my mind. My head feels like a ball of barbed wire. Try watching that thought like a cloud floating in the sky! But I shall take a deep breath and let it out in a slow exhale. That’s better. I can loosen that ball of wire a bit.
I find most of life a bit of sweat. This morning it was but it was a good one, stepping high on the bench. It got my heart pumping and the endorphins circulating. Life feels good. It was followed by 20 minutes of strength training. Who could ask for anything more?
Now it is evening. I am tired from the day, the afternoon at the vet with Sheba and our usual walk when we got home. She likes her walk and I cannot deny her. It is good for both of us.
I’m still on track with 20 minutes of meditation in the morning. I had a few minutes to spare after to transplant the leggy broccoli seedlings into new pots. I’m dealing with each day’s mail as they come. I’m filing my little bits of paper, not letting them pile up like a pyramid. I am slowly making progress and changing my ways. Now it’s time to call it a day.
May 9th, the 9th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.
Beginnings are challenging. I’m not inspired this morning. Instead of sitting here, staring into space, thinking about how to make my first tap, the first letter, word, sentence, I move in the direction of things calling to be done. The bathroom floor is the loudest but the least attractive. I heed the advice of doing the hardest thing first. After vacuuming the mats, I washed that square inch of floor. I don’t understand my feelings of ‘hard to do’ stuff. They are not hard at all except in my mind. Knowing and acknowledging that makes each time easier.
Having done that and a few other chores, I am trying to tap my heart out. I am hit with a wave of sleeping sickness. I will try to keep my eyes open and search for a bit of inspiration. I think mostly it is born out of perspiration, the hard work of chipping away at something. It’s like my patchwork tablecloth. It began years ago with sewing squares together. I was just making use of the fabric remnants I had picked up at the closing of a drapery and upholstery store years ago.
It was years before I had bought my Bernina sewing machine with an embroidery module. My purpose for it was not the machine embroidery. I was inspired by artistry of the quilters at the Saskatoon Quilters Guild Quilt Show in 2017. I was determined to get one those fancy dancy machines on display. By golly I did that December. It was so fancy I had to let it sit in the box for awhile before tackling it. I watched many tutorials on how to use the self threader before I could latch onto it. It was many hours watching tutorials before I could even understand the manual. I was happy to sew just a straight seam. I got a high from the sound of the thread cutter. A few months later and lots of perspiration, I was drawing with the needle, my wildest dream come true.
The machine embroidery came much later after more perspiration. It’s another post.
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Tagged artistry of quilters, beginnings, challenges, free motion sewing, hard work, life, perspiration vs inspiration, sewing, things that need doing, tutorials, writing
So far, so good. Day 8 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. My ultimate goal of blogging is to work out my problems. I’m brainstorming for ideas and solutions. I’m talking out loud through the keyboard. I like the tap, tap of the keys. I like the rhythm. I like flexing my finger muscles. If I’m in flow, they’re like the pistons of a well-oiled engine. I feel the magic then. My fingers are flying across the keyboard. The letters, words and sentences march across the screen. And I’m in heaven, dancing cheek to cheek with Fred Astaire.
Yes, I’m in pretty good form today. I’m experiencing some success, developing some good habits. They’re setting in. I look forward to my meditation each morning. The 20 minutes goes fast. They leave me feeling refreshed even on days when my mind wanders and gads about. That’s the practice. When we wander or err, to come back, to try and try again. It is not about being perfect. If I was, then there would be no need for anything. I can’t quite imagine that. Striving is necessary for an interesting and meanful life.
But it is nice to have a bit of heaven, when everything is running smooth. I can coast a little bit. I’ve been picking up after myself and not dropping things as they are. I’m following up and following through. It only takes minutes sometimes. It saves so much stressing and hair pulling. This morning I saw that the repeat on my medication prescriptions expires on the 19th of this month. I still have a fair amount of time but I called the pharmacy to have them renewed. Then it is out of the way. I’m apt to forget which happens regularly. It’s this kind of little things that can make life easier.
Sunny Sunday morning. Another new day. Another new week. I’m trying to utilize what I know for sure. Mornings are my best time for energy and for tackling hard to do things. It’s not working for me right now. I’m already sleepy eyed, not knowing what to do first. Even my fingers are limp with sleepiness and lethargy. Is it spring fever? What exactly is spring fever? I have never understood the term but I utter it anyways. It sounds good. Here’s what Wikipedia’s definition:
Spring fever is any of a number of mood, physical, or behavioral changes, which may be experienced coinciding with the arrival of spring, particularly restlessness, laziness, and even amorousness.
Laziness fits me the best at the moment. I am trying, fighting against it. Sandman is tugging at my eyes and my head is full of cobwebs. Perhaps another cup of tea is in order.
I’m back with my cuppa. While I was at it, I got out of my pjs and vacuumed 2 rooms while waiting for the water to boil. Living life in small moments do get things done. It’s easier to stay awake, standing up and moving. I continually surprise myself at how much I can do in minutes. I learned that long ago on a slow overnight train from Hiroshima to Tokyo. I found that a 7-minute shower card that came with my cabin was quite adequate for a shower and shampoo. I huffed, puffed and rushed unnecessarily. I had lots of minutes left over.
This morning I spun for a few minutes looking for the card for my appointments at the hearing center. I had put it in a ‘safe’ place. It was a mistake because I have forgotten where that place was. It was much better to leave it in its first resting place. But I did find it without tearing the house apart. This time, I wrote the dates in my notebook for such purposes. I have to remember to do it till it is a habit. I’m still remembering to put my credit card receipts in a little box for matching up with monthly statements.