Cloudy Sunday Mutterings

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It’s disheartening to wake up to another grey morning. I try to not let the world weigh me down. But it is difficult watching what is unfolding in the U.S. I think the whole world is weighed down watching and so far unable to stop it. It is not in our country but it is affecting us universally. And it could happen in this country and others if we let it. Evil and corruption have no boundaries. I am surprised and shocked at the magnitude of it. I have been very niave. What a waker upper.

The count down has started. 11 days left in the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I wonder where my fellow bloggers are. We are dwindling in numbers. This April round has been the lowest. I’ve missed a day here and there. Some days I don’t feel like showing up at all but I do, somehow. I don’t have a business or a page to promote. I haven’t kept up with my hobbies either. I can’t crow about #the100dayproject. I haven’t been sewing my quilt squares like I said I would. The Index-Card-a Day Challenge is coming up in June. I think I will sit this one out, too. It’s time to do different but I might change my mind. I don’t want to quit everything and disappear.

Spring is slow this year. It came and went. More snow came. I hope it’s over now. The good news is that the maple sap is running and boiling is underway in many regions. I have good news in the greenhouse also. Everybody survived the couple of nights of chilly temperatures. The lettuce, spinach and Chinese greens are popping up and doing well. This gives me some cheer and hope for another day.

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After the Snow

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It’s sunshine after the snow of yesterday. I always find the abrupt change in the weather hard on my physical body. Today was no exception even though I welcome the sunshine. My body was not happy and I feIt like screaming. I felt distraught. Even my teeth hurt. I took a tylenol and held my silence. I took a short nap.

There’s things like the weather that I don’t have control over. They teach me not to waste time and energy on things I can’t change. I do the best I can, moving one foot in front of the other. I learn to change my thoughts and the way I see things. They are hard lessons but slowly I am learning and changing. It is better to be silent and listen first before speaking. It is best not to lose my temper. I am learning to love the words of Rudyard Kipling.

If you can keep your head when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    ⁠And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    ⁠Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
    ⁠And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

That was yesterday. I did not have enough in me to finish the post. Today is cloudy again with snow flurries at -1℃. The sun is trying to shine as I am typing. In the greenhouse, it is 8.7℃. Perhaps spring will come and stay soon. Meanwhile the world is still uncertain.

Winter Again

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Looks like winter is here again. It’s been snowing steadily since early afternoon and will most of the night. And most likely tomorrow as well. The moisture is welcomed by the farmers which includes us. We are farmers as well as gardeners. A little sun would be welcomed though. Without the sun, the temperature in the greenhouse has dipped. The little heater has been running most of the day to stay above 0. Presently it is sitting at 3.1℃. The snow peas, onions and celery are fine with that. I brought in the young seedlings of tomatoes, peppers and egg plants.

I wonder when spring will come and stay. It is the middle of April. I wonder if and how all the bombing and destruction going on in the Middle East have affected air quality and climate change. I wonder if all the warring kings have given any thought to how they are destroying our planet and humanity. Why are humans killing other humans? So what if they win the whole world and there’s nobody on it except their 1%? I wonder about so many things. The older I get, the less I understand. So let it snow. Let it snow. Maybe Santa will come down the chimney tonight. Won’t that be a surprise?

I might be getting a little daft. Last night I dreamt I was talking to my mother on the phone. All she said was, Hafong. Hafong is my Chinese name. It reminded me of her last call to me. It has been a year and a half now. She is gone and yet she is still here within me. She reminds me of it now and again in dreams and other ways. One time she woke me up from a nap. I felt her hands on my back. I thought it was the guy. I was a little disorientated and muttered, Is it day or night? When I opened my eyes, it was daylight and there was no one in the room. But I sure felt those hands.

Time is Finite

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It was a beautiful sunny April morning. Now the clouds have come. I heard from my friend that her mother passed early this morning. I am choked with emotions. I’m getting many of these notices these days. It’s that time in my life. I better pay attention. Time is finite. Don’t waste it on things I cannot change. Spend it on things that matter and can make a difference.

I am reminded that today is National Gardening Day. I have picked up a shovel and planted some seeds already in my little greenhouse. They are coming along nicely. I’m hoping to have fresh lettuce, spinach and radishes to eat in another month. Sooner would be nice. Time will tell. Once time seem to stand still. Now it’s speeding up like the last of the toilet roll. Before I can blink, it will be the end of summer. I’m calculating, planning and planting. I potted up the sprouted bitter melons. Seeded some amaranth, edible chrysanthemum and herbs I can’t remember the name of. I wonder if I’m getting the big A. Hope not.

Time is marching along. It is also time to do some reconciliation and forgiving. There’s no use in hanging on to hurts, grievances and misunderstandings. Let them all go for this life will never come again.

Cloudy Day Chatter

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A cloudy Monday morning. I’m feeling pretty good after experiencing one cold after another since the beginning of February. I should not speak too soon. I might jinx myself. While it was not a life threatening thing, it wore away at me. My attitude and physical being deteriorated. I was often grumpy and snarly. My weight didn’t ballooned but it grew for lack of exercise. I don’t know which I hate more – a double chin or a big belly. Now I am working on how to improve both my attitude and body weight.

The thought of work made me instantly sleepy. I want to have a cup of coffee and a snack. I don’t have a strong sense of will power. I often give in but today I am resisting. I will get up, dress up and go for a walk. I will finish this when I come back. The fresh air and exercise will do me good.

I’m back after a little walk to the nearby shopping center. I stopped at the Asian Market for some baby bok choy and a check in at my father’s. I’m having a drink of orange flavoured metamucil. It is good for fiber, to support heart health and regulate sugar levels. My purpose is to suppress appetite for weight loss. We shall see if it works. It doesn’t taste too bad. I’m taking one teaspoon in a cup of water once a day. I’m not sure if I can/want to do more than that.

I have a discipline problem. I’m thinking of that one short bread cookie that is left. I might as well have it with a cup of coffee after I’m finished my metamucil drink. My dining room table is once more cleared. We had company for supper the other night. It seemed that’s the only way I can clear my clutter. Now that it is cleared, I will practice putting things away each night. I’m getting a workout just putting this post together. I’m getting sleepy again. Time for a nap now.

A Reset

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I can only handle my negative, grumpy depressive self for so long. Then I have to turn myself off and reset, hoping to get a more positive and cheery mood. I do have one rant for today. Why does Donald Trump demand that Iran can never have a nuclear weapon. It is the country that is being attacked by the U. S. and Israel. Both these countries and others have nuclear weapons. Why not drop some bombs on them? It’s my simple mind asking a simple question.

I’m feeling a little more positive and not quite so grumpy. I can let go a little on the Iranian war and the Epstein files. I am tired, mentally and physically but I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve felt I’ve been in a tunnel, struggling in the dark the past 2 years. I can let go of the struggle and try to appreciate the joys that are here right in front me.

My bitter melon seeds have sprouted, all 8 of them. I am programming for a large harvest so I have enough for our coffee friends at the mall. The Chinese greens have emerged in the greenhouse along with the spinach and lettuce. It’s an indication of more good things to come. Meanwhile downstairs, my Bernina 790 is waiting to be fired up and get going with my log cabin quilt squares. My palette has been idled for over a year. The paints are probably dried. I hope the liner is not moldy and rotting.

It is time for a rescue, cleaning and resetting of everything. Too many dust balls in corners of my head and everywhere. The deadline for the hateful tax return is looming nearer and nearer. I have to move my ass to find all those annoying pieces of paper and put them together. It’s my own small private war every year. I have no time to waste.

What Is It All About?

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A week after Good Friday. The bombs are still dropping. According to Aljazeera, “In advance of the talks, Israel continues to bombard Lebanon after killing at least 300 people and injuring 1,150 in nationwide strikes on Wednesday.” Doesn’t sound like peace is imminent. I wonder what the hell is happening. I wonder why I wonder. Why don’t I just let it go? After all, it is not happening here. There are no bombs dropping here in Canada or in the U.S.A. Our schools, hospitals and bridges are not being destroyed. I’m not feeling the price of gas or food yet. My life is very comfortable.

Yet the war in the Middle East and the Epstein Files are always in my consciousness. I wonder if this is really happening. It feels like a reality TV show or a nightmare. I don’t think I can apply the 4 questions of Byron Katie’s The Work and think away the reality. She is not without criticism. She is as flawed and dangerous as Deepak Chopra.

Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?

Ok. I’ve had my rant of the day. Time to move on with the day.

Good and Evil

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It was still snowing when I woke yesterday morning. I was still coughing, sometimes badly. At least I wasn’t feeling as if I was going to die. I’ve been hacking and coughing off and on, mostly on, since early February. I’m tired of it. I must stay chilled to heal. I should read Norman Cousins Anatomy of an Illness again. What I have been reading is Mary Trump’s Too Much and Never Enough. It’s the autobiography of Donald Trump by his niece.

I woke this morning feeling much better. My cough is still with me but much gentler. I think I will live. I’m not sure about our world though. The war is still very much on despite the cease fire. Why is there so much hate in the world? I have to stop torturing myself thinking about all of this. I have to save my energy to heal and to live. There is good and evil and the evil is being exposed to us at an alarming amount and rate. I need to stop focusing on the evil and bathe myself in some goodness.

I think the warm weather will stay now. The sun was shining bright today. Most of the snow are gone. The greenhouse is doing well. I have spinach and lettuce poking their heads through. My father and I had a good coffee break with friends at the mall this afternoon. Chicken was on sale at Freshco. I picked up 2 packs of 2 chickens/pack. One pack cost $12 and the other $10. Great deals, eh?

This Always Happens

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A cloudy snowy Tuesday evening. This always happen when I think winter is definitely over and spring is here to stay. It was so sunny and warm Easter Sunday. The greenhouse went up to almost 30℃. I merrily planted some of my snowpeas. They were very happy to have more dirt to grab onto. It got a little cooler the next day but still sunny. The temperature dipped at night and it went down to -1℃ in the morning. Still not too bad as we still had a sunny day. I turned on the little heater for night time insurance.

Now the snow is really coming down, soft and feathery. The forecast is for a heavy load – till 4 am. It is a pretty sight to watch. Not too much I can do about it. I might as well have some pleasure from it. The snow peas will be ok. They can tolerate cool temperatures down to -2℃. I have brought my little tomato and pepper seedlings back into the house. They do not thrive in cool temperatures.

I’m not thriving in our present climate either. I took a day off from my keyboard yesterday. I was out of words. It was a good reason to take a rest.