The Hardest Thing

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These days anything and everything are the hardest thing. Remembering that I have gone through these sentiments, I do not worry or struggle against the tide too much. I aim for just putting one foot in front of the other and not sit too long in one spot. At the end of this day I do not feel as if I’ve accomplished much. But who is counting anyways?

I did returned my overdued books, gased up my car, bought some Chinese Mandarin oranges at the Co-op and did my morning walk at the Center Mall. I had to wrestled some with going out to do these things. They weren’t difficult once I got out the door. Sometimes I do wonder what is the problem. Why are we made this way? There’s suffering involved when I have to wrestled against my nature.

The most hardest thing to do today was cleaning the goldfish bowl. It is really my own fault for creating work for myself. Wanting to see if I could winter over a water hyacinth, I added 2 goldfish. Who knew that goldfish could be so complicated and so much work? Now, almost 2 months in, I still have my original goldfish. I’ve tried to get it another bowl mate, the mate did not last long and went belly up one morning after a week. It was feisty and healthy the night before. Upon some research, I think it was bullied and stressed out by goldfish number 1. I think that’s what happened to the previous one, too.

I’ve stopped feeling guilty about being abusive towards my aggressive goldfish. I don’t worry about it being lonely anymore. I feed it, siphon up its poop and change the water once a week. I added a tiny peace lily in the rocks. If everyone survives, I will rehouse them in a big tub outside in the summer or late spring. What more can I do?

That was yesterday. Obviously the hardest thing was to finish writing this post. Sometimes the hardest things can be things that I do enjoy. Even though I’ve bought some new paints, I can’t paint yet. The newbies are still sitting on my diningroom table. Reading can be and is also the hardest thing now. I haven’t had enough concentration to finish reading a book for a long time. I’ve left C. S. Lewis’s Surprised by Joy and Wayne Dyer’s Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life unfinished. Perhaps I should change my thoughts about hard things. What do you think?

Having a Plan

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A sunny Thursday morning, though the sun didn’t show till 9. Who can blame it? I’m slow and reluctant to rise these November mornings. I am struggling to get going with the day. It really helps to have a plan. I made a plan to finish taking down the vines in the greenhouse yesterday. I fought my procrastinating ways. The sun made it easier. It was warm, balmy and cheerful inside. It is done.uite a few years ago.

I had to push hard to make myself repot the herbs and Mandevilla to take inside the house. The Mandevilla was my mom’s given to me a quite a few years ago. It hasn’t bloomed for the last few years but here it is in its glory in September of 2020. It still bloomed in 2021. After that I can’t remember. I will try for blooms in 2027.

I must have plans and goals. I cannot just let myself drift and hope for the best. Opportunity just doesn’t come knocking. I had hopes of whipping up my place of dust, dirt and clutter but things don’t work that way. It is difficult to will myself without any concrete steps. Instead of giving up altogether like I usually do, I’ve set my roomba vacuum to work. I have 2 of them. There’s no excuse to say I can’t push a button. Now I must go for my morning walk.

Chinese Steam Buns

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Hallelujah, the sun came out today! I feel so much more cheerful and energetic. Not that I got alot of cleaning and decluttering done. But I made a dozen Chinese steam buns this morning. They don’t look as pretty as the photo above but they’re not ugly either. It’s difficult to master an art on the first try. They are tasty enough that I want a second. The pastry was a bit dense. I worked the dough too much. The ground beef filling was good.

The process was easy enough but it took me all morning to put everything together. For lunch we ended up going out for Japanese while the final proofing was proofing. I had to do the steaming in 3 lots as my steam could hold only 4 buns at the time. It was well worth the effort. Now that I’ve pushed through the first effort, I can experiment using different fillings and different doughs. I think this is the season for me to steam and bake my way through the recipes in Kristina Cho’s Mooncakes + Milk Bread. It will be a sweet and savory Chinese time for me.

Welcome November

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November can be a dreary month, without sun and snow. Difficult as it is, I am welcoming it with open arms, remembering the old adage of under every cloud there is a silver lining. It is a good month to hunt for that silver lining. I just need to have heart and follow the path. I could be that Cowardly Lion going down the yellow brick road with Dorothy, the Scare Crow and the Tin Man to the Emerald City. It might take me till spring to get there. And wouldn’t it be wonderful if I did? I would surely be over the rainbow in elation.

I’m okay taking this slow walk. Didn’t Confucius say that a journey of a thousand miles start with a single step? I’ve taken my first step. It surely is hard when the morning is dark as night. It is hard to bounce out of bed and take life by the horns. I got out of bed and dressed up anyways even though there is a blandness to everything. I spiced up my porridge with some peanut butter and it was a bit better. I put on my purple Linda Lundstrom coat ( La Parka) from a million years ago for my morning walk. The colour purple doesn’t make me blue. It lifts me up.

I’m utterly cluttered, worse than ever. I’m snowed under. I shall not despair. I shall tackle one thing at a time. Yesterday I put one bag of my mother’s clothes in the donation bin at the mall. Half the bitter melon vines in the greenhouse is taken down. The other half will be done on Wednesday. The hardest thing was cleaning the fish bowl but it is done. My lone gold fish is doing somersaults in ecstasy. I tried to give it a companion but it is a bit aggressive. After 2 attempts, I gave up. It is a loner.

So this is it for my day. I shall have another cup of decaf and see if I can clear off my desk a little. Oh my, there is the sun and a blue sky at almost 5 pm. There is a god after all.

A Grim Ending

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It’s October 31, Halloween and the last day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It seems I’m always the last one to arrive at the ball. I’m trying a little harder and get here before the sunset. It’s been a good month and I’ve already expounded on what this challenge has been for me. Though today and this post is the last for the UBC, I shall carry on tapping on the keyboard on my own time.

Being a serious person, I am no fan of Halloween. I am a bit disappointed that my street is full of grim decorations. I don’t mind pumpkins and such but grim reapers, graveyards, coffins and skeletons everywhere is not not my cup of tea. But I respect freedom of expression. Different strokes for different folks but it’s not good feng shui. No matter. It is not in my yard. Onward towards _____!

Hallelujah, Democracy is Coming to the U.S.A.

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October 30th for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I hear the music of Leonard Cohen. It is indeed Closing Time, this being the second last day of the UBC. It is fitting to have a song to ease me out. As usual, I am almost the last to show up and to leave the party at the end of the day. I like coming to the keyboard at this time of the day, to read, muse and hopefully to write something meaningful, if not to others, to myself.

I no longer despair reading the two Heathers‘ account of the happenings of our southern neighbour, the United States of America. I’ve grown accustomed to the outrageousness and corruption of their present administration. What does it mean when governments in Europe urge their citizens to stockpile essential household supplies for 72 hours? Is it about natural disasters? Is it about war? What is coming down that we don’t know about?

The U.S. Midterms is 4 days away. I hope the polls are correct and the Democrats hold their lead. I hear Leonard Cohen’s Democracy is Coming to the USA. It’ll be a good reason to sing Hallelujah.

How Grape Thou Art

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October 29th, only 3 more writes, counting today’s, for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It is cloudy. I am tired and achy. Could it be from Monday’s flu shot? It is the first ever flu vaccine for me. Last winter I got sick 3 times, one shortly after the last. The last 2 times were bad and lengthy. Hence, I am trying the vaccine this fall.

I had a busy day yesterday dealing with the grapes. It was no small task washing and juicing them. The juicing is easy but you have to wash the grapes and sort the good from the bad. Then there’s all the cleaning up of the juicer. It’s big and cumbersome. I am finishing the last lot this morning. Five and a half bottles is a good reward. Now we have to remember to drink them.

I survived and had a grape/great day. A few tylenols and coffee with friends eased the pain. It was all worth it. Sometimes we can overcome overwhelm and fatigue by just taking one step at a time. Insurmountable tasks seem to melt away adopting that attitude.

Wordless Wednesday – First Snow

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It’s the 28th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Thank God for Wednesdays when I could be wordless and a day free of having to’s. It snowed last night. The greenhouse is still chugging along. I still have bitter melons and sweet one million tomatoes hanging from the vines. There’s still a few cucumbers hanging on, too.

The yard is pretty with a little pink and white. It is the first time that I’ve seen snow dyed from colours of the amaranth that self seeded in the garden. I shall have to harvest some of the leaves and flowers next year to use. The leaves and seeds are edible, too.

There are so many things to do and so many interesting things to discover. If only I have more time. I still have a lot of celery in the raised beds. I’ve harvested some for friends a few weeks ago. They are beautiful and tasty. If time and weather permits, I will harvest more to chop and freeze. Now, I have to wash and juice a bucket of grapes.

Truths, Good and Evil

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A cloudy morning for day 27 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I took another day off for myself yesterday. I am retired but I’m busier than ever. I wonder how I fitted work into my schedule before. I love the mornings upon rising time when I sit with my tea in a 10 minute silence. It’s such a pleasure sipping tea with nothing to do and nothing on my mind. I do a little reading of C. S. Lewis and Wayne Dyers’ Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life. Those are manageable most days.

I had given up reading the two Heathers but with the Midterm elections coming up in the U.S., I’ve started reading them again. It’s good to be informed of the good and evil in the world. I’ve recently discovered how horrific the Nanking Massacre (from Dec. 13, 1937 for 6 weeks) was. I, along with the rest of the world knew very little of it. I grew up listening to my mother’s stories about running to the mountains to hide from the Japanese. It would be very bad to be caught by them. But she never spoke of specifics.

Now I am reading about it in The Rape of Nanking by Iris Chang. I found this video on YouTube. It is not a happy book or video but I am glad that I have found them. Good and evil both exist in the world. We must see both. I had not meant to write this post. It came anyways. These things are important to me. I am sad that Iris died at age 36. She is not forgotten.

The Last Sunday

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A beautiful sunny October 25th. It’s the last Sunday of October. I’m in the final stretch of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. My energy and motivation are waning but I am willing myself to finish in good form. I believe in putting in my best effort into every post. Of course some efforts are better than others.

My sister and I are still pumped about our Sunday morning outings. I think our mother is looking out for us on Sundays, sending out sunshine and good weather. The morning air was crisp and calm. The autumn colours were beautiful. We walked further than we did last week. As usual, I took many photos. I’m hoping for some inspiration to start painting again.

We met others on the trail but we were alone at Boffins. We had the gazebo to ourselves. My sister bought cinnamon buns along with coffee. It was lovely and delicious, sipping hot coffee and biting into the sweet buns. I think mom was watching and smiling down on us.