Time is Finite

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It was a beautiful sunny April morning. Now the clouds have come. I heard from my friend that her mother passed early this morning. I am choked with emotions. I’m getting many of these notices these days. It’s that time in my life. I better pay attention. Time is finite. Don’t waste it on things I cannot change. Spend it on things that matter and can make a difference.

I am reminded that today is National Gardening Day. I have picked up a shovel and planted some seeds already in my little greenhouse. They are coming along nicely. I’m hoping to have fresh lettuce, spinach and radishes to eat in another month. Sooner would be nice. Time will tell. Once time seem to stand still. Now it’s speeding up like the last of the toilet roll. Before I can blink, it will be the end of summer. I’m calculating, planning and planting. I potted up the sprouted bitter melons. Seeded some amaranth, edible chrysanthemum and herbs I can’t remember the name of. I wonder if I’m getting the big A. Hope not.

Time is marching along. It is also time to do some reconciliation and forgiving. There’s no use in hanging on to hurts, grievances and misunderstandings. Let them all go for this life will never come again.

Cloudy Day Chatter

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A cloudy Monday morning. I’m feeling pretty good after experiencing one cold after another since the beginning of February. I should not speak too soon. I might jinx myself. While it was not a life threatening thing, it wore away at me. My attitude and physical being deteriorated. I was often grumpy and snarly. My weight didn’t ballooned but it grew for lack of exercise. I don’t know which I hate more – a double chin or a big belly. Now I am working on how to improve both my attitude and body weight.

The thought of work made me instantly sleepy. I want to have a cup of coffee and a snack. I don’t have a strong sense of will power. I often give in but today I am resisting. I will get up, dress up and go for a walk. I will finish this when I come back. The fresh air and exercise will do me good.

I’m back after a little walk to the nearby shopping center. I stopped at the Asian Market for some baby bok choy and a check in at my father’s. I’m having a drink of orange flavoured metamucil. It is good for fiber, to support heart health and regulate sugar levels. My purpose is to suppress appetite for weight loss. We shall see if it works. It doesn’t taste too bad. I’m taking one teaspoon in a cup of water once a day. I’m not sure if I can/want to do more than that.

I have a discipline problem. I’m thinking of that one short bread cookie that is left. I might as well have it with a cup of coffee after I’m finished my metamucil drink. My dining room table is once more cleared. We had company for supper the other night. It seemed that’s the only way I can clear my clutter. Now that it is cleared, I will practice putting things away each night. I’m getting a workout just putting this post together. I’m getting sleepy again. Time for a nap now.

A Reset

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I can only handle my negative, grumpy depressive self for so long. Then I have to turn myself off and reset, hoping to get a more positive and cheery mood. I do have one rant for today. Why does Donald Trump demand that Iran can never have a nuclear weapon. It is the country that is being attacked by the U. S. and Israel. Both these countries and others have nuclear weapons. Why not drop some bombs on them? It’s my simple mind asking a simple question.

I’m feeling a little more positive and not quite so grumpy. I can let go a little on the Iranian war and the Epstein files. I am tired, mentally and physically but I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve felt I’ve been in a tunnel, struggling in the dark the past 2 years. I can let go of the struggle and try to appreciate the joys that are here right in front me.

My bitter melon seeds have sprouted, all 8 of them. I am programming for a large harvest so I have enough for our coffee friends at the mall. The Chinese greens have emerged in the greenhouse along with the spinach and lettuce. It’s an indication of more good things to come. Meanwhile downstairs, my Bernina 790 is waiting to be fired up and get going with my log cabin quilt squares. My palette has been idled for over a year. The paints are probably dried. I hope the liner is not moldy and rotting.

It is time for a rescue, cleaning and resetting of everything. Too many dust balls in corners of my head and everywhere. The deadline for the hateful tax return is looming nearer and nearer. I have to move my ass to find all those annoying pieces of paper and put them together. It’s my own small private war every year. I have no time to waste.

What Is It All About?

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A week after Good Friday. The bombs are still dropping. According to Aljazeera, “In advance of the talks, Israel continues to bombard Lebanon after killing at least 300 people and injuring 1,150 in nationwide strikes on Wednesday.” Doesn’t sound like peace is imminent. I wonder what the hell is happening. I wonder why I wonder. Why don’t I just let it go? After all, it is not happening here. There are no bombs dropping here in Canada or in the U.S.A. Our schools, hospitals and bridges are not being destroyed. I’m not feeling the price of gas or food yet. My life is very comfortable.

Yet the war in the Middle East and the Epstein Files are always in my consciousness. I wonder if this is really happening. It feels like a reality TV show or a nightmare. I don’t think I can apply the 4 questions of Byron Katie’s The Work and think away the reality. She is not without criticism. She is as flawed and dangerous as Deepak Chopra.

Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?

Ok. I’ve had my rant of the day. Time to move on with the day.

Good and Evil

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It was still snowing when I woke yesterday morning. I was still coughing, sometimes badly. At least I wasn’t feeling as if I was going to die. I’ve been hacking and coughing off and on, mostly on, since early February. I’m tired of it. I must stay chilled to heal. I should read Norman Cousins Anatomy of an Illness again. What I have been reading is Mary Trump’s Too Much and Never Enough. It’s the autobiography of Donald Trump by his niece.

I woke this morning feeling much better. My cough is still with me but much gentler. I think I will live. I’m not sure about our world though. The war is still very much on despite the cease fire. Why is there so much hate in the world? I have to stop torturing myself thinking about all of this. I have to save my energy to heal and to live. There is good and evil and the evil is being exposed to us at an alarming amount and rate. I need to stop focusing on the evil and bathe myself in some goodness.

I think the warm weather will stay now. The sun was shining bright today. Most of the snow are gone. The greenhouse is doing well. I have spinach and lettuce poking their heads through. My father and I had a good coffee break with friends at the mall this afternoon. Chicken was on sale at Freshco. I picked up 2 packs of 2 chickens/pack. One pack cost $12 and the other $10. Great deals, eh?

This Always Happens

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A cloudy snowy Tuesday evening. This always happen when I think winter is definitely over and spring is here to stay. It was so sunny and warm Easter Sunday. The greenhouse went up to almost 30℃. I merrily planted some of my snowpeas. They were very happy to have more dirt to grab onto. It got a little cooler the next day but still sunny. The temperature dipped at night and it went down to -1℃ in the morning. Still not too bad as we still had a sunny day. I turned on the little heater for night time insurance.

Now the snow is really coming down, soft and feathery. The forecast is for a heavy load – till 4 am. It is a pretty sight to watch. Not too much I can do about it. I might as well have some pleasure from it. The snow peas will be ok. They can tolerate cool temperatures down to -2℃. I have brought my little tomato and pepper seedlings back into the house. They do not thrive in cool temperatures.

I’m not thriving in our present climate either. I took a day off from my keyboard yesterday. I was out of words. It was a good reason to take a rest.

Something Good

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A sunny peaceful Easter Sunday in my neck of the woods. I cannot afford to be weighed down by all the troubles of the world day after day. I’m taking today off. So after a delcious dim sum at Yip Hong’s (our favourite Chinese restaurant) with the family, I pottered around in the greenhouse for an hour or two. I planted 2 short rows of snow pea seedlings. They are big enough with well established roots. They can withstand the cool nights. I don’t think it will dip below freezing now. It went up to 30℃ in there this afternoon. I had to open 2 vents and pull down the shade. I was getting scorched!

It’s a slow and late spring. It works for me. I am also slow and late. I am not as ambitious as previous years, planting and planting, crowding and crowding, to get more and more. Sometimes that works against me. Last year I had a big infestation of aphids with the peppers and bitter melons. I ended up with more work and less peppers and no bitter melons. I’m being more deliberate and trying not to overcrowd the greenhouse. Maybe that will prevent the aphid problem happening again.

There’s no lettuce, spinach or other greens poking their heads through the soil yet. But there are plenty earthworms where I was planting the snow peas. I seededed a row of radishes in front of them. It’ll be exciting waiting and watching. Green is such a wonderful colour. I feel its power such thinking about it. Here’s what google says about it:

Green psychologically promotes calmness,balance and rejuvenation by connecting to nature, which can reduce stress, alleviate anxiety, and boost feelings of hope and stability. As a central color on the spectrum, it is seen as refreshing, fostering creativity, focus, and productivity while signaling safety and growth.

I have no better words. They are good to end on this 5th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

Fascination

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It is a sunny April 4th. I’m always fascinated how the morning and sun changes everything. the world is not quite so dark and I don’t feel quite as bad. I think my cold broke during the night and I am heading towards feeling better and better. Though the world is not better but even worse today, it is fascination that I feel. In Caroline Myss words, we are living in the age of the unthinkable and unimaginable.

Aren’t you just fascinated watching how Donald Trump, the President of the United States and Pete Hegseth, the Secretary of War are behaving and talking? Aren’t you just fascinated that they are running a war? It isn’t a Hollywood movie though it feels much like one. Most of all, I am fascinated that I am so focused on all this whereas before I had no interest in politics. I am really just an artsy fartsy person at heart. Perhaps I am waking up to the world around me. It is time for me to pay some attention and do whatever I can to help.

It is Easter weekend here in the Americas. We’re thinking about turkeys and hams. Then I think about the ‘they’ in the Middle East. I’m thinking of the civilians. Their country is being bombed. In my mind’s eye, I see the rubble falling on the children’s heads. It must be so terrifying. And here I sit, safe and comfortable, in my sunroom. I am not feeling the pain or trauma of life torn apart.

Perhaps I am too serious. Perhaps I shouldn’t be saying all this. But this is who I am. It is hard for me to be silent on things that matter to me. I am often surprised I still keep talking my heart when I get misunderstood and do not get much support. As I’ve often said myself, I am like a dog with a bone. I used to think that as a negative trait. I beat myself up on it. My vision has changed and I quite like that part of me now. Isn’t life fascinating – how it and we can change?

Good Friday

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It’s Good Friday and according to AI, “it is a major Christian holy day, observing the crucifixion and death of Jesus Christ. It is a solemn day of fasting, prayer, and penance, marking the ultimate sacrifice in Christian faith. It falls on the Friday before Easter Sunday during Holy Week and is widely recognized across Catholic, Protestant, and Orthodox denominations.” A holy day and yet bombs are still being dropped and people being killed in the Middle East. What has happened to the holy? What happened to the no more forever wars?

We are not in a good space but it is Good Friday. There is still goodness in the world. I’m going to find me some.

    The goodness closer to home.

    • The sun just came out.
    • My cold moved from being on the cusp to a real happening and it is not too bad.
    • I had a good sleep last night.
    • We have a ham and a turkey in the fridge for the weekend.
    • We have gas in our vehicles.
    • We are not being bombed.
    • I’ve written another post.

    Am I Having Fun Yet?

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    Though my goal this month is to have more fun/pleasure, I can’t say I am having fun yet. I’m on the cusp of a third cold. They seem to come one right after the other. The first one was not too bad, lasting only 4 days. The last one was a whopper, lasting 3 weeks. I thought I was going to die. I’ve only fully recovered 2 weeks ago. I’ve been careful to stay out of harm’s way. But…At least I am not feeling bad -yet. I hope it will pass like the first one.

    I’m not really pissed off but I am not full of laughter either. I felt like crying reading the 2 Heathers (Heather Delaney Reese and Heather Cox Richardson) this morning on the politics of Donald Trump and his merry crew. Why are they/we so full of hate? Why are we destroying each other and our planet? What happened to ‘people needing people‘? How did it get to people killing people? Ok, enough of that! Though it doesn’t help to stay in the dark valley, it is important for me to be aware of the people who can’t get out. I owe them my compassion.

    I’m not all gloom and doom. I do have a spark of positivity within me. I don’t sit helpless in negativity. I’m just not the loud and gregarious type. This morning I found joy watching Peggy and Molly.

    And have you heard of Max Alexander, the youngest ever fashion designer? He is a joy to watch. He’s inspiring me to be playful and try new ways of sewing.

    It is April 2. I had to get transplanting with some of my seedlings. A few minutes of green TLC.