There’s a Crack in Everything

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It’s July 31, the last day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Cooler breezes prevail. I can feel a change in the air. I can feel a cascade of emotions within me. No optimism, no joy, just a sense of sadness for all the cracks that are present in our world today. It makes me think of Leonard Cohens song Anthem. It’s true that the crack is where the light gets in. Equally true, it is where the darkness comes in, too.

It’s good to remember to ring the bells that still can ring and forget about the perfect offering. And I like to remember to smile the while when I can. Good things still exist. I made a good run at this July UBC, missing only one day. That was the day when I had to take my father in to Emergency in respiratory distress. He has recovered remarkably well for a 95 year old. He continuous to be his old mischievous self, getting into trouble unnecessarily.

Just a few days after getting over pneumonia, he has to truck down to the basement to cut his hair. Yesterday morning at 8, he went outside and a tumble on the front lawn. No serious injuries except painful ribs on coughing. He’s not confused. He’s been warned not to do these things many times. It’s just who he is. I’m almost over getting angry at him because it is a waste of my energy. I’ve just made another trip over to see how he is. He is ok, not owning up, of course. He is always very clever at explaining. Those incidents are what are called accidents. How can you argue with that?

I do understand the elderly. It helps to read this post about how Clint Eastwood feels about getting old. Whether he wrote it or not it rings true. I wonder how I will be when I get to be 90. I hope I can participate in the UBCs That’s something to aim for. LOL. Thank you, Paul for hosting the challenges. Thank you everyone for writing and reading.

Anthem – Leonard Cohen

The birds they sang
At the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don’t dwell on what has passed away
Or what is yet to be

Ah, the wars they will be fought again
The holy dove, she will be caught again
Bought and sold, and bought again
The dove is never free

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in

We asked for signs
The signs were sent
The birth betrayed
The marriage spent
Yeah, and the widowhood
Of every government
Signs for all to see

I can’t run no more
With that lawless crowd
While the killers in high places
Say their prayers out loud
But they’ve summoned, they’ve summoned up
A thundercloud
They’re going to hear from me

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in

You can add up the parts
But you won’t have the sum
You can strike up the march
There is no drum
Every heart, every heart
To love will come
But like a refugee

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in

That’s how the light gets in
That’s how the light gets in

Thursday Show and Tell

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It’s Thursday, day 30 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m short of time and short of words. Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. As you can see I do live in an urban forest, surrounded by trees. I’m grateful for their green and their shade. Both are cooling especially in this heat we find ourselves this summer.

peppers
carrot bed in background. A Japanese haskap berry bush in the middle. A saskatoon berry tree in right corner.
kohlrabis, celery, cukes and a squash.

We try to live as sustainably as we can, growing our own food as much as we can. We have 36 solar panels on the house and have added some on the garage in the back. We have a rain catchment by the side of the house. It is hidden behind a painting of a waterfall by the guy. We also have 3 sets of water catchment in the back. Doing our best but it’s probably not enough.

Wordless Wednesday – My Backyard Food Forest

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Another almost perfect summer day for day 29 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m almost at the finish line. I’m running low on energy as harvesting and perserving it has started. To make it easy, it’s a show and tell of my backyard food forest. You don’t need alot of space to grow alot of food. It’s alot of work but lots of satisfaction also.

The inground garden between the house and garage holds: Kiwis along garage wall. Aspargus, potatoes, tomatoes and Chinese long beans along fence by neighbour’s garage. Swedish beans and cauliflower in next bed. Garlic in the next bed over. Zucchinis and eggplants in far bed. Rhubarb, lovage and goiji berry at the end horizontal bed.

grapes and raspberries
strawberries
tomatoes, greens and brassicas
potatoes,squash and Chinese long beans
bitter melons, peppers and cucumbers

In the 2nd last photo, we have 3 haskap berry bushes and one sour cherry.

Urban Forest Bathing

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It’s a near perfect sunny day for this 28th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. The house was cool in the morning with cool breezes through the open windows. We are moving through the summer season. The trees are casting longer shadows, providing shade on my morning walk.I am living in an urban forest. Trees flank both sides of the street as far as my eyes can see. The guided forest bathing session on Sunday is still fresh in my memory. I am using it to practice wherever and whenever I am awake and aware to my surroundings. I do not need to make a special trip to a special place.

I try to remember the exercises and the questions. The first is where do I feel most at home. I do feel quite at home walking down my street towards the mall. What is moving? What do I hear? Traffic is the answer to both questions. The movement and noise do not bother me. They are what I am used to having lived on this busy street for so many years.

But it is the first time that I took notice of the many trees that flank both sides of the street and the shadows they cast. It is also the first time I felt the bodily pleasure of walking this street. This street is my friend.I feel safe and loved as if the branches are holding me in their embrace. In this moment I am content and happy.

All Talked Out

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Another hot day gearing up. I thought I would get an early start and tackle work outside. I hooked up the hose to our rain catchment behind the garage to fill the pails for the greenhouse. I waited and waited. No water came forth. I turned off the tap, disconnected the hose and turned on the tap. Not one drop of water! My ugly neighbour immediately came to mind. We saw her messing around the area when we drove out of the garage a few days ago. She has raspberry bushes right beside the rain catchment. It would be an easy thing for her to turn on the tap and drain it. She has dumped our rain water into the back alley before when we used a big tub.

We thought there was nothing for her to complain about with an enclosed unit. No breeding ground for mosquitoes. Nothing ugly to bring down the property tax on our block. I know, of course, that these are not her true objections. What I know for sure is that her objection is me. She takes pleasure in causing me grieve. In the past, I have blown my top and lost my mind many, many times. The only thing I’ve accomplished with that is compromising my physical and mental health.

Now, I don’t turn a blind eye. I see her and I know her. I know I’ve done my best. I’ve tried to talk to her, have ignored her and have reported her to the liason person within the police department. She’s not a person that I have an ability to talk, explain and reason with. The police had a problem talking with her also. She talks over me and them. She reminds me very much like a Donald Trump. Quite often when I used to talk about her in the past, people probably thought I was the problem. You should talk with her was an often given advice.

The good thing is she is not malignant. She does petty vandalism. I think she is also a bit of a coward. She hides in her house after she causes some mischief. My best weapon is not to give her any attention. She is really not worth it. I truly cannot love my neighbours. I have one on each side of me and one across the street. All women. But I do not hate them. I have compassion for these souls. But I am not their keeper.

Wordless Sunday – Forest Bathing

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This morning we participated in forest bathing led by the guy’s friend who is a trained therapist. Forest bathing, or shinrin-yoku, is a mindful Japanese practice of soaking in the forest atmosphere through your senses to lower stress, reduce blood pressure and boost immunity. It was held from 9 am to 12 noon at Boffins Public Garden at the University of Saskatoon.

For the most part, I was mindful, bathed in the nature around me. It was hard to be fully immersed in the there and then. There’s this wanting to capture, have and hold. I haven’t learned yet to just experience with my senses and hold it within my body. Hence these photographs for this day 26 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

The Beat/Heat Keeps On

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It’s day 25 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. We’re marching towards the end of July and the Challenge. Another red sun in morning and it is 30℃ at 2:19 in the afternoon. My father should be home from the hospital soon. He was to be discharged yesterday but asked the doctor if he could stay another day. He wasn’t ready and anxious about getting sick again. Understandable as he’s had 2 bouts of respiratory distress in the last 2-3 weeks. I was happy that he could as his blood pressure was 200/something when we visited in the afternoon. It would be another round of what should we do if he was at home.

The hospital can be a life saver but at the same time untoward things can happen. For some unknown reason, his blood pressure pills were held for 3 days. Of course his blood pressure went up and up. Then they restarted them. It takes awhile before they could catch up their pace. It did get better and fairly good by morning. I did not pursue why the blood pressure meds were stopped as it would serve no purpose. No harm was done. And I just got a text from my brother he is home.

I’ve had a busy morning. Knowing it was going to be another hot day, I got right down to business with the grass whipper snipper. Then I hustled along with my morning walk to the mall. The trees cast enough shade along most of my walk. At Freshco I bought some bananas for my father, blueberries and cherries for myself. The bananas were a heavy lot. I had to rest a couple times on bus stop benches on the way home.

This heat is here to stay. So are life’s little stresses. I have to think cool, feel strong and heave on. I’ve swept up the grass clippings and washed the walk off. Already hot, I filled the raised beds in the back yard with water and watered the greenhouse. Perhaps I might have a beer with supper tonight. Or I might have it now.

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The house feels amazingly cool at 23℃ this morning. It is already 20℃ at 8:30 in the morning. There’s a red ring around the sun. The sky is hazy. No smell of smoke in the air. A good sign. I feel the strangeness of everything in the now. I feel as if I’m in one of Barbara Atwood’s science fiction novels. I haven’t read many of her books. The ones I started, I couldn’t finish. I found them too strange and unsettling. That is how I am feeling these days. I am a chicken shit.

I’m trying to get a start on my day and not wallow in my feelings and moods. I wish I could be more organized and have a plan on how to tackle each day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge like many of my fellow bloggers. Alas, it’s a bit late in the game. We’re into day 24. Perhaps I am not doing too bad as I’ve only missed a day. Still having a plan is better than flying by the seat of my pants. It’s a bit of a struggle living on the fly. Things have caught up and I am in a hell of a clutter.

Before it was mostly paper. The paper still exist. I can’t seem to deal with opening the mail. I toss them on the table meaning to later…Of course the later never comes. Now, I have alot of my mother’s clothes. I have sorted some and donated them. Then there’s the

Whining and Sighing

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Photo by Puwadon Sang-ngern on Pexels.com

An already hot morning at 10:30 on this day 23 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I am on the brink of giving in to the everythings of this world. I haven’t quite fallen in. The sun is unbearably hot with less ozone protection. Researching, I find that Canada’s and the northern regionss ozone have thinned by an average of about 7% since the 1980s. Supposedly the ozone layer is healing. Truth or fake news? Our planet seemed to be heating up every year.

I’ve discovered that cucumber male flowers can become sterile due to heat. My plants in the greenhouse are full of male flowers, more than the female ones. I have pollinated the girls and yet besides the one cucmber we already ate, none came to fruit. So I’m guessing that the males must be shooting blanks. They can recover with cooler weather. If heat can do this to cucumbers, what does it do to us and all living things? Is this not a signal for us to change how we are conducting business on this earth? We can’t eat the greenbacks. Why don’t use them resuscitate this one earth we have?

I probably should stop reading the news. It makes me more melancholic than my natural melancholic self. There’s no fun or use in it. It’s not something I want to bring to the keyboard. I have to pull myself up by the bootstrap, snap out of my old mold, crack the whip and do whatever I have to do. I have to admit that I am a little buried under a little pile of mental overwhelm. Life seems to have no rest stops when you have a 95 year old father. Not complaining. It is what it is. It is not at all the physical thing. He is very low maintenance. It’s the emotional and psychological components that weighs on me.

Enough whining and sighing. Time to get on with the rest of the day. Not sure if my father is being discharged from the hospital today or tomorrow. Will find out soon enough. My brother is there now and he will let me know. Good to have younger siblings. They have more energy and reserve.

Thankful and Hopeful

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It’s a hot July 22 for the 22nd day of the Ultimate Challenge. It’s 28℃ but feels hotter. At least the skies are clear and so is the air. We are fortunate there’s no smoke from forest fires. It’s frightening reading about the wildfires in Ontario. Then there’s the fires in British Columbia. We’re in the middle, hot but no fires and smoke. I will keep my fingers and toes crossed.

My father is doing well in the hospital. The doctor say he might be discharged tomorrow. Much is wrong with our healthcare system but there are good things happening. This admission has transitioned quicker and smoother than his previous ones. It certainly has been much better than the experiences with my mother. Treatments much quicker, different services consulted and followups planned. This is all done for us.

I am thankful for this passage. It gives me hope that people are still working to make the system better. We have to do our part, too and not depend on the government to make the first move. We only have to look toward our southern neighbour. See what their government has done. It’s enough to make me cry. Instead of tears, the song Don’t Cry for Me Argentina popped into my head.