Winter Again

Looks like winter is here again. It’s been snowing steadily since early afternoon and will most of the night. And most likely tomorrow as well. The moisture is welcomed by the farmers which includes us. We are farmers as well as gardeners. A little sun would be welcomed though. Without the sun, the temperature in the greenhouse has dipped. The little heater has been running most of the day to stay above 0. Presently it is sitting at 3.1℃. The snow peas, onions and celery are fine with that. I brought in the young seedlings of tomatoes, peppers and egg plants.

I wonder when spring will come and stay. It is the middle of April. I wonder if and how all the bombing and destruction going on in the Middle East have affected air quality and climate change. I wonder if all the warring kings have given any thought to how they are destroying our planet and humanity. Why are humans killing other humans? So what if they win the whole world and there’s nobody on it except their 1%? I wonder about so many things. The older I get, the less I understand. So let it snow. Let it snow. Maybe Santa will come down the chimney tonight. Won’t that be a surprise?

I might be getting a little daft. Last night I dreamt I was talking to my mother on the phone. All she said was, Hafong. Hafong is my Chinese name. It reminded me of her last call to me. It has been a year and a half now. She is gone and yet she is still here within me. She reminds me of it now and again in dreams and other ways. One time she woke me up from a nap. I felt her hands on my back. I thought it was the guy. I was a little disorientated and muttered, Is it day or night? When I opened my eyes, it was daylight and there was no one in the room. But I sure felt those hands.

What Is It All About?

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A week after Good Friday. The bombs are still dropping. According to Aljazeera, “In advance of the talks, Israel continues to bombard Lebanon after killing at least 300 people and injuring 1,150 in nationwide strikes on Wednesday.” Doesn’t sound like peace is imminent. I wonder what the hell is happening. I wonder why I wonder. Why don’t I just let it go? After all, it is not happening here. There are no bombs dropping here in Canada or in the U.S.A. Our schools, hospitals and bridges are not being destroyed. I’m not feeling the price of gas or food yet. My life is very comfortable.

Yet the war in the Middle East and the Epstein Files are always in my consciousness. I wonder if this is really happening. It feels like a reality TV show or a nightmare. I don’t think I can apply the 4 questions of Byron Katie’s The Work and think away the reality. She is not without criticism. She is as flawed and dangerous as Deepak Chopra.

Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?

Ok. I’ve had my rant of the day. Time to move on with the day.

Good and Evil

It was still snowing when I woke yesterday morning. I was still coughing, sometimes badly. At least I wasn’t feeling as if I was going to die. I’ve been hacking and coughing off and on, mostly on, since early February. I’m tired of it. I must stay chilled to heal. I should read Norman Cousins Anatomy of an Illness again. What I have been reading is Mary Trump’s Too Much and Never Enough. It’s the autobiography of Donald Trump by his niece.

I woke this morning feeling much better. My cough is still with me but much gentler. I think I will live. I’m not sure about our world though. The war is still very much on despite the cease fire. Why is there so much hate in the world? I have to stop torturing myself thinking about all of this. I have to save my energy to heal and to live. There is good and evil and the evil is being exposed to us at an alarming amount and rate. I need to stop focusing on the evil and bathe myself in some goodness.

I think the warm weather will stay now. The sun was shining bright today. Most of the snow are gone. The greenhouse is doing well. I have spinach and lettuce poking their heads through. My father and I had a good coffee break with friends at the mall this afternoon. Chicken was on sale at Freshco. I picked up 2 packs of 2 chickens/pack. One pack cost $12 and the other $10. Great deals, eh?

It’s a Difficult Life

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Nowadays I like to start my morning reading the two Heathers. They are strong women. They speak the truth. They educate me to care, to listen and that I can make a difference. I’ve become politically interested and engaged. The Heathers are Heather Cox Richardson and Heather Delaney Reese. I’m always a truth seeker and speaker. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why I find life difficult. Another one is I am a woman of colour and an immigrant. Though I come from a culture where sons are preferred over daughters, my parents weren’t of that mind. My paternal grandmother was though.

She had no influence over how I felt about myself. I grew up feeling I am a person of worth. I’ve never thought I was less because I am female or because I am an Asian. I come from strong stock. My maternal grandfather escaped the clutches of Mao but not my grandmother. She was thrown in jail in his place. She survived and thrived. They had done nothing wrong. My grandfather was a teacher and mayor of their village. My grandmother was a housewife. They were not landowners. They were persecuted because of jealousy and fake stories. That’s been many years ago. Both of them have been gone for many years but their story still lives in me.

It is the 10th of March. We had snow overnight. The sun is shining bright. The thermometer dips and rises unpredictably. One day is spring. The next it is winter. My cold is better but the cough lingers. I feel better and worse at the same time. I am sickened by Donald Trump and his wars. I wonder what all the bombing and destruction are doing to the environment. In this moment, I have no positive bone in my body. It is a difficult life but I must rise and take charge of this one precious one that I have. What will I do? A little this, a little that. It all adds up. What will you do?

Slow Living

It is March 8th. It rained this morning. It is day 15 of #the100dayproject. I have been working a little on it each day. My cold is still hampering me. I can’t go great guns with anything. However, I am happier with this slower pace of living and sewing. I am enjoying the process more. I have 5 completed logcabin blocks and 2 partial ones. I continued to be my usual disorganized self, not having my fabrics sorted to darks and lights. I don’t have all the strips cut either. I am in continuous state of search for the best strip.

It is a grey dismal day.This world is going nowheres fast except maybe to war. I am astounded by this world we’re in, aren’t you? I feel as if we are in a fake reality show. The only trouble is, it is not fake. It is not a bad idea to stick my head in the sand, ignore all this madness and do the things that nourishes me. Wake me when it is all over.

I had coffee with my 94 year old father this afternoon. We talked about the times from way back. He still has a good memory. The very first house we lived in was behind the cafe. It was owned by the town doctor. The rent was $7/month. It had 2 rooms. The linoleum was peeling. The next house was by the highway, across from the railway station. It was owned by grain elevator company. The rent was $20/month.It was bigger but not really better. My foot went through the floor board in a bedroom.

It was good to have memories to share. We hadn’t shared or conversed much before. We had a laugh over the rent. Who would have thought I could do this with my father?