A Deer In Headlights

Posted on July 9, 2026 by hafong

Most days I feel like I am treading water, getting nowheres. I vow every night I would do different. When morning comes I fall back into my old self. Later, later, always later. I should vow not to vow no more and just do. I am making good by starting right now, right here in this moment. I made a list last night on things I will do today. They are:

I will clear the dining room table.
Walk to the community garden to water our plot.
Write a post for UBC.
Make doctor’s appointment for August.

I’ve done number 4 and tackling number 3. My mind is not in a great space. We had a thunderstorm and some rain overnight. The good news is that I won’t have to water the gardens. The not so good is that there is a severe weather alert out for a long duration heat event starting tomorrow and lasting well into next week. These heat events are not so good for us older folks. I worry for my father. But we got lucky and have an appointment for him with his respirologist Monday morning.

Meanwhile there’s other storms in the world. The war in Iran continues. President Donald Trump is clearly showing he is not of sound mind at the Nato summit in Turkey, confusing Japan with Iran and Putin for Zelensky. The scariest part is not Trump, but the people who are still allowing him to be president. We are all in danger. I feel as if the whole world is a deer caught in headlights. My apologies for being negative and alarming.

Next on my list is my walk. As you can see, I am leaving the hardest for the last.

A Good Day

Posted on May 19, 2026 by hafong

A sun shiny May 19th. It’s 11:30 and 11℃ out. The greenhouse is 26.6℃ with vents and door opened. It goes to show how powerful the sun is. It has powered me to trim the grass in the back and part of the front yard by 10:00. The battery on the trimmer ran out so I must wait for it to recharge before I can finish. It might be tomorrow. I hope to plant the kohlrabi in the front raised bed later on in the day.

I could not bear to read the two Heathers posts this morning. The corruption that is coming from Trump and his merry men are too horrifying. You may wonder why I am so taken up with all this since the U.S. is not my country. I wonder myself. It took awhile for me to recognize that it reminds me of the times I’ve felt completely, devastatingly helpless. And this is not just a U.S. problem. It touches us all. We are all connected.

Helplessness does not serve me. Neither does anger. And so I tap on the keyboard, plant my kohlrabi and take my father out for coffee. Neither of those things are easy but I flex my fingers and move them across the keyboard. I dig 14 holes in the raised bed and plop a kohlrabi in each one and fill with dirt. Then collar each with a bottom cut out yogurt container. After that I loaded my father and his wheelchair in the car and headed out to the mall for our coffee. A friend joined us after and we shared a meaningful conversation.

It is a good day. There’s dark clouds overhead. Heaven is trying to rain again.

I Hate Not Easy

Posted on May 16, 2026 by hafong

May 16 and snow on the ground. Our bed of garlic is beautiful in snow. I am frozen with inertia, not knowing how to start. I am still on my black tea and coffee kick so I am not even craving for another cuppa. For my almost a week of effort, I don’t have too much to show. The pound I lost, I got it back too soon enough. I haven’t given in. Now my plan is to cut back my rice portions. Being Chinese, I love my rice cooked in any style and in large portions. It’s not going to be easy.

I hate the not easy part but I will give it my best shot. I do want to lose the 10 pounds, get rid of my double chin and protuding tummy. Though I feel I’m not overeating, I am sure that my portions of everything are oversized. Researching portion sizes per meal, I found that meat should be 3-4 ounces, the size of the palm of my hand, cooked rice at 1/2 cup, 1/2 pound raw potato and 2.5 to 3 cups of vegetables a day. I guess I don’t have to worry about overdoing the veggies.

I’m back to starting my morings reading the two Heathers. I know. I’m poisoning my brain with all the corruption of Donald Trump and his merry men. I have to know what is going on. Yesterday at Freshco, cauliflower was $7.99 per head. There was no broccoli visible but was $4.99/lb. the day before. It is costing a considerably more to fill my car now than before Trump and his Iran war. All this makes it not easy to ignore the news, even if it is bad. Now that I got this off my chest, it’s time for me to move on to the next not so easy thing chore. But first I want to show off my garlic bed.

Throw Up Thursday

Posted on May 14, 2026 by hafong

Today I could not finish reading the two Heathers‘ posts. Trump and his merry men’s corruption are so corrupt, obvious and endless that it makes me want to throw up. However, I did read Oregon’s Bay’s Area’s post on his visit to Beijing. I’m happy to read that China did not clear the sky for the visit as they did in 2017. He did not get a big fat hug from Xijinping either. After trashing China and Xijinping for years, now Trump is courting both.

This is where I am – nauseated and discouraged at where we are today. The forecasted high winds did not come to much. It is a good thing. We have rain which is another good thing. Our rain catchers are getting replenished. I am a little excited about the garden greening up. The garlic bed is looking very good. I have 2 raised beds planted and a few potatoes planted in the beds overgrown by grass. I’m hoping they will crowd out the grass. Growing food is a good antiemetic. It is good for reviving a sagging spirit.

The greenhouse likes the rain also. All the greens are perking up. I’m hoping for lots of bitter melon this year. Never give up. Never throw in the towel. Use it to wipe up the sweat of a good fight for what you believe in.

A Reset

Posted on April 12, 2026 by hafong

Photo by Jose Antonio Gallego Vu00e1zquez on Pexels.com

I can only handle my negative, grumpy depressive self for so long. Then I have to turn myself off and reset, hoping to get a more positive and cheery mood. I do have one rant for today. Why does Donald Trump demand that Iran can never have a nuclear weapon. It is the country that is being attacked by the U. S. and Israel. Both these countries and others have nuclear weapons. Why not drop some bombs on them? It’s my simple mind asking a simple question.

I’m feeling a little more positive and not quite so grumpy. I can let go a little on the Iranian war and the Epstein files. I am tired, mentally and physically but I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve felt I’ve been in a tunnel, struggling in the dark the past 2 years. I can let go of the struggle and try to appreciate the joys that are here right in front me.

My bitter melon seeds have sprouted, all 8 of them. I am programming for a large harvest so I have enough for our coffee friends at the mall. The Chinese greens have emerged in the greenhouse along with the spinach and lettuce. It’s an indication of more good things to come. Meanwhile downstairs, my Bernina 790 is waiting to be fired up and get going with my log cabin quilt squares. My palette has been idled for over a year. The paints are probably dried. I hope the liner is not moldy and rotting.

It is time for a rescue, cleaning and resetting of everything. Too many dust balls in corners of my head and everywhere. The deadline for the hateful tax return is looming nearer and nearer. I have to move my ass to find all those annoying pieces of paper and put them together. It’s my own small private war every year. I have no time to waste.

Good and Evil

Posted on April 9, 2026 by hafong

It was still snowing when I woke yesterday morning. I was still coughing, sometimes badly. At least I wasn’t feeling as if I was going to die. I’ve been hacking and coughing off and on, mostly on, since early February. I’m tired of it. I must stay chilled to heal. I should read Norman Cousins Anatomy of an Illness again. What I have been reading is Mary Trump’s Too Much and Never Enough. It’s the autobiography of Donald Trump by his niece.

I woke this morning feeling much better. My cough is still with me but much gentler. I think I will live. I’m not sure about our world though. The war is still very much on despite the cease fire. Why is there so much hate in the world? I have to stop torturing myself thinking about all of this. I have to save my energy to heal and to live. There is good and evil and the evil is being exposed to us at an alarming amount and rate. I need to stop focusing on the evil and bathe myself in some goodness.

I think the warm weather will stay now. The sun was shining bright today. Most of the snow are gone. The greenhouse is doing well. I have spinach and lettuce poking their heads through. My father and I had a good coffee break with friends at the mall this afternoon. Chicken was on sale at Freshco. I picked up 2 packs of 2 chickens/pack. One pack cost $12 and the other $10. Great deals, eh?

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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