My Raisin Sourdough Bread

It pays to rise early. It pays to have a plan. I can get a lot done by doing both and still have time to doodle, scroll and nod off. I was up by 6 this morning and had my sourdough folded and molded and in the fridge to chill by 6:30. I will bake it at 12:30. Sourdough bread is actually very easy to do. There’s no strenuous kneading and all the rest that goes with it. It takes me a good part of a day to make 6 loaves of bread. And I’m pooped at the end of it.

With sourdough the process takes 2 days but the steps takes little time. I am free to do other things in between. I’m not wiped out at the end. After breakfast, I finished trimming the grass in the front yard and worked at cutting out some of those hated creeping bellflowers. I’ve decided it’s a futile job to dig them out. I am sure their roots are deep and goes all the way to China. So it’s trimming and mulching to keep them at bay. There’s no point in killing myself over them. I will save my energy to plant some tomatoes later in the day.

It is almost the end of the day. I’ve taken my father out for coffee at the mall. We did a little shopping at the Dollar Store. I bought 2 plastic containers to store my log cabin quilt strips. It pays to be a little organized. One container for darks and the other one for lights. I’ve been just piling them on the table and digging, searching through them each time. It’s a bit time consuming. Let’s see if I can get my shit together. I haven’t sewn a quilt block for awhile now that planting time is here.

My raisin sourdough bread turned out pretty fine. After one small slice, I want another. Having little to no will power, I give in. Why not, eh? It’s fresh out of the oven. I might be paying the price when I weigh in tomorrow. I did lose 1.8 pounds this week. I’ve been doing some heavy duty gardening this week, burning alot of calories. All is good. I really, really enjoy the bread. Could eat another slice but I won’t.

A Good Day

A sun shiny May 19th. It’s 11:30 and 11℃ out. The greenhouse is 26.6℃ with vents and door opened. It goes to show how powerful the sun is. It has powered me to trim the grass in the back and part of the front yard by 10:00. The battery on the trimmer ran out so I must wait for it to recharge before I can finish. It might be tomorrow. I hope to plant the kohlrabi in the front raised bed later on in the day.

I could not bear to read the two Heathers posts this morning. The corruption that is coming from Trump and his merry men are too horrifying. You may wonder why I am so taken up with all this since the U.S. is not my country. I wonder myself. It took awhile for me to recognize that it reminds me of the times I’ve felt completely, devastatingly helpless. And this is not just a U.S. problem. It touches us all. We are all connected.

Helplessness does not serve me. Neither does anger. And so I tap on the keyboard, plant my kohlrabi and take my father out for coffee. Neither of those things are easy but I flex my fingers and move them across the keyboard. I dig 14 holes in the raised bed and plop a kohlrabi in each one and fill with dirt. Then collar each with a bottom cut out yogurt container. After that I loaded my father and his wheelchair in the car and headed out to the mall for our coffee. A friend joined us after and we shared a meaningful conversation.

It is a good day. There’s dark clouds overhead. Heaven is trying to rain again.

Wonky Weather and Me

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May 18th. No rain or snow today. But there is a yellow advisory – frost from Environment Canada. How strange! Going to the site, it says severity is moderate. Possible threat to life or property. Freezing temperatures with frost are expected tonight. I would say it is a little over the top. I’ve uncovered the 2 raised beds this morning. I am not sure I have the energy to cover them up again. I will live precariously and take my chances. Right now at 4:20 pm it is sunny at 11℃. In the greenhouse, it is 26.3℃. The vents are opened. I will open the door. Ventilation is good.

It’s hard to go out and do just one thing. I opened the greenhouse door. Then I put the green cart out for curbside pick up in the morning. The rain had left a pile of elm seeds on the walk. I spent some time sweeping them up to put in the green bin. I didn’t think I had the energy so I’m feeling good that I did it and not feeling done in. On the other hand, I’m not feeling terrific either. I don’t feel quite right. I wonder if it is the topsy turvy weather we’re having. I wonder how it affects us physically and emotionally.

I ask Google the question of how does wonky weather affect us physically and emotionally. It answers back with:

Wonky weather shifts your body and mind out of equilibrium by forcing your biology to constantly adapt to sudden environmental changes. When barometric pressure drops, temperatures skyrocket, or sunlight vanishes, your nervous system, hormone levels, and cardiovascular system react directly.”

So it is not my fault and I am not just weird. Sudden weather changes can trigger bodily symptoms like joint pain and stiffness, headaches and migraines, respiratory issues, fatigue and lethargy. I have the joint pain and stiffness, fatigue and lethargy. Emotionally it can cause irritability and aggression, anxiety and restlessness, depressed mood and SAD, disturbed sleep. I have all of that. Aren’t I lucky? It is good to have confirmation that weather can affect us in these ways. I don’t have to blame myself, feeling deficient and weird.

Throw Up Thursday

Today I could not finish reading the two Heathers‘ posts. Trump and his merry men’s corruption are so corrupt, obvious and endless that it makes me want to throw up. However, I did read Oregon’s Bay’s Area’s post on his visit to Beijing. I’m happy to read that China did not clear the sky for the visit as they did in 2017. He did not get a big fat hug from Xijinping either. After trashing China and Xijinping for years, now Trump is courting both.

This is where I am – nauseated and discouraged at where we are today. The forecasted high winds did not come to much. It is a good thing. We have rain which is another good thing. Our rain catchers are getting replenished. I am a little excited about the garden greening up. The garlic bed is looking very good. I have 2 raised beds planted and a few potatoes planted in the beds overgrown by grass. I’m hoping they will crowd out the grass. Growing food is a good antiemetic. It is good for reviving a sagging spirit.

The greenhouse likes the rain also. All the greens are perking up. I’m hoping for lots of bitter melon this year. Never give up. Never throw in the towel. Use it to wipe up the sweat of a good fight for what you believe in.

Savouring the Day

A sunny Tuesday morning. I’m surprised to find that it is -2℃ at 8 o’clock. I’ve had a good sleep. It’s remarkable how good that plus the sun can make me feel. I shall not let that goodness and the day go to waste. I will not haste though, but savour all the minutes at my own pace. I remember the saying, haste makes for waste. So how shall I proceed?

The day is almost over. I surely did not haste today. I enjoyed a leisurely 4 hour brunch with my two dear friends. One of them had just recently lost her mother. I shared my thought that I really had believed that we would never lose our mothers. We had them for so long. It’s really strange now to find ourselves without our mothers. But that is the way with nature. We are losing more people as time goes by. It is this stage in our lives.

After time spent with my two friends, it was time to take my father out to the mall for a walk and coffee with my mother’s friends. I don’t have any Chinese friends except these. I don’t have a lot of friends either. I am not a social butterfly. I cannot handle too many people but I am fortunate to have my little groups of caring loving individuals, at the mall, at the YWCA and my retired co-workers. It is enough.

After coffee at the mall, I still had a little time to do a bit of weeding, planting and watering in the greenhouse. My spinach and lettuce are ready for small pickings. I planted 2 sweet one million tomatoes. There’s 2 blossoms on the snow peas. Our days are still a frosty but it was toasty warm in the greenhouse in the afternoon. Now it is late and time for bed. It was a very good day.

May Day and Hope

April is gone. Today is May 3. I meant to show up 2 days ago but I never made it. Some days are easier than others. Today is not one of those. The sky is cloudy. I’m heavy with it. I’m saggy and draggy but I’ve started the day. I still start it reading the two Heathers. I’m also reading Nobody’s Girl now that I got it from the library. It’s no wonder that I’m weighed down.

I wish that I’m not so serious minded. I wish that I am more light hearted. But that is not who I am. Whether it is because of genetics or how life shaped me, it’s hard to know. It is probably both. It is not easy being an immigrant child of immigrant parents. Being the oldest is not a cake walk either. I bear/feel the brunt of the responsibility for helping them navigate in an English speaking country. Life was and has been a serious affair. There was/are good times and laughter but not the uproarious kind. Our lives always seemed to me to be smaller than others.

That’s my feelings growing up. You don’t shed those feelings of inadequacy easily. I haven’t. They’re still there somewhere just underneath my skin. Not that I feel like a failure. I know I have done very well. I am a well informed and educated person. I am financially independent. I am retired with many interestests. I am never bored. I am occasionally melancholy. Who isn’t, especially in these times?

And so I come to this space to tap out my melancholy, my angst and sometimes my joys and excitement. I do get those happy exuberant feelings once in awhile, too. It must have been what I felt yesterday. They carried me through a whole day of gardening. I repotted seedlings, cleaned out 3 raised beds in the back yard. I planted 3 cucumbers in the greenhouse and 7 celery in the raised bed. Hope I wasn’t over eager and too early. Hope is a good antidote for melancholy.

Sunshine and Stirrings

It’s a sunshine and lollypops kind of a morning. I feel faint stirrings of wanting to clean the yard of last year’s old growth and debris. I thought better of it. There’s snow on the ground. It’s early and a bit cool for that kind of undertaking. But faint stirring are good. It means I’m still alive and feeling. I saw that my snowdrops are up. They’re a little crushed by the snow but still beautiful to see.

I put in a bit of time in the greenhouse yesterday. I weeded and propped up the snow peas with bamboo sticks. They’re getting gangly and sprawly. It’s not my favourite thing to do. To be honest, I can’t really say I love gardening. It is hard and dirty work. I guess I do get some satisfaction at the end of the chore/season. It is nice to see a neat weed-free bed of greens. In a few weeks, I hope to harvest some lettuce and spinach for a salad or two.

It’s April 28th. Just a couple more days of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. At this moment, I can’t say that I really love writing either. But it is satisfying to see the letters and words march across the screen, forming a sentence and a post. That is the thing, isn’t it? Getting a little satisfaction is worth a little effort.

Cloudy Sunday Mutterings

It’s disheartening to wake up to another grey morning. I try to not let the world weigh me down. But it is difficult watching what is unfolding in the U.S. I think the whole world is weighed down watching and so far unable to stop it. It is not in our country but it is affecting us universally. And it could happen in this country and others if we let it. Evil and corruption have no boundaries. I am surprised and shocked at the magnitude of it. I have been very niave. What a waker upper.

The count down has started. 11 days left in the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I wonder where my fellow bloggers are. We are dwindling in numbers. This April round has been the lowest. I’ve missed a day here and there. Some days I don’t feel like showing up at all but I do, somehow. I don’t have a business or a page to promote. I haven’t kept up with my hobbies either. I can’t crow about #the100dayproject. I haven’t been sewing my quilt squares like I said I would. The Index-Card-a Day Challenge is coming up in June. I think I will sit this one out, too. It’s time to do different but I might change my mind. I don’t want to quit everything and disappear.

Spring is slow this year. It came and went. More snow came. I hope it’s over now. The good news is that the maple sap is running and boiling is underway in many regions. I have good news in the greenhouse also. Everybody survived the couple of nights of chilly temperatures. The lettuce, spinach and Chinese greens are popping up and doing well. This gives me some cheer and hope for another day.

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Time is Finite

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It was a beautiful sunny April morning. Now the clouds have come. I heard from my friend that her mother passed early this morning. I am choked with emotions. I’m getting many of these notices these days. It’s that time in my life. I better pay attention. Time is finite. Don’t waste it on things I cannot change. Spend it on things that matter and can make a difference.

I am reminded that today is National Gardening Day. I have picked up a shovel and planted some seeds already in my little greenhouse. They are coming along nicely. I’m hoping to have fresh lettuce, spinach and radishes to eat in another month. Sooner would be nice. Time will tell. Once time seem to stand still. Now it’s speeding up like the last of the toilet roll. Before I can blink, it will be the end of summer. I’m calculating, planning and planting. I potted up the sprouted bitter melons. Seeded some amaranth, edible chrysanthemum and herbs I can’t remember the name of. I wonder if I’m getting the big A. Hope not.

Time is marching along. It is also time to do some reconciliation and forgiving. There’s no use in hanging on to hurts, grievances and misunderstandings. Let them all go for this life will never come again.

A Reset

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I can only handle my negative, grumpy depressive self for so long. Then I have to turn myself off and reset, hoping to get a more positive and cheery mood. I do have one rant for today. Why does Donald Trump demand that Iran can never have a nuclear weapon. It is the country that is being attacked by the U. S. and Israel. Both these countries and others have nuclear weapons. Why not drop some bombs on them? It’s my simple mind asking a simple question.

I’m feeling a little more positive and not quite so grumpy. I can let go a little on the Iranian war and the Epstein files. I am tired, mentally and physically but I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve felt I’ve been in a tunnel, struggling in the dark the past 2 years. I can let go of the struggle and try to appreciate the joys that are here right in front me.

My bitter melon seeds have sprouted, all 8 of them. I am programming for a large harvest so I have enough for our coffee friends at the mall. The Chinese greens have emerged in the greenhouse along with the spinach and lettuce. It’s an indication of more good things to come. Meanwhile downstairs, my Bernina 790 is waiting to be fired up and get going with my log cabin quilt squares. My palette has been idled for over a year. The paints are probably dried. I hope the liner is not moldy and rotting.

It is time for a rescue, cleaning and resetting of everything. Too many dust balls in corners of my head and everywhere. The deadline for the hateful tax return is looming nearer and nearer. I have to move my ass to find all those annoying pieces of paper and put them together. It’s my own small private war every year. I have no time to waste.