I Could Just Scream

I woke up to another cloudy day with promises of more rain. No rain has manifested yet but there is a warning of a severe thunderstorm. I feel like screaming in the moment but I will reserve it for later. I am bushed from the activities of daily living. I need to reserve my energy to take my father out for an afternoon coffee with our friends at the mall. First breathe and a few minutes of rest. I will come back later and let loose.

So I am back from coffee. Now I can natter about there’s no end of things to do when you decide to grow most of your own food. There’s the planning, the ordering of seeds, the starting of them and nuturing of them into healthy seedlings and planting them into the soil wherever that might be. For us there’s the small greenhouse, 6 raised wicking beds outside plus the conventional garden. Then there’s our city allotment garden which is 25 x 40 feet. We can grow a year’s supply of potatoes, beans, peas, beets and carrots. We haven’t been too successful with corn but we do get a small crop. Then I have a small community garden plot which I share with my sister.

It’s alot of garden. It’s alot of work. There’s the maintenance of watering, weeding, harvesting, and storing. Not only that, you have to cook and eat them. I get tired and cranky. We’ve had weeks and weeks of clouds of rain. I haven’t seen the sun for many a days. I am getting very moody. Today I could just scream and scream. But I didn’t.

I am still grateful for many things. With the rains, I haven’t had to water the gardens. Our rain catchments are all full. We won’t get a large water bill. The electric bill is $0 this month due to our solar panels. And there is a $54 surplus despite all the cloudy days. I had a nice coffee with my father and friends at the mall this afternoon. And this post is written for day 2 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. No scream needed this day.

I Could Just Scream

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Sometimes life is so hard I could just scream. I would scream and tear my hair out if it would help, but it doesn’t. Nobody hears me. It’s as if I’m in an empty canyon. All I get back is the echo of my frustration. So I come here and tap away on the keyboard. Muttering here brings me more relief and solutions than anything else. My fingers do the talking and somehow the impulses and words travels to my whole body. I am listening and feeling. I hear/feel the problems. My brain processes them, spins its wheels and offers up a few alternatives for me to choose.

It’s been a hard lesson learning to save and use my energy wisely. I am a round peg in a world of square holes. No matter how hard I try, I can not make myself fit and be heard. I don’t think it is such a bad thing. I’ve learned to march to the rhythm of my own beat. I’m surviving. Each of us sees the world differently. It doesn’t mean that I am seeing wrong. I’m seeing different. I’ve been told I’m eccentric long time ago because I butter my toast with avocado and I read ‘weird books’. In that case I guess there’s weird writers out there.

Today I am celebrating my weirdness and eccentricity. I like being a round peg in the midst of square holes. Acceptance is bringing me alot of relief. Writing brings me alot of relief. So ends day 2 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.