CREATING ORDER – Day 298 in a year of..

Day 298 – May 22, 2017 @8:45 am

I’m still falling into the trap of same beginnings. It has been awhile since I’ve been here and yes life happens. They are both true and mundane. But you know what? I’ve fallen in love with the mundane. How comforting it is to wake up each morning to my outside world hasn’t changed. The sun still rises in the east. I am here in the moment as its witness – feeling the comfort of its light and warmth. I drink my cup of tea. The day starts.

How fortunate I am to receive the teachings of Caroline Myss during this difficult interior transition. The difficulty being that it’s personal and it is I who must rouse myself from my comfortable sleeping state and into the awake world. That world is vibrant and rotating on its axis and changing. I am not special but part of that changing. I cannot hang back by tooth or nail. If I do, surely I will suffer road rash. It has its own pain.

So here I am, trying – painful as it is. Amd it is to sit here and peck out my words and thoughts one by one. We are in the age of the Internet, send, receive, delete with a tap, click, ENTER. I’ve been mesmerized into thinking that life is that easy and fast – that I could live that way with no mess, no effort, no feeling. Click, tap, voila – done! It’s hard to sit and read an article with more than one paragraph, never mind writing one.

But look, I’m starting my fourth paragraph! It’s been a few years of deleting and entering to realize that doesn’t really do any physical work. It won’t clear the piles on my desk and other surfaces. It doesn’t remove the cobwebs and dust from my giraff and light fixtures. Even my cyber mailboxes were overflowing. But I am slowly creating order each day. Only 1 unread mail in the inbox.

I have surpassed my attention span already. An abrupt end. Better that than repetitive nonsense. I can try again tomorrow.

QUAGMIRE – DAY 285 in a year of…

Day 285-May 9, 2017 @9:43 am

I’m in a quagmire of procrastination. Caught in stagnation of unable or no desire to go forward, sideways or backwards. So here I sit, hoping to tap away my blues. Don’t get me wrong. I might sound morose and am feeling morose, but I’m A-okay. It’s the flux and flow of my nature. It’s what’s out there in the universe. It’s what’s in me. Sometimes there are blue skies. Sometimes there’s not. There’s cycles of the seasons. There’s the cycles of me.

I’ve been navigating my ship for awhile now. I’ve learned the ropes, when to ease and trim the sails. I’ve read the manuals and chartered the course. There are times when there are too many storms. I’m blown off course and/or too fatigued. I’ve allowed myself extra time and more rest. It feels as if I’m stuck but I’m just going at a different pace, in a different direction. I’m going with the wind.

I’m feeling a little better, a little unstuck. I’m learning not to fight the nature of things. Everything in good time. The world is still spinning around and around. I don’t need to. I can sit and stay for awhile.