Gratitude and Choices

Posted on August 19, 2026 by hafong

Life feels so busy, even in retirement. I can’t say I am bored and have nothing to do. I would love to, though. I am just sitting down for a rest stop before attacking and prepping the turkey for the oven. No, it is not Thanksgiving yet. The turkey has been in the freezer longer than it need be. I thought Monday was a good day to cook it being on the cool side. My retired brain forgot by Monday. Lucky I remembered late yesterday that it was still thawing in the cooler. To be truthful, it was quite thawed.

It’s a bit warmish, 25℃. There’s a cool breeze so hopefully the house won’t get too hot. I am a bit sweaty and limp. Today felt hot. I went in early this morning to get bloodwork from my physical done. I had to wait over an hour. I was thirsty and hungry by the time I got home. My systolic blood pressure was barely over 100. I hadn’t even taken my morning pill yet. It’s not bad news but it reminded me of my disappointment with my doctor’s appointment the other day.

I wished he was more interested, specific and helpful. When I told him that the blood pressure taken by the nurse was high and not accurate. I had just come in after a stressful drive and sat down. It has been low lately. He took my word and did not check my blood pressure himself. He said I could cut back my medication a bit. If it’s ok after a week, I’m good to go. Not that I am complaining. I guess I am. He is nice enough, kind enough but didn’t look very animated. He’s been like that the last few years. I have wondered if he is depressed. I am very low maintenance. Just a yearly checkup for bloodwork and prescription renewal. Not much of a physical check when I don’t have to take off any clothes.

I suppose I should feel grateful that I do have a family doctor. Many don’t. There is a shortage of them so you can’t shop around. I am grateful that I do have knowledge and resources. I am a long retired nurse. I’ve been doing the medical running around the last few years with my mother and now my father. I am getting to know my way around. Sometimes it is very tiring. It’s hard to feel good and secure when there are no resources and choices.

The Beat/Heat Keeps On

Posted on July 25, 2026 by hafong

It’s day 25 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. We’re marching towards the end of July and the Challenge. Another red sun in morning and it is 30℃ at 2:19 in the afternoon. My father should be home from the hospital soon. He was to be discharged yesterday but asked the doctor if he could stay another day. He wasn’t ready and anxious about getting sick again. Understandable as he’s had 2 bouts of respiratory distress in the last 2-3 weeks. I was happy that he could as his blood pressure was 200/something when we visited in the afternoon. It would be another round of what should we do if he was at home.

The hospital can be a life saver but at the same time untoward things can happen. For some unknown reason, his blood pressure pills were held for 3 days. Of course his blood pressure went up and up. Then they restarted them. It takes awhile before they could catch up their pace. It did get better and fairly good by morning. I did not pursue why the blood pressure meds were stopped as it would serve no purpose. No harm was done. And I just got a text from my brother he is home.

I’ve had a busy morning. Knowing it was going to be another hot day, I got right down to business with the grass whipper snipper. Then I hustled along with my morning walk to the mall. The trees cast enough shade along most of my walk. At Freshco I bought some bananas for my father, blueberries and cherries for myself. The bananas were a heavy lot. I had to rest a couple times on bus stop benches on the way home.

This heat is here to stay. So are life’s little stresses. I have to think cool, feel strong and heave on. I’ve swept up the grass clippings and washed the walk off. Already hot, I filled the raised beds in the back yard with water and watered the greenhouse. Perhaps I might have a beer with supper tonight. Or I might have it now.

ERS and Honeymoons

Posted on July 21, 2026 by hafong

July 21, day 21 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I spent yesterday morning in ER with my father. I got his frantic call at 5:30 in the morning. He was having respiratory distress. The guy and I rushed over. He lived just half a block away. We got to RUH ER in good time despite the construction mess enroute. I wheeled my father in though he protested he could walk. It was a eery experience. The place was empty except for 2 security people. I wondered if I had come to the wrong place.

The whole waiting room was empty. It was as if God had cleared the place for us. The staff ushered us right into the trauma room after obtaining a few vital information. The doctor introduced himself to my father and then to us. Then the team proceeded treatment and tests. He was stablized in a short time and moved to an observation room.

This time around the ER experience felt like a honeymoon. It lasted only till late afternoon. The nurse came in and took off all monitoring gizmo and said my father was going to be moved to a hallway. Someone else need the monitoring more. I followed her as she wheeled my father on the stretcher through hallways packed with people. We finally stopped in a hallway by the pediatric surgery. Patients on stretchers were parked along one side of the hall. No curtains, no oxygen outlets, no bathrooms in sight. Call bells were the silver round things on bedside tables you ding for help.

Lucky that my father seemed to be calmer in the hallway than in the observation room. Maybe he felt better seeing he’s amongst other people. He’s been in these situations a few times in the last 2 years. I dare not to ask too much of the nurses seeing how stressed and busy they were. I, too, have learned to adapt. I do not tell them I am a retired nurse. I just observe and listen. And what I noted is that some of them do not take the time to talk to me properly and completely. I let it all go. I’ve learned that there is nothing to gain and quite alot to lose.

I do wonder how I would fare working in their conditions now. I am happy I am not. This nurse was a nurse but not always a nurse. I was grateful that my father got moved out of the hallway into a private room in the evening. The honeymoon resumes. He is doing much better. Home in a few days.

A Certain Kind of Light

Posted on July 7, 2026 by hafong

It’s the 7th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I am late coming to the keyboard. Life is busy in this time of my life. My father is almost 95 and every day can be unpredictable. He has congestive heart failure and COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease). We spent alot of time at the doctor’s, walk-in clince and ER last year after my mother passed. We were thankful that this year has been much better. Still there are episodes.

Today was a doctor day. We were fortunate that we got an appointment. He has been seen, x-rayed and on medications. He is tough and still interested in life and this world of ours. I think he will be okay. I have accepted that this is what is and that I still have a life to tend to. I will be okay also. It was just a little difficult to manage a wheelchair and doors alone. Lucky for me that there were many friendly hands to help.

After the doctor, we went and renewed our application for wheelchair parking permit for another 3 years. Then it was time for coffee at the mall with our friends. Life is still very good and beautiful. Good friends to have coffee with help. Then there’s my gardens. My front yard is so beautiful. It is hard to described. It is bathed in a certain kind of light in the afternoon. It reminds me of the opening line in the Bee Gees’ To Love Somebody. For all the issues I have with my father, I guess I do love him.

“There’s a light, a certain kind of light, that never shone on me”.

My front yard has been an issue with my neighbour for many years. She objects growing vegetables in the fron yard. She calls my raised beds coffins. She has reported me to the city about my messy yard. The city does not agree with her. Maybe all of this is because she really does not like me. I find that hard to understand because I don’t have a relationship with her. Now in these times I wonder if it is because of the colour of my skin. And I am an immigrant. I feel my yard is breath takingly beautiful in a certain kind of light in the afternoon, weeds and all.

Once Upon a Time

Posted on June 21, 2026 by hafong

A cool rainy Sunday, June 21. The moisture is always a welcome. There’s too much cool and clouds this spring and summer. This is the year like no other in so many ways. First, in the unpredictable weather patterns. Second, in world events, mostly in the United States and the Middle East. I feel slightly unhinged. Real life and age are catching up with me. There are no safe harbours and there is no escape. I must face the music. There is no one I want to talk to about this. So here I am, tapping for my health and sanity.

Once upon a time, there was my mother. Her being there was enough. My world now feels a little wobbly without her. It shows that everyone and everything makes a difference in our lives. It’s only after they’re gone that we notice how and what a big difference they make. I am now living in that awareness. It is not an easy thing. Sometimes I like to close my eyes and just drift away. Everything is a huge effort but I do it and not say I will try. Trying is like hoping. It’s like the saying on a hope and a prayer. It conveys a slight chance of succeeding. I don’t like that.

Once upon a time, not too many years ago, I was full of optimism and energy. I was looking forward to the morning the night before so that I could start doing. I was excited about cross country skiing. I was going out every morning all winter, no matter the temperature. It was so invigorating and so much fun even though I wasn’t very good at it. Now my skis are gathering dust. I am not so excited about mornings. This summer they are mostly cool and cloudy. There is no sun rising at 5ish to wake me up.

Once upon a time, I felt young and robust. Now I feel that those times are past. Though my head doesn’t feel ancient, my body begs to be different. My hands are painful, not just stiff, from morning to night. My hips are grumbling, too. I’m not a cry baby, a complainer. Really, I’m not. I’m just remembering how things used to be, mourning loss youth, opportunities and missing my mother. I am working on how to make this life easier and better. It’s a challenge, I know. That makes it interesting and worthwhile. I am not without hope and prayers. I still dream.

On How to Lose Weight

Posted on May 13, 2026 by hafong

I’m packing an extra 10 pounds that I don’t need. Though I’m nowheres near obese, I feel the weight of it. It takes more effort to walk. I’m slower, not wanting to move at all. Then there’s my face. It’s rounder and fuller with a double chin. I look and feel glum. I don’t want to talk about my stomach. There’s no easy way to resolve this but I’m going to do it. There’s only 2 ways. I have to watch my diet and increase my movement.

I’m not good at dieting. Is anyone though? I’m starting slow by cutting back honey and cream for my tea and coffee. That is except for coffee with my father 3 or 4 times a week. it is a big cut back for I drink 4 to 5 big cups a day. This way I wouldn’t feel deprived. I’ve already lost a pound since Monday. I hope I don’t get it back when I weigh in Friday. I won’t work harder at the gym but concentrate on staying the course. Instead I will try to be more active in my daily living. How you may ask? There are many ways.

The first thing is not to sit so much and scroll. It’s easier said than done but warmer weather and gardening season makes it easier. I love the early morning to tour the greenhouse and the yard. I’m getting fresh air and the morning sun, natural mood boosters. While I was walking around the front yard this morning, I noticed there are so many broken branches everywhere. I thought I might as well pick them up and put them in the green bin. It’s an easy job that needed to be done. And I burnt a few more calories. I hope they will translate into ounces/pounds lost.

Well, this is a small start. I have to stay the coarse. I want to lose 10 pounds. That is my goal from now through to December. To get anywheres I have to have a goal and timeline. This gives me 7 months. I know I can do it.

Cloudy Day Chatter

Posted on April 13, 2026 by hafong

A cloudy Monday morning. I’m feeling pretty good after experiencing one cold after another since the beginning of February. I should not speak too soon. I might jinx myself. While it was not a life threatening thing, it wore away at me. My attitude and physical being deteriorated. I was often grumpy and snarly. My weight didn’t ballooned but it grew for lack of exercise. I don’t know which I hate more – a double chin or a big belly. Now I am working on how to improve both my attitude and body weight.

The thought of work made me instantly sleepy. I want to have a cup of coffee and a snack. I don’t have a strong sense of will power. I often give in but today I am resisting. I will get up, dress up and go for a walk. I will finish this when I come back. The fresh air and exercise will do me good.

I’m back after a little walk to the nearby shopping center. I stopped at the Asian Market for some baby bok choy and a check in at my father’s. I’m having a drink of orange flavoured metamucil. It is good for fiber, to support heart health and regulate sugar levels. My purpose is to suppress appetite for weight loss. We shall see if it works. It doesn’t taste too bad. I’m taking one teaspoon in a cup of water once a day. I’m not sure if I can/want to do more than that.

I have a discipline problem. I’m thinking of that one short bread cookie that is left. I might as well have it with a cup of coffee after I’m finished my metamucil drink. My dining room table is once more cleared. We had company for supper the other night. It seemed that’s the only way I can clear my clutter. Now that it is cleared, I will practice putting things away each night. I’m getting a workout just putting this post together. I’m getting sleepy again. Time for a nap now.

Marching Along

Posted on March 14, 2026 by hafong

March is marching along. I wish I could say the same for myself. I’m moving judiciously through the morning so I will have enough energy to navigate the whole day. I’m making use of my gadgets to do the hard work. The iRobot Roomba is doing the vacuum. I will load up the dishwasher and let it do its job. I have soup from yesterday. Soup actually takes quite a bit of work to make even with an Instant Pot. There’s the gathering up of ingredients, washing and chopping vegetables, etc. You don’t feel the energy drain when you are feeling well. When you are not, even opening up a can is tiring.

Even thinking seems to burn up lots of energy. It’s hard to sit and be blank for any length of time. That was yesterday. I gave up on willing myself to feel better and laid down for a short nap. It was not an easy task. It took some time of restless discomfort before I could sink into the warmth of the comforter. The 20 minute of rest was surprisingly restorative. I tried it again today with similar results. I’m starting to enjoy these periods of snuggling in bed. They are very healing. It’s good to let go of everything for a short while. I don’t need to march anywhere. Rest is my new motto.

It’s a Difficult Life

Posted on March 10, 2026 by hafong

Nowadays I like to start my morning reading the two Heathers. They are strong women. They speak the truth. They educate me to care, to listen and that I can make a difference. I’ve become politically interested and engaged. The Heathers are Heather Cox Richardson and Heather Delaney Reese. I’m always a truth seeker and speaker. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why I find life difficult. Another one is I am a woman of colour and an immigrant. Though I come from a culture where sons are preferred over daughters, my parents weren’t of that mind. My paternal grandmother was though.

She had no influence over how I felt about myself. I grew up feeling I am a person of worth. I’ve never thought I was less because I am female or because I am an Asian. I come from strong stock. My maternal grandfather escaped the clutches of Mao but not my grandmother. She was thrown in jail in his place. She survived and thrived. They had done nothing wrong. My grandfather was a teacher and mayor of their village. My grandmother was a housewife. They were not landowners. They were persecuted because of jealousy and fake stories. That’s been many years ago. Both of them have been gone for many years but their story still lives in me.

It is the 10th of March. We had snow overnight. The sun is shining bright. The thermometer dips and rises unpredictably. One day is spring. The next it is winter. My cold is better but the cough lingers. I feel better and worse at the same time. I am sickened by Donald Trump and his wars. I wonder what all the bombing and destruction are doing to the environment. In this moment, I have no positive bone in my body. It is a difficult life but I must rise and take charge of this one precious one that I have. What will I do? A little this, a little that. It all adds up. What will you do?

Antidotes For What Ails Me

Posted on March 6, 2026 by hafong

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

My cold is still with me. It is attached and reluctant to leave. I am an endless fountain of gooey mucus. Like Christopher Plummer, I don’t like the sound of mucus. I’m carting around a large toilt roll from Costco. I’m constantly blowing and spitting into toilet paper. The roll diminishes quickly. It’s cheaper than Kleenx. I dislike using a spittoon. It grosses me out.

I’ve had a week of this misery. Just when I think I’m getting better, I get knocked down again. Last night was a hard one. I was afraid I was getting super ill, enough that it made me seek help from my prayer community. It helped. I was able to fall asleep shortly after. In the morning I felt better in some ways and worse in some. Now, at the end of the day, I can see light at the end of the tunnel. Being sick could have been what I needed.

What I needed was to see I have to take care of me. Being a caretaker by nature, I tend to look outward to others’ needs. I seldom think of my own. I am doing that now. I see that endless scrolling is making me sick. I feel it but seem unable to stop. The more I touch that button, the more I want to even though it brings me no pleasure. I was pleasureless enough yesterday that I was able to curb my addiction. I limited my scrolling time to before breakfast. I sought out other activities that would bring me pleasure.

One antidote is reading Margaret Atwood’s biography Book of Lives: A Memoir of Sorts. I’m travelling through stories of her childhood now. They’re delightful. Just what I need. Another activity is non-activity. I laid down on my exercise mat with my legs resting on an armchair for 10 minutes, doing nothing, trying to empty my mind. It wasn’t hard. It was pleasant and restful, not fussing about anything, letting the world go on by without me. It also helped to drain gooey mucus out of me.

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Looking at Infinity

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