MY BLACK HOLE

I’m stretching myself, trying to move a little faster. I poke along like a snail with my head inside my shell. I have no vision or plan. It’s no wonder I get nowhere expediently. I’m just riding a stationary bike. I can’t even tread water. At the moment, I’m sipping tea and snacking on sweet potato chips. It’s not great for staving off drowsiness. It’s something once started, hard to stop. I’ve instructed the guy not to buy them for me any more.

I was talking about forgetting how to turn on my headlights the other night. It was such a strange thing. This morning in the car I could plainly see where the lever was. How could I possibly forget? It was as if there was an empty spot in my brain at the time. A black hole. I vowed to strive for better brain health. I’m giving it some serious thought.

Aside from a little snacking now and again, I eat a pretty healthy diet. I’ve cut out endless cups of coffee since I’ve retired. I’m catching and making up for my sleep deprivation from shift work. I think I have 2 more years to go according to some research. I go to aerobics 3 times a week. I swim once a week. I walk Sheba every day.

I’ve been monitoring myself for toxic emotions. It’s my biggest fault and downfall. I’m a highly sensitive person. I feels things deeply – the good and the bad. I hang onto feelings for a long time. I take things personally. Not so good. I could at one time feel my cortisol level rise with my emotions. I have better control now. I’m slowly learning to relax and to let go a little. I have a long ways to go yet. I’m aware and working on it. Then there’s the toxic relationships. Nothing kills more brain cells than toxic emotions and relationships. It’s something to talk about for another day.

TIRED BY IT ALL

I forget how taxing appointments are. I am pooped after spending the morning at the Vet College with Sheba. Her checkup was very thorough, first by the student. Then it was followed by the clinician. Both were very pleasant, informative, respectful and not pushy. She got a clean bill of health though she had a few worn teeth and stiff joints. We said no to bloodwork and a dental consult. I’m sure at almost 12, she would have a few iffy findings. The trouble would be what would I do about them? Best to leave good enough alone until there is trouble.

We had met the student before when Sheba had a nutrition consult at the insistence of a different clinician. The student had fallen in love with Sheba at that meeting. She asked to have Sheba today. So the lucky dog got lots of TLC today.  The clinician from 2 years ago was quite hyper and pushy. She felt Sheba was grossly overweight and needed to be on special diet. We did go along but it was a total failure. Sheba got very constipated and gassy on the special high fiber diet and refused to eat. She did lose weight from that so can I say it was a failure?

Anyhow, in the end we returned the refundable special diet. We cut back her treats and slowly introduced her to Orijen for senior dogs. That clinician did not approve of it because it was too rich, too many calories. I had read so many good reviews about it. I wanted to give it a try. I would give her less volume but equal calories to her old dog food. It was a slow process of switching over but it was a success. She is healthy and vibrant. Her coat is shiny and her weight has come down. Two years later, she’s a svelte 27.9 kg. BUT googling now on how to spell Orijen, I came across articles on a lawsuit against Champion Pet Food, maker of Orijen and Acana. What to think? I guess I shouldn’t think too much or believe everything I read. There is a lawsuit but no recall. Sheba is healthy. No need to worry yet.

I have to get up and stretch now. My lower back feels stiffer today. Funny how a little wrong move can cause so much trouble. It wears on my energy, too. The sun has clouded over. Snow is drifting outside the window. I am glad we went to the park after our appointment. I can just relax, not having to think about going out again. Sheba is tired by her excitement this morning, too. She’s fallen asleep and forgotten about her supper. Or have I fed her but forgotten?

 

THE WEIGHT OF IT ALL

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So here I sit on this 42nd day into Lent.  I’m sipping my black coffee and feeling as fat as my laughing Buddha.  I am, however, not feeling as jolly.

I’ve been feeling more tired lately, finding myself breathless when Sheba and I are out for our walks.  It is hard to bend over to tie my boots.  I attribute that to the amount of clothes that I have on.  Yesterday, I could not find any clothes that looks good on me.  Everything emphasizes my belly.  I look like my laughing statue.  Well, my ears do look considerably smaller than his.

I still went out for lunch, but that was after a romp at the dog park.  I have discovered this restaurant called the Asian Buffet and the food was just sumptuous with so many selections.  I chose mostly the healthy ones or so I tried to comfort myself.  To tell the truth, I felt full after my appetizers of  2 steamed Vietnamese rolls, 4 little sushi rolls and a tiny salad.  But I felt compelled to go back for my plate of fried rice, stir fried veggies, some noodles and 2 little deep fried chicken nuggets.  And of course, after that some dessert of fresh fruit and one tiny sweet square.

Well, I am not quite sure whether I am still so enamored with the restaurant.  Perhaps it is too much of a good thing.   To be sure, it doesn’t really help my weight problem.  But I want to get all the mindless, addictive eating out of my system.  Now I can settle down and do something about it.  What better time than now, in the last days of Lent, to make that commitment?

I have a plan already.  One must have a plan.  Start small.  Add to it.  Figure in lapses.  Keep at it.  The reward would be feeling better, looking good and being able to bend over to tie my boots without gasping for air.