Good House Keeping

August 13th. I’m glad it’s a Thursday and not a Friday. I am superstitious. I used to cross my slippers when I go to bed to ward off ghosts. I was plagued by nightly visits then. You have to remember I ‘saw’ them when I was a child. I no longer do but I still sense their prescence and give them due respect.

It’s another grey morning. I made my daily visit to the garden and greenhouse. I did some housekeeping there yesterday. The bitter melon vines were overgrowing into every space possible. They were blocking the sunlight and air flow. It’s hard for me to trim them as I like to hang on to them for more fruit. It was creating a lot of humidity which led to red aphids on the pepper plants. Some of them were on the bitter melon leaves also. I sacrifice the pepper plants that had no fruit on them. I sprayed the others with soapy water. I trimmed off all the affected bitter melon leaves. Thank God they were just on one side.

After a severe pruning of the vines sunlight can get in and there is better air flow. It’s a lesson in letting go and not hanging onto every little things. More could mean less. This morning’s count of bitter melons is 22 big and small. hanI have given away 6 to friends at coffee, 2 to my father and we’ve eaten a few. I shall blanch and freeze some for winter.

I’m applying the ‘pruning’ rule to my closet this morning. What use are my high school grad and bridesmaid dresses hanging in the closet? They are taking up space and gathering dust, not only in the closet but also in my head. Yes, I take pride in that I made them both. Then there’s my mother’s 3 dresses also hanging there. One of them still have the price tag on it. She had not worn it. The original price was $100.00 marked down for $50.00. I was surprised that my mother did this. This was a dress from a long time back. I was happy that my mother valued herself to buy that dress even though she never wore it.

Against well given advice, I did try on my mother’s dresses. It did make giving them up harder. Two fit very nicely. They made me feel beautiful and elegant but where would I wear these dressy dresses to? I decided that they would all be donated. They would make nice gifts for someone. They do not look dated as I had thought.

Seasons of Our Lives

July 19th and 19th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I am still here consistently and persistently. I try to be like Patience and Fortitude, the two marble lion stuatues standing guard outside the New York City Public Library. They sit stalwartly through all the weather. I’m trying to do the same through all the heat and my moods.

Today is a much pleasanter day. There’s a cool breeze flowing through the windows. I did not get much done yesterday. No housework. Just barely managed to cut my hair and showered. The heat was the excuse. I didn’t feel guilty as I gave myself the day to do or not to do as I please. It was my home alone day. The guy went to see his sailing buddies off on their annual week long sail. He decided it was time to let it go though he had organized it over 10 years ago. If anyone wants to buy a sailboat, we have one for sale. It’s almost brand new. He spent a year building it. Sailed only a few times.

My friend and fellow blogger, Kebba, said that a life time is not that long. Even 90 years is really a blink of an eye. She is right. So when you recognize a time to let go of something, let it go. There are many seasons in our lives. Some are longer than others. And if something speaks to you, grab it – for however long it speaks to you. At the beginning of our lives together, it was bicycles for the guy. It was a matter of necessity as well as love. The garage became a repair and build workshop. The yard was full of old bikes and parts. I learned to ride a bike, though not well.

We’ve passed the seasons of bikes. We’ve still have a few idling in the bike shed. One of these days if I get brave…and it grabs me…

Marching Along

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March is marching along. I wish I could say the same for myself. I’m moving judiciously through the morning so I will have enough energy to navigate the whole day. I’m making use of my gadgets to do the hard work. The iRobot Roomba is doing the vacuum. I will load up the dishwasher and let it do its job. I have soup from yesterday. Soup actually takes quite a bit of work to make even with an Instant Pot. There’s the gathering up of ingredients, washing and chopping vegetables, etc. You don’t feel the energy drain when you are feeling well. When you are not, even opening up a can is tiring.

Even thinking seems to burn up lots of energy. It’s hard to sit and be blank for any length of time. That was yesterday. I gave up on willing myself to feel better and laid down for a short nap. It was not an easy task. It took some time of restless discomfort before I could sink into the warmth of the comforter. The 20 minute of rest was surprisingly restorative. I tried it again today with similar results. I’m starting to enjoy these periods of snuggling in bed. They are very healing. It’s good to let go of everything for a short while. I don’t need to march anywhere. Rest is my new motto.

Que Sera Sera

Another sunny cold day in my desert. I am slow at the gate, not getting anywhere fast today. I have to be content with stuttering on the keyboard and sipping my cup of instant coffee. Life is hard. People are difficult to understand. I shall not hurt my brain trying to figure them out. Que sera sera. Whatever will be will be. I will have to let whatever will be, will be. I am not God. I am in search of Him.

He is elusive today. I will have to muddle along among the cacti and sand dunes by myself as well as I can. It is good not to be bothered by the noises and confusion of the outside world. I have to learn to let go of things I cannot change. Not everything and everybody can be saved. I can’t hold on with all my might to everything and everyone. I can’t stop the train thundering down the track. It surely will kill me if I try. It is time to let it go on without me.

Why I Bother

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January 22, 2026. A sunny bitterly cold morning. Just what I like. I’m wearing a black silk/nylon/mohair sweater with sequins from years ago. I’m sipping my second cup of tea and hoping to tap out another post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Just a little over a week left in January. I’m not as enthused this round with my words. I’m not showing up every day. Sometimes I wonder why I bother.

Why I bother is because it is the best/better mode of releasing stress for me. I can lash out with my words without causing self harm and hurt to others. It is only true when I confine my words to this space. I can poke a bear awake with my keyboard just as well as with my sharp tongue. I felt the result of that yesterday. I ran into a very old colleague whom I haven’t seen for a long time. I greeted her. She let me know in no uncertain words and facial expression that I am not loved.”There’s no need to say hello when you had been so rude to me on Facebook.” She retorted.

I was and was not surprised. That had been over a year ago in October of 2024. It was soon after my mother’s funeral. I was somewhat crazy and she irritated me greatly with her comments on our lunch group page. I was instrumental in adding and including her to the group after she expressed being left out. She did not once showed up but always responded with some irritating comment. After many months, I removed her. What followed was very strange and ugly. I regretted all my actions. How silly to lose my much needed energy this way.

So it is another cold morning. January 23rd. -37℃. No sun yet. The cold is good enough reason to take a break from the gym. I have soup souping in the Instant Pot. I am hoping to tap a good ending to this post. The flip flopping of temperatures is hard on the body. I am adjusting and readjusting to that and life as well. I tend to have the archetype of a rescuer. What I haven’t learned is that not everyone wants to be rescued. I haven’t realized that I am not that powerful. I am not God though I have been told. Hence, energy drains out of me.

Today, I am doing self care. I am not that powerful. I am not God. I don’t have to save everyone or anyone. It is good to let go and let it be. Peace.

Don’t Sweat the stuff

It’s another sunny but cool Saturday morning. But I see that it’s warmed up to 8℃ from the 0 of 7 am. Already it is 23℃ in the greenhouse. It’s an hour before noon so I should not be surprised. I’ve pushed the mop around the most needed places. It helps to start moving right after breakfast and dishes. Otherwise I could just sag all day.

I am happy and proud to say that I’ve done the most hard thing for today. I was tempted to sit and rest on my laurels after doing the floors. The turkey in the fridge keep popping up in my mind. I was thinking, ‘how the hell was I going to get it cooked’? I was overwhelmed just thinking about it. I do recall that I’ve done it a few times before. Theoretically, I can do it. I do have Chef John’s Roast Turkey recipe. I was overthinking. I need to stop the thoughts and start doing.

The doing is done. The turkey is cleaned and spiced up sitting on top of chopped onions, carrots and celery in the roaster. It’s all ready for the oven when it is time. I’m sitting pretty here with my tea and tapping out my words for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It’s another lesson in not sweating the stuff, big or little. But it’s easier said than done. I have to keep reminding and watching myself – on where and how my energy is spent. Am I overthinking, over reacting, repeating the same mistakes over and over? Am I doing the same things, hoping for different results?

I hate to admit it, but often the answer is yes. I am a fixer, a mender of fences even though from experience some fences cannot be mended. Though that has been hammered into me quite a few times by my neighbours, I still find it difficult to believe that I can’t explain, reason, appeal – fix it somehow. It was hard for me to accept that they don’t like me even though we don’t have a personal relationship. We just live next to each other. It’s a good lesson in not taking anything personally or other people’s stuff. It’s also a reminder to look at myself and my own behavior. Am I also guilty of the same?

It’s Easter weekend, not a time to dwell on grievances, past or present. It’s a good thing I can’t see into future ones. I choose to let go of everything and be open to all possibilities. It is a good time to re-read Richard Carlson’s Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, and It’s All Small Stuff and Miquel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements. Happy Easter!

Unbecoming the Worse in Me

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It’s September the 4th. A cloudy grey morning but at least the smoke is gone. The air quality is a 2 from yesterday’s 11. I’m juicing the last of my brother’s apples. I could have gotten more but less and enough are what I am working on now. My lizard brain gets so easily addicted on a good thing. It’s difficult to put up a limit and stop. It was will power as I said no to more apples, all the while gazing at the beautiful, bigger apples still on the tree. I had to keep the thoughts of that I have only x number of energy and that I can only drink so much apple juice. That goes for making and eating apple jelly.

I’m still struggling with unbecoming the worse parts of me, the parts that no longer works. It’s hard to let go because they’ve been with me forever and a day. They’re almost like friends but I wouldn’t call them that. They’re more like jealous sisters. What/where/who would I be without them? That’s the fear of letting go of the known. They’re the anchors that weigh me down.

I am getting better at letting go of the fear, even if it is ever so slow. It’s one step at a time. Sometimes the steps are in the wrong direction. I regress instead of progress. And I have to start anew. That’s where I am right now, switching directions, going forward again. Steps are hard. Finding the words are hard. Finding heart is hard. Tomorrow is a new day and another start.

Life is Difficult

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M. Scott Peck wasn’t kidding with his first line in The Road Less Travelled. Life is difficult. I have found that it’s never perfect and seldom smooth. Some days I’m falling asleep in early evening watching my favourite crime show. Other nights, like last night, I could not sleep past 2 am. Not too many days ago, we were sweltering in +30℃, sleeping with all the windows wide opened. Now all the windows are closed and I’m snuggling in my old pink fuzzy housecoat.

Talking about M. Scott Peck, he wasn’t so perfect either. Checking him out, I found that his first wife was Lily Ho Chinese. From an article in the GuardianHe spent much of his life immersed in cheap gin, chain-smoking cigarettes and inhaling cannabis, and being persistently unfaithful to his wife, who eventually divorced him. He also went through estrangement with two of his three children.” He sounds like a scoundrel. I wonder why he and his book were so successful. I have to read it again. It’s on my bookshelf.

I do wonder if I have been reading the wrong books, worshipping the wrong heroes and tripping down the wrong paths. How is one to know though? Having arrived here at this point in my life, I think it wiser to choose the easier and well trodden path first. It would be easier going and retreating. It would save time and energy to begin anew. It is hind sight and too late for me. It’s what I would advise if I was asked but who listens to advice. Not me.

So here I am, not exactly stuck and not doing terribly. I am just tapping and bitching. It helps me in the process of letting go. It’s never easy for me. I hang on and hang on. Thoughts and feelings swirling around like a snow globe. It is how I am. I can learn to a little better but it is my nature. It does me less harm if I tap it out rather than forcing myself into being perfect and never stray off the path.

HANGING ON – LETTING GO

Now that I’m back in the saddle, I’m hanging on. 11 more days left in the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Do I have it in me to finish? My cold is still hanging on. Frustration doesn’t help it go away. I’m learning that I have to let go to loosen its grip on me. It isn’t though. I feel like standing on my head. Not being able to, I don a mask and took a short walk around the garden. The mask keeps the cool air out and my throat not so dry. The short walk provided a short reprieve for my discomforts.

I haven’t gotten very far with editing this website. Now is not the time to do it. It will only add to my frustrations and make my hair stand on end. It’s hard to resist though. We’re all addicted to pushing buttons. And before you know it, a whole bunch of time have past with no good results. I’ve only pushed a few buttons. I’ve stopped.

I am feeling a bit better. Having a chrysanthemum tea and a snack. They hit the right spot. The way to a woman’s heart is also through the stomach. I will wind this post up, pick up my knitting and watch another episode of Vera. Murder mysteries is also a balm for me.

UBC Day 16 & 17 – The world is Flat

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These days, I am hard pressed to feel the joie de vivre. The world/life feels rather flat. However, the jukebox in my head is still playing happy tunes. It helps that it’s sunny even though it is a cool morning. I’m having a second cup of tea and tapping a few words. They no longer come easily or bring the pleasure they once did. I’m having to work at it. They do bring some satisfaction as I see them slowly marching across the screen.

Meanwhile, in between ideas, words and paragraphs, bread is in the making. I’m in the process of the first rising. When I look at it, making bread is much like building a post. It can be complicated and daunting till you get familiar and make a regular habit of it. Then everything becomes second nature, intuitive and the thing builds itself. It becomes a comforting process, ironing out the wrinkles and stress of everyday life.

Now, the water, yeast and flour have become dough. It is poofing in the oven for an hour or until I’m ready to punch it down and shape them into the loaf pans. There is no hurry. Meanwhile, I’m having another cuppa and process some thoughts and words that came whilst kneading dough. They are elusive and fleeting. If I don’t tap them down, they will be lost. They are rather important insights which will help me have an easier and happier life.

It’s taken me this long, a lifetime, to fully understand the concept of not taking anything personal and letting go. It finally dawned on me this summer that when I’m hanging on to perceived hurts and wrong doings by others, I’m only hurting myself. Those ‘others’ don’t give a shit. They’ve moved on and having a merry old time with their lives. Meanwhile, I’m wasting time and energy embroiled in my own toxic emotions, solving nothing and harming myself. But until I had this moment of clarity, I could not let go.

The loaves are baking in the oven. I’m almost finished here. Wrapping up, I have to say I’m grateful for this space. It’s worth the struggle to put words onto the page. It keeps me somewhat sane and healthy. Now I see that the world is not flat. So I will struggle on.