celebrating

TALKING ON MOTHER’S DAY

A hot 26 degrees Celsius on a Mother’s Day. I agree with Anne Lamott’s article on Why I Hate Mother’s Day.  The article didn’t make Anne popular. She received a lot of hate mail for it. Agreeing with her probabley won’t make me loved either. Though I haven’t receive any hate mail, I can feel the disapproval. I’m not unfamiliar with those feelings. While Miss Lamott is considered a trail blazer for her frankness, I am not bestowed with such.

Shucks! I will have to bear the brunt of my words. Words do have alot of power as Caroline Myss proclaims. She has lectured about it many times. I shall have to give words more respect and use them with care. There is a possibility that I do voiced what others would only think. It would be wise of me not to give my opinions and feelings so freely. I do not have to be an open book. At the same time I need not be a clam with lips sealed tight. I could learn from these wise and wonderful words.

“Talking is fantastically overrated. Too many people do too much of it. It stuns the hell out of me how so many people like to talk. Sharkey, for example. If talking is so good for you, what the hell is Sharkey doing here? The guy tears me up. Talking does not heal you. Talking just adds to the noise pollution in the world. If we were really serious about going green, then maybe we’d all just be quiet.” 
― Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Last Night I Sang to the Monster

“I choose to choose few words each day. Yes! few words that count. Few words that can make impact. Few words that talk much. Few words that can make people ponder to wonder. Few words that are indelible. Few words that can leave distinctive footprints on minds. Though we may fail to mind our words, we shall never fail to mind the works of our words.” 
― Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

Ah, I wish that I had written those words! I may be able to come up with some of equal power if I talk and share less. Wise is a woman who keeps her counsel. I’ve never betrayed another secret nor spread malicious lies. I have been a victim though. Who hasn’t? People who tell their secrets should never ask another not to repeat it. It’s asking for too much. IF you don’t want people to tell, you should not tell yourself. The power lies in the choices we make.

What I know for sure is I try to speak always in the first person singular – I.  I get tripped up frequently.  I’m reminded with the question: Who’s THEY? What I know for sure are the things that pertain to myself only. Everything else is guess work. What I know for sure today is, I do love my mother and we celebrated the occasion with a meal. I have not been buying her gifts she seldom wear/use for a few years now. Like Anne Lamott I do not care for these ‘special days’ when you are expected to celebrate in certain ways. These ‘special days’ include Father’s Day as well as Mother’s Day, Christmas, Easter and birthdays. I know it is not a popular sentiment.

Growing up, my siblings and I did not have birthday parties or presents. My mother always made something special to eat like a chicken drumstick and a hard boiled egg. I’m sure there is a significance to them but I am not sure what. I am not a very good Chinese. I am somewhat ashamed to say that we have not done anything for my parents’ birthdays. They have never voiced any disappointment nor displeasure. My mother is quite proud of us. She should be. She has raised us well. As for my father, I am not sure. He is not a demonstrative man. He did not participate in our upbringing. He was the breadwinner.

So I did not grow up in the normal Western traditional family. I am a child of immigrant parents. We adlibbed, adopting some Western traditions while tweaking the traditional Chinese ones as necessary in our circumstances. We had Charlie Brown Christmas trees and celebrations. I am tired of it all, fitting in, trying to be ‘normal’. Now I want to cast off what is not true for me. I want to get up every morning feeling that EVERY day is special. I like to celebrate by being a kind considerate person who will greet each day and each person with kindness and cheer. I struggle with it every day. Gee Wheez, I am talking too much again.

 

 

 

THE YEAR OF THE DOG

Gong Hee Fat Choy! Happy Chinese New Year. I am bushed! I don’t know how I managed a job before retirement. I’m not wearing red. I didn’t clean house in preparation for the new year. I vacuumed today. Oops! Well, it’s not sweeping. I’m not sweeping out my good fortune. It’s hard to observe my cultural traditions living so apart from my people. Aside from family, I don’t know that many Chinese people. I have no Chinese friends. I’m lacking in so many ways, negating much of what I set out to do. We will have our family New Year supper on Sunday – a day of rest for those who work.

That’s how life is going for me – negotiating and changing. I’m not sure it it’s for the better or it is just different. That’s how the world is. It’s changing so fast I’m often left breathless. I’m trying to keep up. I’m here, aren’t I, tapping as fast as I can. I am often confused and puzzled. Most of the time I’m cranky, in a mood. I wonder how I can get out of myself. I think of things I can do. What do I have to change? The rule I have when I come to this space is to leave on a higher note. I might tell you how I am feeling, what space I am in. But it is always about me and not anybody else. I try to be objective and not to crank out my personal biases. Hit me on the head if I do.

That is one thing I’m proud of – my words here. It leads me to think on what Caroline Myss says about the power of words.  “A mystical perspective: Your words are your power tools. Each word you use initiates an act of creation and is a thread holding together a part of the fabric of your life. Take one word out of your vocabulary and all the creative power that that word contains evaporates from your life. Take the word “love” out, for example, and everything you understand, know, feel, and experience about “love” would no longer exist.”

I’ve been thinking about a word that I would like to eliminate from my speech. It’s difficult to think of one. I don’t like ‘hate’ but it’s not one I use often. What I say alot is I don’t care. I use it often in self defence/protection. I’m not sure if I mean it. I am giving it meaning by saying it. By eliminating it, it means I do care. Everything matters. I will see how that difference will play in my attitude and well-being.

Today is the first day of the lunar year, the Year of the Dog. Sheba, the dog and I went to the park to celebrate. The sky and clouds were awesome. I saw the sun drift in and out of the clouds. It was travelling so fast it was hard to capture on the camera. Another reminder how fast life and time moves. Don’t think too much and hesitate too long. Put one foot in front of the other and do another lap around the park or wherever you want to go.

CLICKASNAP, SHEBA AND MR. SCROOGE

A full stomach and sunshine makes me satisfied and sleepy. Somebody else is that way, too. Sheba is curled up peacefully on her bed. I should not speak too soon. You know how that can jinx a situation. Shhhh!

Yesterday I came upon someone’s post about Clickasnap, a photo sharing site that allows free hosting of your photos and opportunity of sharing and earning some money. It all sounds great as I have had to upgrade my free WordPress plan to a paid personal one because I ran out of storage space. Clickasnap sounded like the perfect soloution. But on second thought after reading about it, it sounded complicated to my non-techy brain. It would take me a long time to figure it out.

I will perhaps keep it in mind to investigate at my leisure. Since my plan gives me priority support, I might ask the Happiness Engineers about it. That would be time consuming, too. I really want to concentrate on my writing. My free plan lasted 5 years before I ran out of space. If I am not such a clutterbug, had organized my photos and not duplicated many of them, I am sure my storage space would be fine. It pays to be more organized. I will not fret about it. $5/month will help keep me in line. I will be watching my GBs closely and editing and labelling photos.

The furry monster has woken and has ears on back of her head. She hears people on the street from the back of the house. She can hear me peel a banana in another room. She barks alot and loudly. We have another hour to go before her supper. We’ll see how patient and consistent we are today. I have the kettle on for another cup of tea. Somehow that always help. It’s better than lighting up another cigarette like the olden days.

We are making good progress. Sheba knows the drill now. She is whimpering softly but she is obediently doing her ‘down.’  She is very cute and causes me to smile with her little whimper. It is hard to resist her but I do. I know she is not that hungry. Only 3 more minutes before chow time. She gives another little whimper.

So it goes. 3:00 pm. She forgets herself and rushes at the bowl. I almost forgot, too but admonishes her. She sits back and waits till I’m finished pouring her kibbles and gives her ‘okay’. See how easily things can slide back if you are not paying attention?

It is the first of December. I have been thinking about Christmas. I have done away with the gifting part of it. How will I celebrate it? How can I make it meaningful and joyous? And exactly what is its true meaning? We talk so much about it. We talk a lot about simplifying but often it ends up more complicated. I wonder, too, how my ungifting Christmas will affect my family. I like to think that it is just about me, but it does affect others. It’s that pebble casting ripples through the universe. Christmas is not where I want that effect to work. I do not want to be the Scrooge who ruins everyone’s Christmas. But to be authentic, you have to be brave and do what you say you want. I’m doing it.

Now it is time for our walk.