Falling Off Cliffs

Posted on August 15, 2026 by hafong

It rained last night. The earth is quenched and sated. I am relaxed – for awhile. One never knows what lies ahead. The other day I was a heartbeat away from being in an accident. I was on the way to my father’s house to meet with the palliative care nurse. Everything happened so fast it is hard to described. A car came flying and crashing to a stop in the intersection in front of me. There was a lot of noise, dust and falling parts. Most of it from the car. I saw parts of the passenger side and the front end falling apart in front of my eyes. It was like watching a Bugs Bunny cartoon of the road runner chasing Wile E. Coyote to a cliff.

These days I quite feel like that coyote who’s always the one that falls over the cliff in a cloud of dust. Though I do manage to pick myself up and dust myself off, I don’t quite have the resilience of a phoenix rising from the ashes. I am getting tired of the routine. I want a change up. I need a new repertoire. How to start? How do I get a new program? This is where Google and AI are helpful. Here’s what I found:

To reprogram your mind, use a three-part process: build daily awareness of old habits, use repetition like visualization or affirmations to create new neural pathways, and take aligned action to lock in the change.

I am good at recognizing my need for change. I’m also good at finding resources on how to do it. What I am not great at is following through. I’m an expert at going down the same old streets and falling off cliffs. I have changed all that now, speaking in the affirmative. I am going down different streets that don’t lead to cliffs. I am not creating a cloud of dust and a mountain of ashes. I am risen.

Art for the Heart

Posted on August 12, 2026 by hafong

August 12th, another day waiting to begin. I am stuck again on how to start. So I am sitting, sipping and trying to tap. I am not expecting a flow of words, ideas or wisdom. It is not the right mindset for success or a beginning. Bruce Lipton would say it is a wrong program. Caroline Myss would say, put your head in the toilet. I don’t want to hear you say that again!

I have learned a few things from reading all those self-help books after all! I don’t want to put my head in the toilet so let me write a new program. Let me tell a new story. It won’t be easy. Old stories are hard to let go/get out of. It requires new thoughts, new eyes and a different voice. I will try to get off my gerbil wheel. It goes nowhere but round and round. And who wants that, eh?

Sunday we got into the truck and made a road trip to see the 2026 Thickwood Hills Studio Trail art tour. Thickwood Hills area is nature’s giant masterpiece of rolling hills, wetlands, small lakes, grassy meadows, and poplar/aspen forests. The art tour consist of 19 stops. We could fit in only 6 stops: #3, #7, #15, #16 and #17. The last stop being the Larks Restaurant in Shell Lake before heading home to Saskatoon.

The art tour was started by Rigmore Clarke 25 years ago. She is the owner of the Forest Raven Studio. She is 90+ old, painting since she was 10 years old in Sweden and is still painting today. Her life and passion is an inspiration to me.

Cloudy Sunday Mutterings

Posted on April 19, 2026 by hafong

It’s disheartening to wake up to another grey morning. I try to not let the world weigh me down. But it is difficult watching what is unfolding in the U.S. I think the whole world is weighed down watching and so far unable to stop it. It is not in our country but it is affecting us universally. And it could happen in this country and others if we let it. Evil and corruption have no boundaries. I am surprised and shocked at the magnitude of it. I have been very niave. What a waker upper.

The count down has started. 11 days left in the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I wonder where my fellow bloggers are. We are dwindling in numbers. This April round has been the lowest. I’ve missed a day here and there. Some days I don’t feel like showing up at all but I do, somehow. I don’t have a business or a page to promote. I haven’t kept up with my hobbies either. I can’t crow about #the100dayproject. I haven’t been sewing my quilt squares like I said I would. The Index-Card-a Day Challenge is coming up in June. I think I will sit this one out, too. It’s time to do different but I might change my mind. I don’t want to quit everything and disappear.

Spring is slow this year. It came and went. More snow came. I hope it’s over now. The good news is that the maple sap is running and boiling is underway in many regions. I have good news in the greenhouse also. Everybody survived the couple of nights of chilly temperatures. The lettuce, spinach and Chinese greens are popping up and doing well. This gives me some cheer and hope for another day.

Fascination

Posted on April 4, 2026 by hafong

It is a sunny April 4th. I’m always fascinated how the morning and sun changes everything. the world is not quite so dark and I don’t feel quite as bad. I think my cold broke during the night and I am heading towards feeling better and better. Though the world is not better but even worse today, it is fascination that I feel. In Caroline Myss words, we are living in the age of the unthinkable and unimaginable.

Aren’t you just fascinated watching how Donald Trump, the President of the United States and Pete Hegseth, the Secretary of War are behaving and talking? Aren’t you just fascinated that they are running a war? It isn’t a Hollywood movie though it feels much like one. Most of all, I am fascinated that I am so focused on all this whereas before I had no interest in politics. I am really just an artsy fartsy person at heart. Perhaps I am waking up to the world around me. It is time for me to pay some attention and do whatever I can to help.

It is Easter weekend here in the Americas. We’re thinking about turkeys and hams. Then I think about the ‘they’ in the Middle East. I’m thinking of the civilians. Their country is being bombed. In my mind’s eye, I see the rubble falling on the children’s heads. It must be so terrifying. And here I sit, safe and comfortable, in my sunroom. I am not feeling the pain or trauma of life torn apart.

Perhaps I am too serious. Perhaps I shouldn’t be saying all this. But this is who I am. It is hard for me to be silent on things that matter to me. I am often surprised I still keep talking my heart when I get misunderstood and do not get much support. As I’ve often said myself, I am like a dog with a bone. I used to think that as a negative trait. I beat myself up on it. My vision has changed and I quite like that part of me now. Isn’t life fascinating – how it and we can change?

Handing it out every day

Posted on February 14, 2026 by hafong

February 14th, a sunny Valentine’s Day. Will you be mine? For some reason I am remembering years back, in grade school. We used to cut out valentines and give them out to each other. It seemed like such a lovely and innocent idea, handing out love. I wonder if it is still done in schools. I wonder why we can’t do that every day, hand out love. There are so many ways. They don’t have to be elaborate and it doesn’t have to be restricted to February 14. We could do it any day or even every day. Wouldn’t that be something? What would the world be like? What would I be like?

Why don’t I try it and see what happens? I am tired of being the tired old me. It isn’t easy as pie to change. One tiny change changes everything and it isn’t always a comfortable fit. I quickly slip back into my well worn comfortable boots. I sigh with relief and ask myself, why try to fight it? Days pass. The comfortable boots no longer bring relief and I scold myself. I need to break in new boots. I need patience. I need to keep trying. The fight continues.

I need to think different thoughts. I need to speak different words. I need to see different visions. I want different outcomes. I want to have different feelings. I will hand out a valentine a day.

On Sadness

Posted on February 13, 2026 by hafong

I’m feeling incredibly sad in the moment. I am going to sink into it and use it for a rest. I am not going to berate myself for not being a better person and rise above it. True, it is a beautiful day. The sun is shining and the temperature is way above normal for February. I can appreciate all that. At the same time, I know what it tells us about climate change and global warming. It depresses me to no end that some people still think that it is a hoax while I feel our world is ending.

I know, I know, I am way too glum and serious. I acknowledge that but some people are way too glib. I am also a bit under the weather because of all the melting snow. Whether it is too early or not for snow molds, I’ve been experiencing watery eyes, runny nose and fits of dry harsh coughing. I’ve been worried about getting sick like the previous year. I’ve been crossing my fingers and toes. So far, so good. I’m over the worse of it and recovering. Sad as I am, I can still appreciate life and this morning’s beautiful sunrise.

Did I tell you that change is hard? If I hadn’t, I am telling you now. It is very hard and uncomfortable. But it is a whole lot better for me to consciously change than to leave the change to everything and everyone around me. I want to be the director and the captain of my ship. I take responsibility and can’t blame anyone except myself.

I have never found it much help talking to another about feelings. Most people, instead of just listening and accepting, tend to want to explain and fix. It doesn’t work for me because it makes me feel unheard, that there’s something wrong with my feelings. Therefore it makes me feel worse. However, now that I’ve wrestled with and discovered how it makes me feel, I’m feeling better. I am not as sad. There’s light at the end of the keyboard.

The Next Thing to Do

Posted on January 28, 2026 by hafong

A cloudy misty January 28th. Only -18℃. Almost tropical weather for us northern snowbirds. My head feels a bit like pillow stuffings. I had one of those sleepless nights, not terribly restless but not restful either. I probably slept too much the other night. Didn’t go to the gym yesterday either. Then there’s all that thinking and ruminating. I was never any good at solving human problems. I was never any good at communications. I was never good at being open and clear. I hate hurting people’s feelings. I end up hurting my own. I think I am what you would call a self-suffering fool.

You know what they say about fools. They keep doing the same thing, expecting a different outcome. I’m guilty of that. I’ve been trying to unbecome myself for a long time with no luck. I’ve read Joe Dispenza’s Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself a couple of times. I’m still the same self-suffering fool. Knowledge without real work does not create long lasting change. So I continue to experience these episodes of suffering and sleepless nights. I guess it’s not a bad thing. It wakes me up. I need to change my ways. I need to stop doing the same old, same old. I have to shake things up a little. Discomfort for everyone can be illuminating.

Learning in Stuck

Posted on December 11, 2025 by hafong

How quickly time flies. While I was stuck in November, December came, bringing with it colder temperatures and clouds. I can almost hear those Christmas bells ringing and Santa and his herd of reindeer on the roof. I really am not fond of the festive season because there’s this pressure to feel festive. I’ve never ever been up to that task. I have never voiced it because it is something you’re not suppose to say or feel.

Now I don’t really care. It feels good to get it off my chest. It’s time to shed the shackles of shame and pretense. I’ve never felt great about the Christmas season even though I fell in with the general population. I did the tree, decorations and gifting for many years. It was exhausting hunting for the perfect gifts, the wrapping and all. Now, I’ve stopped doing all that. It no longer works for me. What works still is spending time with friends and family. Besides that, I don’t want anything for Christmas.

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I am still seriously and perhaps dangerously stuck in December. The days are getting shorter and darkness longer. I feel no burning desires to do anything aside from sipping tea. But I cannot just turn myself ‘off’ till spring. The least I can do is finish this post started days ago. It is snowing steadily outside my sunroom windows. The white brights up the grey morning. My pink garage door brightens up my mood.

No matter how I feel, I still get up, dress up and show up somehow. My best is not what it used to be but it will have to do for now. I haven’t made great strides in changing bad habits into better ones. I am still buried under a ton of chaos or that’s how I feel. It is true it is difficult/impossible for a zebra to change stripes. I have to remember I am not a zebra and I can change.

Reboot, Restart

Posted on June 21, 2025 by hafong

A grey drizzling kind of morning. Grateful to have a few of these days lately. Not alot of rainfall but all our water catchments are full. These mornings this spring/summer have been strange. They are still dark at 5/6 am whereas in normal times, I’m awaken by the sunlight already. It is what we have now. There is nothing to do but to carry on.

I made a tour of the greenhouse and garden while waiting for breakfast. The greenhouse is not exactly thriving. No crazy vines climbing to the roof yet. The snowpeas and lettuce were big performers in early spring. The lettuce have been removed for other things. The snowpeas are still performing but the leaves are turning colour. Don’t know whether it is their time or because of aphids. They’ve been causing trouble especially with the peppers and bitter melon. The peppers have made a slow recovery in the raised bed outside. I’m not so sure if I will get any bitter melons this year even though I’ve started and planted new ones. Time will tell.

I’m trying to make small changes in my morning routine to give myself a boost. I’ve stopped writing morning pages. They were not helping. I was focusing too much on my feelings and symptons. I was making deeper ruts to sink in. I see no harm in playing Spelling Bee and Wordle. They are relaxing and maybe exercising my brain a little. I have not been too successful with my goals for June. Not making a regular show on my keyboard might have something to do with it.

Some days are hard and I lose focus. Life is busy. There’s work everywhere. Sometimes I get overwhelmed. I tell myself it’s ok to stop and just hunker down. I just have to remember to push the RESTART button again and again. I’m still on top of the Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day Challenge. I didn’t get very far reading War and Peace but I can get back to it – later.

Words and Little Huge Acts

Posted on April 21, 2025 by hafong

It’s Easter Monday and light rain is falling upon us. It is much welcomed, quenching a thirsty earth and cleaning our dusty streets. I am at a loss for words so have been reading others’ in this April Ultimate Blog Challenge. One post directed me to Heather Cox Richardson’s April 18th post on Letters from an American on Paul Revere and Patriots Day. I found it quite interesting, having forgotten much of the history learned in high school. It was also very inspiring how what seemed like small acts were huge acts of bravery that changed the country and world.

I feel fortunate to experience these hopeful happy moments of inspiration, especially on a rainy day. No matter how dark I feel, there’s these sparks lighting my way. I always follow the light. I am also reminded not to stay stuck in the same old stories. Changes are happening all the time. It pays no heed to whether I like it or not. I must keep up, not to be left behind, muttering the same old, same old in my puddle. So I hope to be in the moment more often and not to repeat the same sad songs over and over.

I am thankful for this peaceful Easter. We had a very nice supper with all our family at Tsui King Lau Restaurant. The food was very good and so was the company. My father got to take home the leftovers, enough for a couple of days. For once he did not protest. I think he quite enjoyed the food. The restaurant had favourable reviews on Tripadvisor. The trick is to order ahead if going as a large group.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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