Wonky Weather and Me

Posted on May 18, 2026 by hafong

May 18th. No rain or snow today. But there is a yellow advisory – frost from Environment Canada. How strange! Going to the site, it says severity is moderate. Possible threat to life or property. Freezing temperatures with frost are expected tonight. I would say it is a little over the top. I’ve uncovered the 2 raised beds this morning. I am not sure I have the energy to cover them up again. I will live precariously and take my chances. Right now at 4:20 pm it is sunny at 11℃. In the greenhouse, it is 26.3℃. The vents are opened. I will open the door. Ventilation is good.

It’s hard to go out and do just one thing. I opened the greenhouse door. Then I put the green cart out for curbside pick up in the morning. The rain had left a pile of elm seeds on the walk. I spent some time sweeping them up to put in the green bin. I didn’t think I had the energy so I’m feeling good that I did it and not feeling done in. On the other hand, I’m not feeling terrific either. I don’t feel quite right. I wonder if it is the topsy turvy weather we’re having. I wonder how it affects us physically and emotionally.

I ask Google the question of how does wonky weather affect us physically and emotionally. It answers back with:

“Wonky weather shifts your body and mind out of equilibrium by forcing your biology to constantly adapt to sudden environmental changes. When barometric pressure drops, temperatures skyrocket, or sunlight vanishes, your nervous system, hormone levels, and cardiovascular system react directly.”

So it is not my fault and I am not just weird. Sudden weather changes can trigger bodily symptoms like joint pain and stiffness, headaches and migraines, respiratory issues, fatigue and lethargy. I have the joint pain and stiffness, fatigue and lethargy. Emotionally it can cause irritability and aggression, anxiety and restlessness, depressed mood and SAD, disturbed sleep. I have all of that. Aren’t I lucky? It is good to have confirmation that weather can affect us in these ways. I don’t have to blame myself, feeling deficient and weird.

Rainy, Snowy May Day

Posted on May 17, 2026 by hafong

May 17th. I woke to another snowy morning which turned into a rainy day. It’s hard to feel any hope for anything these days. But the moisture is welcomed. The garlic is loving it. The windows are getting washed without me doing anything. So never say there’s no hope. There is always hope. We just have to work to make it happen.

This morning reading the 2 Heathers, I almost cried over what is happening down south in the USA. One Heather reported on Kash Patel taking a VIP snorkel at USSA Arizona, a Pearl Harbour military cemetry. Both writes of the Selma march for black voting rights. Heather Cox Richardson gives a very detailed history account of the fight for voting rights for the blacks. The fight still has to go on in 2026. This is the part that makes me cry. We are still defined by the colour of our skin.

This is where I am on this rainy/snowy day. I am sleepy and lethargic. I feel discouraged with my weight loss effort though it is barely a week. I almost gave up with the black tea/coffee. I longed for a cup with cream and honey. I said almost. I didn’t give in. I feel small, small results. I’m not feeling as bloated. I’m ok with 1/2 cup cooked rice with my meals and smaller meat portions. I’m doing the veggies. I will hang in for another week and then see.

I’m not making huge progress in other areas either. I’ve long abandoned #the100dayproject of sewing log cabin quilt blocks. My Bernina sewing machine sits idle on the table with my mess of fabric scraps. I’ve been meaning to tidy all that and more but somehow it hasn’t happen. That could be my 100dayproject. I will start it today. I am going to start it today.

May Day and Hope

Posted on May 3, 2026 by hafong

April is gone. Today is May 3. I meant to show up 2 days ago but I never made it. Some days are easier than others. Today is not one of those. The sky is cloudy. I’m heavy with it. I’m saggy and draggy but I’ve started the day. I still start it reading the two Heathers. I’m also reading Nobody’s Girl now that I got it from the library. It’s no wonder that I’m weighed down.

I wish that I’m not so serious minded. I wish that I am more light hearted. But that is not who I am. Whether it is because of genetics or how life shaped me, it’s hard to know. It is probably both. It is not easy being an immigrant child of immigrant parents. Being the oldest is not a cake walk either. I bear/feel the brunt of the responsibility for helping them navigate in an English speaking country. Life was and has been a serious affair. There was/are good times and laughter but not the uproarious kind. Our lives always seemed to me to be smaller than others.

That’s my feelings growing up. You don’t shed those feelings of inadequacy easily. I haven’t. They’re still there somewhere just underneath my skin. Not that I feel like a failure. I know I have done very well. I am a well informed and educated person. I am financially independent. I am retired with many interestests. I am never bored. I am occasionally melancholy. Who isn’t, especially in these times?

And so I come to this space to tap out my melancholy, my angst and sometimes my joys and excitement. I do get those happy exuberant feelings once in awhile, too. It must have been what I felt yesterday. They carried me through a whole day of gardening. I repotted seedlings, cleaned out 3 raised beds in the back yard. I planted 3 cucumbers in the greenhouse and 7 celery in the raised bed. Hope I wasn’t over eager and too early. Hope is a good antidote for melancholy.

How I Am Doing

Posted on April 26, 2026 by hafong

We’re almost at the end of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Perhaps it’s a good time to see how I have done. Though I haven’t shown up every day, I have been here most days lately. My big goal was to have fun. I am not sure if I am having fun or not. It has been challenging to motivate myself to come to the keyboard. I worked to get here each day. It is good discipline.

I am melancholic by nature. I work to not let it kill the joy in life. Melancholy is not a bad thing. It is restful if I don’t fight it. And so I let go of forcing myself to be bubbling over with joy and excitement. I let myself feel sad but I try not to sit with it. I get up and move. I try to use the time to do the things I’ve been putting off. Things that require no thinking, like cleaning the humidifier, putting in a load of laundry, vacuuming the floor, taking out the trash, writing a post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

So, I have a head start on my post this morning, having started it last night. I have a head start on my day. It’s nice to start the day with a clean house/slate. I am not behind. As usual I started the morning reading Heather Delaney Reese and Heather Cox Richardson on what’s going on politically in the U.S. It’s not very uplifting and probably not good for my mental health. I feel I have to stay informed on what’s happening in the world. And I am fascinated by Trump and his people and how they could operate the way they do. Their corruption is sickening. It is important people see it. And so I read every morning.

It is another morning in April. My world is still white but there’s no fresh snow. The greenhouse went down to 2.8℃ last night. It’s up to 3.8℃ now. Hoping for some sunshine soon. Looks like we have to wait till tomorrow.

After the Snow

Posted on April 18, 2026 by hafong

It’s sunshine after the snow of yesterday. I always find the abrupt change in the weather hard on my physical body. Today was no exception even though I welcome the sunshine. My body was not happy and I feIt like screaming. I felt distraught. Even my teeth hurt. I took a tylenol and held my silence. I took a short nap.

There’s things like the weather that I don’t have control over. They teach me not to waste time and energy on things I can’t change. I do the best I can, moving one foot in front of the other. I learn to change my thoughts and the way I see things. They are hard lessons but slowly I am learning and changing. It is better to be silent and listen first before speaking. It is best not to lose my temper. I am learning to love the words of Rudyard Kipling.

If you can keep your head when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    ⁠And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    ⁠Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
    ⁠And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

That was yesterday. I did not have enough in me to finish the post. Today is cloudy again with snow flurries at -1℃. The sun is trying to shine as I am typing. In the greenhouse, it is 8.7℃. Perhaps spring will come and stay soon. Meanwhile the world is still uncertain.

Cloudy Day Chatter

Posted on April 13, 2026 by hafong

A cloudy Monday morning. I’m feeling pretty good after experiencing one cold after another since the beginning of February. I should not speak too soon. I might jinx myself. While it was not a life threatening thing, it wore away at me. My attitude and physical being deteriorated. I was often grumpy and snarly. My weight didn’t ballooned but it grew for lack of exercise. I don’t know which I hate more – a double chin or a big belly. Now I am working on how to improve both my attitude and body weight.

The thought of work made me instantly sleepy. I want to have a cup of coffee and a snack. I don’t have a strong sense of will power. I often give in but today I am resisting. I will get up, dress up and go for a walk. I will finish this when I come back. The fresh air and exercise will do me good.

I’m back after a little walk to the nearby shopping center. I stopped at the Asian Market for some baby bok choy and a check in at my father’s. I’m having a drink of orange flavoured metamucil. It is good for fiber, to support heart health and regulate sugar levels. My purpose is to suppress appetite for weight loss. We shall see if it works. It doesn’t taste too bad. I’m taking one teaspoon in a cup of water once a day. I’m not sure if I can/want to do more than that.

I have a discipline problem. I’m thinking of that one short bread cookie that is left. I might as well have it with a cup of coffee after I’m finished my metamucil drink. My dining room table is once more cleared. We had company for supper the other night. It seemed that’s the only way I can clear my clutter. Now that it is cleared, I will practice putting things away each night. I’m getting a workout just putting this post together. I’m getting sleepy again. Time for a nap now.

Fascination

Posted on April 4, 2026 by hafong

It is a sunny April 4th. I’m always fascinated how the morning and sun changes everything. the world is not quite so dark and I don’t feel quite as bad. I think my cold broke during the night and I am heading towards feeling better and better. Though the world is not better but even worse today, it is fascination that I feel. In Caroline Myss words, we are living in the age of the unthinkable and unimaginable.

Aren’t you just fascinated watching how Donald Trump, the President of the United States and Pete Hegseth, the Secretary of War are behaving and talking? Aren’t you just fascinated that they are running a war? It isn’t a Hollywood movie though it feels much like one. Most of all, I am fascinated that I am so focused on all this whereas before I had no interest in politics. I am really just an artsy fartsy person at heart. Perhaps I am waking up to the world around me. It is time for me to pay some attention and do whatever I can to help.

It is Easter weekend here in the Americas. We’re thinking about turkeys and hams. Then I think about the ‘they’ in the Middle East. I’m thinking of the civilians. Their country is being bombed. In my mind’s eye, I see the rubble falling on the children’s heads. It must be so terrifying. And here I sit, safe and comfortable, in my sunroom. I am not feeling the pain or trauma of life torn apart.

Perhaps I am too serious. Perhaps I shouldn’t be saying all this. But this is who I am. It is hard for me to be silent on things that matter to me. I am often surprised I still keep talking my heart when I get misunderstood and do not get much support. As I’ve often said myself, I am like a dog with a bone. I used to think that as a negative trait. I beat myself up on it. My vision has changed and I quite like that part of me now. Isn’t life fascinating – how it and we can change?

Hello April

Posted on April 1, 2026 by hafong

It is another beginning of a new month. The world feels like one big April Fools prank. I wish it was. Then I could laugh and be merry. Alas, it isn’t so! There’s real bombs going off. The world now is a crazy place full of crazy people. I shall have to buckle up my shoes, pull up my socks and do the best I can. Today is also the first day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge for April. My goals are to show up each day with a post and to have fun at it. I’ve been very much obsessed with what is happening in the U.S.A and the Middle East. It hasn’t been a feeling good activity but hard to stop. It hasn’t been good for my mental health or my brain. Fun could be good therapy.

It is strange for me to talk of ‘having fun’ since I am a super serious person by nature. Perhaps this is a month to experiment with ‘having fun’. It could be my new grand adventure. I don’t think I will be trying any bungee jumping or jumping out of airplanes type of fun things. I think I would rather dabble in more tame activities that would bring me simple pleasure. One fun thing I’ve discovered lately is an afternoon nap. I’m not used to laying down in the middle of the day. At first it was uncomfortable, taking some time for me to relax and settle in. To my surprise I was able to drift off to sleep and then waking up on my own. The whole process took only half an hour. I felt so good and rested after. It disrupted my scrolling addiction for awhile.

It is therapeutic and fun to muck about in the greenhouse. It is warm enough afternoons now that I can while the cares away for an hour or so in there. Another ‘fun’ thing for me is writing. I love stringing words together to see what stories I can tell. Words help me make sense of the world. Words helps me to vent. They give me comfort and love. These are very good reasons to participate in the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It also gives me an opportunity to meet other writers and read from their point of view. It is always good to be part of a community.

There’s a Crack in Everyone/Everything

Posted on March 21, 2026 by hafong

A very grey March afternoon. The plus temperatures have melted much of the snow. There’s water everywhere. There is snow in the forecast for the next three days. I have been stuck for the last while but I don’t know where. I’m not going forward or backward. I am resigned and not fighting it. Because what is the use? How can I fight this unknown thing, condition, feeling? What could I fight it with?

Not much snow came. It is morning. Another grey day. I am not quite as downcast. I have to say that our world is broken. There is a crack in everything and everyone. I am not sure if that’s where the light comes in. I do not feel apologetic about my ‘negative’ but appropriate mood. To feel otherwise would be unnatural and denying reality. I no longer buy into the myth of “I can rise above everything.” Sometimes I can’t and it is ok. There is nothing wrong with me. I do not need to fix myself. I do not need counselling or medication. Life is not always a bed of roses.

Like Donald Trump, I have no plans on how to move forward. But I am not impulsive. I have no energy to do anything rash. I am not reckless by nature. Yesterday, driving to Tim Horton’s for a large coffee was exciting enough for me. Being in a coffeehouse wafting with aromas of coffee and baking and bustling with customers helped to reset my mood from gloom to a brighter hue. Today, I plan to work in the greenhouse, cleaning it of what remains of last year’s growth. It is warm enough now to seed some lettuce and spinach. I think I can manage that.

Now it is almost time to think about making lunch.

Pulling Myself Up

Posted on March 15, 2026 by hafong

Photo by Ali Alcu00e1ntara on Pexels.com

A sunny March 15th. I think I shall live after all. I woke up feeling fine with just a small cough and not drowning in mucus. I can’t say enough how fine healthy feels. I was very worried for a few days. I am celebrating with a second cup of tea. Here’s to our health! I’m putting the ‘hard stuff’ behind me. I’m looking forward to spring and the new growing season. My onion seedlings are doing nicely. They’ve had their first haircut. The celery will need to be transplanted soon or they will get too leggy. In another week or so they can all be moved into the greenhouse.

However, afternoons are still tough for me. My energy and positivity vanished, replaced by a low grade depression. I hope it won’t last 2 years like Google says. Perhaps I should not call it a low grade depression or what is medically termed as Dysthymia. I certainly don’t think I need medication or professional help. I feel better alrlealdy by going out for a cup of tea and a bit of chocolate cake at the nearby bookstore. A change of scenery seemed to have chase the fatigue away. Now if I can totally get rid of this damn cold. If all the bad people involved in the Epstein Files get what they deserved and if Donald Trump get impeached, it would help my mental health alot. While I’m with the ifs, it would be nice if there was no fake news.

There are too many if(s). The world is a whole shit load of a mess. It’s hard not to get depressed. I need to get my head out of it. I need more mornings and less afternoons. I need to pull myself up by the bootstraps. I need to write different words and different thoughts. I can do it.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

Tag Archives: mental-health