Tag Archives: challenges

May Day and Hope

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April is gone. Today is May 3. I meant to show up 2 days ago but I never made it. Some days are easier than others. Today is not one of those. The sky is cloudy. I’m heavy with it. I’m saggy and draggy but I’ve started the day. I still start it reading the two Heathers. I’m also reading Nobody’s Girl now that I got it from the library. It’s no wonder that I’m weighed down.

I wish that I’m not so serious minded. I wish that I am more light hearted. But that is not who I am. Whether it is because of genetics or how life shaped me, it’s hard to know. It is probably both. It is not easy being an immigrant child of immigrant parents. Being the oldest is not a cake walk either. I bear/feel the brunt of the responsibility for helping them navigate in an English speaking country. Life was and has been a serious affair. There was/are good times and laughter but not the uproarious kind. Our lives always seemed to me to be smaller than others.

That’s my feelings growing up. You don’t shed those feelings of inadequacy easily. I haven’t. They’re still there somewhere just underneath my skin. Not that I feel like a failure. I know I have done very well. I am a well informed and educated person. I am financially independent. I am retired with many interestests. I am never bored. I am occasionally melancholy. Who isn’t, especially in these times?

And so I come to this space to tap out my melancholy, my angst and sometimes my joys and excitement. I do get those happy exuberant feelings once in awhile, too. It must have been what I felt yesterday. They carried me through a whole day of gardening. I repotted seedlings, cleaned out 3 raised beds in the back yard. I planted 3 cucumbers in the greenhouse and 7 celery in the raised bed. Hope I wasn’t over eager and too early. Hope is a good antidote for melancholy.

Let Go a little, Live a Little

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Some days I am just sick of everything. Today is one of those days. I am sick to death of the Epstein files, Deepak Chopra and Donald Trump. I am also sick of myself for not being able to resist on clicking on those links. I’m so disappointed that we are all such flawed human beings.

That was yesterday. Today I am really sick with scratchy throat and coughing. I am not feeling bad yet. Here’s the hope that it will pass quickly with endless cups of chrysanthemum tea, lozenges and tylenol. I am trying to improve my mental outlook, too. I can’t heal feeling pissed about everything. So, I’m pulling up my socks and cleansing my thoughts. But first I have to say this. I really do not like all those feel good ‘gurus’ who are suppose to inspire us. I can’t believe that I was such a huge fan of Oprah back in the good old days. Now I can’t stand the sight of her and her gushy gushy ways. She was more real when she was fat.

I’m trying to rescue myself from the misery I find myself in today. I no longer believe or trust anyone else with my own well-being. We are all capable of deceiving ourselves and others for whatever and any reasons. I’m disappointed in learning this at this late stage in life. But it’s better late than never. I’m having another cup of chrysanthemum tea while the roomba robot vacuum is sweeping the kitchen floor. It’ll be nice to walk on a smooth instead of a gritty floor. Physical comfort is conducive to well-being.

I will not attempt any heroic measures in self-improvement today. I will try to accept myself as I am. Maybe that in itself is a heroic act. I am into #the100project today. My plan was to sew a logcabin quilt block a day. I’ve only done 3 ½ blocks so far. I take challenges seriously. This definitely is not up to my standard. Maybe it’s time and good that I lower my standards a little. Let go and live a little would make a good motto. I’ve proven I can live up to challenges for many years now. Last year I drew and painted 100 teacups, the year before I did 100 sketches from our family album. I’ve proven my mettle. I don’t need to do it anymore.

Acedia and Me

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A sunny morning for the 30th of September. So many things to do and yet I am stuck, not knowing how to start. I couldn’t very well take a run at it, not knowing what and how. Worse of all I don’t feel like it. I’m feeling what the Greeks call acedia, the inability to care. It’s no stranger to me but it’s the first time I’ve encounter the word that describes it so well. I have to give much thanks for Kathleen Norris and her book Acedia & Me: A Marriage, Monks, and a Writer’s Life.

I do feel a wee better now that I’ve spoken out. I’ve broken the ice and can take a run at things. It’s the last day of September. It’s a agood bye to the old and hello to October tomorrow. It will be a start for another month of the Ultimate Blog Challlenge. I’m limbering up my fingers and shaking awake my brain. I tend to be a mental as well as a spiritual sloth. How can I motivate myself to wake, care and feel passion for all that is in the here and now? Perhaps that will be my theme to explore for the next month.

Prickly

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I’m feeling a bit prickly like the cactus I drew and painted this morning for the Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day Challenge. I’ve been busy as a beaver with the weeds in the garden, harvesting, blanching and freezing peas and more peas. There’s lots more coming. So I am tired. Then I get another airduct cleaning scam phone calls. I get them almost daily, more than once daily. The thing to do is to hang up but sometimes I get angry. Today I got angry. I hate myself when I try to get to the bottom of something. There are no bottoms and I get madder.

One of the reasons I write often is to soothe my ruffled feathers. The rhythmic tapping on the keyboard is almost like a pacemaker,putting my nervous system back on track. I hate it when I’m out of kelter. I lose and waste so much energy to these kinds of episodes. When I am aware of what is happening, I try to channel the energy into something useful. Often the easiest thing to do is washing the dishes. Writing a post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge is another way. It is not as easy or quick. I have to sit myself down before the keyboard, quiet my mind and find words and ideas. On busy days it is very hard. It is the most satisfying when I can push through all the road blocks and make it happen.

There’s 2 more days left in the UBC and the Daisy Yellow Index Card Challenge. I have to admit I am not feeling very excited or motivated at the moment. These moments are very challenging. I know I can somehow push through. There needs a beginning, a middle and an ending. It’s a long and tedious journey. It’s ok to sag in the middle but I need to cross the finish line. I’m giving it all my effort.

June

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What can I say about June? I’m all out of words. This is perhaps not the best time of day to be engaging. I’m tired from a day of gardening and my blood sugar is low. I feel morose and discouraged. I am unable to resist another cup of coffee and some crackers with peanut butter. I am still doing ok. It’s only my 2nd cup and not my 3rd or 4th. Peanut butter is a good protein, food for my brain.

I want to continue my journey here. It’s good for my mental health to have a space to mutter and utter my angst. It’s good to show up for the first day of the month. It’s starting off on the right foot. May was a good month for me. I set intentions for the month to work on developing better habits. Intentions are helpful. They give me a sense of direction so I am not so lost in the wilderness. For June and July I have another art challenge – daisy yellow index card a day challenge, making art on an index card for 61 days. I’m still working on #the100dayproject. I have 9 more teacups to go. For a reading challenge, I’m reading Tolstoy’s War and Peace. Deemed to be the greates novel of all time, it intrigued me. I shall see for myself.

These are some of my plans for June and July. Tiny, easy and simple are still my key words. I also have to feel good about doing these things. Importantly, I will celebrate every little success. I think this is enough for now. My words are not flowing easily or smoothly.

Pulling Up My Bootstraps

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The longer I loll in bed, the harder it is to rise. I bit the bullet, whip off the covers and sat up. No matter what I was feeling, I dressed up, sat on the toilet, washed my face and showed up for breakfast. It was a good one this morning, omelette and toast. I didn’t have to make it either. I’m pulling myself up by the bootstraps. Stand tall, feel better.

Life is good. It is good to have challenges to get the day going. I’ve posted for #the100dayproject as well as for April Love 2025 both on FB and Instagram. It is a photo challenge to a word prompt for each day in April. I have bread dough proofing in the oven. Now I am trying to get this post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge written. It is day 5 and I’m still here! It is easier to keep the momentum going by showing up every day. A little dab will do it. I choose short and easy.

Retrieving My Soul

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There’s a rhythm in having a daily routine, in having some daily challenges no matter how small they are. Life is no small thing. It’s a big deal just getting out of bed in the morning for me in these times. I find myself lingering and lingering, burrowing into my covers. I find myself wondering what the heck happened to the me who couldn’t wait for the morning, the night before. The thought then does propel me out of bed. That action starts the ritual of getting dressed, washing face, brushing teeth and showing up.

The memories of sunnier times, of well being helps me going forward to find and retrieve my spirit, my soul and purpose. So I draw and paint my teacup for the day. I write these few words for today’s post. It’s a good beginning for the day.

Start Where I am

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Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

I’m back, trying to tap out a few words, a few thoughts. It is not easy. It is damn difficult starting…anything. It’s torture actually trying to find an opening. So, I’ll just start where I am. It is almost April. I’ve signed up for the April Ultimate Blog Challenge. Challenges have a way of giving me a boost. I’m warming up and flexing my fingers for the keyboard. I need not be clever. I need not be profusive. I just need a few thoughts and a few sentences.

Life has been bumpty, with more than just a few twists and turns. I’m not here to tell sob stories but they might spill out just the same. I’m here to get out of those ruts and puddles and back to the flow of life. I’m hoping to tap out some insights and solutions. I’m hoping to get back some oomph. I’ve been a dishrag for too many months now. I don’t wear dishrags well. I hope to inspire myself.

While I was dumbstruck this morning, I seeded some kohlrabi and cabbage. I soaked some bitter melon seeds for easier germination. Then I washed some dishes. It’s better to do something, anything rather than being stuck motionless. Now I’m on the way. I’ve broken the ice. I hope my words will flow for the April writing challenge.

Wordless Wednesday

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Thank God for Wordless Wednesdays! Today is super challenging and here I am, enrolled in all these volunteered challenges. For one thing, today feels super hot after endless grey, rainy and cool weather. I should be jumping up and down with joy BUT…I’m feeling lackadasical. I don’t think I can find myself out of a wet paper bag.

But I have to show up somehow. I mean, I can’t just fold up and hide away. Well, I suppose I could but what would that say about me? Hmmm. I muttered to myself and went out in the world anyways. What can I say when my mother asks me to get her 2 cans of chicken broth? I went and got her 2 cans of chicken broth and some other goodies. The outing did cheered me somewhat. And so did painting 2 little index cards for my Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day Challenge. They’re not great art but they are cheery.

Looks like I’m not wordless after all. The other challenge I have is much harder. It is getting rid of those damned creeping bellflowers that is all over my front year. And to think I did it to myself because someone said they’re good groundcover and have pretty blue flowers. The downside is they choke out everything and very, very hard to eliminate. Have a look. Some failures. Some success. Like everything in life. But this is the year. The first photo is of an area loaded with bellflowers. Subsequent photos of small areas I’ve cleared most of them. Of course they do come back, especially after a rain. I try to keep on top.

This bed is loaded with creeping bellflowers.

Well, this was very wordy. I guess I had to get it out.

UBC DAY 5 – Pink Elephant

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Besides this writing challenge, I’m halfway through the Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day Challenge. I’ve been doing that for a few years with very smooth sailing this year. Words conjure up pictures and pictures evoke words. It creates a very happy creative space for me. I’m working a day ahead with the word prompt ‘imaginary‘. The picture that popped up in my head was a pink elephant. We all know that the only pink elephants that exist are in our imagination/hallucination. We can’t really see it but we surely feels the weight of it. Yet most of us do not speak of it.

I’m a bit of an exception, being contrary and all that. My experiences of pointing out the pink elephant in the room have been all negative. It did not help one tiny bit but caused friction and rift in my relationships. My advice is to just paint them. Do not address them verbally. Just know that all the parties are aware of that pink elephant in the room. Being wiser now, if I see a pink elephant I would walk out and go into a different room.