Scrooge

‘TIS THE SEASON

‘Tis the season is in the air. And Covid-19 is the gift that keeps giving but is it the gift we want? Today the stats in our province are 1 death and 283 new cases. Perhaps it is a good time to rethink Christmas and gifting. Perhaps it is a good opportunity for all of us to exam what Christmas means. Perhaps the best gift this year is distance. It could save lives and our economy. It would mean less new cases mushrooming out of control. We would get back to ‘normal’ quicker. It would mean getting back to ‘business’ again. Less strain on the healthcare system. Less strain on everyone. So why aren’t we doing it?

I feel like I’m the original scrooge. I am. Christmas does not really work for me any more? Did it ever? I was not born into this culture. We did not celebrate Christmas. I did not have birthday presents and parties either. When I was a child in China, I got a boiled egg and a chicken drumstick on my birthday. They were considered a treat. When we came to Canada, we adopted some of the western traditions to fit in. I’m not sure that I ever felt it worked. I still felt lacking on these occasions.

Now that I’m all grown up and more, I don’t feel the need to pretend. Covid-19 is giving me and everyone of us the opportunity to come out of the closet. This opportunity is a good thing. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not celebrating Covid-19. I’ve been in a bit of a difficult patch lately. It’s been colouring all mine and probably your days, too. You can’t help but talk about it when you’re in conversation with your family and friends. It is not at all uplifting or relaxing but you can’t stop.

I’m trying to stop: letting Covid colour my thoughts and days; being a hardcore scrooge. I’m going for a softer heart and more joy. I don’t believe there is a Santa Claus. My name is not Virginia. And I can’t believe that there is a man God up in the sky. So what do I believe in? Where do I go from here? To be continue….

EVEN THOUGH

I’m sitting here, feeling blank, not knowing where to start. I wonder how I got here. Where do I begin? At the beginning, of course. But where is that? This morning I went to my exercise class even though I didn’t feel like it. There are so many things that I don’t feel like doing – like putting up a Christmas tree or any other ornaments. And I haven’t. The only thing I have is a poinsetta that was given to us. Oh yes, the cyclamen with its red blooms looks very festive, if I may say so. It was a fine model for a painting. It sat very still for me. Then there’s the neighbours across the street. Their picture window is strung with Christmas lights. I get to see and enjoy them. I am not lacking in Christmas cheer even though I’m a bit of a Mrs. Humbug.

Last night two images popped into my head as I laid in bed. It was the moments before sleep overtook me. The first image was when I was a child in China. It was New Year’s Eve. I was in bed. Downstairs my mother, grandmother and ‘aunties’ are making and cooking pastry. I could see them tending the fire, feeding in more straw and twigs. The second image was of when we were in Ghana. Again I was in bed in the loft of the lodge. The ocean waves are washing in and out. The lighthouse light flashing across the window opening. I am feeling safe, warm and content in all these places as I am drifting off to sleep.

Our present times are uncertain and difficult. So much confusion and violence. But when have they not been? It seem so much more now that we are in the energy age. Bad news travel at a blink of an eye and a snap of your fingers. I am easily influenced. I soak up the negative like a sponge. Even though sometimes I can’t help but feel hopeless and despondent, I still have a little spark in me. That little spark keeps me going like the Eveready battery. Despite myself and even though I’m a bit of a Scrooge, I’m like that Little Drummer Boy. I’ll keep playing my drum.

CLICKASNAP, SHEBA AND MR. SCROOGE

A full stomach and sunshine makes me satisfied and sleepy. Somebody else is that way, too. Sheba is curled up peacefully on her bed. I should not speak too soon. You know how that can jinx a situation. Shhhh!

Yesterday I came upon someone’s post about Clickasnap, a photo sharing site that allows free hosting of your photos and opportunity of sharing and earning some money. It all sounds great as I have had to upgrade my free WordPress plan to a paid personal one because I ran out of storage space. Clickasnap sounded like the perfect soloution. But on second thought after reading about it, it sounded complicated to my non-techy brain. It would take me a long time to figure it out.

I will perhaps keep it in mind to investigate at my leisure. Since my plan gives me priority support, I might ask the Happiness Engineers about it. That would be time consuming, too. I really want to concentrate on my writing. My free plan lasted 5 years before I ran out of space. If I am not such a clutterbug, had organized my photos and not duplicated many of them, I am sure my storage space would be fine. It pays to be more organized. I will not fret about it. $5/month will help keep me in line. I will be watching my GBs closely and editing and labelling photos.

The furry monster has woken and has ears on back of her head. She hears people on the street from the back of the house. She can hear me peel a banana in another room. She barks alot and loudly. We have another hour to go before her supper. We’ll see how patient and consistent we are today. I have the kettle on for another cup of tea. Somehow that always help. It’s better than lighting up another cigarette like the olden days.

We are making good progress. Sheba knows the drill now. She is whimpering softly but she is obediently doing her ‘down.’  She is very cute and causes me to smile with her little whimper. It is hard to resist her but I do. I know she is not that hungry. Only 3 more minutes before chow time. She gives another little whimper.

So it goes. 3:00 pm. She forgets herself and rushes at the bowl. I almost forgot, too but admonishes her. She sits back and waits till I’m finished pouring her kibbles and gives her ‘okay’. See how easily things can slide back if you are not paying attention?

It is the first of December. I have been thinking about Christmas. I have done away with the gifting part of it. How will I celebrate it? How can I make it meaningful and joyous? And exactly what is its true meaning? We talk so much about it. We talk a lot about simplifying but often it ends up more complicated. I wonder, too, how my ungifting Christmas will affect my family. I like to think that it is just about me, but it does affect others. It’s that pebble casting ripples through the universe. Christmas is not where I want that effect to work. I do not want to be the Scrooge who ruins everyone’s Christmas. But to be authentic, you have to be brave and do what you say you want. I’m doing it.

Now it is time for our walk.