I feel as if I’ve lost a lot of my mojos the last couple of years. I remember my mother telling me that at a certain age, she felt a change in the way she felt. With me, the change came with the passing of my mother. So here I am now, a year and 7 months since she’s left. I don’t feel pleasure in the things I used to do. After many years I’ve abandoned #the100dayproject and the Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day challenges. There’s not much pleasure in sharing photos either like I used to. I wonder where it all went.

Looking through my photo library, I see that I used to cook and bake frequently. Now it feels like so much work. Stirfry lunches are a rarity. My baking has been only my usual 6 loaves of bread. No muffins or cookies. Lately I’ve made a rhubarb cake and a sourdough loaf. I’m trying to tease the baking pleasure back into me. I think it is working. I’ve started 2 sourdough loaves this morning. One is with raisins. The other is with chia seeds. It is and isn’t alot of work. The thing is once you start something, you have to finish. That’s how I tease myself into getting things done.

Another thing I have to remember is if something grabs me, just go for it if I can. Otherwise the opportunity might not come again. For instance, in 2020, we had lost our fur baby, Sheba in May. It was a huge loss. In our grief, we did what we could to keep busy. We got this idea of building a greenhouse and grabbed onto it. The two spruce trees came down quickly and the greenhouse got built by late fall. I was excited to start planting in March. Loss propelled me into an exciting and meaningful project.

Life is a circle. This spring I didn’t feel too much zest for planting. But because I’m a seasoned gardener, I did it out of habit anyways. It still works even when I’m not enthused. Things do not have to be perfect or as good as before. It’s ok just by putting in an effort. Now I will have to close up shop. It’s getting into evening. I will have to prep my sourdough to chill overnight for baking tomorrow.