Seasons and Turning Points

I’m enjoying a second cup of tea on the deck. It’s my reward to myself this morning. I’ve gotten the sheets and pillow cases out of the dryer. They are folded and put away. It rained a bit overnight, not much because my sweater I left ontop of a bucket outside the greenhouse is still dry. The sky is overcast but the colours of the garden are bright and luminous. How beautiful it all is!

The hot days of summer are gone and so are the days of my youth. I am in the autumn season of my life. I recognize this turning point, this change of direction when things do not go back to the way they were. I do not want to reside in hopelessness. I do not want to feel trapped, with no way forward. I want to feel a bit of peace. I want a slice of heaven, however big or small. I want to make a difference. I want to matter. I want to be heard. My wants are reasonable and getable. Did you know that getable or gettable is a real word?

What are your wants and desires? I am daily distressed about what I read in the two Heathers’ posts. And yet I keep reading. I used to bury my head in the sand but I can no longer hide. Nowadays I need to know what we human beings are capable of, the good and bad. I have to know both sides of the coin. There are still so many beautiful and good things to be grateful for. I will try to count them in the coming days. Right in this moment, I am listening to the birds chirping away to each other. And the sun just came out.

The house feels amazingly cool at 23℃ this morning. It is already 20℃ at 8:30 in the morning. There’s a red ring around the sun. The sky is hazy. No smell of smoke in the air. A good sign. I feel the strangeness of everything in the now. I feel as if I’m in one of Barbara Atwood’s science fiction novels. I haven’t read many of her books. The ones I started, I couldn’t finish. I found them too strange and unsettling. That is how I am feeling these days. I am a chicken shit.

I’m trying to get a start on my day and not wallow in my feelings and moods. I wish I could be more organized and have a plan on how to tackle each day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge like many of my fellow bloggers. Alas, it’s a bit late in the game. We’re into day 24. Perhaps I am not doing too bad as I’ve only missed a day. Still having a plan is better than flying by the seat of my pants. It’s a bit of a struggle living on the fly. Things have caught up and I am in a hell of a clutter.

Before it was mostly paper. The paper still exist. I can’t seem to deal with opening the mail. I toss them on the table meaning to later…Of course the later never comes. Now, I have alot of my mother’s clothes. I have sorted some and donated them. Then there’s the

Sit and Stay

They weren’t kidding when they say that life is messy and hard. Please don’t ask me who the they are. I do not know but I do trust them. It is the middle of June. It is sunny and warm after a couple of weeks of cool cloudy and rainy weather. It felt like so many rainy days but the gardens are still very dry. I was surprised by it when I went to water our community garden plot yesterday. I hadn’t planned on weeding since I did it the week before. I had on my good shoes. There were so many weeds. The soil was so dry that I needn’t worry about wrecking them. I charged in, weeded and then watered. The carrot rows were hard to weed as they and the weeds looked the same. I thought I better leave them alone for now.

This morning I tackled the home front and back with the whipper snipper. It took a couple of hours but both the front and back yards look pretty good now. I was merciless with the creeping bellflowers. It’s much easier to whip rather than dig them out.

My head is a bit clearer with the clearing of the yard. Now I need to do the same for inside of the house. I am once again, hopelessly, drowning in paper clutter. I have no will power and no discipline to deal with them in a timely manner. I’m always scrambling and searching for things I need at the last minute. But at least I did something right today. I didn’t panic or scramble. I phoned for help and got it. It was much better than darting off in person in my car. I wasn’t sure I would get help without making an appointment. I was reluctant to phone because of my hearing impairment. I did fine. I dealt with my issue. I’ve gained confidence in my hearing ability.

Now I’m relaxing with a cup of black decaf and some sourdough bread. I need to just breathe and slow down and empty my head. There’s no need to fill it with useless information. The world is a bit mad right now. I don’t have to make sense of what is going on. I don’t have to join the circus. Just sit and stay.

All Gardened Out

A cloudy and cool June 2. A tired me. This is my usual state at this time of the day. Living seems to be a busy affair. There’s no end of things to tend to once you get out of bed in the morning. Once I started moving, there was no stopping. There’s laundry to put away, floors to vacuum, lunch to be made and dishes to do after. If I stop, I won’t be able to start again.

Today is a rest from the garden. I am itching a bit to do some more planting but I am tired. I have done a pile of gardening in the last few days. Our allotment is all done. I did most of the seeding and planting as the guy’s back is acting up again. He does the stand up stuff and I do the squatting chores. I am sure my thigh muscles are pretty strong now. At times they were screaming with pain as those rows of onions went on and on. Then there was the beets and peas. The beans and corn seemed easier and faster. The potatoes were the easiest, as I only have to drop a seed potato in hole the guy made. I have the pea and bean picking to look forward to in the fall. I will take a stool along for that job.

On the home front, all 6 raised beds are planted. There’s still parts of the ground garden to do but all the squash are planted. It was the hardest part as the bed was overgrown with weeds and hard as rocks. It took me a good part of the morning to weed, mulch, add manure and plant. Of course, it was when it was really, really hot. I was sweaty as a pig after but I was happy with how happy the squashes looked. I hope they each will have enough elbow room.

These are the 3 raised beds in the backyard. I will show the 3 in the front and our community garden another time.

Meanwhile in the greenhouse, things are looking pretty good. I’ve harvested some snowpeas for my dad. The lettuce and Chinese cabbage are doing great. The cucumbers are slow and still small. I think I will get some bitter melons this year. I have 11 plants in the greenhouse. I put 2 in the raised bed outside to see if they will have enought time and heat to produce.

The Last of May

May 30th, the last day of the month. It’s another warm day though it is not quite as hot as the previous few days. There is a breeze and there are clouds. These days, I have to do my gardening in the morning or in the evening when the sun has gone down. Some days I’m working both ends of the day. Otherwise there will be no veggies or flowers. There’ll be nothing but weeds. For me that’s a sign of mental health problems. So I put on my big girl’s pants, pull up my socks and buckle up my shoes. I got out my trowel, pitch fork, hoe, whipper snipper and got to work.

First I finished planting the raised bed in the front. Half of it has been planted with kohlrabi and a couple of cucumbers. I finished filling it with celery. It is a good companion for the brassica family. A butternut squash filled in the emplty corner. I gave the whole bed a good watering. The grass has shot up in the heat. And those hateful creeping bellflowers are thriving in massive clumps all over the place. The new batteries for the whipper snipper are working great for whipping them and the grass down to the ground level. I was a sweaty mess at the end of it.

After a little rest and quenching my thirst, I packed my equipment in the car along with some bedding plants and headed over to my father’s. I was going to plant my mother’s front flower bed today, no matter what. It was not an easy task as they were really dry and overgrown with weeds. After some digging and hoeing and weeding, I planted some wave petunias and marigolds in one bed. I gave it a good soaking. Then I tackled the bed on the other side. It was tougher because I was hot, sweating and really tired by then. But I was determined and got over half the bed dug and cleared. It was good enough to plant half a dozen or so Chinese edible chrysanthemums. My father came out to watch but I had no spare energy to visit beyond a few words. After another thorough watering of everything I planted, I came home and crashed.

It is nice to have the time to myself, not having to talk or care for anyone. I can just wilt in peace and not think of anything or anyone. A water melon would have been nice but lacking that, a nice big juicy ambrosia apple was good enough. When I thirsting for something cold and wet, it is hot and dry.

Growing Pains

Now that we are not having rain or snow, we are having a yellow warning – heat! It’ll be 30℃ temperatures for the rest of the week. On Thursday it’ll be 34℃. We had snow only 9 days ago. Not much was growing for much of spring. Then all of a sudden things sprung up. I harvested asparagus and rhubarb last night. Some of them are already getting old. What a roller coaster of a spring.

Now we are on a mad dash to get things planted. Who knows what kind of a growing season we will have. With this teeter totter heat and cold, I am having alot of aches and pains. Getting the yard clean up and garden in is very challenging. Having an allotment garden adds to the challenge. I just have to keep pushing through everything. It takes quite a bit of pain to get any gain this year. Maybe I will appreciate everything more come fall and harvest time. For now I am grinning and bearing it.

I am happy to say that the greenhouse is doing well. Thankfully there are no aphids this year. I am paying more attention at not overcrowding and making sure there is good ventilation in there. The lettuce is thriving. The spinach is over as well as the baby bak choy. It is too warm in there for them now. The snow peas are starting to produce. I think I will have bitter melons and cucumbers this year though it is early to be 100% sure. I am trying eggplants again. They need heavy feeding and pruning. I am excited to see whether I will succeed. It’s good to be excited again.

There’s still alot of planting in the garden yet. The 5 raised beds are mostly planted. I have yet to do the 6th one. The peppers will go there. The squash will all be planted in the home garden rather than in the allotment. It will be interesting to see how they will do. Gardening is not an exact science, at least to me. I have always garden by the seat of my pants. It wouldn’t hurt for me to find and follow proper guidelines though. Well, maybe next year. It is too late now to get into all that.

Savouring the Day

A sunny Tuesday morning. I’m surprised to find that it is -2℃ at 8 o’clock. I’ve had a good sleep. It’s remarkable how good that plus the sun can make me feel. I shall not let that goodness and the day go to waste. I will not haste though, but savour all the minutes at my own pace. I remember the saying, haste makes for waste. So how shall I proceed?

The day is almost over. I surely did not haste today. I enjoyed a leisurely 4 hour brunch with my two dear friends. One of them had just recently lost her mother. I shared my thought that I really had believed that we would never lose our mothers. We had them for so long. It’s really strange now to find ourselves without our mothers. But that is the way with nature. We are losing more people as time goes by. It is this stage in our lives.

After time spent with my two friends, it was time to take my father out to the mall for a walk and coffee with my mother’s friends. I don’t have any Chinese friends except these. I don’t have a lot of friends either. I am not a social butterfly. I cannot handle too many people but I am fortunate to have my little groups of caring loving individuals, at the mall, at the YWCA and my retired co-workers. It is enough.

After coffee at the mall, I still had a little time to do a bit of weeding, planting and watering in the greenhouse. My spinach and lettuce are ready for small pickings. I planted 2 sweet one million tomatoes. There’s 2 blossoms on the snow peas. Our days are still a frosty but it was toasty warm in the greenhouse in the afternoon. Now it is late and time for bed. It was a very good day.

Something Good

A sunny peaceful Easter Sunday in my neck of the woods. I cannot afford to be weighed down by all the troubles of the world day after day. I’m taking today off. So after a delcious dim sum at Yip Hong’s (our favourite Chinese restaurant) with the family, I pottered around in the greenhouse for an hour or two. I planted 2 short rows of snow pea seedlings. They are big enough with well established roots. They can withstand the cool nights. I don’t think it will dip below freezing now. It went up to 30℃ in there this afternoon. I had to open 2 vents and pull down the shade. I was getting scorched!

It’s a slow and late spring. It works for me. I am also slow and late. I am not as ambitious as previous years, planting and planting, crowding and crowding, to get more and more. Sometimes that works against me. Last year I had a big infestation of aphids with the peppers and bitter melons. I ended up with more work and less peppers and no bitter melons. I’m being more deliberate and trying not to overcrowd the greenhouse. Maybe that will prevent the aphid problem happening again.

There’s no lettuce, spinach or other greens poking their heads through the soil yet. But there are plenty earthworms where I was planting the snow peas. I seededed a row of radishes in front of them. It’ll be exciting waiting and watching. Green is such a wonderful colour. I feel its power such thinking about it. Here’s what google says about it:

Green psychologically promotes calmness,balance and rejuvenation by connecting to nature, which can reduce stress, alleviate anxiety, and boost feelings of hope and stability. As a central color on the spectrum, it is seen as refreshing, fostering creativity, focus, and productivity while signaling safety and growth.

I have no better words. They are good to end on this 5th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

Tapping Out the Blues

Photo by Brett Sayles on Pexels.com

I am, again, wrestling with my every day inertia. It is hard to get out of Dodge. I have so many excuses. They’re all valid. I haven’t yet learned how to turn a deaf ear. I need a fire in my pants or a horse to get me out of town. None available so I’m having another cup of tea and tapping out the blues. Life isn’t fair. It never was. So here I am.

Just where am I exactly? I am here in my sunny sunroom drowning in dust and clutter. At least I am alive and breathing. So are my plants though my little orchid looks a bit thirsty. I got up and gave it a drink. I can still do that. I still have that much energy in me. Hurray for me! I am really surprised remembering that I started seedlings last spring, put in a greenhouse, a garden and a community garden plot last summer. I have no memories of how I did all that.

I look around me now. There’s something on every surface. Where will I put my trays if I could find the will to start some seeds? I know I need to get the onions and peppers going soon. Maybe I can sweep everything off into boxes and deal with them later. That has been my trick these days. It works- till it doesn’t. It’s better than not doing anything. Ok, that will be the plan. I will seed some onions and peppers today.

I feel wretched now. It feels as if I’ve been stuck in Dodge forever. I see no ways of getting out on the horizon. I do know that it will not stay that way. It is alright to struggle a little, be wretched for awhile. It’s ok to be helpless and hopeless for a time. I know help is on the way. I’m sure Marshal Dillon is going to help me out. Meanwhile, I’ll just chill.

JUST TALKING

August 21 and day 21 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m starting to sound like a broken record. It’s another busy day. I don’t think I can finish this post but I thought starting might give me some inspiration. I’ve been feeling extremely busy and tired. I gave myself a pass from my aerobics class on Wednesday and Friday but I swam this morning. I rarely miss my Saturday morning swim knowing that the water always make me feel better. Most Saturdays I have the pool to myself. I had to share with another today.

Guess what? It is August 22 and day 22 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It is raining in Saskatoon. I feel exquisitely tired, achy and grateful. It is not the best timing for rain for the farmers but I am sure we are all thankful for it. It’s not like we have a say in the when. And the yard and plants look beautiful in grey mist.

I like to stand inside the greenhouse (there is no place to sit) and just breathe in the sweet fragrance of the bitter melon. It’s especially restful on a rainy morning. My tiredness, aches and pains seem to ease in the warmth and breath of this living atmosphere.

I have 3 bitter melons on the grow, the third one just a baby. I hope it grows up. I disturbed the petals while trying to pollinate it. A couple of petals fell off.

Autumn is certainly in the air. Winter will be upon us before I am ready for it. The thermal rock wall is almost finished. It is used to moderate the temperature inside. It will absorb heat from the sun during the day and release it at night. I still have lots of growing things inside that’s taking up space – the tomatoes, peppers, eggplants not to mention the cucumbers which are still very productive. I have to think about finding space for and how to start a winter crop. Maybe tomorrow. And you know what they say about tomorrow. Maybe I can prove them wrong.