Today I’m writing from Kat McNally’s prompt in this space – the last time I felt completely relaxed was…. I’m not quite sure if it is possible for me to feel completely relaxed. But I’ve been working hard at it. You see, that is my problem – I work hard at everything with guns blazing. Does that sound relaxing? Of course not and it backfired on me. So now, I’m working on not working so hard. I do learn from my mistakes or it’s just my body was sending out SOS signals and I finally listened.
I have dedicated this week to nothingness and positivity. My body and mind demand it. I need to let go of the striving part of me, always striving for goals of further, better, more, of being in perfect
harmony control. Nothingness is a little easier when you are down and burnt of energy.
I started the project(my striving mind talking again) with the way I walk Sheba. There was going to be no hurry, no yanking of the leash, she can sniff all she wants. How long can a sniff last? It was going to be a mindful walk, being in the moment with my furry baby. It worked pretty well, though I did forget myself a few times. OK Sheba! Enough! Yank on the chain. What can I say but bad habits take over.
We met someone early on our walk. Remembering positivity, I smiled and said good morning. She replied with: It’s a beautiful day. I replied with: It’s about time! Bad habit took over again. The retort was out before I could stop myself. I cursed a little at myself inside. I stopped. No beating on self allowed either! Positivity and kindness apply for myself, too. It was a good walk. I learned a lot about my behaviour being mindful. My talking mind was going a hundred miles/hour in my head. I saw what a hurried and controlling person I was inside. No wonder Sheba digs her heels in and refuses to budge sometimes! Dogs need to smell their coffee, too.
It’s good to take time out, let go and let the nothingness take over. In the nothingness of that time, however short, I found peace and relaxation. I will not ask nor strive for more. It is enough.
2 thoughts on “NOTHINGNESS AND POSITIVITY”
Good on you for developing a mindfulness practice, Lily. Remember it is just that: a practice. None of us get it right all the time. And, as you say, self-compassion is what enables us to keep going. x
Thanks, Kat. And thanks for this space to breathe and let it out.