Day 6 in a year of…

Posted on July 28, 2016 by hafong

Day 6, July 28, 2016 @3:43.

Summer afternoons are delicious for drinking beer and taking naps. I’ve had my little nap but I better wait till I’ve tapped out some words before I crack a can. Otherwise, I might fall over my keyboard. Asian women cannot hold their liquor. At least not this one. It isn’t fair. So many things in life aren’t. But at least, I’m getting better at doing selfies. Oh, no, not another! You say. Sorry but yes, another. It’s never too much to say, I love you to myself. I’ve waited all these years to start. I’m not stopping now – or ever. I will stop the selfie one day when I really feel love and acceptance residing in my core.

These days of getting up, making up and showing up have given me structure. When I am not feeling my best, I’m looking my best. I take note, sit/stand a little taller. I don’t feel as if I had fallen off a vegetable truck – even if I feel it. When I look in the mirror, I’m surprised and delighted. I can push on to another day in the year of choosing something different.

I’m glad I took up this project. There’s really no right or wrong time to do anything. When an idea captures your imagination, you have to act on it. Otherwise, nothing will happen. Nothing. There is so much dead air in that word. Nothing. Say it again. It has the sound of a heavy metal door closing. Nobody has the key. You are trapped in that nothingness.

That is not where I want to be. I want to move ahead. I’ve crossed off two items on my list today. Working on another and maybe another. I will add to it each day, too. There’s movement. There’s trying and doing. There’s life.

Now I will crack open that beer and grab a plate of snacks. Want to tour my front yard and see what is new? My petunias are still in full bloom. I have planted a honey suckle and clematis by the water tank. I hope they will thrive and grow and climb up its sides to add aesthetics to it. In the raised beds, the hot chilli peppers are numerous, carrots in various stage of growth, green and bulb onions, Romaine lettuce, kale, and cucumber. Not a bad yield at all. How is your garden doing

Day 5 in a year of…

Posted on July 27, 2016 by hafong

It it almost 4 pm again. Day 5. 360 days left. I shouldn’t count but one likes to cross/tick things off. I’m not doing well in that department but I am working on it. There will be no baking again today. The floor is good enough from yesterday’s vacuum. One must prioritize or I could be circling and circling like a gerbil in a cage.

What I like to do right now is lay on the couch with a book or just nap. Serves me right for lunching on a burger, fries and root beer. The root beer is what did me in. All that sugar. It was good after an outing with Sheba at the dog park. It was cool, sweet and went down nice. Now I’m struggling to keep my eyes open.

I did sort my paper piles, called City Hall about the light bill. Have you heard of anyone eager to get their light bill? Well, I am – excited to see the first bill on solar electricity. I might have to wait another day or two. I can wait. Practicing patience. Damn hard! I better put that down on my list.

The insurance company was next on the list. Don’t you just hate that time every year when it comes for renewal? Ugly, ugly! Goes up every year. The agent was friendly and understanding. We had a chuckle or two before getting down to business. I’m her first client with solar panels. They are not on her list. She will call me back after she makes some phone calls.

I think I did pretty well considering I was not positively positive in the morning. I got up anyways, dressed up, made up and showed up. Thank God for people like Regina Brett for their sunshiny outlooks and mantras. I didn’t put on earrings though. Couldn’t find the perfect ones. When I did, my right earlobe wouldn’t cooperated.

Life can be hard sometimes. You have all these intentions. BUT habits and wounds go deep. They have their knives down to the hilt in you. They don’t like letting go. I battle every day to do/react different. So every day I will get up and put makeup on. Every day I will stand naked in front of the mirror and say, I love you. That would be a selfie. LOL I’m more comfortable in shades or doing my feet. Somehow, feet are not as vulnerable.

Enough mumbling for today. Tomorrow is another new beginning, another new page. What is on your page today?

Day 4 in a year of choosing something different

Posted on July 26, 2016 by hafong

I love these salad days of summer when the grass is green and love oh so mellow. Oh, I’m stealing words from the song, Try to Remember. I’m feeling melancholy and nostalgic. No worries, though. Melancholia and nostalgia have always been part of me. I’m glad to have them aboard. They are restful companions. They help me when I’m tired and need to slow down. But I’m still here, dressed, made up, and different earrings on. Sorry, another selfie. I’m practicing saying I love you to myself – baggy eyes and all.

It’s 4 in the afternoon and I haven’t crossed off a thing on my to-do list. Usually the list is all in my head. But I’m choosing to make hard copies to see if it makes a difference. It has only 4 things on it. Pay bills. Bake bread and Sheba’s biscuit. Vacuum. I have turned on the Roomba. Thank God for robotic vacuums for these hard days! At least I made a list. I still have time to do and cross off a couple of things. But forget the bread and biscuits!

I am done in by summer heat, humidity and long walk with Sheba this morning. And making a detour at our plot at the Community Garden. I harvested a huge turnip, some beets and a few carrots. It was a heavy load to carry home as is. Next time I shall take a veggie bag besides doggy bags. I had to have a snack and a nap before I could clean and prepare the veggies and lunch. But it is all done. I sauteed the turnip greens. They were delicious if a bit tough. Next time I will blanch them a little longer. This was another first.

The Queen is barking. She is out of water. Must go and fill her bowl and then pay some bills. Hope you are having a good day. I like my accident with my header photo (feature image) yesterday. I decided to do it again.

I leave you with the music of Try to Remember.

Day 3 in the year of…

Posted on July 25, 2016 by hafong

Choosing something different every day is not relaxing, especially in the beginning. I don’t mean it is difficult to find something new. Once I had made the decision to bring it on, all kinds of things turn up. I am like a kid in a candy store – grabbing this and that. I am panting with the excitement of awareness. I could do different. I could be different. I want to multi-task. That would be defeating.

I chilled, slowed down, breathed and counted to 10. New is good. So are old. Why discard what is good? I could have a little fun at it, too. No need to be cerebral all the time. I got up, dressed up and showed up. I even put make up on again with different earrings today. See? I am having fun playing around with selfies. Another first. It is not easy. Selfies are akin to standing naked in front of a mirror and telling yourself: I love you. Ugh! I am getting over it. So many things to consider when you point that camera – angle, background, lighting, what to do with your face. I aim, point and presto!

I stuck with my comfort breakfast -tea and toast. I don’t have to do a total makeover, to reinvent myself. Too much could send me into outer space. Comfort stuff is good to balance the new. I love reading mystery and fluff. Nora Roberts fits the bill. No need to be cerebral all the time. I could lighten up with my writing, with everything. See what I mean? So many new directions.

It’s a must to stay with some old routines and habits. I couldn’t do without my 3 times a week aerobic class . It works wonders for my brain and heart, keeping cortisol levels low and serotonin high. It clears my brain fog and keeps me fairly sane.

Enough for today. Not exactly a masterpiece but it was today. How was your day? Did you have fun? Did you choose something different? Till tomorrow.

PS: I accidentally screwed up the header photo of my blog. Dont’t know quick way to fix. But it is something new. LOL. Tomorrow will be soon enough.

DAY 2 in the year of…

Posted on July 24, 2016 by hafong

Each morning brings a new beginning, a new page, a new story. I get to choose how I see the world. Isn’t it wonderful that it is July – the sun is shining and my petunias are in full bloom? I am marking my calendar. July 23rd is my Happy New Year.

Photo on 2016-07-24 at 9.21 AM I never did put makeup on yesterday. I did today. So here I am – in makeup AND earrings! I even put my eyebrows on for the occasion. It is important to set my intention of doing something new for the day. That special space in time when my head and mind is clear and pure is very short. Life crowds in with its many intrusive thoughts. I feel my heart clutching itself with the onslaught of false impressions and feelings. I pause in the moment, letting the feelings come. They are real even if they are from false thoughts. In Byron Katie’s words, I ask myself: Is it true? I will file that for later.

What I have learned in these 2 short days is that I’m not a natural self nurturer. I often feel selfish and mean. I am caught in the habit of caring and giving to others. I am not sure whether it is in the right spirit. I know that I’m incapable of not doing the right thing. But now I am going to learn how to pamper myself.

Habits and routines are healthy and good for us. But we can get into too much of a rut. I can and have been- living by rote. I prided myself that I’m not a fussy person. I’m easy to please. Whatever, It doesn’t matter – are my mantras. I use them towards myself, food, clothes, whatever. That’s also another mantra. I want to eliminate those phrases. I am learning to be fussy.

This morning breakfast mattered. Instead of my usual toast, I had steel cut porridge with blueberries. Making the decision to do something new every day opened up my senses. Yesterday, when the rain came, I realized how much I love watching and listening to the rain. I rushed out to the deck to watch and listen to nature’s beauty. I’m making a list of my loves as they come to me. I’m not a list maker either. I store everything in my head. No wonder it hurts. It’s crammed and overflowing with too much. We have to go and sort, discard and file. Till tomorrow.

What are you doing different today?

COMING HOME -beginning a year of…

Posted on July 23, 2016 by hafong

I can’t believe that I’ve been away since May 11th. Coming back, sitting here, tentatively tapping at the keyboard is both exhilarating and uncomfortable. The familiar sound and rhythm are soothing. I am stretching to find the words. I am starting a new project.

I haven’t been happy lately with how life and the world have unfolded. I would hazard a guess that I have a lot of company in that respect. I am disappointed with how I am unfolding. I am not living up to my own standards. See what I mean? I am beating on myself again – repeating past history. I want to change. If I change my actions, maybe I can change my brain. My brain is hardwired to my habits – or is it the other way around?

I Dare Our world is dark and gloomy but magic still resides. Merlin is listening, waiting with his abrahcadabra! After I expressed my wish for change, I found Luann Cahn’s book, I Dare Me among my bag of library books. The wish was already in me and the Universe knew.

So here I am, embarking on this new venture – a year of consciously doing something new. I can do it. This confidence and optimism is new. I CAN DO IT.

I will not be bungee jumping off a tall building in Las Vegas. Or sky diving or mountain climbing. But then I don’t know where this project will take me. For now, the challenge of change and writing about it every day will be exciting enough.

To mark this special occasion of change/transformation, I have clipped my hair. It’s like popping that champaign bottle for me. Here I am post clipping, fresh from the shower, no mousse. Not short/daring enough. Next time. I see I could use some makeup. That would be something new for me – makeup every day. I do hate those girls who takes such lovely selfies. Another first – expressing my envy!

SWEET DREAMS

Posted on May 11, 2016 by hafong

It’s Wednesday, time enough for Friday Fictioneers and their stories of 100 words or so to a photo prompt. We are hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields of Addicted to Purple. Anyone can join in. Here is my little story for this week. I admit it is a little sappy but sometimes it is nice to sweet dream. Life is harsh.

PHOTO PROMPT © CEAYR

The summer night was warm. The moon bright even through her rheumy eyes. A breeze stirred the hair around her face. She sighed softly remembering another night.

They were sitting on the Lido Deck on the Carnival. A bottle of champagne and two glasses between them, the moon and stars above. There was silence saved for the lapping of the waves. The warmth of the night wrapped around them. They sat in its protected cocoon, savouring their last moments. Tomorrow…

Her head jerked. She sat up with a start. Where was she? Oh, she had fallen asleep with sweet dreams.

RAINY MORNING MUSINGS

Posted on May 10, 2016 by hafong

It’s raining – the first of the year. I’m grateful. My garden is grateful – for this drink of life. It is cool – 4 degrees Celsius after last week’s blistering 32. Tomorrow and the next night, the forecast for -1 and -2 respectively. Nothing is predictable anymore. Was anything ever? Have a look at what is happening in Fort McMurray, Alberta. It is like a dream. I am sure it is a nightmare for the residents fleeing their city as the fires rages.

I am philosophical, uncertain but happy and grateful this rainy, cool 10th of May. I took a tour of my garden, securing the covers over the tender young tomatoes I planted 2 days ago. I might have been too optimistic and foolish thinking that the temperature could not possibly dip below 0 anymore. But what the hey? Nothing ventured, nothing gained/learned. I have a good feeling about my green thumb. I feel like a winner at the moment. I’m going with it.

I’ve doubted my feelings and myself for too long. I’m making up by taking taking a giant big step forward. I’m being confident. I’m being happy with myself as I am, no apologies. It feels good. There’s no time for putting myself on the back burner for others. I’m moving closer and closer towards my own mortality every day. If I don’t live for me now, when then?

Life is messy and wonderful. That is what I take away from Anne Lamott. In Bird by Bird she wrote,

“Clutter and mess show us that life is being lived …Tidiness makes me think of held breath, of suspended animation… Perfectionism is a mean, frozen form of idealism, while messes are the artist’s true friend. What people somehow forgot to mention when we were children was that we need to make messes in order to find out who we are and why we are here.”

I am now wondering why I have been so taken with Marie Kondo and her The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I have been a clutter bug all my life. I could learn to be a little neater but more would be trying to get a leopard to rid its spots or a zebra its stripes. What was I thinking? There’s beauty and artistry in our clutter and messes. After all, it is what our lives are made of.

I am tired of holding my breath, suspending my animation. I am letting me out of the bag. So happy to have this rainy interlude to muse much about it all and savour life.

BIRDS ON A WIRE

Posted on May 4, 2016 by hafong

It’s another Wednesday and another photo prompt for Friday Fictioneers to tell their stories of approximately 100 words. We are hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields of Addicted to Purple. Here’s my story of 100 words this week – inspired by this photo, the heat and Leonard Cohen.

There was tension in the air. You can almost feel it crackling like tinder under a match. Her heart raced and thudded. It felt like a stallion was galloping through her chest. Any minute now. It was coming. She was sure.

The sky was grey and ominous. Enormous clouds hung over the rooftops. The telephone wires drooped heavy with crows, gathered and waiting as if for a funeral.

Where could she hide? Just then a bolt flashed across the sky. She clapped her hands over her ears as thunder rumbled and shook the walls. The rain came. She was alright.

WORDS ON A WIRE

Posted on April 20, 2016 by hafong

It’s almost Friday, close enough for Friday Fictioneers. We are a group of writers who like to tell stories of 100 words according to a photo prompt. We are led by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields of Addicted to Purple. Anyone can join in if so inclined. Here are my 100 words this week.

Sarah felt the sting of the woman’s words. Every hiss and barb. They tore into her soul. She didn’t matter.

“You don’t talk, Sarah. You don’t get to talk until I am done!”

She could not get in a word. Tears clouded her eyes. She screamed into the telephone.

“You stupid woman! You stupid cow! Who do you think you are? Why can’t I talk?” It was all in futility. The woman kept up her barrage. Sarah slammed the phone down.

Ashamed, she caught her breath and dialed the number on display.

“Ello”.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you”.

CLICK!

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity