now

TODAY in a year of ….

Day 30, August 21, 2016 @8:54

TODAY, showing up is a little hard to do. If I was to give in to my inclination, I could easily just vegetate on the couch. But today is the moment. It is the only moment. I’m here, singing John Denver’s song:

imageToday, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I’ll taste your strawberries, I’ll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
‘Ere I forget all the joy that is mine, today

Songs can say so much and better than I can, easpecially when I am tired. Thought and ideas have fled but at least I am here in this moment. And being HERE, NOW is the important thing. So often I’m absent from the moment, reliving the past and worrying about the future. Today, trying to stay in the present is my doing different. I will forget from time to time. That is the nature of being human.  But I can bring myself back again and again.

It is late. I bid you a good night. Till tomorrow.

THE CHILL OF OUR DESERT

IMG_5149It’s a bit cold here in our desert but we are soothed by its stillness and quietness.  Our hearts are gladdened by the brillance of the sun.  It beckons Sheba and I out the door and down that yellow brick road.  It is not always paved with gold nor lined with friendliness.

We try to take things in stride – brave the chill, the rudeness and mean shouts behind our backs.  We try not to respond in kind. But I did hold up evidence that we are responsible dog and dog owner.  We pick up after ourselves.  So what is your problem that you bang on your window and send your kids out to scream at us?

No matter.  My temperature did not rise.  I did not come undone.  And there was a friendly witness who gave us smiles and Sheba many pats on the head.  Jesus came to rescue us in the desert.  He helps those who help themselves.

IMG_6377I am buoyed by my new found calmness. The hard work has paid off.  I am nearing four weeks of practicing being in my body, in the now, accepting things as they are.  My uncertainties and fears have lessened.  I tremble no more.  I am recovering parts of myself lost along life’s highways and byways. I will be finished the course when I come out of the desert.  How sweet it is – NOW.

A BEGINNING

Photo on 2010-11-09 at 20.11So many evenings when I am brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed, I see so many things that I needed wanted to do and hadn’t. I would vow to myself that I would do them tomorrow.  Of course tomorrow never comes.  I realize NOW is my tomorrow and it is time to do all those things.

It is not easy of course.  Somehow, something ALWAYS come up and you want to say, maybe I’ll do it tomorrow.  But after awhile you hear this echo.  You have to stop and listen and ask yourself, How many times have I said that?

IMG_1647You hang your head in shame. Life is difficult.  Life is messy. You are between a rock and a hard place.  None of your options are palatable.  You tremble in the unfairness of life.  You wonder why God is testing you in this way.

I know for sure there is a reason why HE put me in this place. Because I have trust and faith in the unknown, I am able to breathe into the Universe and draw back strength to take a step forward.  I am beginning a new journey.

BEING HERE, BEING NOW

IMG_4870It is especially difficult to be here and now in the heart of snow and winter.  Many of us are dreaming of those sunny beaches of Mexico and Cuba and those all inclusive holidays where the food and the liquor flow ever so freely.  Besides that, we are constantly distracted by the news and ‘the world out there’.  It is difficult to be at home with ourselves when we are always connected.

I had a gift yesterday.  I forgot my Iphone at home when I went to work.  I felt a little lost at first, but I told myself that it was not a bad thing.  It was not a disaster nor an emergency.  People can still find me if they need to.  My pocket felt a load lighter and so did my mind.  I was able to put my whole awareness and energy to the place and the people I was with.  It was awesome!  And at the end of the day, there was nothing lost and much gained.

I’m trying to build on the experience, but the mind is like a willful child.  It wants to go here and there.  It wants to turn on this gadget, that gadget, surf the world wide web, wasting time.  I am trying to be a patient and kind parent, bringing it back to focus.  Riding my exercise bike this morning, I try to keep pedaling the 15 minutes, seeing and registering the words I am reading at the same time.

My mind is running away on me even now as I am writing.  So I let it go.  I pause and it comes back.  And so it goes.  Practice makes better.  Small building blocks, one upon another, will make a strong foundation.