maintenance

AFLOAT AND FLOWING

Sunday morning. It’s cool, cloudy and snowing. It’s 1℃ outside and 8.4℃ in the greenhouse at 10:00. No promise of sun but I took some of the covers off the plants and seedlings so they can get some natural day light at least. We’re going to run some electric heat in there today for the next few days of no sunlight. The greenhouse will not have a chance of getting heated enough during the day to sustain the frosty nights. I have too many growing things and work invested in there to lose now.

I’m trying to maintain the flow. I’ve worked hard to start it. Maintenance takes less energy than having to start over. If I can get up, dress up and show up, that’s half the battle. I have to remember I am not my emotions. I have to set my intentions for the day, make a list and do it. I don’t have to like it. I just need to make it a habit. Liking can come later.

It is Sunday afternoon. No sun but the greenhouse did get up to a high of 15.9℃ at 1:30pm. Now at 3:30 it is on the decline. I’ve become a weather/temperature watcher this spring. I’m paying more attention and seeing how erratic our present day climate is. I’m also more aware of my inner climate. It’s helping me understand and manage my anxiety better. I can feel how powerful and negative my inner dialogue can be. I’m trying to change my thoughts to change my life.

Though I have many bad habits, I have established some good routines and habits these last few years. I fall off the wagon occasionally but I do climb back on. I always try and give a damn. It’s hard for me to give up. These are my main powerful medicines. They keep me afloat and flowing.

                • Getting enough sleep 
                • Being outdoors in nature
                • A daily meditation routine
                • Daily exercise routine
                • Hobbies 

WOMAN AT WORK

It’s another day and I will have a few less items clogging up the basement. I have hauled them up and by the door, ready to load in the car for disposal tomorrow. They are heavy – both for the body and psyche. I am pooped but feeling lighter already. It was a chore going through the computer and deleting and clearing as best as I could. I stopped reading the emails after the first few. Otherwise it would take forever, which it already has – since 2005.

There’s another PC waiting in the wings but I will hang on to it just a little bit longer. It has alot more data than the first one. It is really an arduous task for me just thinking about getting rid of the stuff that I no longer use. I understand why I have left it for so long. The mental part is as difficult the physical. But it MUST be done. The rubble in the basement and in the head do not go away by themselves. I must have reached the maximum tolerance and now I AM ready to do the hard work. I am done in by today’s small progress but I am satisfied. I am calling it a day.

Tomorrow is another day. It is an ongoing process. Maintenance work – a little dab daily will do it.

MAINTENANCE – Day 23 in a year of….

Day 23, August 14, 2016 @4:25

I do wonder each day if I could make it back to this place.  If I do, would I have anything to say?  I’m here.

IMG_7217It’s easy to get excited about projects and resolutions.  The trick is maintaining the enthusiasm and momentum.  Without them, you could come to a full stop like the billiard ball just before the drop into the pocket.  What is desirable is the domino effect – showing up day after day, no matter what. Some days are better than others.

I try to maintain if unable to advance for the day.  I try not slide off the mountain.  It’s a long ways down and longer to climb back.  I try not to analyze too much.  I do wonder sometimes why it’s such an effort to pick up something dropped.  Why is it easier to walk around it?  Now I stand and agonize for minutes and pick it up.  I do it for other hard-to-do things.  It’s a lazy brain thing.  I am sure I will have many minutes of agony before my brain can see it’s not hard.  No pain, no gain.  Is that true?

IMG_7225Showing up is agony sometimes. But I want to change the agony to ecstasy. I’m not a sucker for pain.  Onward we go! My half sweater parts are unravelled. I have found a pattern book.  I’m ready to knit my life back up again.  Are you ready?

Till tomorrow.