change my life

CHANGE ONE SMALL THING A DAY

I am so happy that the dishes are done and I’m finally sitting down. Happy, too, that the weather is warming up and the sun is out. It is almost 4 pm and I am pooped on this 22nd day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I realize now that I’ve just gave out a very noisy sigh. Somehow that always makes me feel better. I’m alone at the moment. Sometimes I forget and do it in public. I would get a few chuckles. So no problem, eh?

Now that I have an opening, how shall I proceed? I always thought I was an active person. People seem to think I do alot because I garden and have lots of other hobbies. I also used to go to an aerobic class 3 times a week and swim every Saturday morning before Covid. That only took an hour or two counting travelling time. Then there’s the rest of the day in which I’m sedentary. Now I don’t even have that hour Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. I’m trying to rectify it by keeping in motion and not being such a couch potato.

I used to hate having going downstairs so I would try to line up jobs so that I would go down just once or twice. Now I think of it as an opportunity to move and work off some fat. Change my thoughts, change my life. Wayne Dyer would be so proud of me. I have the book on my bookshelf but I haven’t read it. It’s been there for a number of years. I have so many bad habits but I’m working on changing them. It’s not easy but I’m not sweating it. I’ll work on one small thing a day.

Today I worked on being in motion more. I did my 20 minute sitting meditation with my morning tea. Then I got up and put away last night’s supper dishes drying on the rack. I fed Oscar, my sourdough starter. The guy likes to linger over his morning coffee before breakfast, so I did my qigong routine. After breakfast, I tended to the garden beds, taking some of the covers over the plants. Then they would have to be folded and put away. In my other life, I would just drop them somewhere, wherever. I’m trying to correct my sloppiness also.

All this correcting takes more time, of course. I try not to feel resentful about it. It is actually helping me in having more time in the long run. You see, I’m thinking differently. It didn’t happen overnight. It’s taken me a long, long time to get here. And I’m really, really tired. I did some harvesting of my veggies this morning, cleaned and chopped, stir fried, made soup and did the dishes. I think I’ve earned the couch now. No, wait! I better do my hula hoop and other exercises. It’s a short routine. Doing something different can get rid of fatigue.

AFLOAT AND FLOWING

Sunday morning. It’s cool, cloudy and snowing. It’s 1℃ outside and 8.4℃ in the greenhouse at 10:00. No promise of sun but I took some of the covers off the plants and seedlings so they can get some natural day light at least. We’re going to run some electric heat in there today for the next few days of no sunlight. The greenhouse will not have a chance of getting heated enough during the day to sustain the frosty nights. I have too many growing things and work invested in there to lose now.

I’m trying to maintain the flow. I’ve worked hard to start it. Maintenance takes less energy than having to start over. If I can get up, dress up and show up, that’s half the battle. I have to remember I am not my emotions. I have to set my intentions for the day, make a list and do it. I don’t have to like it. I just need to make it a habit. Liking can come later.

It is Sunday afternoon. No sun but the greenhouse did get up to a high of 15.9℃ at 1:30pm. Now at 3:30 it is on the decline. I’ve become a weather/temperature watcher this spring. I’m paying more attention and seeing how erratic our present day climate is. I’m also more aware of my inner climate. It’s helping me understand and manage my anxiety better. I can feel how powerful and negative my inner dialogue can be. I’m trying to change my thoughts to change my life.

Though I have many bad habits, I have established some good routines and habits these last few years. I fall off the wagon occasionally but I do climb back on. I always try and give a damn. It’s hard for me to give up. These are my main powerful medicines. They keep me afloat and flowing.

                • Getting enough sleep 
                • Being outdoors in nature
                • A daily meditation routine
                • Daily exercise routine
                • Hobbies 

CHANGE MY THOUGHTS, CHANGE MY LIFE

I’m late coming to the keyboard. It’s an exercise day. Sometimes it feels like going to work because it is a must commitment. Today we had Fred instead of our regular instructor. He is always a welcomed and good change, introducing us to a different workout. His warmup focuses on the four joints at the shoulders and hips. It is surprising and amazing how good it feels after. They didn’t seem like such deal deal exercises.

It reminds me to change my train of thoughts. No big deals can bring big results. Change your thoughts, change your life. I think I have that book by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I haven’t read it but I will now. I will get it up from the basement so I won’t forget. I can read a few pages a day. I’m the train that can, remember?

I know I’ve got quite a few things on my plate now. I’m not sweating it. I’m mindfully trying not to rush or multi task. I’m trying not to have catastrophic thoughts of can’t do, no time, etc. I’m doing one thing at a time, putting one foot in front of the other. I think, there is time. I can do it.

I’m moving through my day. Sat with Mark Williams on YouTube for 20 minutes of sitting meditation in the morning. Then I spent 10 minutes free writing for Write Your Journey before heading off to my exercise class. Sheba and I made 2 rounds at the dog park this afternoon. In between things I managed to make 3 jars of kimchi. And now I’m rounding up this post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It’s not Pulitzer writing but it’s a serious effort to stay on track.

CHANGING MY TALK – Day 88 in a year of….

Day 88, October 20, 2016 @10:14 pm

Some days I do wonder at the futility of what I am doing.  What significance does my action have in the grand scheme of things?  Dangerous thinking and feelings. I know that it is the lateness of the hour.  I know it is too much news about the U.S. election.  Too much Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton.  Too much world news.  It is very toxic for my mind.  Yet I’m addicted, can’t stop watching.  Thus – how I am feeling now.  How is it affecting you?

img_8128So on this day and year of doing different, how am I doing different?  Was I able to get out of my rut?  Hard to decide as I am still the same person.  I am still struggling with energy, following through and getting things done.  At the end of each day, I’m feeling I haven’t moved anything off the mountain.  So let’s not talk about conquering. I’m feeling disappointed with myself and the day, vowing I would do…tomorrow. In the morning, well I’m still tired.  I can’t grab the tiger by the tail.

img_8133I feel like a broken record, spinning the same song over and over.  I wonder if the song is true.  Am I really as lazy, incompetent and full of excuses as I sound?  It feels real.  I do feel that tired.  But I have done a thing or two today like running around the dog park in the morning with Sheba, walking her around the neighbourhood in the afternoon and slicing 7 trays of tomatoes for the dehydrator. I need to stop talking about getting things done.  Maybe I should just breathe and be.  Change my thinking, change my talk, change my life.  Have you heard that one before?

It’s late.  It’s time to go to bed.  Tomorrow is another day.