Day 88, October 20, 2016 @10:14 pm
Some days I do wonder at the futility of what I am doing. What significance does my action have in the grand scheme of things? Dangerous thinking and feelings. I know that it is the lateness of the hour. I know it is too much news about the U.S. election. Too much Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. Too much world news. It is very toxic for my mind. Yet I’m addicted, can’t stop watching. Thus – how I am feeling now. How is it affecting you?
So on this day and year of doing different, how am I doing different? Was I able to get out of my rut? Hard to decide as I am still the same person. I am still struggling with energy, following through and getting things done. At the end of each day, I’m feeling I haven’t moved anything off the mountain. So let’s not talk about conquering. I’m feeling disappointed with myself and the day, vowing I would do…tomorrow. In the morning, well I’m still tired. I can’t grab the tiger by the tail.
I feel like a broken record, spinning the same song over and over. I wonder if the song is true. Am I really as lazy, incompetent and full of excuses as I sound? It feels real. I do feel that tired. But I have done a thing or two today like running around the dog park in the morning with Sheba, walking her around the neighbourhood in the afternoon and slicing 7 trays of tomatoes for the dehydrator. I need to stop talking about getting things done. Maybe I should just breathe and be. Change my thinking, change my talk, change my life. Have you heard that one before?
It’s late. It’s time to go to bed. Tomorrow is another day.