PHOBIAS, Dark Closets of My Mind – Day 48 in a year of….

Day 48, September 8, 2016 @8:00 pm

img_3696I’m late coming here.  I feel a sense of avoidance – dread.  Have you suffered from anxiety?  Do you have phobias?  I have – most of my adult life.  I’ve only realized recently the names for these feelings of reluctance and unspeakable dread.  Unspeakable till now, I suppose. Perhaps they,like the vampires, need to be exposed to the light of day to be vanquished. So here I am, in my year of doing different, speaking of the dark closets in my mind.

Where to begin is difficult.  My feelings are so pervasive.  They are hard to articulate.  I have lived a long time waiting for the shoe to drop.  Then I let the shoe drop.  Nothing happened.  Nothing shattered.  Humpty-Dumpty did not fall-then.  I was surprised. I got over sure.  I got cocky.  I thought I was cured.

Then I fell.  I did not shatter.  I only shook and shook.  I thought it would never end. I could not let my guard down.  I kept looking over my shoulders till I got exhausted and gave that up.

photo-on-2016-07-24-at-9-18-amNow, I am almost calm and stillI.  I can slowly open one can of worms at a time. I still shake and tremble.  I let them come.  I feel them but I am still here.  I can be afraid again and not be scared of it.

What are you scared of?  Till tomorrow.

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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