Day 48, September 8, 2016 @8:00 pm
I’m late coming here. I feel a sense of avoidance – dread. Have you suffered from anxiety? Do you have phobias? I have – most of my adult life. I’ve only realized recently the names for these feelings of reluctance and unspeakable dread. Unspeakable till now, I suppose. Perhaps they,like the vampires, need to be exposed to the light of day to be vanquished. So here I am, in my year of doing different, speaking of the dark closets in my mind.
Where to begin is difficult. My feelings are so pervasive. They are hard to articulate. I have lived a long time waiting for the shoe to drop. Then I let the shoe drop. Nothing happened. Nothing shattered. Humpty-Dumpty did not fall-then. I was surprised. I got over sure. I got cocky. I thought I was cured.
Then I fell. I did not shatter. I only shook and shook. I thought it would never end. I could not let my guard down. I kept looking over my shoulders till I got exhausted and gave that up.
Now, I am almost calm and stillI. I can slowly open one can of worms at a time. I still shake and tremble. I let them come. I feel them but I am still here. I can be afraid again and not be scared of it.
What are you scared of? Till tomorrow.