Day 48, September 8, 2016 @8:00 pm

I’m late coming here.  I feel a sense of avoidance – dread.  Have you suffered from anxiety?  Do you have phobias?  I have – most of my adult life.  I’ve only realized recently the names for these feelings of reluctance and unspeakable dread.  Unspeakable till now, I suppose. Perhaps they,like the vampires, need to be exposed to the light of day to be vanquished. So here I am, in my year of doing different, speaking of the dark closets in my mind.

Where to begin is difficult.  My feelings are so pervasive.  They are hard to articulate.  I have lived a long time waiting for the shoe to drop.  Then I let the shoe drop.  Nothing happened.  Nothing shattered.  Humpty-Dumpty did not fall-then.  I was surprised. I got over sure.  I got cocky.  I thought I was cured.

Then I fell.  I did not shatter.  I only shook and shook.  I thought it would never end. I could not let my guard down.  I kept looking over my shoulders till I got exhausted and gave that up.

Now, I am almost calm and stillI.  I can slowly open one can of worms at a time. I still shake and tremble.  I let them come.  I feel them but I am still here.  I can be afraid again and not be scared of it.

What are you scared of?  Till tomorrow.