Day 46, September 6, 2016 @10:49
Days like today are dangerous for falling into moping and feeling sorry for myself. They are dangerous for wasting time and feeling justified in it. Oh, I deserve to have a rest and let everything go. Meanwhile, underneath it all, things gnaw at me. I do want to … I wonder as to what is stopping me. I do have a choice. So I work a little harder in trying to understand myself. I wonder if I have to understand. I think about just doing. After all, all I have to do is move a body part, then another one.
I’m an inspiration seeker – wherever I can find it. This morning it is from the poet/writer, David Whyte. He writes of joy as “is a meeting place, of deep intentionality and self forgetting”. It is a little ping, ping moment for me. I get them often but have mostly laugh them off. I discard them, not honouring my ability for sensing these gifted pings from the Universe. But now, I am trusting myself and valuing my senses. I am listening. I am setting intentions to create an environment for joy to come. Not all days are equal. Some days it is harder to carry out the intentions.
What/how am I going about today? Now that I have changed my mood and mindset a little, I can see the forest through the trees. I can think about what’s for dinner, changing the sheets on the bed and bringing out the fall duvet. It’s none too warm in the morning, though I can see a teenage girl wearing shorts on this first day going to school. I can clean the deck and bring in my plants . I have been thinking about that every day but haven’t. There’s tomatoes, hot peppers, squashes, beans and grapes to be harvested. There’s rhubarb to pick and a crisp to make. Then there’s art to do. Oh, a little bird just came to the window. I felt my heart lighting up. Is that joy? I will tell you tomorrow.