DO SOMETHING ELSE

Autumn is not the best season for me. I could say that about winter, spring and fall, too. Rather than labelling myself with a disorder, I’m choosing to acknowledge that I’m sensitive to weather and seasonal changes. But aren’t we all? We all respond to changes in temperature and light in our own unique ways. Some more than others.

I’m doing much better now than when I was younger. Experience is a good teacher. Being more physically fit makes a huge difference. I’m feeling blessed though I still grumble alot. Well, I do feel so sleepy throughout the day. Sometimes it’s hard to get things done. Good ideas and creativity seem out of reach. My concentration – where the hell did it go? And forgetfulness! Sometimes I feel the need to set a reminder to take my meds. I woke up at 4:am one time and remembered I didn’t take my bedtime hypertensives. Then there’s the crankiness.

I was so cranky this morning at the YWCA. The locker room was so crowded at my usual spot. The women were visiting and talking animately. I could not access my usual locker. I was rather miffed but went to a different row. Why fight the crowd? When I was leaving I received a few ‘looks’ from women who were not used to seeing me there. We are so set and territorial about lockers and seats even when our names are not on them. It’s healthy to upset our apple carts once in awhile.

My apple cart was further upset when I got into the gym for the tabata class. It was abuzz with loud chatter and too many bodies. Equipment were in scarcity. The lights overhead extra bright. My crankiness got cranked up. I curled my lips and bared my teeth. I kept quite though and exited to the weight room instead. Why foist my moody self on unsuspecting innocents, eh?

I was at a loss of what to do at first. I migrated to a treadmill and turned it on low. I worked up to a speed of 3.5 which is nothing to brag about. It was enough to earn a mild sweat after 30 minutes. I broke out in a profuse menopausal soak on the recumbant bike. Even my ears were dripping. I’m embarrassed to say it was less than 10 minutes in broken starts and stops. I finished my hour with 20 minutes of qigong. I felt refreshed and uncranked. All the apples back in my cart.

TOOLS AND REMEDIES

I am one who seldom jumps out of bed with glee and is ready for the day. I roll slowly up and step cautiously onto the floor. I am aware of the stiffness of the hips and ache of my hands. I can’t say I have joy in my heart. I give a big slow sigh and head towards the bathroom. I come out feeling somewhat better seeing the morning sun. I stand before the living room window and watch a rabbit run across the neighbour’s yard across the street. Rabbits are now a common sight. It seems the city is now their home having been forced out of theirs. They are now our new immigrants.

I do my 4-7-8 breathing while I wait for the kettle to boil. I make my tea. I have been doing it for a month now. I have not felt huge changes but I have been sleeping well since. I have been able to go back to sleep easily after bathroom trips in the night. I use this technique for relaxation throughout the day. I’m one who habitually tenses and clenches my body with excitement and stress. It’s proving to be effective.

No two mornings are alike. The words would not come at the first bidding. How could they when my body was stiff and closed? I gave up the struggle and coaxed myself into my qigong routine instead. Sometimes I am most resistant to the thing I most need. Now my body is feeling more open and fluid. My fingers are flying across the keyboard. They are warm, pliant and ache-free. I have to remember this moment for future reference, for the next time obstacles arise.

It is now afternoon again. The sky is cloudy and the winds are blowing. I have the shivers, as if someone is walking across my grave. It is not foreign to me. I give it no importance. I do a cycle of 4-7-8 breathing, quelling fear and goose bumps. It’s hard to feel anything when you are breathing, holding it, breathing out and counting at the same time. It’s a good tool to have, especially when the weather changes constantly through the day. I might as be accepting of this changing patterns. It’s our new norm.

Now that I’ve caught my breath, I try not to let the afternoon blahs overwhelm me. I gather myself, doing the lunch dishes from noon, putting away the car keys in their dish, and filing my papers from the bank. Doing and moving is soothing. The books I bought from McNally’s are still on the dining room table. The lettuce is picked, washed and spun into salads with hemp seeds and avocado. They await the rest of supper to be made. It’s time to call it a day. I’m sipping my chrysanthemum tea, a Chinese gal’s remedy for all ailments. So ends the 2nd day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

TREPIDATION and LEARNING

Saturday

The wind still blows in Saskatoon. No rain nor snow. We sure could use some moisture. It is what it is. Sometimes wants and needs are not met. But our solar panels are producing electricity. April will be our best month.

I am a wee bit restless today, having that feeling that I should ‘accomplish’ things. I try to relax with my new read – Sue Grafton’s N is for Noose. I was not successful. I gave that up after a few pages and took Sheba out for her walk. The wind was cold and wicked, blowing grit into my mouth and eyes. It was not pleasant but we got some exercise and fresh air.

It’s Saturday but it feels like Sunday. I skipped swimming this morning. I thought I would just enjoy the day, not trying to doing anything and everything. I think it was a bust. Some days are like that. There’s nothing I can do except practice doing nothing more often. Maybe then I could be more at home with it.

Sunday

The wind has not abated one bit. I’m a little more at ease with it even though I had gone to bed with trepidation last night. Another shooting at a California synagogue. What is happening in the world? What is happening in us? These things nagged me in the dark of the night and early morning.

Daylight disperses fear. The dawn brings hope and renewed faith. I continue my morning routine of tea and qigong. It’s soothing to move through the ancient movements of my ancestors. They work, energizing me to carry on breathing, living and learning. I’m very excited about the Brain Change Summit. Today I watched The Science and Principles of a Plant-Bassed Ketogenic Diet with Dr. Will Cole. I’m eager to watch the Psychological Impact of Climate Crisis with Dr. Lise Van Susteren next. There’s still 3 more days of the Summit after today if you are interested. It is free.

MAKING AND TAKING TIME

January 10, 2019 9:53 am

I’ve made very good time this morning. I set my timer to do my Morning Pages for 30 minutes and wrote long hand on whatever came into my mind. I got my 3 pages within that time. Problems and angsts are not a bad thing. They are fuel for thought and words on the page. The exercise is the DustBuster for my brain. It clears up all the nagging guilt, shoulds and coulds. Want to give it a try?

I have a chicken carcass souping in the Instant Pot. I’ve been feeling like hell in the mornings lately. Every inch of my body is stiff and hurting. I am taking time to resume my long abandoned qigong routine. Movement helps the aches. I’m just lazy and stupid not doing the practice. I have a couple of Francesco Garripoli and Daisy Lee quigong DVDs. They’re beautifully done and easy to follow. 40 minutes is time well spent. Too bad they are no longer a couple.

6:37 pm

I’ve chipped away at my day. Doing in little blocks of time works best for me. The floors are vacuumed, the dishes done, the laundry washed and hung. I still feel hellish but if I give in to my aches and pain, the dog hairs will irk me and get into my head instead of staying on the floor. If the laundry is not done, someone will be missing their longjohns. It’s difficult and easy to throw them into the machine and push some buttons. I concentrate on the easy part. I think of how nice it is when we get home after our walk to a hot cuppa and a snack. And the walk was over and done. We got some exercise and alot of fresh air.

Now it’s time to say goodnight on this 10th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m not pleased with my writing but it’s the best I could do today. And I’m still here.

MOVES AND GROOVES

Why are the things we need to do the most prove to be the most difficult? Is it mental or physical? Most likely it’s a combination of both. Nothing is clear cut however much we long for simplicity. My body was clearly crying out for relief this morning. My neck and other body parts were stiff and sore from sleeping crooked. My mind must have been, too. It wasn’t commanding enough to make the body get down on the floor for my stretching routine.

Instead, I did the qigong routine from the DVD QIQONG for beginners by Francesco Garripoli and Daisy Lee. I have done it often enough that I know the 18 exercises without the dvd. It’s a good standby when mind and body are tired and out of sync. The moves are stronger than their gentleness imply. Their glue is long lasting. After all this time, I still have the moves. I will let them ease the aches and pains. Let them coax me into some productivity today. When I can’t get down, I do standing up. There’s always an alternative. When you can’t do more, do a little less. Less is always more than none.

I haven’t been looking forward to walks with Sheba these days. We went anyways. It was sunny but chilly. The streets and alleys are still a nightmare. They’re icy and slippery with puddles of water in between. In the back alleys, it is like walking on glass shards in places. I was happy to have my walking stick with me. I’m delighted to be back sipping my cuppa tea and eating one of my sister’s Easter buns. I feel like another but I must restrain myself. Let the first one digest and fill my tummy. I have to learn how to make them myself now that I’ve mastered breadmaking. Expand my horizon, why don’t I?

I must finish my tea, fold some laundry and put them away. I’m catching on to the fad of dealing with things and not letting them pile up. It’s working quite well. After Easter supper with the family last night, we cleaned and put everything away. The table cloths got whipped off and laundered with the dishcloths. The table leaves taken out and put away along with the extra chairs. It’s best not to think too much and just do.

I’m tickled that I got enough muster to start my tapping. It’s the second day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It was too much of a challenge yesterday to write. I was caught up in cooking the Easter turkey according to Chef John. I thought I should concentrate on making it a success seeing as 7 other people were coming for supper. I must confess that it turned out quite well. It helped that it was a Butterball turkey. Did you know that a Butterball turkey does not contain butter inside? It’s just a brand name. Perhaps it’s best not to google for too much information. Somewhere in my google, I came across info maybe their turkey is not ethically raised. So I must stop here and go fold the laundry.

INSPIRATION AND EXPECTATION – DAY 44 In a year of…

Day 44, Sept. 4, 2016 @7:19 pm

I haven’t changed my time of arrival here. If anything, I’m arriving later rather than sooner. I hope to have more words and paragraphs. I’m hoping for more inspiration.

These days I am dogged by fatigue, sleepiness and pain. This morning laying in bed, I wondered if I am suffering from fibromyalgia – that vague ailment that many suffer from. I have listened for many years to my mother’s own complaints of aches, pain and fatigue. I wondered if that is what she has. Once again I googled ‘fibromyalgia’. I came to the same conclusions as before. I don’t know anything more than I did before. I am not willing to take to take a lot of drugs. I am highly functional despite my discomfort. It doesn’t matter what name you give the cluster of symptons so I will not spend a lot of time chasing doctors and diagnosis.

I moved on with life and my day, starting with my qi gong routine. I breathed and moved, infusing my body with chi. I put my mind into the gentle movements, knowing that it is not a one time fix. It is a lifetime of healthy habits. It need not be a big, big thing. It is always these small steps we take for ourselves. They can heal. They can build muscles in the body and mind.

I did find my inspiration reading Caroline Myss’s August newsletter on inspiration and expectation. What I got from it was that it is better to inspire or to be inspired than to expect. Expectation has a sense of entitlement to it. If we are good, we expect to be rewarded. But the question is by whom? This is the part from the newsletter that spoke to me:

“Expectations do not serve you or anyone else. It’s much better to be filled with inspiration than with expectations, as the latter usually disappoints you.

And remember, the idea that there is a right path or a wrong path is a child’s way of thinking. And it leads to the secondary belief that you should be rewarded for taking the right path. Or conversely, challenges that are just ordinary in life would be viewed as proof you made the wrong choice. The very template of right-wrong, good-bad is limited by its nature.

Instead, learn to recognize your motives for making your choices in life. When motivated by fear or money or insecurities, you’ll make choices of equal quality. And those choices will fit the quality of your motivation. It is not God offering or withholding rewards from you. You’re the one who has to live with the consequences of your choices. That, too, is part of the system of law and order in the universe. We are all subject to the consequences of our choices – such is the way of karma.

And so we reflect upon this wisdom: Know yourself, and you will know the Universe. Think of the power you have inside of yourself to determine the quality of your life experiences.” – Caroline Myss

THE BLISS OF BEING

There’s a price for bliss. I suppose you know that. I am paying today for that moment of sublime bliss in the garden yesterday. My knuckles are swollen and achy, my hips stiff and unwieldy, not wanting to make the corners. What the heck is the problem here? Too much of a good thing? A bliss is well worth the little achy creaky joints.

I close my eyes and see the rich black earth sifting through my fingers. I see the brilliance of my purple petunias in the morning light. I am infused with their colour and energy. The pain leaves me as I slowly move through my qigong routine. I have neglected my physical body these last while. It’s reminding me to take care.

It’s good to come back to these familiar movements. They seem so small and non consequential and yet they do so much for body and mind. Maybe it is the time set aside to do nothing else but this. I am into the moment and movements, feeling relaxed and blessed. My body is important. I am important. It is another bliss -like a taste of rich, creamy ice cream on a hot summer afternoon. Mmmm! I so deserve it.

There is no need to do or accomplish. It is Sunday, a day of rest. Just be.

SUNNY MORNING COMING UP

I woke up this morning and it was still -3 C. I opened my eyes and the sun was shining through the window. I got out of bed and found Sheba laying in a pool of sunlight, so content with herself.

The dining room table was a feast of green, full of bedding plants coming in for the night. It was a great way to greet the day – sunlight, greens and a happy dog.

The light danced off the walls, highlighting and casting shadows, reminding me of life – light and shadows, good and bad, the yin and the yang. And I moved and flowed through my morning qigong routine.

THE EXTRAS IN THE ORDINAIRE

This morning the sun was a little brighter and the temperature a little warmer. Still it took some recalled oomph to get out of bed. I guess by now you’ve guessed that I’m not a bouncy morning type of gal.

I always need that little extra push to get going – anywhere. Are there really people who bounces out of bed, whistling and ready to wrestle a tiger and bring it home? Well, good for them, whoever they are! I’m just going to mosey along like the tortoise that I am, one slow step at a time.

I stretch and I breathe in the qi of life. I flow through the motions of qigong, feeling stronger and more awakened with each movement of the routine. My inertia and languidness are vanishing with the breath. It is necessary to bite the bullet – get up, dress up and show up to face the day. No matter what, we have to greet it.

So I am not Speedy Gonzales and I don’t have a tiger in my tank. I am living life at my own speed. I am not in a hurry. I have time to smell the coffee. I will see the flowers growing along the road. I will not miss their sweet scent in the air. I will not miss the extras in the ordinaire. How wonderful is that?

STUCK

Here I am, stuck in cool Greysville. It’s stopped snowing. It’s stopped drizzling. But it is still cold and grey. The dog is restless, barking up an antsy, driving me up a tree. So we play hide and seek and toss the squeaky toy, but enough is enough!

My tax return is almost done. I’ve solved a problem or two. Now what? I’m stiff and cranky as a bear. We’ve had one walk. Best to lay off on another one. Sheba is still limping a bit. All that jumping to catch her squeaky isn’t helping. Oh good, she’s finally had enough.

Is this another version of cabin fever, being stuck? Too many icky problems has stagnated my Qi. It is time to realign myself. Watching Daisy Lee do her routine inspires me. She is so beautiful and fluid with her movements.

Her surroundings remind me of the beach and pool at Escape3Points, an ecolodge in Ghana. The memory of it brings sunshine, warmth and sound of the ocean back to me. I would walk the beach in the mornings and stop at the pool to do my qigong routine. After, if the tide wasn’t coming in, I would sit in the pool and listen to the quiet. Remembering those times now, I feel somewhat free and unstuck.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

qigong