It is Saturday. The sun rises and shines through the windows. The shadows dance on the wall. I am summoned by the day to rise and shine my best, however much I can. I have been tried and challenged this last while. It is no drama, though dramatic. The details are stowed away in the recesses of my mind – to be examined at a better time.
For now I bask in the warmth of a sunny May morning, happy to find my words and to feel the tap, tap of the keyboard. Each click is soothing beneath my fingertips. Each click is unlocking the fetters and releasing the angst from my body. I am recovering the ME of me. I am feeling the sweet melody of life in my body. I can surely rise and shine with the sun.
I can feel the pull of sewing that sail cover for Rod. The bedding plants are clamouring to be out in the sun. Life is calling.
April has come and gone – almost in a blink of an eye. Where has it gone? I was not finished with Susannah Conway’s April Love. Life gets in the way at the most inconvenient times, but hasn’t that always been the case?
But I am happy to see May. It’s a new month, a new beginning. April love brings May flowers. It brings new hope, renewed strength, earned wisdom. Love is a safety net for all that comes our way. So let them come, whatever may. we are ready for the friendships, goodwill, and love. They are all welcomed.
Life is also filled with shadows. They follow the sun through the windows. They dance on my walls. They are welcomed, too. Without them, there will be no dance show for me to watch. They have something to say to me and it’s good to listen. They are welcomed. I am the gatekeeper. I decide how far they are allowed in.
April Love is gone, but here comes May Hope. I am thankful for this morning. I am thankful for this day. I am thankful I have found some words. I am thankful I can breathe again. I am thankful for this life. I am thankful for God’s strength.
Here I am, feeling challenged amidst my challenges. Have I bitten off more than I can chew? They are not ‘musts’, life or death situations. They are challenges I have signed up to give me goals, inspirations and structure for my posts and writing. If I leave it to time or inclination, you know what will happen – nothing. And so, I have signed up for #aprillove with Susannah Conway, April Moon with Kat McNally, and Ultimate Blog Challenge .
I am really loving the prompts and loving coming from these sources. Keeping up is not easy, but it is not hard either if I don’t let my thoughts intrude and if I stop thinking in scarcity of time. They rob me of creativity and mire me in STUCK. I am not behind. I am forging ahead the best I can. I have to embrace the good and bad, the yin and the yang. I love the day and the night. What am I but one dimensional without my shadow? It will be good if I can accept and embrace my dark side. I am me, myself and I. Wherever I go, they and my shadow also go.
Cia, goodbye past, I am writing the next chapter, a new story of my life. You no longer work. And now I am free of fear of uncertainty, of the dark, of the shadows within myself. I can breathe now and let me, myself and I out completely. I am singing in the rain, dancing in sunshine. Oh let those clouds come by. I am not afraid. I am kissed by sunshine, held in shadow.
I woke up this morning and it was still -3 C. I opened my eyes and the sun was shining through the window. I got out of bed and found Sheba laying in a pool of sunlight, so content with herself.
The dining room table was a feast of green, full of bedding plants coming in for the night. It was a great way to greet the day – sunlight, greens and a happy dog.
The light danced off the walls, highlighting and casting shadows, reminding me of life – light and shadows, good and bad, the yin and the yang. And I moved and flowed through my morning qigong routine.
I think I have had too many glasses of wine. I am not feeling myself on this 43rd day into Lent. I am feeling rather angry, ticked off.
Making progress in becoming enlightened is a hard task. I am no Buddha but I do try hard. I have no Bodhi tree to sit under. But I do have a snow pile to clear. I am learning to use my bad energy to do good things. Today I have cleared a wide path all the way in front of the house. Now, there’s less worry about melting snow doing damage to the foundation.
I have not lost any of my excess weight yet, though I have stepped on the scale a few times. Getting slimmer is not easy or simple. I am walking Sheba twice a day. I am not really thrilled about it, but I do it anyways. As soon as we start out, I want to come back and hit the couch already. I talk myself into one block, then another block, and another. I have to train myself into liking something. I have to train myself into good habits.
I threw out my drawer full of old ugly, utilitarian bras today….finally. Funny how that is. Even though I’ve brought 4 nice new ones and 6 really pretty vibrant camisoles, it was still difficult to toss those ugly old bras. Attachment? What was I attached to – things of no use and no longer desirable. So what other undesirables are still lurking in my drawers and closet? What yukkies are hidden in my head?
Well, it is getting late. I am scare of the dark. I am scare of my shadow. Best wait for sunlight before digging further. I might have to stick with digging snow for awhile till I am stronger. And I will – get stronger. I trust the God in me.