Tag Archives: Ultimate Blog Challenge

TAKE THE SLOW TRAIN

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Good morning! My hair is standing on end. I feel stiff and awkward like a non functioning robot, but I am here. My fingers are poised over the keyboard, ready to tap. The exercise will loosen me up for the day. I’m used to sit in meditation with Mark Williams daily on YouTube. I’ve been doing it since July. It’s become a habit now. My body cries for the familiar posture. It’s a good way to kick start the day and my brain – to warm and fire up its cylinders. And if nothing else, I will have a strong core and good posture.  Let’s see if it worked.

I’m sputtering and stuttering a bit. What did I expect – smooth sailing? I’m still tired from the busyness of yesterday and trudging through the snow. I have never stalled and stopped completely – yet. Somehow I always manage to stoke the fire and keep going. Maybe I can have another cup of decaf. Maybe I can just sit here, enjoy the sunshine and watch the traffic on Preston Avenue. Would that be such a terrible thing – not doing or trying to get anywhere?

The sun disappeared while I was making my cuppa and unloading the dishwasher. Light and life are so fleeting. Here one minute, then it’s gone the next. Canada and I’m sure, the world, is still reeling over the the crash of Ukraine International Airlines Flight PS752. All 176 passengers were killed. 68 of them were Canadians, mostly students and young professionals. Such a loss and tragedy and the why of it? Where are we going as a world? And will there be a world for the next generations to come?

I cannotmust not stay in the valley of the shadow. I must rise up above to do the best I can and know how. Perhaps that best is to take the slower train, savour the landscape and moments and have my coffee. Tomorrow is another day.

TRUE LIFE NEVER RUNS SMOOTH

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Gosh, I should not have talked about my sleepless nights with Sheba. It brought bad luck. Here we are again on the Midnight Express. There was something bad in the air this evening. It gave me the shivers listening to Donald Trump. Then there was the image of Harvey Winestein pushing his walker and the fires in Australia. Half a billion wild life lost! The world feels foul. No wonder Sheba and I are disturbed. We can feel it all.

We have both taken our melatonins. I hope that will rock us to sleep soon. No use in fretting. I can do something useful in the meantime. Might as well tap a few words for day 6 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Sheba has settled on her pillow. My eyelids are getting heavy. I wonder if she will let me go to bed. Oops! She’s up again. Maybe I will just pull out the comforter and bunk down here. I’ll be optimistic and say, be back in the morning.

It is Monday afternoon. My optimism last night was lost but not completely. The dog was not cooperative in allowing me to sleep. After farting around trying to be productive and not making too much noise, I got fed up with Sheba. I was tired and getting a headache. It was 2 am. I read her the riot act, turned out the light and went to bed. Much to my surprise, it worked. She hung back, then tiptoed into the bedroom and plunk herself on her bed. She was quiet the rest of the night.

I did get some shut eye, maybe 4 hours. It was not a restful sleep. It’s better than none. Nothing is perfect. True life never runs smooth. We’re still on track, clickety clack. Around and around we went. Though it is a bit blustery we made 2 rounds at the park. We’re both full of vim and vinegar. Surprising isn’t it, considering our lack of sleep and our advanced ages. Must be something in the air. I hope the fresh air and exercise will zonk us out tonight.

We I must bolster ourselves myself. I must build up my reserve so that I’m not so easily influenced by the news or whatever in in the air. It makes life ever so much harder feeling and succumbing to every little thing. Time to grow up. I think I have – a little. I’m carrying on as usual. I’m bitching a little. I’m feeling a little crabby. But I’m not crying ‘poor me’.

THE LITTLE TRAIN THAT CAN

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Good morning! The sun is shining. It’s the 5th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I had to get a few difficult things out of the way before plunking myself down here. Otherwise my day would be lost. As much as Sheba hates getting her ears cleaned, it is a weekly must. We learned the hard and expensive way. A perogy ear (ear hematoma) caused by an ear infection, 5 visits to the vet. clinic and 2 weeks of no sleep taught me well. We are starting the new year off with clean ears!

I’m surprised that I didn’t get sick from all that stress. It was not so much the vet visits and the expense. The nights of no sleep were the hardest. She bore the pain stoically, as all dogs do, and was good during the day. However, as soon as it was bedtime, Sheba was anxious, panting and pacing all night long. There were nights when I had to take her out in the backyard 3 or 4 times. That’s what I had to do even in winter, in the middle of the night. I would put on my fake fur coat, pulled the LED toque over my ears and slip my feet into my boots and out we went. It was a little reprieve. I breathed in the fresh cold air and looked at the darkness around us. It was restful.

I didn’t bother hanging up my coat for those 2 weeks. It hung on the back of the chair in the dining room. I never thought of not doing any of that. There had been many nights when I couldn’t sleep in the past. Sheba would get up and be with me. Her quiet presence was comfort enough. I had to do the same for her. I had to be there to make sure she was safe. I could not let her go bumping and bashing into the furniture with her cone collar. I had to be there outside to supervise so she wouldn’t use the bush to take her collar off. I never once thought of I can’t. I can’t. I’m the little train that can. I could. I could. Chug. Chug. I’m rounding the corner. I’m almost there.

I’m a sucker for stories – children’s, fairtales or whatever, that puts in a bit of sunshine and builds me up. They put a little steam into my engine so that I can pull into the next station. Whatever works is my motto.

 

MOMENTUM – THROW GARBAGE OFF THE TRAIN

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It’s almost afternoon on day 3 of the new year and the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Already and still, I’m feeling the weight from the year past. My old self with my old attitudes are making their presence known. I feel crabby, mean and ugly. I’m like a leaky balloon losing hot air. I have no stamina, no power. I’m losing momentum, my wheels slowly grinding to a screeching halt. No more clickety clack. It’s chug, chug, screeeeech!

I’m no damn good, carrying this stuff around, feeling all this guilt. It’s too soon. Counting today, I have 28 more day to go. I have to lighten my load. I have to toss the garbage off the train. I have to save my fuel consumption, build my reserve, live and write smarter. What I don’t need is to carry other people’s stuff. So toss those out first. I remind myself that it’s not the people I’m tossing, it’s their stuff. It’s their business, not mine.

I have such a permeable skin. I absorb everyones’ woes and miseries as if they were my own. I need to develop a thicker skin. I have to learn not to take things so personally. Too bad I don’t feel their joy the same way. Instead, what I feel then is envy and jealousy. I am such a bad person. What a thing to confess, eh? I’m like George Washington. I can’t tell a lie. I’m brutally honest and not proud of it. I’m laying out all the facts in black and white so I can see myself clearly. So that I can accept what is here, what I have to work with. Do I have a full deck to work with?

It’s time to take a break, let go a little, loosen my grip and play a little. No need to be like a dog with a bone.

 

 

ON A SENTIMENTAL JOURNEY

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First things first. Good morning and Happy New Year everyone. May our creativity and words flourish and flow for this first month and the rest of the year. I am embarking on the Ultimate Blog Challenge for January 2020. I’m showing up each day of the month with all my sighs and mumblings. I have been away from here, my sit and think place for too long. I have been lost in a dark and joyless place for a little while. My keyboard and words are tools of recovery and navigating the stairway to the light.

The Chinese have a custom of not talking about bad things on New Year Day and other special occasions. It might bring bad luck. We are a superstitious culture. The world can be such a dark place and I have chosen ACCEPT for my word for the year. It is time to push superstition aside and speak of the truth as it is. That is what acceptance is – to embrace what is here and true now. The truth is my heart has been in a hard and barren place. The holiday season had no meaning for me.

That truth is difficult to declare. It’s like blasphemy. In my mind, I’m putting my arms up in defence of being stoned by the masses. But when the meanings are gone, how can I pretend otherwise? Losing meaning wasn’t my choice. It’s what came with the changing tides. There was no pushing them back. The darkness seemed to have exploded into the light of world. They can no longer be hidden, contained and ignored.

Having lost those old sentiments and beliefs that used to sustained me, I must let go and not cling to things that no longer work. I must go forth into this brave new world and find the truths that will work. The happiest moments I have are the ones from my childhood on New Year’s Eve. I’m warm and snug in my bed made of wood planks softened by a quilt. I’m safe and secure while my mother, grandmother and ‘aunties’ are tending the fire with wood and straw in the night. They are making Chinese desserts for the next day. That warmth and sense of security and belonging I felt back then are what I want back.

This month of the Ultimate Blog Challenge is my journey to recover my heart and soul. I’m going to tap my way up the Stairway to Heaven.

BROKEN YOKE, AVOCADO AND KIMCHI

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I generally like my eggs easy over. When I do just one egg for breakfast, there’s nothing to sopped up the yolk with. A runny yolk after a couple of weeks is not tasting delish even with hemp hearts and chia seeds.  I try to think of something different and equivalent for a change. I could find none. It is a perfect little meal in itself. I could get through my aerobics class without a sugar low. Since I’m this far in without a carb in the morning, I want to finish the month. So, I requested to have the yolk broken and fried. Perfect! I added half an avocado. A perfect combination in taste and texture.

What is the result of my dietary efforts thus far? I’ve decided that I would not step on the scale as a measurement of success or failure. Rather I would focus on observation, how I feel and how my clothes fit. 17 days into the Ultimate Blog Challenge and changing my diet, there are definite changes. They were minute at first but they are getting more dramatic. Maybe I am just losing fluids but it is encouraging enough to keep on. I am feeling slimmer along my neck with a lesser double chin. My belly is not so bloated and bulging. My arms don’t feel as chunky and my fingers don’t look like sausages. I can bend and flex them better. They don’t ache as much.

Aside from cutting out the toast in the morning, I am eating kimchi with lunch and supper. After buying the first jar, I am making my own, experimenting with different recipes. I think it is helping with the bloating. It’s suppose to promote good gut health. I am super delighted with my results. I am encouraged to be more conscious with what and how I eat. I try to remember to taste and feel the texture of the food I am chewing. Being mindful, I realize I do not need as much food as I had thought. I often eat out of fear of being hungry.

I need to learn how to apply my energy and success here to work with my paper clutter. Yesterday was not a good day for it at all. I did recognize when my head’s all heavy and clouded up like the sky, not to fight it. Those are the times to just do what I can and to laugh at my mistakes, try to relax and read a good book. Tomorrow will be another day.

ONE EGG, FOUR BREATHS

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Ah, a sunny summer morning! I have to treasure them. They don’t come guaranteed. We’ve had long stretches of cloudy mornings this summer. Things are not what they used to be. There’s volatility in the air. Anything can happen within a given day. Perhaps things have always been thus. I’m just waking up to reality of the impermanence and the shifting ground beneath my feet.

I’ve committed myself to this month of waking up, getting up and showing up. 16 days in, I’m becoming more conscious of each present moment. Waking up this morning, I took care to unfurl my curled up limbs, wiggle my toes and shake out my fisted hands. Blood flow eased the tension and aches. I realigned my body, head stacked atop of squared shoulders, hips beneath, etc. all the way down to my toes. Next, I did a cleansing out breath, followed by the 4-7-8 breathing exercise. Last, I adjust my attitude before getting out of bed to start the day.

16 days into this Ultimate Blog Challenge, I’ve lived up to my commitment. I’ve written every day, though I have posted 2 days in one post. Some days life calls and I have to answer. It’s all about priority and balance. I have stuck to my one egg only for breakfast except once a week when I swim in the morning. I would have breakfast after at 10 am. I would treat myself to toast and eggs.

Speaking of volatility and impermanence, the sunny day had turned cloudy. I became like Sheba, sensing the change in the atmospheric energy. I became anxious, my head cloudy and heavy. I would not be able to work myself out of a wet paper bag. I had to give up my effort at finishing this post and sorting my paper clutter. It would be wasting time and reinforcing the idea that I’m useless and hopeless.

Instead, I thought of things I could do. My mother was expecting me for her “medicinal soup” at lunch time. It was a bit early but my car is running low on gas. Why don’t I gas up first on the way? I need a few things I could get at London Drugs which is on the way. I could drop off some old used batteries for recycling there, too. Oh yes, I have a letter to mail. Maybe there’s a mailbox nearby.

I’m happy to say missions completed. Even though it was cloudy, I still felt better getting out the door. I felt somewhat apprehensive and shaky. I took care driving. It took 2 tries at the gas pump to get my correct password for my credit card. Sometimes that happens on my good days, too. I did all my stuff at London Drugs and found a mailbox outside Staples next door. My mom’s soup was delicious and nourishing. We had a good visit. She gave me some ginger candy. I came home and had an apple. Sheba got some rice and my apple peels. My auto insurance company left a voice message with the info to complete a form I didn’t know how to fill.

All is well with a light shower. The earth needs another drink.

 

MY NEMESIS

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It’s a perfect afternoon sitting in my outdoor space. Warm but not too hot. The birds are chirping behind me in the cedars. The traffic whooshing by in the background. Sheba’s asleep on the deck floor. I’m facing a blank screen. It’s the 9th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. What shall I talk about today?

Pardon me but I have to get up, stretch and shake out my legs. It will give me a chance to do my breathing exercise. Maybe movement and more oxygen to the brain will loosen and free up my creativity. This writing challenge is holding me accountable to my words. It’s been a week of an egg with no toast in the morning for breakfast. I decorate it alternately with hemp and chia seeds. I prefer the hemp. It has a pleasant nutty taste. The chia is rather seedy and snappy, getting into the teeth. I haven’t stepped on the scale nor plan to. I’ve been rewarded with less jowls. That’s my measuring stick.

Now I have to work on my other nemesis. It’s no secret that I hate paying bills and paperwork. They send my brain into a frenzy. Seeing that my credit card bills are due today, I had to sit down and deal with them and other crap this morning. The bills are paid, insurances and car plate updated. The paper pile remains on my desk. There’s only so much my brain can handle at one go. But I must follow up tomorrow with sorting and filing. There’s also a couple of things I need to send in the mail.

That very thought unsettled me. I had to get up and make a black decaf and eat a couple of chocolate covered almonds. It stayed at only 2. What will power, eh? I will work hard at avoiding unpleasant tasks. I will approach my bill paying and paperwork like my after-lunch dishes – mindfully. In the end, it will not be dreaded.

NOT SO BAD AT ALL!

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At long last, a warm Saturday morning! I am basking in the sunshine, sipping my tea and tapping on my laptop. Sheba is laying at my feet. I feel like tap dancing and breaking out in song. If only I can dance and sing! Never mind, music is playing in my head again. I have to sit and listen to Roger Miller sing before I can go on tapping.

I’m obviously feeling better, eh? It’s good to know that I’m not always down in the dumps, no fun to be around. It’s also important for me to document it as proof. Sometimes I don’t remember or believe myself. It feels absolutely wonderful that I am doing this Ultimate Blog Challenge. This time around, I have a clearer vision of what I want to accomplish using the challenge as a tool. Let me put it down here again.

  1. Be mindful and in the present moment.
  2. Getting up, dressing up and showing up here every day.
  3. Work on content, construction, proof reading of posts.
  4. Striving for improving mental and physical health – eg. losing a few pounds.

What works for me is to do the small of everything. A few words to get an idea  to form. I do not have or work in concrete ideas/forms. I’m one whose head is in the clouds and whose thoughts are as nebulous as the mist. It’s only when I tap on the keyboard, when I see the words march across the screen that I can see my way out of the woods. It’s a big ahah moment. Until I can see and understand my handicap, I can’t make a correction or make an improvement.

Ad libbing, off the cuff will not work for me. I need to put my thoughts into words on a page. I need to brainstorm onto the page. I need to break things into small steps. My brain goes into a soupy fog even thinking of doing the lunch dishes. I want to dump everything and run away. It’s only after I slowly and mindfully start scraping off the plates, loading them into the sink/dishwasher, putting in soap, turning on the water…that my brain starts to relax. My hands and mind connect, gets into a rhythm and somehow the dishes are done. I go, “Well, that wasn’t bad!” I go through this every day.

I can also say that this wasn’t at all bad  for the 6th day of this challenge. I get to do this all over again tomorrow.

 

INTO THE EYE OF THE STORM

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It’s Sunday afternoon. It’s windy as can be. The whirlybird on the next door neighbour’s roof is going a hundred miles an hour. My Buddhas are sitting pretty under the protection of the swaying branches spruce trees. I can see someone shovelling snow across the back alley. Back and forth he goes, pushing the shovel. I can hear the howl of the wind. I am sitting snug and relaxed in my cocoon. Soon, I will have to brave the elements with the fur baby for her walk.

I wonder why I am not a snowbird like everyone. I’m starting to feel like a rarebird, toughing it out, staying put. In the last week, all I hear is people heading south to Mexico, Florida, Cuba, Arizona, Brazil, Hawaii…..Everyone wants to escape to somewhere else. Me, I’ll head out straight into the eye of the storm with Sheba. It’s time for that walk.

I’m back from the dreaded walk. It was really not bad at all – a little breezy but not cold. The snow was crusty and crunched beneath our feet. I don’t think Sheba was crazy about it. She treaded carefully, one paw in front of the other. I’m beginning to think it will not be such a bad winter. There is no need to run, escape just for the sake of another place. No doubt there will be people running and escaping in the other direction.

Do I need to hunker down? I don’t think so. I’m pretty strong. I’m short for sure. I won’t blow over easily. I look forward to getting my mettle tested. That’s how I am. Day 27 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.