ONE EGG, FOUR BREATHS

Ah, a sunny summer morning! I have to treasure them. They don’t come guaranteed. We’ve had long stretches of cloudy mornings this summer. Things are not what they used to be. There’s volatility in the air. Anything can happen within a given day. Perhaps things have always been thus. I’m just waking up to reality of the impermanence and the shifting ground beneath my feet.

I’ve committed myself to this month of waking up, getting up and showing up. 16 days in, I’m becoming more conscious of each present moment. Waking up this morning, I took care to unfurl my curled up limbs, wiggle my toes and shake out my fisted hands. Blood flow eased the tension and aches. I realigned my body, head stacked atop of squared shoulders, hips beneath, etc. all the way down to my toes. Next, I did a cleansing out breath, followed by the 4-7-8 breathing exercise. Last, I adjust my attitude before getting out of bed to start the day.

16 days into this Ultimate Blog Challenge, I’ve lived up to my commitment. I’ve written every day, though I have posted 2 days in one post. Some days life calls and I have to answer. It’s all about priority and balance. I have stuck to my one egg only for breakfast except once a week when I swim in the morning. I would have breakfast after at 10 am. I would treat myself to toast and eggs.

Speaking of volatility and impermanence, the sunny day had turned cloudy. I became like Sheba, sensing the change in the atmospheric energy. I became anxious, my head cloudy and heavy. I would not be able to work myself out of a wet paper bag. I had to give up my effort at finishing this post and sorting my paper clutter. It would be wasting time and reinforcing the idea that I’m useless and hopeless.

Instead, I thought of things I could do. My mother was expecting me for her “medicinal soup” at lunch time. It was a bit early but my car is running low on gas. Why don’t I gas up first on the way? I need a few things I could get at London Drugs which is on the way. I could drop off some old used batteries for recycling there, too. Oh yes, I have a letter to mail. Maybe there’s a mailbox nearby.

I’m happy to say missions completed. Even though it was cloudy, I still felt better getting out the door. I felt somewhat apprehensive and shaky. I took care driving. It took 2 tries at the gas pump to get my correct password for my credit card. Sometimes that happens on my good days, too. I did all my stuff at London Drugs and found a mailbox outside Staples next door. My mom’s soup was delicious and nourishing. We had a good visit. She gave me some ginger candy. I came home and had an apple. Sheba got some rice and my apple peels. My auto insurance company left a voice message with the info to complete a form I didn’t know how to fill.

All is well with a light shower. The earth needs another drink.

 

TURBULENCE, IMPERMANENCE, CHOICES – Day 361 and 362 in a year of…

Day 361 – July 24, 2017 @8:20 am

Some days are easier than others but all days are hard. At one time I thought it best not to use that word – hard. I’ve changed my mind. Let’s call a spade a spade. It’s best to face the facts. Life is hard. Days are hard. This morning the sky was overcast, ominous, the trees whipped about by the wind. I felt nature’s turbulence within.

Day 362 – July 25, 2017 @9:34 am

Seems like I’m waking up to Groundhog Day – the same sky and turbulence. The difference is the turbulence is not within me. As I speak the clouds have scattered and the sun is peeking out. Nothing stays the same. In these last days of my year of, I’m ever conscious of our/my shifting world. It has always been so, the impermanence – “transient, evanescent, inconstant.”

In my new state of awareness, I have this feeling that everything and nothing matters. I get to decide which. I am the master/captain of my destiny/ship. I choose everything matters. It is in my genetic code. I am an explorer, a striver and a survivor. I choose life. I choose to make it a good life. This decision gives me direction in every moment. It makes a difference in the days, weeks, months, years to come.

They are not momentous. They are little decisions/changes in little moments.  They make my day just a little easier. I am not monumental. I am but a woman of little stature. I like it.

 

 

RETURNING – day 106 in a year of….

Day 106, November 8, 2016 @10:49 am

img_8338The morning is grey.  I bring myself back to this space to dispel it.  I’m returning to my journey of making changes in a conscious way.  If I don’t, they will happen to me willy, nilly.  Better to go into them with eyes wide open.

I sat with Timothea Goddard’s session of the Mindfulness Summit 2015 to review the 3 insights from practicing mindfulness and cultivating kindness.

  1. Pain can’t be avoided.
  2. Everything is impermanent.
  3. The self – the me, I, mine is always changing and not permanent.

In short you can sum the insights up as life sucks, everything changes and don’t take anything personally.  If I can really accept the first two and learn to live the third, life could be a lot easier.  And it is.  I have been practicing.  Sometimes I have become distracted and wandered off.  I’m learning to come back and come back more readily and often.  I’m less inclined to throw up my hands and say, I CAN’T do it!

This morning I’ve returned to the task of clearing my work table in the basement. It was not hard.  It was not easy.  It felt unpleasant.  I stood and felt my avoidance/nausea for a moment, not knowing where to start.  Then I just plunged in, opening an envelope, a shoebox, taking out papers, shredding them, bagging them.  I let the feelings be.  I did not try to chase them away.  Then an understanding of what they are/why they are came.  It was okay.  I was okay. It was like what Oprah calls peeling an onion.  I’ve peeled the first layer, the beginning of an opening.  It is enough.  I will return tomorrow.

What box have you opened today?

IMPERMANENCE

IMPERMANENCE according to wikipedia means:

Impermanence[1] is one of the essential doctrines or three marks of existence in Buddhism. The term expresses the Buddhist notion that all of conditioned existence, without exception, is transient, or in a constant state of flux.

I’ve been thinking about that transient state lately.  It is very true about: Here today, gone tomorrow.  Life is that vulnerable.  I am feeling that fragile.  Things are turning faster and faster – like coming close to the end of  the toilet paper roll.  All of a sudden the paper ends up a puddle on the floor.  The puddle is me.

IMG_1983That is how I am feeling on this warm balmy December day in Saskatoon.  I watch the snow melting in slow drips off the roof.  I hear Richard Harris singing MacArthur’s Park melting in the dark and someone left a cake in the rain.  I’m feeling languid, coming undone in its wake.

Quick!  Someone throw me a life line, a fuel injection, anything.  Wait.  I’m all right for I know that this, too, shall pass.  I will sing like Richard Harris and his MacArthur’s Park.  Nothing stays the same – ever.  There’s a reason and a season for everything.

IMG_1965There would be another song for me
For I will sing it
There would be another dream for me
Someone will bring it

I will take my life into my hands and I will use it
I will win the worship in their eyes and I will lose it
I will have the things that I desire
And my passion flow like rivers through the sky

(Richard Harris – Macarthur Park Lyrics | MetroLyrics)