accountability

THE HARDEST JOURNEY

My most difficult journey is the present one. The how of starting is always the first stumbling block. It is the cue to think back to my ancestor, Lao Tzu. He said that a journey of a thousand miles start with a single step. I step forward tentatively – one word, then two…I’m on my way. My most difficult journey is also my inner one. The one with lofty goals, the one which I hold myself to impossibly high principles, the one which I do not allow for mistakes, the one with no detours. It is the one that I, inevitably, have come to a dead end.

I’ve been at the crossroad for some time now. I’m sitting here contemplating my options. Which way are you going to go, Lily? is singing in my head. I know that I can only go forward. There’s no backtracking in life. I’m taking my time, dwelling in the quiet, listening to the beat of my heart. What is it telling me? I no longer trust other voices telling me this and that. They do not have my best interests at heart even though they sincerely believe so. I cannot hold them at fault. I am probably guilty of the same.

I’m watching the shadows on the wall, sipping my peppermint tea.  It is peaceful here. I have time. It is a good place to linger and rest awhile. I’ve had a full and wonderful day. I swam 13 laps or 26 lengths this morning. Somehow 26 lengths sound more impressive. I’m pleased and proud of myself. I’m still holding myself accountable of doing my best of the day, living up to my commitments of showing up for the Ultimate Blog Challenge and staying the course of a healthy physical and mental diet.

SOME THINGS CAN WAIT

I’m in a slacking off mood today. I feel I deserve/have earned it. I indulge myself in that feeling in small bits. I must have developed some backbone and discipline through these 9 days of the challenge. I’ve been able to rein myself in, rise up and out of the chair and deal with the day. Oh, I do give myself a short block of time to read my mystery novel and to sip my tea. I know that if I give into an all morning or afternoon lounging marathon, I will not get much else done.

To be open and accountable, I have not made any move towards my paperwork from yesterday. They’re still waiting but the urgent parts are dealt with. Today was an exercise morning. I took care to do a bit of housekeeping in the 30 spare minutes I had. Regular maintenance is efficient and time saving. I also took time after our exercise class to check on a travel plan. Timely information is helpful in making timely decisions. And I haven’t always been very proactive. You know how it is – the wish for something magical without having to do anything. I know that it’s an impossibility but I still want it.

Being a somewhat odd ball, I have to confess that I quite enjoyed cleaning up the lunch dishes today. It was such a pleasant experience after my previous feelings towards them. It was easy. There was no struggle in doing them. It was like finding my way out of the forest after being lost for so long. Laugh if you must but I feel so good. I’m not worried if I don’t get to the paperwork today. Tomorrow will do just as well. I have plans of making a kale, cabbage and radish kimchi. And Sheba still needs to be walked.

I’m glad that I didn’t caved in to my reading jag. I’m happy I could put down Heartbreak Hotel. It’s getting very interesting but I haven’t jumped ahead and read the ending yet. I used to do that alot but I’ve stopped. I’ve been practicing being mindful and read page by page in order. I think it is quieting my frenzied brain.

 It is now after seven. Sheba’s been walked. Supper is over. The kimchi will have to wait till tomorrow along with the paperwork. The garden had called, demanding attention. It wanted water and the kohlrabi seedlings wanting more space in between. Some things couldn’t wait. So here I am, tired after all that. I’m tapping my last words, bringing an end to my day.

MY NEMESIS

It’s a perfect afternoon sitting in my outdoor space. Warm but not too hot. The birds are chirping behind me in the cedars. The traffic whooshing by in the background. Sheba’s asleep on the deck floor. I’m facing a blank screen. It’s the 9th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. What shall I talk about today?

Pardon me but I have to get up, stretch and shake out my legs. It will give me a chance to do my breathing exercise. Maybe movement and more oxygen to the brain will loosen and free up my creativity. This writing challenge is holding me accountable to my words. It’s been a week of an egg with no toast in the morning for breakfast. I decorate it alternately with hemp and chia seeds. I prefer the hemp. It has a pleasant nutty taste. The chia is rather seedy and snappy, getting into the teeth. I haven’t stepped on the scale nor plan to. I’ve been rewarded with less jowls. That’s my measuring stick.

Now I have to work on my other nemesis. It’s no secret that I hate paying bills and paperwork. They send my brain into a frenzy. Seeing that my credit card bills are due today, I had to sit down and deal with them and other crap this morning. The bills are paid, insurances and car plate updated. The paper pile remains on my desk. There’s only so much my brain can handle at one go. But I must follow up tomorrow with sorting and filing. There’s also a couple of things I need to send in the mail.

That very thought unsettled me. I had to get up and make a black decaf and eat a couple of chocolate covered almonds. It stayed at only 2. What will power, eh? I will work hard at avoiding unpleasant tasks. I will approach my bill paying and paperwork like my after-lunch dishes – mindfully. In the end, it will not be dreaded.

MY WHY OF BLOGGING AND CHALLENGES

Good morning and Happy Canada Day! It’s July 1, the first day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I am going to show up here daily for the next 31 days with my chatterings. I enjoy challenges. They offer me an opportunity to be disciplined and accountable. It’s also a chance to meet and interact with other bloggers. I have a few rules for this space of mine. These are that I be:

  1. Truthful
  2. Respectful
  3. Hopeful
  4. Helpful

What I hope for this month is to get up, dress up and show up each morning. It will be my mindfulness practice of being present and alert before my keyboard, breathing in and out with each tap of on the keyboard. It does take away my thoughts of my morning physical discomforts. I am in the moment of forming thoughts and ideas. I am stretching and reaching with each finger. I am a proper typist. No pecking away with two fingers. I had graduated from Saskatoon Business College way back in the ’70s. I’ve had a class in typing using an IBM Selectric Typewriter. It does not have a moving carriage. The little ball travels back and forth.

It is late in the afternoon. I’ve had a good start in the morning. Making a commitment to write every day gives me structure. Having structure helps my disorganized brain focus and get with the program.  Thoughts just get lost, rattling around in my brain. But if I tap them out here, I can see them in physical form. Then I can act upon them. And act I did. I put some sweat in the garden this morning before it got too hot. Now without the weeds I can clearly see the 2 rows of peas. Much more pleasing to the eye than before. I timed it right as the rains came in the afternoon. This is how I can get things done.

I’ve mentioned more than once or twice about my disorderly moods. This space and challenge has provided me with a purpose to show up and do. I don’t have a business to build or promote. I am not interesting in making money but I am in having a purpose. I can get engaged in constructing hopefully an interesting and informative post. I can converse about what is important and helpful to me. I like to think that I can motivate a reader or two. I will strive for better construction and proof reading. I will work for it. Happy blogging to my fellow bloggers.