About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.

TAKING TIME – Day 61 in a year of…

Posted on September 21, 2016 by hafong

Day 61, September 21, 2016 @8:06

I realize today that I must take the time to do the things that are important and the things that I love. I can’t make more time. But I can take time for these things and for myself. I am here. This is important. And I love the tap, tapping of the words. It is rhythmic. It is poetic. It is the song of my heart.

I have been good at deceiving myself, saying “when I have time, I will do…” and so the piles pile up. Things go incomplete. Dreams stay in Neverland. Wishes in the well. I saw all that in a flash today. Feeling fatigued and sweaty, wishing for a soak in the tub in the middle of the afternoon. Feeling squished by many chores to be done. Laundry brought home from the lake, defrosting the freezer, and …I was squished by it all.

Even the mundane of life are important. The laundry and freezer were a must. I breathed. I cleared my mind. I did the laundry. I defrosted the freezer. I soaked in the tub. I had time. I took time. That was it. It was wonderful. I have to remember to do it every day – take time to do the important and the lovelies. Did you take time today?

SNAPSHOTS AND A FEW WORDS Day 55- 60 in a year of…..

Posted on September 20, 2016 by hafong

Day 55- 60, September 20, 2016 @ 8:34 pm

I have been missing in action for too many days. The longer it is, the harder it is to return. Life gets busy and it is easy to fall off the wagon. But marking my days and progress is important. I make the time and effort to return and show up again and again even if only in a snapshot and a few words via Instagram.

It has been a long day. It is late and I am tired. I will say goodnight and end with today’s Day 60 from my Instagram post. I am very happy to have arrived here with today’s insight. Hopefully I can return tomorrow with a longer post.

Day 60 in a year of doing different. The bread is baked and cooling on the rack. Lunch ate. Dishes and pans washed. At last I can put up my feet and sit with my tea. The days are going fast and slow. I am already/only on day 60 of 365. It all depends on the angle of your view. Today I caught a different glimpse into the nature of people and myself. Those glimpses are gifts. They are fleeting so I must mark them for remembrance. What I’m finally understanding now is that some people cannot own up to their mistakes – no matter how costly in energy and stress it is to others and themselves. What I see in myself is that I want my justice – no matter how costly in energy and stress to myself. Now I do understand and accept that some people cannot admit their mistakes. With that, I feel a softening in me. Is that compassion and forgiveness? Whatever. I’m letting go of stuff. I’m happier with myself for it.

#day60 #ayearofchange #views #humannature #owningup #mistakes #justice #compassion #forgiveness #lettinggo #photochallenge #taleswithfriends

STUMBLING THROUGH MY Days 52, 53 and 54 in my year of ……

Posted on September 14, 2016 by hafong

Day 52-54, September 14, 2016 @3:04

It has been a few days since I’ve been here. Life happens and I cannot show up as planned. I do the best I can. I am here now, tapping out my words and thoughts for those days.

Doing different isn’t easy. It isn’t difficult. Every day there are numerous opportunities of doing different, of doing better, of turning a different page. We must seize that moment to answer when they knocking on the door. The same moments will not come again.

But as I have just said, life happens. If you don’t hear or can’t answer the knock, so be it. Let go the regret or berating of yourself. The opportunity is gone. Be more attentive and answer the next knock. Life is full of them. You can be sure of that.

On this 54th day of my year of doing different, I’m sitting back, enjoying the fire in the woods. I’m trying to heed my own words. It’s difficult not to strive, worry and regret. It is possible to change – one little act at a time, one day at a time. Some days you will stumble. Who hasn’t ever?

When was your last stumble? Did you fall? Till tomorrow, I hope.

LIFE REIMAGINED – Day 51 in a year of…

Posted on September 11, 2016 by hafong

Day 51, September 11, 2016 @2:14 pm

September 11th! I’m happy that there’s not a lot of stuff out there reminding us of THAT day fifteen years ago. As if we need reminders. I don’t. I remember it very well. I remember the morning news. It was surreal. It was the morning of my mother’s ct scan to confirm her diagnosis of aortic aneurysm. The morning already felt chaotic and disastrous. The diagnosis was confirmed.

It has been fifteen years. We’ve learned to move on with it. Life has been good with some bad moments sprinkled in between. Life is like that, you know. It adds interest. It is never good to dwell on stuff without doing anything about it. Life is never stagnant. It is a moving, changing force. You have to move with it. You have to be engaged in it.

I am learning about engagement with my exercises in doing different. Shifting, twigging, making little changes is changing something inside me. I see a little different. I hear a little different. I feel a little ‘different’ by changing the habit of sitting in a different chair for reading. I feel the discomfort of my body, its yearning for the usual love seat even though the Lazy Boy is more comfortable with movable positions. The brain is a funny thing. It likes the same old, same old. I have to change its grooves.

A year feels like a long time. But I’ve 50 days down. 50 days of paying attention. 50 days of writing and posting. It’s almost a habit now. It’s easier with each completed post. I like old comforts but I also like challenges. I can be bored with too much same olds. I can get dull and morose with boredom. From experience, I know I can get over the discomfort of the ‘new’. I know that soon they will become familiar. Then I will move on to the next new.

What is your new? Till tomorrow.

PLAY AND INSPIRATION – Day 49 and 50 in a year of…

Posted on September 10, 2016 by hafong

Day 49 and 50, August 10, 2016 @7:40 pm

It’s that witching hour again where I have to come up with a few words for two days. Egad! It’s tough enough to come up with a few pearls of wisdoms period. Well, let me wave my broom and see what I can come up with.

Yesterday’s idea was to have more fun. Sheba totally agrees. She’s squeaking her purple ball right at my side. You have to be careful for what you ask for. You might get it and then you are sorry. Yup, she is barking. Let’s play! Play can be hard work. Maybe it’s because I’m not good at it. I need to play more so that it is not so foreign. That’s what takes up energy – the unease, the not at home with play.

Today I am still rolling with the idea of play, of not working at goals, at anything. I couldn’t work at anything if I try anyways. I am too tired – from exercising and having fun yesterday. It was good just to be a spectator of the day at Saskatoon’s Highland Games. I would have enjoyed it more if it wasn’t such a cool day. Still it was good to brave the outdoors and something new. I came away inspired by the men who loved their sport. What they taught me was that we could do spectacular things if we love what we do. I am happy that I am an inspiration seeker. I was not seeking today. It came to me on the music of bagpipes.

PHOBIAS, Dark Closets of My Mind – Day 48 in a year of….

Posted on September 8, 2016 by hafong

Day 48, September 8, 2016 @8:00 pm

I’m late coming here. I feel a sense of avoidance – dread. Have you suffered from anxiety? Do you have phobias? I have – most of my adult life. I’ve only realized recently the names for these feelings of reluctance and unspeakable dread. Unspeakable till now, I suppose. Perhaps they,like the vampires, need to be exposed to the light of day to be vanquished. So here I am, in my year of doing different, speaking of the dark closets in my mind.

Where to begin is difficult. My feelings are so pervasive. They are hard to articulate. I have lived a long time waiting for the shoe to drop. Then I let the shoe drop. Nothing happened. Nothing shattered. Humpty-Dumpty did not fall-then. I was surprised. I got over sure. I got cocky. I thought I was cured.

Then I fell. I did not shatter. I only shook and shook. I thought it would never end. I could not let my guard down. I kept looking over my shoulders till I got exhausted and gave that up.

photo-on-2016-07-24-at-9-18-am Now, I am almost calm and stillI. I can slowly open one can of worms at a time. I still shake and tremble. I let them come. I feel them but I am still here. I can be afraid again and not be scared of it.

What are you scared of? Till tomorrow.

THE VOICES IN MY HEAD – Day 47

Posted on September 7, 2016 by hafong

Day 47, September 7, 2016 @6:49

Voices in the head are quite intrusive. Mine are. They tell me this is hard, that is difficult. They tell me after that I should have, could have. They make me feel lazy, tired and worse of all – guilty. They rob me of energy, time and well-being. Autumn is a vulnerable season for me with its shortened daylight and especially on cloudy days. I pay special care. Iquestion those voices in my head. I ask: Is that true?

The question gives me time for a pause and do a turn around. I tell those voices to be quiet. I tell myself I can do better. I can do that thing that they tell me is hard. I start. I move towards my goal. Once I start, I’m surprised to find that it wasn’t so hard afterall. If an unpleasant mood rises, I ask myself why and is it true. Can I feel another way? It’s that second of asking. It gives me time to change. Sometimes it doesn’t work. It’s not the end of the world. I feel what I feel. What isn’t done isn’t done. If I feel guilty about it, I feel guilty. I feel it until it goes away.

How was my day? I felt tired. I didn’t want to go out. I didn’t want to do what needed to be done. It gnawed at me. I went out anyways and did what I had to do. It felt good. While I was out, I ran into someone who made me realized how good living is and how much I have to be grateful for. If I hadn’t gone out, I would have missed that opportunity. I would have been sorry. Instead, I’m inspired again.

How was your day? Till tomorrow.

CHOOSING JOY – Day 46 in a day of…

Posted on September 6, 2016 by hafong

Day 46, September 6, 2016 @10:49

Days like today are dangerous for falling into moping and feeling sorry for myself. They are dangerous for wasting time and feeling justified in it. Oh, I deserve to have a rest and let everything go. Meanwhile, underneath it all, things gnaw at me. I do want to … I wonder as to what is stopping me. I do have a choice. So I work a little harder in trying to understand myself. I wonder if I have to understand. I think about just doing. After all, all I have to do is move a body part, then another one.

I’m an inspiration seeker – wherever I can find it. This morning it is from the poet/writer, David Whyte. He writes of joy as “is a meeting place, of deep intentionality and self forgetting”. It is a little ping, ping moment for me. I get them often but have mostly laugh them off. I discard them, not honouring my ability for sensing these gifted pings from the Universe. But now, I am trusting myself and valuing my senses. I am listening. I am setting intentions to create an environment for joy to come. Not all days are equal. Some days it is harder to carry out the intentions.

What/how am I going about today? Now that I have changed my mood and mindset a little, I can see the forest through the trees. I can think about what’s for dinner, changing the sheets on the bed and bringing out the fall duvet. It’s none too warm in the morning, though I can see a teenage girl wearing shorts on this first day going to school. I can clean the deck and bring in my plants . I have been thinking about that every day but haven’t. There’s tomatoes, hot peppers, squashes, beans and grapes to be harvested. There’s rhubarb to pick and a crisp to make. Then there’s art to do. Oh, a little bird just came to the window. I felt my heart lighting up. Is that joy? I will tell you tomorrow.

EMPOWERMENT – Day 45 in a year of…

Posted on September 5, 2016 by hafong

Day 45, September 5, 2016 @ 1:51 pm

The two hardest thing for me in life is getting things started and putting things away. But look at me. I’m here early! But before you give a hooray, let me tell you. I’m here because I’m putting off the dishes and cleaning up after lunch. I’m having a spot of tea. I would really like to just sit and sip my tea – and doze. But I’m re-training/re-inventing myself. This is my year long/life project. The reasons why:

I felt dissatisfied with myself and the status quo
Life was affecting my health
I read a book called I Dare Me – about doing something different every day
I want to see if by doing something different daily would affect the way I see, feel and handle life
I had finished my 100 day project of doing art. The project was very helpful and I wanted to do another project.

How I started:

Since I was dissatisfied with myself, I started by enhancing my physical appearance. Since retirement, I have given up makeup totally. I have not bothered with jewellry for a long time. I stayed in my lounge clothes or wore sweats. So I started by brushing and styling my hair soon as I got up, applied my makeup, draw in my eyebrows and chose a pair of earrings. I had forgotten how many pairs I had! I started doing selfies on my iPhone. There’s a knack and practice does make for better. I asked friends on InstaGram for tips. After awhile, I stopped grimacing when I look at my selfies. I started to have FUN!

Things have evolved. One day, two days. Now I am on day 45. I do not have a plan on what ‘different’ is. Things just came up as the day comes. They are not necessarily big things. After all, isn’t there a saying that goes, Little things mean a lot? Sometimes the ‘different’ is changing how I feel – even if it’s for a moment.

Results for me?

Having a project have given me a rhythm to my day. Life is a worthwhile project. Changes come slowly but I have felt them. It has given me a sense of empowerment – I can change. I am the captain of my ship. I can steer it towards my own destiny.

My dishes and Sheba are calling me. Where is your ship heading? Till tomorrow.

INSPIRATION AND EXPECTATION – DAY 44 In a year of…

Posted on September 4, 2016 by hafong

Day 44, Sept. 4, 2016 @7:19 pm

I haven’t changed my time of arrival here. If anything, I’m arriving later rather than sooner. I hope to have more words and paragraphs. I’m hoping for more inspiration.

These days I am dogged by fatigue, sleepiness and pain. This morning laying in bed, I wondered if I am suffering from fibromyalgia – that vague ailment that many suffer from. I have listened for many years to my mother’s own complaints of aches, pain and fatigue. I wondered if that is what she has. Once again I googled ‘fibromyalgia’. I came to the same conclusions as before. I don’t know anything more than I did before. I am not willing to take to take a lot of drugs. I am highly functional despite my discomfort. It doesn’t matter what name you give the cluster of symptons so I will not spend a lot of time chasing doctors and diagnosis.

I moved on with life and my day, starting with my qi gong routine. I breathed and moved, infusing my body with chi. I put my mind into the gentle movements, knowing that it is not a one time fix. It is a lifetime of healthy habits. It need not be a big, big thing. It is always these small steps we take for ourselves. They can heal. They can build muscles in the body and mind.

I did find my inspiration reading Caroline Myss’s August newsletter on inspiration and expectation. What I got from it was that it is better to inspire or to be inspired than to expect. Expectation has a sense of entitlement to it. If we are good, we expect to be rewarded. But the question is by whom? This is the part from the newsletter that spoke to me:

“Expectations do not serve you or anyone else. It’s much better to be filled with inspiration than with expectations, as the latter usually disappoints you.

And remember, the idea that there is a right path or a wrong path is a child’s way of thinking. And it leads to the secondary belief that you should be rewarded for taking the right path. Or conversely, challenges that are just ordinary in life would be viewed as proof you made the wrong choice. The very template of right-wrong, good-bad is limited by its nature.

Instead, learn to recognize your motives for making your choices in life. When motivated by fear or money or insecurities, you’ll make choices of equal quality. And those choices will fit the quality of your motivation. It is not God offering or withholding rewards from you. You’re the one who has to live with the consequences of your choices. That, too, is part of the system of law and order in the universe. We are all subject to the consequences of our choices – such is the way of karma.

And so we reflect upon this wisdom: Know yourself, and you will know the Universe. Think of the power you have inside of yourself to determine the quality of your life experiences.” – Caroline Myss

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