Tag Archives: energy

JAVA MORNINGS

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Have I told you I’ve given up my Orange Pekoe cuppa? I’m making some changes to the way I live. I’m starting small with a cup of coffee in the morning, a very small cup. It holds 125ml, just a swallow. That was all I needed. I surprised myself with a burst of energy and a flurry of hard-to-do activities.

I warmed up with my usual pushing the damp mop around the floors and a little dusting along the way. I’m getting quite good at it now. Having limbered up, I used my hula hoop, what Amy Tan call the gym for seniors. I’ve already achieved the 1 minute mark, so now I’m working towards 2 minutes without stopping. Took a few tries but I got it! By then I was in a good sweat. I had to do a walk around the house to cool off before doing 3 rounds of 20 seconds of planking. I stretched by doing my qigong routine.

I probably over did after 2 months of potato couching. It was so nice to have the energy. It was hard to stop. I went for a little bike ride after lunch before taking Sheba out for her walk. Then I finished raking the leaves in the front yard. Now I’m all revved up. I hope I can sleep tonight. I did have another small cup of coffee after lunch. I was tired of being a wet noodle. I hope to repeat my day tomorrow but maybe a little more moderate. I might have to skip the 2nd coffee.

MONDAY, MONDAY

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Monday morning coming down. May 11th, the calendar pages are advancing. The sun is out shining bright. My day has started. Breakfast over and done with. I’ve shaped my sourdough loaves. They are chilling in the fridge. They can chill up to 24 hours. The longer they stay, the tastier and more stable they get. That is what they say. Maybe I will wait to bake them tomorrow morning and test out the theory.

My Sheba and I are growing old together. She has a little more white than I do. Her hips are worse off, too, giving her trouble these last couple of weeks. I try not to feel too bad or sad when I see her stumble. She still loves her walks and able to go up and down the deck stairs. There’s a few more things I can do to help her like doing range of motion on her hips. She’s content to let me massage and brush her, even on her backend. She is already on fish oils and glucosamine. I will try to wean a little weight off her. It will be a task as she loves food. I’m adding a little ground flax to her food and see if that will help. I hear that cumin is a good anti inflammatory. We will check with the vet.

Mornings are my best time. It is late afternoon. My mood and energy are sagging and dragging the floor. It is impossible to work on the hard stuff when I’m feeling thus. Bad habits are hard to break but I did get the kohlrabi and broccoli seedlings transplanted. They were beyond leggy and flopping over. Gardening has not been easy this year. I keep plodding along. I will be glad for my persistence and efforts come harvest time. I think of the reward to keep myself moving along.

Excuse my monotone. I’m struggling to finish this post. I find myself struggling with everything. I just have to take life in smaller bites and swallows these days. You wonder why I bother with my mutterings. Sometimes I wonder, too. But I’m the better for showing up here. It gives me order to my day. The rhythm of the keys tapping calms and soothes me. It gives me purpose. It records my moods, problems and helps me find workable solutions. It keeps me sane.

 

THE QUIET AROUND ME

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Sometimes I get tripped up starting the day. The morning can be an obstacle course. I try not to get sidetrack too much, wasting time reading useless articles or things that I already know. How many versions of the same thing do I need? I try not to be obsessed about not being sidetracked. That can take the joy out me. I try to remember to do simple – just stop when I catch myself doing the repetitive and nonsensible. STOP.

Life is a little easier. The weather is a little warmer. My body is feeling more at ease. Sunshine is streaming through the windows. I’m tap, tapping on my keyboard, rearranging my thoughts, putting them in order, getting the kinks out. I’m calming my neurons. They misfire every which way. My keyboard is like a pacemaker, putting the impulses into rhythm. I can breathe again – in for 4 counts, hold for 7, out for 8. I do this four times.

The last few months or so have not been a good space for me. But there are some things that are working for me. It’s good to pay attention to the positive. For one thing, the pain in my hands and hips have been absent for over a year. Doing the work, paying attention to what I eat and exercising regularly have big dividends. It keeps my spirit afloat in the face of knowing that life is never easy. It goes on and I have to put one foot in front of the other.

I’m recognizing the value of my time and energy now. They are not endless as my years advance. Now when I catch myself doing things that don’t really matter, I stop. I redirect myself in another activity. I’m repeating myself but it’s something worth repeating. It’s a hard lesson for me. I waste and fret away my time and energy on things that can’t be changed or help me. For all the mornings sitting in meditation, it’s taken me a long time to get here.

I AM here, sitting in sunshine, in silence, listening to the rhythm of my breathing and the beating of my heart. I am alive. I am tapping out my inner conversation, the voice of all my cells. I should listen to them and the quiet around me.

USE IT OR LOSE IT

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August 11

Surprisingly, I had a whiff of energy last evening. Not to waste it, even though it was not my time of doing things, I took the vacuum stick and sucked up the dog hair on the floor. It did not take all that long to do the kitchen, dining, living and the sun room. Next, I tackled  the dirty screened window in the sunroom. I’ve been looking at it all summer and haven’t made any move on it. My energy is like that. I know it and learning to work with it.

My brain is such that it gets overwhelmed easily. I have to work in the one-inch frame that Anne Lamott speaks of and E.L. Doctorow’s ‘Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.’ They’re referring to writing but I apply it to everything. Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life is a book full of such wisdom.

I am happy that I started this conversation in the morning. I am happy I paid the house insurance this morning. The afternoon has been a bit of a struggle. I am feeling the seasonal bad, but not sad. I can’t think at all. Doing a simple sewing project is difficult. Trying to figure how to measure and cut on the bias felt like doing brain surgery. Having the right equipment and tools helped alot. In the end, I got my bias strips cut and sewn to specification. But somehow one end ended up in my cup of coffee. So now it’s rinsed off and hung up to dry.

Sheba and I have been out and back from our walk. Nothing exciting except I did dropped the roll of doggy bags and didn’t even know it. It was lying on the sidewalk, waiting for me on our return. I think I should call it a day. I should make a cuppa, put up my feet and read my murder mystery. It’s always good therapy for my foggy brain.

TIME THIS MORNING

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Sunny Sunday morning. Another new day. Another new week. I’m trying to utilize what I know for sure. Mornings are my best time for energy and for tackling hard to do things. It’s not working for me right now. I’m already sleepy eyed, not knowing what to do first. Even my fingers are limp with sleepiness and lethargy. Is it spring fever? What exactly is spring fever? I have never understood the term but I utter it anyways. It sounds good. Here’s what Wikipedia’s definition:

Spring fever is any of a number of mood, physical, or behavioral changes, which may be experienced coinciding with the arrival of spring, particularly restlessness, laziness, and even amorousness.

Laziness fits me the best at the moment. I am trying, fighting against it. Sandman is tugging at my eyes and my head is full of cobwebs. Perhaps another cup of tea is in order.

I’m back with my cuppa. While I was at it, I got out of my pjs and vacuumed 2 rooms while waiting for the water to boil. Living life in small moments do get things done. It’s easier to stay awake, standing up and moving. I continually surprise myself at how much I can do in minutes. I learned that long ago on a slow overnight train from Hiroshima to Tokyo. I found that a 7-minute shower card that came with my cabin was quite adequate for a shower and shampoo. I huffed, puffed and rushed unnecessarily. I had lots of minutes left over.

This morning I spun for a few minutes looking for the card for my appointments at the hearing center. I had put it in a ‘safe’ place. It was a mistake because I have forgotten where that place was. It was much better to leave it in its first resting place. But I did find it without tearing the house apart. This time, I wrote the dates in my notebook for such purposes. I have to remember to do it till it is a habit. I’m still remembering to put my credit card receipts in a little box for matching up with monthly statements.

 

 

THE DOG, THE PARK AND EVERTHING

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Beautiful sunny October and I’m feeling oh so fine! Coming from this elevated level, it’s hard even for me to believe that I can crash and burn. It’s all a part of living this human journey. Are you tired of hearing it, even if it’s true? I’m tired of saying it but it’s such a good line. How can I resist? I’m tap, tapping merrily along here. The words are bouncing off my fingertips. My endorphins are at a record high. I’m making use of them. Who knows. Tomorrow the clouds could crowd my horizons. I might not be able to elbow them out of my way. I’m making hay while the sun shines.

Taking advantage of my energy I rounded up Sheba for the dog park. She’s also in her best form for a 12 year old. She could still bounce up into the back of my Honda CRV with a little coaxing and a treat. Coming back was another matter. She looked up at the car and shook her head. I can’t do it, she told me. A treat couldn’t convince her. Maybe it was all the romping with the youngsters that did her in. I had to carry her up and in. Goes to show how strong I am. I’m sure she will sleep well tonight. Maybe we’ll get to sleep in tomorrow. She usually wakes up at 6 am, almost on the dot.

It’s good for me to show up here on my good days as well as bad days. It’s proof for me on bad days that I can feel awesome. I’m not down in the dumps, a wet blanket, raining on all the parades. I do miss one or two. Some days I even shine.

 

 

MY CAMINO ROAD

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Beginnings of anythings are hard. Mornings are the best for me. It’s that time before trivia creeps in and fills all the recesses of my mind. They block the flow of oxygen and ideas to my being. But it is so tempting to linger over that cup of tea/coffee and scroll one more page and read another article, then another post. Before I know it, an hour or two have passed. The good/bright ideas/intentions have disappeared. All I’m left is lethargy and annoyance with myself.

I have to be stern with my lagging, sagging self. Nip it in the bud or it could run rampant, like an infection. So here I am, showing up before I get feverish and succumb to another lazy day. Movement begats more movement and energy. I go back to things that work for me, working in small blocks. If I get stuck, I stop and do something else. I’m learning not to sabotage myself. It’s been a long journey of many slow steps. But I am seeing more clearly as I am walking this, my very own Camino Road of enlightenment. No need to go to Spain. I have Sheba to keep me company here on the road.

Now it is 3:30 in the afternoon. I’m pecking/tapping away at my day. An index card painted for 365 Somethings 2018, a photo for April Love , Sheba’s afternoon walk done – these are the sign posts that guide me. They add order and rhythm to my day. In between these projects, the bedding plants are placed onto the deck, getting some natural light, readying for permanent residence out of doors. The deck chairs are rid of their dust and grime. Corners of the deck cleared of last year’s dirt. Screens wiped. Not all finished but a good start. That’s all that is needed. A start and the rest will follow. Repeat this every day.

 

SUNDAY, BEFORE THE RAINS COME

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It is after lunch. Lethargy seeps into every part of me, body and mind. I want to vegetate forever and forever. If I was to allow it, the food, pots and dishes would sit there till mold grows. I wonder how I ever held down a job. The wonder of it was that I was in a high stress, 12-hour-shifts nursing profession for over 30 years. I thought I did well but looking back now, maybe not. I attended to the job but not to my life. My still-full laundry basket of laundered clothes still sits from 4 years ago when I was still working. Clearly, I haven’t missed those items. Maybe, too, I don’t want to dig into that basket of memories. BUT, I will tend to it today.

I have been missing in action here for a few days. I was tending to my body and soul. Sometimes I have to take a rest into the quiet, still my thoughts, silence my words and not let them march onto the page. Silence is golden. Some things I need to keep for myself. Otherwise, I will have nothing of my own. I will be emptied out.

It is hard to resume the conversation though. It is like the after lunch dishes. If left too long, things get stale and crusty. It would require more energy to get going. I had to get up and fetch a cuppa. My eyes were droopy. It would be so easy just to curl up and have a nap. But I’m stuttering on, letting my fingers find the rhythm and the letters. The clouds are gathering, the wind picking up. I hear a train whistle. I better not tarry. There’s Sheba to be walked – hopefully before the rains come.

LIKE A DREAM LOST

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It’s upsetting how stress can upset my day and body, even though it wasn’t mine. And it wasn’t all that critical. What do you do when you share the household? You can’t help but listen and help with the problem solving. Well, everything is resolved after four days. Four days is enough for it to seep into my system and my dreams. Now, I’m left with the excess and residual frustrations. It’s very well for the guy now that he has received his supplies. He goes off to his workshop.

I’m left here to solve my own frustrations, how to best regain my composure to get on with my program and day. I do have one, an important one, however meager and nondescript it may sound. The goal of my program is how not to let problems be so frustrating that they disrupt and rob me of energy. Problems are to be solved. Frustrations cannot be avoided at times. It is best I learn the skill of ‘dissolving’ it. Let it flow out of me.

I can see now that after the frustration/anger or whatnot is resolved, their energy still hangs around. It is up to me to diffuse it. The rhythm of tapping is soothing for me. With each tap I feel myself feeling calmer and seeing clearly. My feelings are my own responsibility. I do have the choice of how I react/deal with any situation. I do not blame anyone for my own misery. I find it very interesting how the day can get away on me. Now I’m calling it back. I do have that ability.

The day did not get away on me completely. I recognized that my mind was disturbed and disrupted. I used that disturbed energy to do the dirty work – like putting in a load of laundry. The energy was there to be used somehow and lo and behold it was done and hung to dry without much effort. I proceeded to water my bedding plants. The butternut squash seemed to be outgrowing their pots. They were transplanted into bigger ones. All done without much awareness. It doesn’t matter. Things got done. I am now aware.

It is helpful to take stock, to physically tap out the letters, words and sentences. I feel as if my morning was a dream lost. I’ve recaptured it and more. Now on with the show. This is it.

D is for DISCIPLINE

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Saturday

The snow storm came this morning. I was happy it came later rather than sooner. I made it to the embroidery seminar before the blowing snow gave me thought for pause. Being that there was 3 of us made it easier to get chummy and chatty. One of us was already very skilled. I had no experience. She was very generous in offering her help. It’s handy she lives in my area. I will probably call her up sometimes.

Sunday

It was a brief conversation yesterday. I was short on time and energy. But I am back. I’m working on the discipline thing. It would be easy to while the morning away reading  Sue Grafton’s Y is for Yesterday. I should not have read the reviews before I read the book. It colours how I am finding it.  I am agreeing that it is long and a bit tedious, confusing, and repetitous. Would I feel the same if I had not read the reviews? I will never find out now. Still, it is worth the read because it is Sue Grafton. She must have written it while battling cancer. I have a lot of respect for her.

Yes, these mornings I am digging deep to find my discipline bone, to lay aside the book after awhile. I need to get on with other things. It’s a difficult task even if I like doing the other stuff. My body’s natural inclination is to stay in the same old, same old. My brain’s had enough practice now to step in. Put the book down! Paint your 365 Somethings 2018 index card. I heard its voice in my head. I sigh and put the book down. The index card is painted. Projects keep me moving somehow or another. At the end of the year I will have 365 little postcard watercolour paintings. I hope my paintings will be better and better.

The bedding is in the wash AGAIN. For some reason they still smelled of Sheba. We love her but not her stink. She is also laundered two days ago. Now her fluff is floating around. The work never ends. It’s a good thing because if it does, what would it mean? I’m pepping myself up with a cup of decaf. It still has the caffeine taste. That’s good enough for me. I best go and check on the laundrey. They’re probably ready for the dryer now. Then it will be time for lunch. Best not to be late. We have tickets to see Gabriel Dumont’s Wild West Show at 2 pm.