It’s friggin’ hard!

If I am wanting changes, new feelings, new results, new everythings, I best give up doing the same old, same old. Realization is one thing. Doing is another. Mornings often find me dragged down with old issues. I’m weighed down with feelings of avoidance, cornered with no escape. I reluctantly gave up the warm fuzzy comfort of my housecoat, got into my day clothes and made some dreaded phone calls. It didn’t solve everything, but one step further. It’s an action.

I always talk a great talk, don’t I? It’s been said that I know how to talk. I wonder if I ever put them into action. Sometimes I feel like a broken record, playing the same song over and over. I’m putting an effort into ‘walking my talk’. Everything about it is hard – getting into day clothes, phoning, sitting here, making a start. It’s going against the grain, that nail against the chalkboard. I’ve made a start of Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. It’s not an easy read for me right now. My mindset is on thrillers. Y is for Yesterday is in my possession. I much rather read it instead. I see it has many bad reviews. I probably will like it very much. But I’ll persevere with the former – a little every day.

I’m liking what the author, Dr. Joe Dispenza, has to say, despite the difficulty of understanding quantum physics. We are more powerful than we realize. It’s also something that my guru, Caroline Myss says many times. They both stress that we are in the energy age, that matter is made up of energy. Thoughts are powerful. I heard that one also from the ER doctor tending me on one visit. It was instumental in helping me over my panic attacks. That and his genuine belief and concern for my distress. Energy travelling through his demeanor and voice towards me.

I like to take away a few new points in my daily reading. Today I’m making note of how powerful my thoughts/I am and that matter is made up of energy. Rather than spending my thoughts on the things that I don’t want, I should be thinking about the things I do want. AND I’m putting into practice of doing those things that needed doing but somehow my head finds difficult and want to put off. I sound silly and lazy when I say getting my car washed, filling it with gas, taking Sheba to the doggy wash, buying my shampoo….are difficult. They ARE so difficult in my head. Perhaps my brain dyslexic or injured. I’m hoping the habit of repetition will make things easier.

I try to do one or two difficult things a day. I did the car wash and gas fill up on Monday. Today after the dog park, we went to the doggy wash. Sheba was not thrilled but she is sweeter smelling. She liked the doggy treat part. We stopped for my shampoo on the way home. The thing for me to remember is not to be overwhelmed with too many things on the to-do list. I need to disassociate emotions/feelings from the activity. It’s a step by step process. There’s nothing difficult about going to the car/doggy wash, gassing up, etc. Just do, don’t think or feel.


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