January 10. The Ultimate Blog Challenge
I drank too much coffee today. I forgot myself and didn’t specify that I wanted a decaf when I ordered my breakfast. Since they’ve already poured it, I didn’t want to make a fuss. When I went for a refill, I forgot again! I’ve been a little jittery since I got home. I’m drinking hot water like mad to flush it out of my system. I hope I can sleep tonight. There was a time when I drank coffee all day long at work, came home and had a large mug of coffee before bed and never think of it. Of course in those days of when I was a nurse, I never slept much. I took pride in how well I functioned on how little I slept. I’m sure that I was brain damaged then.
When I retired in 2013 I crashed. The sleep deprivation, stress and everything that was suppressed by fatigue all caught up with me. It took 3 years to catch up all the sleep I missed and to flush the caffeine, the stress and anxiety I had absorbed working in a hospital environment. I also took pride in how well I functioned having crashed so totally and heavily. How foolish and vain I was. Perhaps it’s that Chinese trait of saving face in me. It would have been easier and healthier if I had just stop, curled up and rested. But I guess that’s not who I was/am. Today I am still taking pride in striving, but I am more moderate and balanced.
I haven’t drank this much coffee since until today. I think I will be OK. It’s only 2 medium cups whereas in my younger golden days, it was many, many cups. It was my way of staying awake and on my feet. I still like to be alert and on my feet but I don’t need the caffeine to do it now. It’s fresh air and exercise. I had plenty this morning on the ski trail. It was early and I was all alone in a white winterland. It was beautiful. It was wonderful. It was marvelous.
Hmm. I’ve had another cup of hot water. I think I’ve tapped out much of my jitteriness. I think I will do some stretches to further relax me. I’ve been sharing thoughts and memories from 2011 this month. I will carry on the theme. Today’s share is on retirement.
THIS THING CALL RETIREMENT – OCT. 1, 2011
Retirement has been on my mind for awhile now. It seems like that is what we should strive for….all our lives. There is this message to work hard so that one day in the far off distance, we can finally do what we REALLY want to do. I don’t hear THEM, whoever they are, talk about doing the thing that we want now. And why don’t we?
I’m feeling that it is not yet my time to retire from my profession. There is still things for me to do and learn within that framework. And to tell the truth, I still love what I do. I’m feeling power in that knowledge. I’m feeling a great sense of freedom….to do what I like and to stop when I don’t. I’m rethinking what ‘work’, ‘retirement’ and life mean. I don’t think one needs to stop working in order to have a life. One needs to do what gives him a sense of worth, a sense of joy, accomplishment…..to have a life. And of course, we need balance. Too much of anything, even a good thing like work or leisure time, is not what living is all about.
And do we ever truly retire…from life? I hope not. I hope that when I am ‘tired’ of, or not physically able to work my present profession, I will find another something or another that has given me so much in return.