D is for DISCIPLINE

Posted on March 4, 2018 by hafong

Saturday

The snow storm came this morning. I was happy it came later rather than sooner. I made it to the embroidery seminar before the blowing snow gave me thought for pause. Being that there was 3 of us made it easier to get chummy and chatty. One of us was already very skilled. I had no experience. She was very generous in offering her help. It’s handy she lives in my area. I will probably call her up sometimes.

Sunday

It was a brief conversation yesterday. I was short on time and energy. But I am back. I’m working on the discipline thing. It would be easy to while the morning away reading Sue Grafton’s Y is for Yesterday. I should not have read the reviews before I read the book. It colours how I am finding it. I am agreeing that it is long and a bit tedious, confusing, and repetitous. Would I feel the same if I had not read the reviews? I will never find out now. Still, it is worth the read because it is Sue Grafton. She must have written it while battling cancer. I have a lot of respect for her.

Yes, these mornings I am digging deep to find my discipline bone, to lay aside the book after awhile. I need to get on with other things. It’s a difficult task even if I like doing the other stuff. My body’s natural inclination is to stay in the same old, same old. My brain’s had enough practice now to step in. Put the book down! Paint your 365 Somethings 2018 index card. I heard its voice in my head. I sigh and put the book down. The index card is painted. Projects keep me moving somehow or another. At the end of the year I will have 365 little postcard watercolour paintings. I hope my paintings will be better and better.

The bedding is in the wash AGAIN. For some reason they still smelled of Sheba. We love her but not her stink. She is also laundered two days ago. Now her fluff is floating around. The work never ends. It’s a good thing because if it does, what would it mean? I’m pepping myself up with a cup of decaf. It still has the caffeine taste. That’s good enough for me. I best go and check on the laundrey. They’re probably ready for the dryer now. Then it will be time for lunch. Best not to be late. We have tickets to see Gabriel Dumont’s Wild West Show at 2 pm.

WALKING MY TALK

Posted on March 1, 2018 by hafong

It’s friggin’ hard!

If I am wanting changes, new feelings, new results, new everythings, I best give up doing the same old, same old. Realization is one thing. Doing is another. Mornings often find me dragged down with old issues. I’m weighed down with feelings of avoidance, cornered with no escape. I reluctantly gave up the warm fuzzy comfort of my housecoat, got into my day clothes and made some dreaded phone calls. It didn’t solve everything, but one step further. It’s an action.

I always talk a great talk, don’t I? It’s been said that I know how to talk. I wonder if I ever put them into action. Sometimes I feel like a broken record, playing the same song over and over. I’m putting an effort into ‘walking my talk’. Everything about it is hard – getting into day clothes, phoning, sitting here, making a start. It’s going against the grain, that nail against the chalkboard. I’ve made a start of Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. It’s not an easy read for me right now. My mindset is on thrillers. Y is for Yesterday is in my possession. I much rather read it instead. I see it has many bad reviews. I probably will like it very much. But I’ll persevere with the former – a little every day.

I’m liking what the author, Dr. Joe Dispenza, has to say, despite the difficulty of understanding quantum physics. We are more powerful than we realize. It’s also something that my guru, Caroline Myss says many times. They both stress that we are in the energy age, that matter is made up of energy. Thoughts are powerful. I heard that one also from the ER doctor tending me on one visit. It was instumental in helping me over my panic attacks. That and his genuine belief and concern for my distress. Energy travelling through his demeanor and voice towards me.

I like to take away a few new points in my daily reading. Today I’m making note of how powerful my thoughts/I am and that matter is made up of energy. Rather than spending my thoughts on the things that I don’t want, I should be thinking about the things I do want. AND I’m putting into practice of doing those things that needed doing but somehow my head finds difficult and want to put off. I sound silly and lazy when I say getting my car washed, filling it with gas, taking Sheba to the doggy wash, buying my shampoo….are difficult. They ARE so difficult in my head. Perhaps my brain dyslexic or injured. I’m hoping the habit of repetition will make things easier.

I try to do one or two difficult things a day. I did the car wash and gas fill up on Monday. Today after the dog park, we went to the doggy wash. Sheba was not thrilled but she is sweeter smelling. She liked the doggy treat part. We stopped for my shampoo on the way home. The thing for me to remember is not to be overwhelmed with too many things on the to-do list. I need to disassociate emotions/feelings from the activity. It’s a step by step process. There’s nothing difficult about going to the car/doggy wash, gassing up, etc. Just do, don’t think or feel.

ALIENS AND ADDICTION

Posted on January 20, 2018 by hafong

It’s a friggin’ mystery to me why I waste so much time scrolling when I have so much I want to do. In no time at all, an hour goes by. I could have, would have if only…blah, blah, blah. I feel like I have no mind of my own. It’s been taken over by aliens. Another name for it would be ADDICTION. There’s no point in ruminating about the whys and wherefores. But I’ve finally got my ass in front of the keyboard to peck out a paragraph.

I’ve managed to get the dried washed woolies off the rack in the laundry room. Changing posture, being in a different room changes my perspectives, my energy. I feel a ‘desire’ to do, even if it’s fleeting. I take my clothes upstairs to the bedroom, folded the sweaters and put them in their drawer. The scarfs I hung on their hooks on the back of the door. There! Some stuff back in their own place.

Not everything is that easy. But I am trying to make everything easier. There is no point in making them harder, is there? I am learning to be more – of everything. I can be more receptive by being more quiet. That way I can hear when my angels are talking to me, telling me their wisdom. I can be more observant instead of more showy so that I can see the problems in front of me. I can be more attentive of Sheba. I knew right from the start, she is a gift from God. She shows me how to be. She comforts me and fills the empty spaces. She has schedules that needs to be met. In meeting hers, mine are too.

I am learning to be more out of myself so I can see others in their suffering. I saw this on an article on Oprah this morning: When someone asks for help, always give her something. You don’t have to give her what she asks for, but you can give her a word of encouragement, a helpful idea or a caring glance. It’s very good advice. You never know how much kind words or a gesture can mean to a person. An acquaintance told me that after I dropped in to see her husband on my way to work.

He was a patient on the onocology ward at the hospital. I worked on the ward next to it. So it really wasn’t out of my way. The article reminded me of her words. “It might not be of anything to you but it meant alot to John,” she said. I have to confess. I’m not a mean person but I don’t always remember to be kind.

I have to remember to be more grateful, too. God has given me some powerful gifts. He has given me tools of expression. I would not be sitting here now tap, tapping out my innards if not for this gift of words. Do you know how powerful words are? I do. I use them to ease my dis-ease, to give me wings to fly, to create stories to encourage and heal what is hurting. I have great respect for them. I use them to speak only for and of myself here.

Then he gave me the pencil and brush to paint my blues away. I believe the blues is his gift, too. How else could the other two show up. One could not do without the other. It’s a tangle dance they do together. I am not sorry for having them. I would be lonely without them after all these years together. Are the blues an addiction? Should I try to rid them. For now, I’ll just try for finding easier ways to live with them. What do you think?

RECYCLING 365 SOMETHINGS

Posted on January 9, 2018 by hafong

A little while ago, I was thinking that I’ve been feeling and doing quite well. I haven’t had my usual miseries of sinus problems, aches and pains and the blues for a long time. Be careful of what you think! Lo and behold, my said maladies paid me a visit. Maybe it’s not my thoughts that brought them forth. Rather, I was receiving advance warnings of their imminence. I like to think it was that.

It’s so cloudy today and oh my gosh, I’m so tired! Complaining again. It makes me feel better just to let it all out. It’s only here, in my own space. Who else would give a care? I’m sure they’re probably feeling the same. It serves me right taking 2 weeks off, sitting on duff – well, not entirely the whole time. Sheba and I still had our daily walks. Goes to show a daily walk with the dog is not much exercise even in freezing rain. It’s good we’ve gone and come. I’m warming up with my tea. She’s laid out on her bed quiet as can be. Shhh!

I’m trying to organize my thoughts. I didn’t think a swim on Sunday and an hour of aerobics yesterday would cause me such fatigue. But it has. The clouds adds to it. But that is my life, like it or not. I’m trying to make it work better. How can I make my life smoother and more productive with my energy level? I’m listening to some of my own ideas. Re-scheduling activities to different time slots and see how that works. Someone wrote a post on recyling old content for a fresh and new article. I could use the idea for other things besides writing.

Day 7 – Feeling some purple and red and off colour anger. Unable to make a picture today

Daisy Yellow has pointers on the 365 Something Projects. I am on my Day 8 of the project. Doing something creative every day does lead to more creativity. Things get easier and flow starts. I will have to apply that ‘do something every day’ to organizing my desk, the dining table where I do my 365 Somethings Project, my painting studio, my sewing space – in other words, the whole house! Maybe I could chart my progress here. That would make me accountable. I shall do it! I am already trying to pick up and put away as I go along today. Does that get points for me?

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD – day 119 in a year of…

Posted on November 21, 2016 by hafong

Day 119, November 21, 2016 @1:48 pm

Life is hard. The road stretches long, hard and cold before me. It is full of ruts and holes. If I’m not careful, I could sprain an ankle and/or fall down. It has happened before. Now I’m more alert and aware of where I’m going. In these short/long 119 days, I have at least learned not to waste my energy asking unanswerable questions. I will not be discouraged and disheartened by no answers. Wisdom comes in slow drops in the bucket. The bucket will fill eventually – if there are no leaks.

I cannot afford to leak out energy. So I must always nourish myself first regardless. Then I can tend to what’s out there. That is the law. That is my nature. If I am empty, I have nothing to give. Right now I’m slaking my thirst with a cup of tea, generously sweetened with honey. Sometimes I need a little extra. The world is filled with confusion and darkness. I see shadows and the malevolent everywhere. They waiting for me to trip and fall. I feel their presence but I am not afraid. I find solace in the words of the Divine.

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.⁶Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

LEARNING TO LIVE – day 114 and 115 in a year of…

Posted on November 17, 2016 by hafong

Day 114 and 115, November 17, 2016 @7:25 pm

As the day ebbs into afternoon and evening, I feel my energy and my spirit go likewise. I remind myself that’s the nature of my body and mind sometimes. The day is getting shorter. The night casting longer shadows. I tell myself not to lose heart and do not beat myself up. I can fake it till I make it. It works to act and behave in a desirable manner. I have a choice of how to behave for a desired outcome.

I’m sitting here with my keyboard to tap out a few words. It’s not what l’m liking to do now, but it is my choice. It would be so easy to just curl up and pull the blanket over my head. I feel a bit of the early Christmas blues coming on. Are you feeling it – the what to do’s, the what to give and to whom, the how to celebrate and who with? These are all squirming beneath the surface. But now I’ve brought them up on top.

Today, I saw the ‘blues’ in our waiter at a restaurant. The normally energetic, bubbly young man was quiet and clearly not happy. He was subdued and polite, apologizing in whispers for our long wait. I felt so much for him. I wanted to ask if he was alright. I did not, respecting him. I wondered if I have absorbed his energy. I tend to do that. That is my nature.

I’m sitting, tapping and being aware of my nature. I’m talking with the Lord. It is comforting with each tap on a key. I’m learning from my spiritual teachers. I’m learning to sit and be still with my discomfort. I’m learning about choices – what is significant and what is not. I’m learning to live.

STITCHING TIME

Posted on May 19, 2014 by hafong

It has been raining cats and dogs for most of the day and none of us have been energetic or productive. I got my wish for sitting and drinking tea all day. Oh yes, I did spend time with my Jesus. So soothing it was, crossing each stitch, one by one. What was that saying – A stitch in time saves nine? I am not sure if time was saved or wasted. But here we are in the eve of the day, sipping wine. I am tap, tapping out my words. Nothing profound, of course. I am a bit out of love for the seriousness of life today. Maybe it is the rain. Maybe it is because I am just tired of being so serious and profound. Let’s just forget about goals and striving. Lets stop about setting up steps and pushing forward. Let’s stop time and just play. What do you say?

AIN’T NO MOUNTAIN HIGH ENOUGH

Posted on May 16, 2014 by hafong

I am ignited by Anne Lamott’s post on perfectionism this morning.

” There’s a whole chapter on perfectionism in Bird by Bird, because it is the great enemy of the writer, and of life, our sweet messy beautiful screwed up human lives. It is the voice of the oppressor. It will keep you very scared and restless your entire life if you do not awaken, and fight back, and if you’re an artist, it will destroy you.”

I am fighting back. Her words stir so much emotion in me.

” Do you mind even a little that you are still addicted to people-pleasing, and are still putting everyone else’s needs and laundry and career ahead of your creative, spiritual life? Giving all your life force away, to “help” and impress. Well, your help is not helpful, and falls short. “

I do mind – a lot. Years of anger and resentment are boiling inside my deep cauldron. There’s threat of it spilling over and scalding me. I breathe deep and slow. The boiling subsides, the lid closes. The danger passes and I am safe, again. No use letting my self-anger hurt me more.

“My pastor said last Sunday that if you don’t change directions, you are going to end up where you are headed. Is that okay with you, to end up still desperately trying to achieve more, and to get the world to validate your parking ticket, and to get your possibly dead parents to see how amazing you always were? “

Be smarter! Do not fall back into your old patterns. Do not beat yourself about yourself. So I go into my Wonder Woman persona to lasso in my anger and to turn it into energy to work for me.

Who needs all this anger? But when it comes, you have to let it in, acknowledge it, feel it, use it, turn it around and then send it on its way.

Thanks to anger’s angst and Wonder Woman’s magic, I have moved a few a little mountains in my world this morning. It is not that I have to work harder. I have to be a little smarter and a little more flexible but most of all, a little kinder to myself. It is important that kindness starts at home.

But being a woman, daughter and a nurse, I’ve been taught it is holy to be out there for others. I’m seldom home for me. Thank you Anne Lamott for all your words. I love you.

WOMEN AT WORK

Posted on May 15, 2014 by hafong

The sky was overcast, the morning air sweet with the smell of rain. The birds sang in full chorus. Bring it on!

I have a little gas in my tank and I am ready to tackle the day. No more procrastination, at least for today. I am fuelled by my recent successes.

I called the city about the poor condition of the back alley and they showed up on Mothers Day to grade it!
I made an appointment and got a date to have my car’s rusted tailgate repainted.
Yesterday, the roofer showed up to fix a faulty flashing on the garage roof without a reminder. YAY! I love businesses who live up to their reputation.

I am pumped and ready to go. So I might as well strike while the iron is hot. Is that how the saying goes? Even though I can’t move a mountain physically, I can metaphorically, in small loads.

Sheba supervised from afar, making sure that I don’t screwed up. I got 4 loads before the rain came. Good thing the roofer came yesterday!

So you’re probably wondering where and why I am moving my mountain. It is for creating little gardens of eden – 4 of them this year. Hopefully we will harvest aplenty in the fall. We won’t be able to feed the world but it’s a start….in a good direction.

WALK ON THE WILD SIDE

Posted on May 14, 2014 by hafong

I’m hard pressed to find something to write about today. Perhaps I should set mornings to write. I certainly was awake early today with the realization that I had forgotten to bring the bedding plants inside last evening. And the overnight low was -3 C! It was luck that no harm was done. But I brought them in for a little warm up.

I found Sheba sleeping in the pale morning light, with her toys around her. She can sound so fierce at times, but mostly she’s just a big suck, needing a lot of cuddles and pats.

The morning was warm and sunny as we set out on our walk. I wondered how many miles we have covered in our 7 1/2 years together, wandering down back alleys, trudging through snowdrifts, ambling along winding paths and walking the straight and narrow.

There was nothing wild about our outings except for occasional fields of dandelions in the summer. But I would have to say that they energized our spirits and restored our souls.

I life my face to catch the sun and drink in the sweet nectar of its rays.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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