Tag Archives: the Ultimate Blog Challenge

CHANGING STATIONS

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It’s not a good idea to come to the keyboard at the end of the day. Nevertheless it is what it is. I’m here at the end of the day, tired and a little bluesy. I’m hoping for inspiration and a few worthwhile words. I’m thinking of skipping my Saturday morning swim. But I’ve packed my gear to be ready. There’s really no good reason for me not to go except that I’m feeling a bit maudlin. I get like that from time to time.

I have no good reason for it except that I’m a bit tired. AND I’ve absorbed some bad energy from my Sourdough Bread Baking Group on Facebook. I’m sure you’re scratching your head. How could that be  – from bread? Me, too, I’m scratching, but one comment led to another. You know how those online things could get. Out of control! So I turned off the notifications till the sourness is neutralized somehow. It seems I don’t have much protection against such energy. I have to build stronger walls.

Our exercise class this morning was a stations circuit workout. Our instructor set up different exercise ‘stations’ in the gym. We spend one minute doing an exercise. At the end of the minute, the instructor calls out ‘Change station!’ We move on to the next station and a different workout, and so on and on till the end. It’s a good system to ensure a well rounded workout. I think I could use this model of changing stations in my every day life.

I need to hear that signal that it is time to change my train of thought or emotions. Stop dwelling on things that doesn’t work. I could do anything that can interrupt or derail the train of thought or emotion. Whatever works – hula hoop, play with Sheba, plant some seeds, watch a video. Last January I made this video using CLIPS on my iphone. Watching it again now lifted my maudlin self. I want to go swimming in the morning. So ends day 17 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

TAKING THE QUIET TRAIN

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Apparently I’m having trouble writing for Day 12 of my writing challenge. I’ve left it too late in the day. Now I am tired. Spent the day on phase 1 of making sourdough bread. It’s a long, complicated process. To make it worse, we had a water outage from 10:30 to late afternoon. I had to stretch my water supply from my brother. Lucky he lives close by and on a different water line. So here I am, scratching my head, trying to find some words.

Someone just told me that Environment Canada has issued an extremely cold warning. Ugh! I knew something was up – a change in the weather again. I can always feel it in my bones. Here I go again, blaming the weather. I might as well. It’s nothing personal. If I blame people, they take offence. I have trouble keeping my thoughts to myself. I think it would be good if I learn to keep my thoughts to myself more. If it serves no purpose at all,  those thoughts should be silent. It is a bad habit that I talk so much. It’s a leftover fault from years of being a nurse.

It might be hard to believe but I was a very shy and quiet person. Then I became a working person – a waitress, steno and lastly a nurse. All of these professions are in the service sector. It’s obvious as a waitress that I had to be social and engaging with customers. I was a steno in the Dept. of Indian and Northern Affairs. It was a large department, consisting of 40 employees. I was a steno in the education section. My job was to issue education allowances for the post secondary students. My desk was right in the steno pool besides the xerox machine. It was a high traffic area. I got to chitchat alot. As a nurse, I worked in a large teaching hospital. Just think of the staff – the nurses, doctors, lab people, medical students, nursing students, cleaning staff, consultants, physio staff, rehab staff…… So you see, I had to chit chat with a lot of people. And I did.

Even after 6 years of retirement, I still have this gift for gab. It’s not all good. It’s not all bad. I just see now that I have to sort them out, which to keep, which to toss. I don’t have to voice everything that pops into my head or mouth. I’ve been accused of giving voice to stuff that other people would only think. That is unkind and not true. I have better judgement than that but then maybe fatigue could cloud thinking and loosen tongue. I think maybe that was a voice of jealousy and envy. But I am grateful for that voice. I pay attention.

NO GRAVY TRAIN

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This life is no gravy train. It’s a tough ride with no operating manual. That’s right. I’m tired and doing the tiring talk. Have to start somewhere, somehow. Finally sitting down, with nowhere to hurry to except to the supper table. I might have to learn to talk a little faster without all my sighing. It’ll be tough. I feel like falling into my coffee cup, but I’ll give it a serious go.

Go, go, go. That’s what it was today. First to the morning AM Energizer class. Couldn’t miss that because it is very good for my brain and body. Then it’s home and get the rice going in the Instant Pot, get the lettuce into a salad and pop the salmon into the oven. Lunch is ready and served. Time is of essence. I have to catch the bus to the U of S. Parking  on campus is almost impossible unless you want to pay heaps.

My class through SSCL started today at 1:30 pm. It had to snow a whole pile early morning and it’s windy as all get up. It’s a good thing I had registered and paid early. Otherwise, I might not have bothered. As it was, I cursed myself for making the commitment. But that’s the way for me to get somewhere/things done. Left to my drathers, staying in my comfort zone, I could very well turn into a hermit.

I braved the wind, the cold and snow. Caught the bus to and from the U of S. Got home. Walked Sheba around the neighbourhood. We I huffed and puffed trudging through the snow. It was a workout! I surived all that. Supper is over. I’m sipping the last of my wine, tapping the end to this post. Day 8 post completed for the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

THE WEATHER, THE WAY YOU LOOK AT ME AND OTHER EXCUSES

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Good morning! January 7th and day 7 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. The dog and I had a good night of sleep. I’m still feeling the yuckiness of all my recent lack of though. The effects of sleep deprivation has long and lasting footprints on our physical body and mind. I should know having done shift work for over 30 years. I existed on a daily average of 5 hours of sleep. I prided myself on how well I functioned on so little.

I was stupid for wearing that badge of honour. I wonder how much of sleep deprivation played into my ‘blues’/SAD. I blamed many of my failings on the weather, others and other stuff. Even though I knew better, I rarely thought it was the sleep thing though sleep was our/a nurse’s main vocabulary. Did you sleep? and Are you on days off?  My sleep deprived brain was not firing on all cylinders. It’s been limping along as best as it could.

I’ve read somewhere that it takes about 6- 7 years to recovered from long-termed (20 years) shift work. I’ve worked over 30 years doing 12 hour days and nights.  I’m in mine 7th year of retirement. I’m a recovering, almost recovered sleep deprivedaholic. I still have little bouts of sleeplessness. I still blame the weather, the woman next door and other excuses. I have to have a place to lay some of the blame. It’s too much and heavy on just myself. Even so, I try to take responsibility by taking action and moving towards living a meaningful and productive life. Some days are better than others. Some things are easier to do than others. I try taking one step at a time to be stronger and more resilient.

The biggest shift I’ve experienced  was 3 or 4 years ago when I joined an aerobics class at the YWCA. After a month of an hourly class 3 times a week, I felt euphoric. My senses became alive. My head felt so clear and I could see so well. I remembered going wow! driving on the freeway. The view in front of me was panoramic and sharp. Everyone thought I looked so good. Those effects have diminshed as I got used to my new state of well being. The memory of it have kept me on track and to get back on when I have derailed.

Travelling through the last month or so of 2019 has brought another shift. This time in my thought processes and emotions. I’m sifting through the debris to find the nuggets of learning and wisdom. It takes patience, hard work and time. It works best when I put the words, thoughts, events, feelings and what have you onto the page. Those are my trusted tools. On that note I’m ending this post. Another day and a few mumblings. Sheba and I have travelled to the park and back. We made our 2 rounds, romped and talked with our fellow walkers. We hope for another peaceful evening and a night of sweet dreams.

ON THE WORD TRAIN

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Good morning! Welcome aboard to this 2nd day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I hope you and I will stay on for the whole ride. I’ve been doing this for a few years now. I have enjoyed and survived most of the challenges, though I did fell off the train in October. Yestery, I climbed back on again. I heard Cat Stevens singing Peace Train in my head and I had to get back on. ” ‘Cause I’m on the edge of darkness. There ride the Peace Train. Oh, Peace Train take this country. Come take me home again.”

Yes, I’ve been on the edge of darkness and I’m riding this train home to the place that I belong. I’m in my chair. The keyboard is the tool of my command centre. And I am the conductor of this train. It’s good to feel in control again. I was lost, awashed without a shore to land on. It is such a comfort to feel the tap, tap beneath my fingertips. I feel anchored and grounded as I watch the letters and words march across my screen. This, then is my drug of choice, my SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor). It takes me out of the dark tunnel and has very little undesirable side effects on me.

I’ve been on the word train on WordPress since 2002. I found it much easier to work with than Blogger. I write for the pure pleasure of putting words and pictures together. Words speak to me in pictures. Pictures speak to me in words. I’ve ridden my soul train through many posts/stations before I realize it was rocking and easing me through the storms of life. It was very good for my brain. I found the Ultimate Blog Challenge perhaps in 2014. In between I found other tribes in Friday Fictioneers and other writing challenges. It’s always good to have company on a long journey – to share a virtual cuppa, ideas and stories.

I can always use some help in organization, format, grammar, etc. I tend to plop down and write off the cuff. It’s no way to be a conductor and run a train. It is my goal that I will get to the final station on January 31 without derailing.

FOR THE MONTH OF OCTOBER

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October 1, another new day, another new month. I’ve been remiss in showing up here in this, my writing space. Hopefully I can show up daily for the month of October to mutter, sigh and bitch about the weather and whatnot. This month I’m writing for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. My rules  are always the same for this challenge and space. They are:

  1. To show up every day.
  2. Truthful and respectful.
  3. Hopeful and helpful.

I’ve had a difficult and challenging September dealing with one of my neighbours. I’ve always had a difficult time all the years she’s lived next to me. But I realized this time that she has given me much insight into myself and human relations. She has taught me many valuable lessons about life and what is important and what is not. It is strange but I am grateful to her for all the miseries coming from her direction. Every cloud does have a silver lining.

For October, I hope to capture the silver linings of those clouds. The sky is cloudy today but my world is lit by the gold and oranges of the autumn leaves. There is much wrong and meanness in the world. There is also much right and kindness in the world. The ying and the yang. I like to concentrate and share the love and kindness and what is right out there. It’s a worthy goal.

 

FINISHED BUT NOT THE END

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End of July. End of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. This is my last post for it. It is after 4:30 in the afternoon. I’m sitting in the kitchen. There’s a nice cool draft from the two opened windows. I was relaxed but not anymore. Intrusive thoughts, phone calls, Sheba panting at my feet and the sound of traffic through the window. I’m feeling annoyed. I do my 4-7-8 breathing exercise.

Not much better. I lose count of my counting. Sheba is whining at me. The traffic is still so loud and distracting. We head outside. I kick Sheba off the deck with a rawhide chew. It is warm but not too bad. I can hear Sheba chewing her rawhide. At least one of us is settled. I do another round of 4-7-8 breathing. I listen to the traffic. I listen to the kids play at the daycare one house over. I don’t wish or fight for quiet. I accept what is.

I’m a slow learner in life but I can still learn. This month has been all about  learning the things that will make life easier for myself. I’ve been doing the same things over and over, expecting different results. I hadn’t known before that was what I was doing. I really worked on being mindful and seeing things objectively. It has changed how I see and think. It has removed the personal and emotional from many situations. For the first time, I see many things as they really are.

I was very proud of myself earlier in the day. I felt intrusive thoughts working their way into my mind. I saw what they were. I willingly and easily changed my thoughts. I felt smug about it, thinking I’m some kind of saint. But then, later, they came again. I took them personally and emotionally. I became irritated and annoyed with myself. So here I sit now, telling you about it. I think I must accept all my feelings, the good and bad. Otherwise, the bad will cause self-hatred. And no one is a saint.

Now it is almost 8 in the evening. I’m trying to finish my thoughts. July has been a good month. The weather has been volatile, changing day to day and within the day. Maybe we need that to remind us how precious our earth is. It reminds me how precious life is. It is not to be taken for granted. I have to take care and tend to it like my garden. The month and the challenge is over, but I will still come to this space to sort out the weeds in my thoughts. I will continue to learn and discern what is nurturing from what is noxious.

 

WHO COULD ASK FOR ANYTHING MORE?

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Sheba owns me instead of the other way around. I thought we could hang out on the deck after supper for some rest and relaxation. She had other thoughts. She whimpered and whimpered till I gave in. We went inside to watch TV but that wasn’t it either. I hope there’s not another thunderstorm coming. I don’t want to pull another all nighter staying up with her. I’m already tired.

It took awhile to settle her. I tried brushing her teeth. She likes her peanut butter flavoured tooth paste. She even allowed me to lift up her lip so I can really get the finger brush in there to do a good job. Next, I brushed her coat, getting the knots out of her tail. She’s shedding like crazy. Her hair coming out in clumps. The TLC didn’t quite do it. She continued to whine and whimper, following me around and getting underfoot.

I’ve had it by then. I’m tired. I had a busy day laundering, cutting grass, weeding and walking her twice. Time to get serious. I had to show her I was the boss. She’s been pouting in the kitchen but has joined me to watch the news now. Not much good news but not knowing does not make it go away. It’s good to know what is going on in the world.

My thoughts are scattered and unfocused tonight. Sheba is a shit disturber sometimes. I love her lots anyways. And she loves me in return. What a team, eh? Well, it’s getting late. I’ve had a good day. It’s been a dim sum weekend, 3 days in a row. Who can complain about that? I could dim sum every day. And we’ve had 2 days of sunshine and no rain. Who could ask for anything more?

Just to let everyone know, I’m still on track with my goals, despite my dim sum binge. My breakfast was one fried egg, avocado, kimchi and no toast. I did not count my dim sum calories but my supper was a very small steak with small brown rice, steamed beet greens and kimchi. I do small of everything now. That’s how I count my calories. I feel sated, satisfied and not deprived. I’m doing pretty good, don’t you think?

I’ve rattled on long enough. Time to say good night on this 21st day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

 

STOPPING AND STARTING

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Today, instead of breakfast and lunch, I had my whole meal deal in between. I’m rethinking everything – working on being flexible, living my life and staying with the program. I don’t have to give up one thing for another. Having a date with friends for breakfast at 10 am means I cannot go to the 9:30 aerobics class but I could go for a half hour swim at 9. That was my plan. I could skip breakfast and have a full meal later. It would be my breakfast and lunch.

That was my plan. It was a bit iffy in the morning. I felt like hell in the morning, whether if I was really feeling physically yucky or if it was my unconscious excuse of not feeling up to it. You know how it is. I’m always looking forward to something until it comes up. Then there’s a drawing back, a dreading of the thing, wishing I had never thought of it. I had 2 hours to work out my yucks and dreads. First, I took an extra strength tylenol and did my 4-7-8 breathing exercise. Then I sat in meditation with my tea for 20 minutes. I felt somewhat better after.

I proceeded to pack my gym bag as if I am going to go for my swim. I had my slice of honey dew and a teaspoon of coconut oil so that I would have something in my stomach for my medications and vitamins. I felt well enough. I thought I could swim and live to tell about it after all. And I did.  I am glad I pushed myself out the door. I had been a regular Saturday morning swimmer until April. For some reason (most likely a sinus issue) I had stopped. I am like that. Once stopped, I have trouble starting again.

I am just learning not to give myself too hard a time for it. I have a better chance of going back to a good habit/exercise if I show myself compassion instead of bashing. The swim was just what I need. The water warmed my body, soothed and smoothed out the aches and pains. Getting to the pool and into the water gave me a sense of accomplishment. I did not let myself dwell in physcial miseries. I feel confident I can get back to my weekly swim.

I had it all today. My splash in the water, good food and good time with friends. After, Sheba and I did some mindful romping in the dog park. No snacking today and a sensible supper. So ends day 5 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Only 26 more days to go but who’s counting, eh?

BRAVING THE ELEMENTS

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It is a cold winter day – minus 37 degrees Celsius with the windchill. Brrr! I survived and live to tell about it. I braved the chill and dark of the morning to the YWCA, swam my 20+ lengths. I am quite proud of myself. I felt an obligation to show up every Saturday morning. So far I’ve been the lone swimmer for many a week now. I dare not do a no show. They might cancel that swim time if no one shows up. I dearly love having the pool to myself. I wouldn’t mind sharing since there are 3 other lanes opened.

I felt I could afford a few extra calories after my swim. I’ll be burning more off to keep warm. I love Saturday breakfast time at A&W. The place is bright and cheerful. Coffee is on. Staff and clientele are friendly, cheerful and bubbly. The atmosphere has that cozy small town feel. You would know what I mean if you’ve ever lived in one. I had a Classic Breakfast. It was a sweet deal. It was only $5 and some with coffee! I had a coupon.

After, I thought I better gas up the car. I was on my last 3 notches on the gas gauge. That wind was cold and wicked. I was stupid to do the self serve station. I had a difficult time putting the lid of the gas tank back on. It wouldn’t do the click. I had to take off my gloves and really worked at it to click 3 times. Then the pump wouldn’t print my receipt. I had to go into the station. The young man at the cash register called me a brave woman for filling up myself. I couldn’t help but beamed a wee bit. Flattery will get you everywhere with me today. Man, my hands were so cold! Another day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Keep warm everyone.