another day

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER POST

It’s that time again wherein I sit down, get down to business and write. What should I write about? Should I tell you about my day, my humdrum every day? I’m a morning person now. Been so for quite a few years. I look forward to getting up between 6 and 7. Seems like there’s a lot to look forward to – even in these times. Though I’m feeling a little stressed, cranky and a bit down in the dumps, I haven’t lost that looking forward feeling. Thank God. I do have a bit of attitude but I don’t want to have nothing to look forward to one. I have standards.

I am trying to break loose of ‘stuck’ with nowhere to go and no stars to reach for. It’s not a good feeling and I don’t want to stay in it. Exercise has always worked great for me. I was looking forward to heading back to the YWCA pool and swimming. The universe has other plans for me. The pool needs ‘fixing’. It’s been out of service for a couple of months already. So, it’s back to the AM ENERGIZER. It really is one. I’m feeling so much better already after one session. I’m sure I will feel it tomorrow, not having used those muscles for quite awhile.

I decided it might be a good exercise to visit the library again. It was one of my favourite places before Covid. Why can’t it be again? I am disappointed that it is not the same. It does not have the same scope of material it once did. Seems like the city politicians are slashing the wrong budgets, not seeing the importance and scope of the public service the library provides. It’s good for education, socializing and mental health just to name some. Should we just throw up our hands, accept and say. Oh well? Or are there things we can do? It is something to think about while we are stuck here in this Covid time.

Having come back to my keyboard and tapping my heart away, I am not feeling as overwhelmed. I think I have all my tax receipts gathered. This month’s bills are paid. I am doing my daily drawing and watercolour. My desk and dining room table are littered with papers, pens, paint and whatnot. They are a disaster but there is no emergency. I’ve set a goal that I would date and label my creations each day. I would find something/somewhere to hold them in one place. Baby steps as one might say. I really hate that term because I am no longer a baby.

Well, there you have it. Another day, another post. No Pulitzer Prize here. Just some words. They still count.

THE WEATHER, THE WAY YOU LOOK AT ME AND OTHER EXCUSES

Good morning! January 7th and day 7 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. The dog and I had a good night of sleep. I’m still feeling the yuckiness of all my recent lack of though. The effects of sleep deprivation has long and lasting footprints on our physical body and mind. I should know having done shift work for over 30 years. I existed on a daily average of 5 hours of sleep. I prided myself on how well I functioned on so little.

I was stupid for wearing that badge of honour. I wonder how much of sleep deprivation played into my ‘blues’/SAD. I blamed many of my failings on the weather, others and other stuff. Even though I knew better, I rarely thought it was the sleep thing though sleep was our/a nurse’s main vocabulary. Did you sleep? and Are you on days off?  My sleep deprived brain was not firing on all cylinders. It’s been limping along as best as it could.

I’ve read somewhere that it takes about 6- 7 years to recovered from long-termed (20 years) shift work. I’ve worked over 30 years doing 12 hour days and nights.  I’m in mine 7th year of retirement. I’m a recovering, almost recovered sleep deprivedaholic. I still have little bouts of sleeplessness. I still blame the weather, the woman next door and other excuses. I have to have a place to lay some of the blame. It’s too much and heavy on just myself. Even so, I try to take responsibility by taking action and moving towards living a meaningful and productive life. Some days are better than others. Some things are easier to do than others. I try taking one step at a time to be stronger and more resilient.

The biggest shift I’ve experienced  was 3 or 4 years ago when I joined an aerobics class at the YWCA. After a month of an hourly class 3 times a week, I felt euphoric. My senses became alive. My head felt so clear and I could see so well. I remembered going wow! driving on the freeway. The view in front of me was panoramic and sharp. Everyone thought I looked so good. Those effects have diminshed as I got used to my new state of well being. The memory of it have kept me on track and to get back on when I have derailed.

Travelling through the last month or so of 2019 has brought another shift. This time in my thought processes and emotions. I’m sifting through the debris to find the nuggets of learning and wisdom. It takes patience, hard work and time. It works best when I put the words, thoughts, events, feelings and what have you onto the page. Those are my trusted tools. On that note I’m ending this post. Another day and a few mumblings. Sheba and I have travelled to the park and back. We made our 2 rounds, romped and talked with our fellow walkers. We hope for another peaceful evening and a night of sweet dreams.

ANOTHER DAY, NO DOLLARS

It’s afternoon already, almost time for Sheba’s walk.  I need to peck out a few sentences before that happens. She’s barking her fool head off, answering a neighbouring puppy’s yips. I suppose dogs need to talk, too, but dang! They are noisy. They make it hard for me to think. Every time I get up, she has to follow. Talk about separation anxiety.

There, finally quiet except for the whoosh of traffic on the front street. It’s a beautiful day to be sitting out. Warm but not too hot, with a gentle breeze. It’s heaven here, tapping and drinking my decaf. I have made the kimchi this morning. It is going to be delicious – colourful and spicy. The blend of garlic, cayenne, paprika and ginger was quite strong. I had to open the kitchen window wide to air it out. The kimchi is now sitting in 2 pretty jars to ferment for 5 days. I can’t wait!

I did get a start on the paper stuff. I worked on my application for a new passport. I let my previous one expire without renewing for too long. Now I had to do the long application form. It’s mostly finished. It wasn’t too difficult but it did tax my brain. It doesn’t like to read instructions. I had to do my 4-7-8 breathing exercise to relax into it. When I look at the forms, I get overwhelmed by all the words and sentences. I had to take my time, not rush, and read each sentence, one by one. It’s the main reason I hate doing paperwork. I want everything to be done with a blink of an eye or a tap on the ENTER key.

Well, it’s getting late. I’m getting tired. Sheba got walked. The carrots got thinned, the front yard flower bed got watered and weeded. Supper’s ate. The wine is gone. Time to close down for the evening. I will be back tomorrow.

ANOTHER WALK, ANOTHER DAY

It’s a very dreary, dreary day. I’m not looking forward to taking Sheba out for her walk but I will. If I give in to my rathers, I am sure I will come apart like a house of cards. I was thinking how difficult everything is this morning on the way to my appointment with my gynecologist. Getting out the door to anywhere feels stressful. Having to be on time. Having to find parking. I circle and circle. Then I’m in the examining room. I’m staring up at the bright lights in the ceiling, trying not to fall off the slanting chair. Then I see all those glistening metal instruments sitting on the cart next to me. Hmmm.

It all turned out. I’m good till next year. The medical resident working with him asked me, Aren’t you happy? I replied, I’m happy. She laughed because my face doesn’t show it. She’s one of those really bright, cheery and beautiful women you would love to hate. You can’t because she is so darn nice. So I mumbled something about it being morning. There was no need to explain or expand. I couldn’t. It is what it is.

So here I am, trying to tap out a few words, trying to do something. I have to try even if I don’t feel like it. It took me the longest time to get the lunch dishes done. I moaned and groaned. Everything felt twice as bad when it shouldn’t at all. I cannot understand it. I don’t try. I just do. I got the Roomba going while I was doing the dishes. Sheba is dropping clumps of hair and tracking in dirt. They magnify in my mind’s eye when I’m feeling thus.

I’m not complaining, just talking myself into moving and doing. We’ve just come back from our walk in a light drizzle. We did it. We didn’t melt in the rain. Our paws our wiped clean and dry. Another walk. Another day. I wish I have something more profound to say but this is it.