CHANGING STATIONS

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It’s not a good idea to come to the keyboard at the end of the day. Nevertheless it is what it is. I’m here at the end of the day, tired and a little bluesy. I’m hoping for inspiration and a few worthwhile words. I’m thinking of skipping my Saturday morning swim. But I’ve packed my gear to be ready. There’s really no good reason for me not to go except that I’m feeling a bit maudlin. I get like that from time to time.

I have no good reason for it except that I’m a bit tired. AND I’ve absorbed some bad energy from my Sourdough Bread Baking Group on Facebook. I’m sure you’re scratching your head. How could that be  – from bread? Me, too, I’m scratching, but one comment led to another. You know how those online things could get. Out of control! So I turned off the notifications till the sourness is neutralized somehow. It seems I don’t have much protection against such energy. I have to build stronger walls.

Our exercise class this morning was a stations circuit workout. Our instructor set up different exercise ‘stations’ in the gym. We spend one minute doing an exercise. At the end of the minute, the instructor calls out ‘Change station!’ We move on to the next station and a different workout, and so on and on till the end. It’s a good system to ensure a well rounded workout. I think I could use this model of changing stations in my every day life.

I need to hear that signal that it is time to change my train of thought or emotions. Stop dwelling on things that doesn’t work. I could do anything that can interrupt or derail the train of thought or emotion. Whatever works – hula hoop, play with Sheba, plant some seeds, watch a video. Last January I made this video using CLIPS on my iphone. Watching it again now lifted my maudlin self. I want to go swimming in the morning. So ends day 17 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

OF HEARTH AND HOME

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This little train doesn’t go far from home. I’m a bit of a homebody, enjoying the comfort and ease of not wandering afar. I do feel somewhat lacking when almost everybody wants to escape to somewhere else – Mexico, Cuba, Arizona, Kansas City. And here I am, feeling a bit amiss. I feel as if I should be somewhere else. Everywhere I go, I hear people talking of going south. In the locker room the other day, I heard women talking about air flights and rooms costing only $79 US/night. Should I be going somewhere, anywhere? I really should put those feelings to rest and be comfortable with where and who I am.

The fact is I like being home at my keyboard. I like tapping out my words and thoughts. I love curling up and reading a book. My Bernina sewing machine, my paints and easel and the fireplace have been calling me. If only I could make the time for them. The day goes by so quickly. I wonder why I worry so much about not going somewhere else. I love being home – baking bread, making kimchi, watching Sheba sleep.  Why do I feel my life lacks compared to others? Why am I looking out instead of within?

My wheels are turning. I haven’t found all the answers yet but I have a better awareness of my behaviour and feelings. I have an inkling of my problem and what direction this train should be heading – and it’s toward more light heartedness. I can have fun. Here’s the proof, 39 seconds of hula hoop fun. My goal is 1 minute.

 

 

 

RIDING THE BUDDHIST BUS

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A bright sunny January afternoon. The temperature is still frigid at – 32 C. No complaints from me. I’m enjoying the last of the afternoon sun, tapping on my keyboard and sipping on a decaf. My busy Wednesday is over for another week. I’m doing proud. I’m staying on top of things. With a temperature of -36 C this morning, I did entertain thoughts of staying in pjs, having cups of hot chocolate and staying home.

I didn’t. I dressed up, bagged up and did the gym thing. I could have been more enthusiastic but I wasn’t. It didn’t affect the results. It was a good workout. Lots of sweats without smiles. Then it was home to cook some rice in the Instant Pot, throw some hamburgers on the frying pan and tossed a couple of slaw salads. I make do with what I have. I surprised myself with how organized I was. I caught the Number 6 bus to the U of S without having to run for it.

I’m making progress! Half way through the month/challenge, I have not faltered. I’m dotting all my i’s and crossing all my t’s. It feels good to pay attention to details, rules and such. I aspire to be as calm and unrushed as the instructor for my class on Buddhism. Even though someone banged on the classroom door, poked her head in and loudly ask if he will be done in 10 minutes, he kept his calm demeanor. Was not upset. Did not rush but calmly finished within the time. He is a Buddhist as well as an instructor.

It is very helpful to have a living person to emulate. More so when he is right in front of me. I’m paying attention, trying to catch all his words. It’s a perfect place to practice focus and listen. My mind tends to wander and meander every which way. Has it always been this bad? I find it difficult to concentrate. My ears are listening in different directions, my mind and brain thinking in another.

EXTREME COLD THOUGHTS

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I like the idea that life doesn’t have to be hard. I wonder if I’ve made it difficult for myself by thinking that it is. In The Road Less Travelled, M. Scott Peck begins with “Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths.” I know that it is true, but is there more to it than that naked statement. I will have to reread the book to see what else he has to say. Oh boy, another book to the list! I’m up for it. It will make the winter interesting and go fast. No time to complain about the cold.

The radio said it was – 34 C this morning. It is now sitting up a balmy -29 at 4 pm. It will go down again tonight and tomorrow morning the forecast is -36 C. If you don’t like winter or the cold, it could be hard. There’s that extra clothes and paraphernalia to put on before going out. Everything slows down. It takes longer to get anywhere and do anything. There’s snow to shovel. It’s cold out. There’s the dog to walk. It’s cold out. Water mains break. Then there’s no water. There’s snow and it’s cold out.

I look at this as a blessing, a gift in disguise. I can slow down and relax. I can move to the rhythm of the season. Mornings, I can snuggle just a little bit longer in the warmth of the bed, sip an extra cup of tea, not get out of my pjs if I don’t want to. I can do that. I’m retired. We had a water main break and no water on Sunday. I was in the middle of making sourdough bread. Oh boy! was what went through my mind. I was thinking of kneading dough and icky hands. We had some water in a couple of kettles for immediate use. My brother is a couple of blocks away. We got enough from him. It was fixed the same day and we got water again by 5 pm.

I discovered that I could make do with little water. I am resourceful but how often do I turn the tap on without thinking? A disruption of life as usual need not be a hardship. It’s a  good wake up call to live differently – maybe even to live in a more easeful fashion. Sometimes I fuss and fret over nothing. The cold is good for stopping all that in their tracks. I like to live in the slow lane. The car is going as fast and safely as it can at this temperature. Don’t push it. And to be wise and safe, Sheba and I just trotted a few blocks around the ‘hood. We are old gals. No point in trying to prove we’re not.

So ends my mumblings for day 14 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Sorry if it is a bit disjointed and jarring. Though I’m thriving in this cold, it is a little numbing in the head. I had been out for lunch with my fellow retired and still working nurses.  I had just come back from galavanting with Sheba.

WHY I LIKE WINTER

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It’s dang cold out, perfect weather for dreaming of spring and all green things. I’m all ready to seed a few tomatoes, petunias, geraniums and microgreens. Then there’s the two marijuana my brother gave me. Now that they are legal, I’ve lost interest.  But since I got them, I might as well plant them. I just have to take the time to do all this.

I like winter. I don’t mind the cold. It was perfect weather for baking sourdough bread today. I fired up the oven to 500 degrees F to start the process. Everything gets toasty warm. Soon the house is infused with the aroma of bread and I’m mellow. Who could ask for anything more? On cold winter days, I think of the glow of the grow lights and bread baking. I feel toasty and comfy inside out.

I will complain about the cold, too. Everybody does and so I do too, to commiserate and not to feel like an odd ball. Cold days are good for curling up in the sunroom with a book. I don’t mind going out in the cold. Sheba and I trot out every day in our furs. We both like black. There’s so much more of fashion with winter – the scarfs, mitts, hats, toques. I love wearing sweaters and vests. Think what you would miss in a hot climate. You get to wear less of everything.

Oh, I should not crow too much about winter. The high tomorrow is -30 C. So better cover up your bosoms, girls. Not exactly tanning season but it is going to be sunny. I might change my tune after this week. It happens with too much of a good thing. Good night to day 13 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

 

TAKING THE QUIET TRAIN

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Apparently I’m having trouble writing for Day 12 of my writing challenge. I’ve left it too late in the day. Now I am tired. Spent the day on phase 1 of making sourdough bread. It’s a long, complicated process. To make it worse, we had a water outage from 10:30 to late afternoon. I had to stretch my water supply from my brother. Lucky he lives close by and on a different water line. So here I am, scratching my head, trying to find some words.

Someone just told me that Environment Canada has issued an extremely cold warning. Ugh! I knew something was up – a change in the weather again. I can always feel it in my bones. Here I go again, blaming the weather. I might as well. It’s nothing personal. If I blame people, they take offence. I have trouble keeping my thoughts to myself. I think it would be good if I learn to keep my thoughts to myself more. If it serves no purpose at all,  those thoughts should be silent. It is a bad habit that I talk so much. It’s a leftover fault from years of being a nurse.

It might be hard to believe but I was a very shy and quiet person. Then I became a working person – a waitress, steno and lastly a nurse. All of these professions are in the service sector. It’s obvious as a waitress that I had to be social and engaging with customers. I was a steno in the Dept. of Indian and Northern Affairs. It was a large department, consisting of 40 employees. I was a steno in the education section. My job was to issue education allowances for the post secondary students. My desk was right in the steno pool besides the xerox machine. It was a high traffic area. I got to chitchat alot. As a nurse, I worked in a large teaching hospital. Just think of the staff – the nurses, doctors, lab people, medical students, nursing students, cleaning staff, consultants, physio staff, rehab staff…… So you see, I had to chit chat with a lot of people. And I did.

Even after 6 years of retirement, I still have this gift for gab. It’s not all good. It’s not all bad. I just see now that I have to sort them out, which to keep, which to toss. I don’t have to voice everything that pops into my head or mouth. I’ve been accused of giving voice to stuff that other people would only think. That is unkind and not true. I have better judgement than that but then maybe fatigue could cloud thinking and loosen tongue. I think maybe that was a voice of jealousy and envy. But I am grateful for that voice. I pay attention.

SATURDAY MUMBLINGS

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Is it only January 11th? It feels forever already! I am doing well – chug, chug, chug down the tracks keeping time with my tap, tap, tap. I might as well continue on down the line. I have developed a good rhythm. I’m not going too fast or too slow, not making long rest stops like I usually do. Then I whine about not enough time. Now, I am not doing that. At least not for the time being.

So heaving a very big sigh, I’m flexing my fingers over the keyboard. I do best when I have a schedule, challenge, a prompt, a deadline – something to rise to. Saturday is my favourite day. It’s my swim morning. I look forward to it during the week. It’s the week end, a day of rest from high stepping aerobics and pumping iron. I don’t always relish heading out in the dark of a winter morning to the pool. But I am always glad after. My body is warmed and relaxed from my hour of swimming up and down the lane. It is as if being lulled again in the womb.

I am not complaining but I am tired by my week. I’m not used to doing a steady flow of activities the week long. I have to build up my staying-with-it muscles. Still I’m proud of my effort and results. I’m not sweating or trying to push too hard. I still need my ‘ease time’ between things. I cannot rush from one thing to another. I have to be serenaded with silence, a cup of tea and sometimes a nap. I had all that this afternoon. Now I’m warmed and stretch. My brain and mind are working in coordination with my fingers. The words come and fall off their tips. I don’t have to struggle so much.

I really like this idea of no struggle. I know that it is not always possible but less would be nice. It’s wonderful that Julia Barnickle started a project called What If Life Were Meant To Be Easy? I invite you to check it out for yourself. I’m clumsy at explaining. I think any project on how to live better and with more ease is worth an investigation. I’m a curious George and a self-help addict.

This is it, the end of the conversation. Day 11 of nothing and everything.

CHANGE MY THOUGHTS, CHANGE MY LIFE

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I’m late coming to the keyboard. It’s an exercise day. Sometimes it feels like going to work because it is a must commitment. Today we had Fred instead of our regular instructor. He is always a welcomed and good change, introducing us to a different workout. His warmup focuses on the four joints at the shoulders and hips. It is surprising and amazing how good it feels after. They didn’t seem like such deal deal exercises.

It reminds me to change my train of thoughts. No big deals can bring big results. Change your thoughts, change your life. I think I have that book by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I haven’t read it but I will now. I will get it up from the basement so I won’t forget. I can read a few pages a day. I’m the train that can, remember?

I know I’ve got quite a few things on my plate now. I’m not sweating it. I’m mindfully trying not to rush or multi task. I’m trying not to have catastrophic thoughts of can’t do, no time, etc. I’m doing one thing at a time, putting one foot in front of the other. I think, there is time. I can do it.

I’m moving through my day. Sat with Mark Williams on YouTube for 20 minutes of sitting meditation in the morning. Then I spent 10 minutes free writing for Write Your Journey before heading off to my exercise class. Sheba and I made 2 rounds at the dog park this afternoon. In between things I managed to make 3 jars of kimchi. And now I’m rounding up this post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It’s not Pulitzer writing but it’s a serious effort to stay on track.

TAKE THE SLOW TRAIN

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Good morning! My hair is standing on end. I feel stiff and awkward like a non functioning robot, but I am here. My fingers are poised over the keyboard, ready to tap. The exercise will loosen me up for the day. I’m used to sit in meditation with Mark Williams daily on YouTube. I’ve been doing it since July. It’s become a habit now. My body cries for the familiar posture. It’s a good way to kick start the day and my brain – to warm and fire up its cylinders. And if nothing else, I will have a strong core and good posture.  Let’s see if it worked.

I’m sputtering and stuttering a bit. What did I expect – smooth sailing? I’m still tired from the busyness of yesterday and trudging through the snow. I have never stalled and stopped completely – yet. Somehow I always manage to stoke the fire and keep going. Maybe I can have another cup of decaf. Maybe I can just sit here, enjoy the sunshine and watch the traffic on Preston Avenue. Would that be such a terrible thing – not doing or trying to get anywhere?

The sun disappeared while I was making my cuppa and unloading the dishwasher. Light and life are so fleeting. Here one minute, then it’s gone the next. Canada and I’m sure, the world, is still reeling over the the crash of Ukraine International Airlines Flight PS752. All 176 passengers were killed. 68 of them were Canadians, mostly students and young professionals. Such a loss and tragedy and the why of it? Where are we going as a world? And will there be a world for the next generations to come?

I cannotmust not stay in the valley of the shadow. I must rise up above to do the best I can and know how. Perhaps that best is to take the slower train, savour the landscape and moments and have my coffee. Tomorrow is another day.

NO GRAVY TRAIN

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This life is no gravy train. It’s a tough ride with no operating manual. That’s right. I’m tired and doing the tiring talk. Have to start somewhere, somehow. Finally sitting down, with nowhere to hurry to except to the supper table. I might have to learn to talk a little faster without all my sighing. It’ll be tough. I feel like falling into my coffee cup, but I’ll give it a serious go.

Go, go, go. That’s what it was today. First to the morning AM Energizer class. Couldn’t miss that because it is very good for my brain and body. Then it’s home and get the rice going in the Instant Pot, get the lettuce into a salad and pop the salmon into the oven. Lunch is ready and served. Time is of essence. I have to catch the bus to the U of S. Parking  on campus is almost impossible unless you want to pay heaps.

My class through SSCL started today at 1:30 pm. It had to snow a whole pile early morning and it’s windy as all get up. It’s a good thing I had registered and paid early. Otherwise, I might not have bothered. As it was, I cursed myself for making the commitment. But that’s the way for me to get somewhere/things done. Left to my drathers, staying in my comfort zone, I could very well turn into a hermit.

I braved the wind, the cold and snow. Caught the bus to and from the U of S. Got home. Walked Sheba around the neighbourhood. We I huffed and puffed trudging through the snow. It was a workout! I surived all that. Supper is over. I’m sipping the last of my wine, tapping the end to this post. Day 8 post completed for the Ultimate Blog Challenge.