Tag Archives: procrastination

TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY

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April 3. I’m plodding along like Big Foot, dragging a heavy load. Life feels heavy. I’m trying to do my paper work. It’s an agonizing chore for me. I’ve got the bills paid but I’m not good at all dealing with sorting, discarding, and filing things away. Income tax return is due at the end of the month. My head feels like it’s full of nettles. I want to bang it on the desk. Ugh! But I shall bear the pain and breathe through it. Tomorrow is another day.

How many times have I utter that phrase? Probably more than Scarlett O’hara. I better snap out of my smart remarks, get a grip, sit down and devise a workable system of dealing with my paper stuff. How much time and energy have I wasted letting things pile up again and again? Probably tons.  Each time I have to dig around to find and figure out where, when and what had happened. I have a log book where I keep track of my bill payments each month. It’s working well. I’m seldom late. Perhaps I should keep a log of my other activities such as health appointments, meetings with the banker, etc. At least it would be contained in one place. I would not be hunting for scraps of paper each time.

Then there’s my tendency to toss things on the diningroom table. I never open the mail right away. If I do, I seldom deal with it then. I leave everything till – whenever. I have to cut that out. I have to deal with things right away or it doesn’t get done. I have to train my brain to do it even if it is uncomfortable. Egad! I have had enough now. Tomorrow is another day.

 

 

TIMELINESS IS GODLINESS

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December 19, 2018  8:14 am

We’re 2 days away from Winter Solstice – the shortest day of the year. It looks like we are getting 7.5 – 8 hours of daylight. It’s still dark as can be now but I am rethinking, rebooting my brain not to dwell on the dark. I don’t want to waste time where things don’t work or get better. You know that drill – the insanity of wanting a different outcome but you keep doing the same thing over and over. No more! I declare again.

I started Unravelling Your(my) Year 2019 this morning. I have chosen my word for this year. It is TIMELY as I am such a procrastinator. I had printed out the workbook for Unravelling Your Year for over a week already. It’s time I start work on it or it’s going to sit on the dining table till next December. Delving into and looking back at where I’ve been the past year hopefully will unlock some doors as to what went wrong and what was beneficial. It’s a post morten of the year so I will not repeat mistakes. Having a word for the year will guide and push me along.

1:25 pm

As you can see, I come here whenever I have some time and something to say. It’s a tabata workout for my body and soul.  It’s working very well for me. I spend blocks of time, short, shorter or longer here, dependent on how I am or what I have to say. I don’t sit for hours, agonizing over anything. When I feel the agony approaching, I get up and do something else. Change my posture, change my thinking and feelings.

My word, TIMELY, evolved from a fellow blogger asking what is my favourite tip for decluttering. I don’t know if it’s my favourite, but I think it is the most effective – doing things in a timely manner. Dealing with things right away shortens the time that I have to agonize over the clutter/problem. They don’t have time to pile up and snow me under. I haven’t been too successful at it but it is a wee bit better now than in years gone by. My laundry basket is a testament to my failures. It still contains clean washed clothes from my working days. I’ve been retired 5 years now.

I no longer use that basket. The laundry comes off/out of the line/dryer, gets folded and put away. But I haven’t cleared/emptied the basket either. Having chosen TIMELY as THE word for the year have paid dividends already. It got me washing the bathroom floor yesterday. It’s a very small space so why do I hate and feel it’s so hard? I’ve decided that it is unnecessary to understand the whys of everything and just tend to the task at hand. Repeated exposion to doing the hated thing hopefully will desensitize me to the hate.

OVERRIDING MYSELF IN microMOMENTS

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Here’s to me trying override myself using Sark’s Micromovement Magic Method. It’s nothing new. I’ve been using it. It helps that she’s given it a name and  made it into a  booklet form. Something written with colourful steps makes it concrete and magical. You can download it for free.

The magic lies in starting. It’s the alchemy moment. Once you start, the rest will follow. I heard that phrase in a yoga video. The instructor said, Bring one knee to your chest and the other one will follow. The sentence has played in my head many times when I am having difficult moments. I’m playing it this morning. So many yukking things weighing me down. Yup, they are not difficult but unpleasant for me to deal with. I don’t quite understand the ‘unpleasantness’.  It’s the procrastination that is unpleasant, the feeling of I should do it but I don’t want to. I’m transferring that remembered unpleasant feeling to everything I do. It’s become a bad habit.

My indecisiveness causes much unnecessary grief. There are so many things to agonize over. Most of the time they are not really worth it. For instance the recall of my car for faulty passenger airbag. What was hard about that? All I had to do is make an appointment and take the car in. They give me a ride back and forth. I don’t even have to pay. It’s not difficult now that It’s dealt with. But when I got the notice, I shovelled it under more paper. It’s my normal reaction – to be handle LATER. Ugh!

I’m trying to undo/override my habitual self in micromoments of 5 minutes at a time. I can make one dreaded phone call in 5 minutes. I can pay one bill in another 5 minutes. I can stew about a problem and options for 5 minutes and take another 5 to make a decision. Why don’t I take 5 and shed some remembered icky feeling and develop some delicious one to fill its place? Why don’t I….? Why don’t I….?

SAYING IT AS IT IS

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Some days I don’t want to show up – anywhere, for anyone or anything. I think there are others feeling the same as me. I did showed up for my step aerobics class this morning. Some didn’t. I used to envy the kids with their summer camps at the YWCA. I wished that there was one for us adults. I liked to be led, entertained, fed and have all my needs looked after. Then I realized that is what is called an all inclusive vacation. I decided that is not what I want after all.

I am feeling better though I felt doubtful on rising. But all things do pass as they say. Put sick/flu/yucky out of your head! I tell myself. It worked. I put my mind towards feeling well. My body didn’t feel as heavy. My gait was lighter. I didn’t push myself to work at a 9/10 but I kept moving steadily. I worked up a sweat. It’s good not to whine though I feel like whining now. I do it silently, to myself.

You wouldn’t think I have anything to whine about. It’s warm and sunny. It got up to +1 degrees C for a little while. The snow is melting fast. The streets are a little messier, baring dog poop lazy dog owners didn’t pick up. Really disgusting and no excuse! I wonder if they bother wiping their kids’ bums after doing their business. Yes, I am a bit touchy. I wouldn’t say stuff like that anywhere but here. This is my domain, my safe haven.

I’m learning that if I want to get anything done, I shouldn’t pick up a thriller. If I get hooked, I can’t put it down. I read the book that got a whole bunch of bad reviews in two days. I couldn’t get into the book that did get lots of good ones. It’s back in the library now. Different strokes for different folks.

I feel like I’m chattering about nothing. I probably am – avoiding, procrastinating and all that. It’s not a bad thing. It gives me time to let things sit for awhile until I’m comfortable facing/dealing/or whatever that I need to do. Not everything is an emergency, you know.

 

THESE LITTLE STARS OF MINE

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It’s one thing to talk about getting real but another to do it. I was readily led off into cyberspace first thing this morning. I was off again chasing others’ lives rather than my own. But it’s out of the way now (I hope). I’ll work on getting back into my own now.

The morning is as gloomy as can be. I’ll try to rise above my inertia and shine this little light of mine. I can’t sit and count others to do it for me. It has never happened. Why would it now? I better sit up and polish up my stars so they can twinkle and light up my world. I’ve folded up some laundry and a load is in the washer. Some ripe tomatoes are sorted, washed, bagged and in the freezer. The heavy traffic floors are vacuumed. I’m sipping my second cup of tea here, tapping out my thoughts and progress.

What I know for sure is it is difficult to be in the here and now. Seems like my natural inclination to drift anywhere but here. It feels uncomfortable to deal with whatever it is in front of me. I can’t quite understand it but that’s the thing. I don’t know about you, but I push it (whatever it is) aside, behind me – in avoidance. Not that it helps. I still have that uncomfortable, nagging, dreading feeling all the while.

I’m beginning to think all these feelings of avoidance and dread come from the habit of avoidance. It’s a well worn groove now and I need some muscle power to boost myself out. I’ve been spinning and spinning, tap and tapping about it all this time. I fall back in time after time. I need to tell a new story. I need new and better habits. I just have to start with one – now.

 

 

DIGRESSING, WHAT IS KNOWN AS PROCRASTINATION

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I’m not very good at prioritizing and making lists. I try to do it all in my head. It doesn’t really work all that well any more. My attention span and memory were nothing to brag about. Now, they’re even worse. It is almost 5 pm and I’m breathless thinking about stuff to do. The list is a mess, a jumble in my head. Oh, corrections! I do get the bills paid on time. It’s the housework that causes me grief. I do go on about it, don’t I? I think it’s because I’m no good at it and I avoid it. I should sing a different tune. I’m even annoying myself.

I have a plan as I sit here tap, tapping away. I am going to dedicate Saturday as HOUSE DAY. It was on Saturdays that I had to do the dusting when I was a kid. We lived in a little rented house back of the cafe with an outdoor toilet. We had a potbelly wood/coal stove. The linoleum was peeling and we had no running water. The water man came with his truck every week and filled our water tank. Life was different. I didn’t know what to think. I was eight years old and had just immigrated to Canada from Hong Kong.

I do digress but sometimes it’s good to look back to see how far we’ve travelled. I’m looking way, way back. I’m probably practicing procrastination and avoidance. Oh, I’ll just indulge today. Tomorrow is Saturday and I’ll do my housework. I’m good on my word once I’ve said it.

You know what? I had not one word of English when I started Grade 1 in Canada. I remember my teacher’s name was Miss Woodall. She had long reddish hair and wore sweater sets with pleated skirts, the style of the day. She was very kind but kept me in at recess. That was so that I could work on my English. I remember having a hard time pronoucing ‘roof ‘. The word stuck to the roof of my mouth. I couldn’t quite get it out.

Enough digressing! Time’s flying and the dog needs walking yet, plus a myriad of other things. You know what I mean. I’m not very smooth or coherent with my words today. My mind is like a dryer drum spinning and spinning.

 

DOING THE WORK

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It is the afternoon slump period. I’m trying to push through it with my tap, tapping at the keyboard. One load of laundry done this morning and drying outside. Another load is in the washer. Lunch is consumed and dishes done. It’s really not so hard. It’s establishing new routines and habits. I want to push through my lethargy and procrastination, adding one more thing each day so that doing becomes easeful.

I’m feeling that unease already, wanting to stop and get a cup of tea. It’s a delaying/procrastinating tactic and it works every time. At least I recognize it for what it is. Be back in a few minutes. Getting up will be good as I am feeling stuck and sleepy.

I am back. I do come back and trying again. While I was gone, I’ve brought in some of the laundry and have made my tea. I see myself doing these things. I see my thoughts as I move from here to there and back. I am learning to observe myself and my feelings as objectively as I can. Why do I feel __ , Why did I do __, Why can’t I ____,I ask myself these questions. I don’t like some of the answers. I ask anyways. Perhaps I’m finally doing The Work Of Byron Katie.  I’ve been gathering self-help information for decades. At last I’m doing the work.

Standing back away from myself, being an objective observer and asking the questions may be the way to being a better person. That is my goal – pursuing excellence in being.  I will put up with my discomforts and to come to this space. I’m finding the quiet and listening here encouraging. It creates a stillness in me and I hear the whispers of wisdom in the air. I could not hear them before. There was too much noise and unrest in my head. I am OK. I do not have to minimize myself, apologize or hide in the dark. I am big enough to stand in my own right/light.

QUAGMIRE – DAY 285 in a year of…

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Day 285-May 9, 2017 @9:43 am

I’m in a quagmire of procrastination. Caught in stagnation of unable or no desire to go forward, sideways or backwards. So here I sit, hoping to tap away my blues. Don’t get me wrong. I might sound morose and am feeling morose, but I’m A-okay. It’s the flux and flow of my nature. It’s what’s out there in the universe. It’s what’s in me. Sometimes there are blue skies. Sometimes there’s not. There’s cycles of the seasons. There’s the cycles of me.

I’ve been navigating my ship for awhile now. I’ve learned the ropes, when to ease and trim the sails. I’ve read the manuals and chartered the course. There are times when there are too many storms. I’m blown off course and/or too fatigued. I’ve allowed myself extra time and more rest. It feels as if I’m stuck but I’m just going at a different pace, in a different direction. I’m going with the wind.

I’m feeling a little better, a little unstuck. I’m learning not to fight the nature of things. Everything in good time. The world is still spinning around and around. I don’t need to. I can sit and stay for awhile.

 

LIFE’S LITTLE LEAKS – Day 84 and 85

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Day 84 and 85, October 17, 2016 @11:43

Life seems to conspire against me but I’m not going to let that trip me up. It’s a gentle reminder to look after things, otherwise the next reminder might not be as gentle.  There’s nothing like a leak with things getting wet and water running onto the floor to wake me up.  Even though I was tired and getting ready for bed, I investigated and dealt with the leak.   I wouldn’t want to have a flood on my hands, would I?

It took longer than I thought.  It was a bit messy.  I hated doing it but I had to.  I hate dealing with almost everything.  It’s easier to let things go in the short run. It catches up and is harder in the long run.  But my lazy brain likes the immediate easy.  My seeing different today is I need to deal with all life’s leaks as they come along.  Better to suffer the discomfort now than to experience disaster later.

It is late.  I shall dispense with the photos.  All I have tonight are my words. They will have to do.  I’m learning to be flexible.  I am seeing my path clearer each day.  I breathe a little easier with each step. Some days I can almost sing Hallelujah.  I am not slip, sliding away.

DELAYED GRATIFICATION – Day 34 in a year of…

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Day 34, August 25, 2016 @7:17 pm

I despair for words each day when I arrive.  What I need to change is my mindset and my timing.  Would I have more to say in the morning before I live the day?  My inkwell seems dry now, tired that I am.  It is a good thing I set my intention in the morning.  At least I have something to go back on.

IMG_7385I am a terrible procrastinator.  I don’t get a lot done because I delay and postpone everything by having a cup of tea/read a chapter/rest/anything else first.  Then I would tackle the task for a little while and repeat the tea, read, etc. My different today was to cut out all the delaying crap.  I got to the heart of the issue – tasks first, then reward.

I completed all my tasks.  The vacuuming was tough.  It seemed to go on and on.  Dog hair everywhere – under the bed, behind furniture, corners and closets.  Ugh!  I will be deliriously happy when shedding season is over in a month or two.  The reward was the floor felt so clean after.  Well worth the effort.

IMG_7387I was surprised by pleasure in hanging the laundry out in sunshine amid my tomatoes. I felt this smile filling me up from the inside as I hung each article.  Pretty silly, right?  It felt so delicious standing and hanging each wet article to be kissed dry by the sun.  I stored the feeling and memory in my body and mind.  I will call upon it to help me the next time inertia hits me.

That was the morning.  Then there was lunch to be made and dishes to do after.  I almost buckle after that.  But I called upon that sunshiny laundry feeling to help me out.  It gave me a little more energy to return overdue books at the library.  After that, Sheba got a reward to the dog park.  It was one for me too.  How do you reward yourself?

Till tomorrow.

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