Egads, it is 6 pm already! I’m as tired as can be. I’ve been busy being Martha Stewart all day long. I made yogurt in the morning. Then soup with all the leftovers from Thanksgiving for lunch. Seems like not much if it was just the makings and no cleaning up after. I had alot of mashed sweet potatoes left from Thanksgiving. I made muffins with them after lunch which resulted in more washing up. I bet Martha never did any stuff around the kitchen. She just writes about it and somebody else do the cooking and cleaning up. Well, it’s all done, the cooking, baking and cleaning up. I’m finally here for another Ultimate Blog Challenge post.
I’m glad I was reminded about choosing my battles yesterday. I can’t fight/do them all. I did pause and thought about the more important ones. It’s prioritizing. I can have my cake and eat it but I can’t do it all. It’s a good thing we have the walk-in cooler in the garage. I’ve harvested 4-5 ice cream pails of grapes couple of days ago. I got my bottles for bottling juice from Amazon yesterday. They are washed and dried. They are ready but I’m not. There’ll be alot of sorting and washing grape before they can be juiced. They can keep in cooler till I can muster up more energy. I will aim to juice one pail tomorrow. It’s not about all or nothing. Just one thing will suffice.
It’s another day when I can only write my post for the challenge. I will pass the daily thread again today. I’m choosing what is the wiser thing to do today. I am tired and need to wind down for the evening. Tomorrow is another day.
January 11, day 11 of the Ultimate Blog challenge. I wonder how I am going to write this post. I feel as if I can’t even work myself out of a wet paper bag. I did go for my ski, though I can’t remember how I got there and back. It wasn’t a great outing. I had a fall trying to sly down the slope. My legs and butt got a head start. I forgot to bring the rest along. Down I went! I haven’t fallen much at all this year. It was hard to get up. I’ve forgotten how without practice. I ended up taking one ski off. Practice does make for better.
So here I sit, fingers on the keyboard. My desk is crowded and full of paper clutter again. It adds to my can’t-get-out-of-wet-paper-bag feeling. At least I am at peace with it at this moment. I was not so this morning, digging through the piles and boxes for art supplies. They are not in one place but scattered here, there and everywhere. My head was in a spin. I want to throw up my hands and give up, but the Introduction to Watercolours is starting Saturday. I need to focus and see if I have all the material on the check list.
If I hadn’t chosen the word FOCUS for my year, I probably wouldn’t have stayed with the hunt. I probably would have left it till the night before and then get into a frantic mad search. I felt frenzied but I don’t think I was frantic. I slowed down, went up and down the stairs a few times, pulling out various drawers. I found things I’ve forgotten I bought. I found art that I have forgotten I made. I have a lot of supplies. I made a lot of art. Parts of my forgotten self stared back at me. They made me feel good.
Life is messy. I am messy. I’ve gathered up my material. I am short of just one or two things. I’ve got it under control. This is no time for me to be Wonder Woman and whip all my clutter in shape. I feel like a wet noodle. It is sagging time. I can just let it all hang out. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I can regroup, refocus and get back into the track.
Saturday, my favourite day. It’s the 5th day of the month and the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m back in the groove of my weekly swim and daily mutterings. Sometimes it’s better not to overthink things – the whys, wherefores and hows. I just have to show up and start. It’s better if I’m on time or a little early. That way I have a little breathing space to prepare before hitting the water or the keyboard.
The morning was sunny. My swim went well. The water was warm. I had the pool all to myself. I got my 20 lengths in with time to spare. Unfortunately, my mutterings are not going well. I’m stuck. Can you imagine? The evening is getting on. I want the flow to start. I want to pour out my heart but it is like wringing a dry towel. Nothing comes out. Darn!
I’ve worked too hard today multi-tasking, multi-thinking. All my words and ideas are smashed up against each other like a logjam. I need something to pry everything loose. Some days are like that. Maybe sleep is the tool I need. The day was not a loss. No Eureka! but I got my swim in, drew a hammer and a nail for Inktober 2019 and baked 6 loaves of bread. I’m calling it a day.
Here I sit before my keyboard on this second day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m thinking of what useful lesson I have learned to my readers. I have all these thoughts and ideas in my head. What I haven’t learned is how to plan ahead, to make a list of things to talk about. I do almost everything off the cuff on the spur of the moment. I build from the moment that I begin an action. I’m doing just that now. I write a word, as sentence and it builds from there. I haven’t learn another way of doing things.
I did just that with my yard last month. The guy was re-doing our front walk. I watched him breaking up the old cement walk. I saw my perennial beds overgrown with irises and daylilies. I got this itch to dig. It had rained recently and the ground was soft. The call to dig became very strong. Soon, I had all the irises dug up. I started hauling the broken cement around to build new beds. I was successful in this incidence. One thing led to another and I dug up all the daylilies in the other bed. I hauled more broken cement blocks around to create another bed.
Like magic, things fell into order. The irises and lilies were divided. They found new places. I found fruit trees and other perennials on sale. They found homes in the ground before the snow fell on the weekend. I am lucky in this incidence. I couldn’t have done better even if I had planned everything ahead of time. But here on this writing challenge, I am not so fortunate. I am struggling against fatigue, dull thinking and the late hour. This is the lesson I need to learn. To give time in thinking and preparation ahead of time. I believe everything we set out to do is important. If I am going to do something, I should try to do it well.
The hour is late. My eyes are fighting to stay open. Tomorrow, tomorrow is another day. I will try to do better tomorrow.
April 3. I’m plodding along like Big Foot, dragging a heavy load. Life feels heavy. I’m trying to do my paper work. It’s an agonizing chore for me. I’ve got the bills paid but I’m not good at all dealing with sorting, discarding, and filing things away. Income tax return is due at the end of the month. My head feels like it’s full of nettles. I want to bang it on the desk. Ugh! But I shall bear the pain and breathe through it. Tomorrow is another day.
How many times have I utter that phrase? Probably more than Scarlett O’hara. I better snap out of my smart remarks, get a grip, sit down and devise a workable system of dealing with my paper stuff. How much time and energy have I wasted letting things pile up again and again? Probably tons. Each time I have to dig around to find and figure out where, when and what had happened. I have a log book where I keep track of my bill payments each month. It’s working well. I’m seldom late. Perhaps I should keep a log of my other activities such as health appointments, meetings with the banker, etc. At least it would be contained in one place. I would not be hunting for scraps of paper each time.
Then there’s my tendency to toss things on the diningroom table. I never open the mail right away. If I do, I seldom deal with it then. I leave everything till – whenever. I have to cut that out. I have to deal with things right away or it doesn’t get done. I have to train my brain to do it even if it is uncomfortable. Egad! I have had enough now. Tomorrow is another day.
So yesterday was Valentines Day, the day of hearts and flowers. As with all other special occasions, I’m slightly out of step. Perhaps I’ve been looking at my half empty glass instead of the half full one. Let’s face it, no matter how you look at it, the glass is only half of what it could be. No matter how many cute quotes you come up with or how positive you are, there must have been times when you’ve felt half empty, haven’t there?
Oh, I know. I had an intention of changing my voice for this heart month of February. I still have that intention but I want to rid the narratives in my head and the questions in my heart. It is really hard to be not who I am. Maybe I should give up trying to sound like someone else. I am who I am, of Asian flavour – the sum total of my heritage, upbringing and western influence. I should examine how all these influences have affected who I am and how I have felt about myself.
So it is three days post Valentines Day. I’m more out of step than I realize but I want to finish my conversation here. Life happens as they say. It’s gotten the best of me for now. I’m tired and lacking energy and drive. The well is dry. All I want to do the last couple of days is curl up with my blanket and watch Downton Abby on Netflix. Right now I want to fall asleep. I’ve lost heart in February. Ah! Sometimes the best laid plans do not work. I will throw up my hands and say, oh well and go to bed. Tomorrow is another day.
It is January 31, the last day of the month at last and my last post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m going to give it my all but not die trying. Nothing is worth dying for except maybe my life. What a paradox, eh? I want to call this post What I Know For Sure but I’ve used it a few times already. Still it is a good very phrase, a good handle to jump off.
What I know for sure is I’m not as powerful as I thought. But I’m stronger than I think. Though I thought I have been examining my life, I’ve been just running away and hiding. I’ve been caught in the busyness of tending to other things, other people. Now I’m standing still, facing the last few acts of my drama on this planet. I open the shutters, the closets and drawers of my mind. Everything is full of dust.
I am not daunted. I am not deterred. I roll up my sleeves and got out my elbow grease. I set aside my thoughts and musings for another time. One small thing at a time. Today is that humidifier. I turned it off, lifted the water tank off its base. I’m greeted by slime and calcium deposits, the sludge of being busy with ‘more important’ stuff. I set everything in the kitchen sink. What a bunch of work! I could be scrolling and watching TV instead.
I stood at the sink, examing it all, the humidifier and my thoughts. Plato’s An unexamined life is not worth living played in my head. I have a built in jukebox. It’s sending me a message. So I rolled up my sleeves again, got out the vinegar and a knife. It did not take long, less than 30 minutes. The surprising thing was I enjoyed the process of cleaning, scraping and scrubbing. In my mind I was cleansing my own inner chambers. Maybe it is true that our outer world is a reflection of our inner world. Clear and clean one, you do the same for the other.
Tomorrow I will tackle the spice drawer. Wouldn’t it be nice if it was full of sugar and everything nice? Not likely. Anyways tomorrow is another day. I can’t handle another word. I’m not made of a thousand words a day. I’m more of a Hallmark greeting card writer. I’m great at one line profundities.
I have discovered that little useless things can eat up many minutes but I can do many things in a few minutes. It all depends on how present and distractible I am. I am the very latter – distractible. I can’t use the excuse of not getting enough sleep because I did. It’s rather that I don’t have a set plan. It’s Tuesday, a non exercise morning. It feels like a day off. I feel like I have extra time to goof off. It’s not a bad thing if it leaves me feeling good.
It doesn’t. I’ve been scrolling, trying to figure out how the Goodreads site works. I have accidentally joined its community when I was looking up a book. It hasn’t been of great importance to me what others are reading, etc. But now I get messages and updates. It peaks my curiosity. I’ve figured out how to post what I’m reading but how do I post what I’ve read? As I’ve said, it is not important except that it’s disturbed my peace of mind. I’m flustered and irritated. My feathers are ruffled.
I better stop this nonsense of wasting more of my day off. I have bills to pay and papers to sort. I have not made much progress with my desk except to remove some dust. Organizing anything is clearly not my forte. I must have been born with that defective gene. However, I will persevere with my efforts. I have deleted 75 messages from one of my mailboxes. Why do I hang on to them? It’s as if I make any move at all, even deleting an email, I will change my life forever. It’s silly I know but it helps to voice my fear of any little change.
Supper is done and I’m still sipping my one glass of wine. I’m still feeling ruffled around the edges. However, I will take a deep, deep breath, exhale and sip. Maybe I should have another glass. But now everything is smooth. I will be alright. The day has gone well. The bills are paid. I did not get the down time I intended and wanted. It’s tough when my brain is feverish with creating. I had to let my creation out. Tomorrow is another day. I will plan for it.
Funny how the weather can affect my body. My mind is delighted with the bright sunshine. My physical body is voicing its displeasure. The whole of me hurts as if I’m being fried alive. It doesn’t feel any better ‘resting’ so I try to move and do my stuff as best I can. Prepping a cloth square for free motion sewing takes my mind off the pain. No point sitting and suffering. I might as well spot clean messy areas that bug me – the bathroom and the backdoor mats.
I’m reaping the reward of ‘keeping up’. On days like this, I can afford to ‘slack off’/take it a bit easier. I’m getting the hang of living life block by block, being Steady Eddy. No more burning the candle at both ends, then die sputtering thereafter. The wind has whipped up. It is chilling. I’m not hankering on taking Sheba out for her walk. But I will – after I’ve sit a spell and tapped another sentence or two.
I have done well. I feel somewhat better after taking my parents to the library, then coffee. My mother still likes to read and learn about everything. My father likes the outing. It was an easy thing for me to do for them. It didn’t feel that way before I went. But once I start, I had to keep going. The outing broke up my fatigue and discomforts. Now, to bundle up against the wind and take the dog out. The exercise will do us good.
We’re back. The wind was not bad with my hood up. The walk eased the ache in my back and hips. It’s like getting a lube job. It’s true what they say. If you don’t use it, you’re going to lose it. I’m feeling delicious now, sipping a cuppa and eating a sweet Chinese pastry. One doesn’t feel quite enough, but I will refrain. Tomorrow is another day. Stretching out the goodness.
I have to say I’m as tired as could be. Not that it was that full a day but it’s an accumulation of days. Though it is difficult to have the clarity of mind, I am here none the less. Sometimes just showing up can rejuvenate. I’m a wilting Lily getting a little water. Give me a few moments to perk up.
Maybe it would be wise for me to get some rest. I can still show up but I don’t have to run my battery at full throttle. It is not a must do or die thing. There’s no demand for my services really. I have no bosses to answer to, no job to show up for. It is just my own obsessions. So sit back, have a cup of tea or sip that glass of wine. Tomorrow is another day.