So yesterday was Valentines Day, the day of hearts and flowers. As with all other special occasions, I’m slightly out of step. Perhaps I’ve been looking at my half empty glass instead of the half full one. Let’s face it, no matter how you look at it, the glass is only half of what it could be. No matter how many cute quotes you come up with or how positive you are, there must have been times when you’ve felt half empty, haven’t there?
Oh, I know. I had an intention of changing my voice for this heart month of February. I still have that intention but I want to rid the narratives in my head and the questions in my heart. It is really hard to be not who I am. Maybe I should give up trying to sound like someone else. I am who I am, of Asian flavour – the sum total of my heritage, upbringing and western influence. I should examine how all these influences have affected who I am and how I have felt about myself.
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So it is three days post Valentines Day. I’m more out of step than I realize but I want to finish my conversation here. Life happens as they say. It’s gotten the best of me for now. I’m tired and lacking energy and drive. The well is dry. All I want to do the last couple of days is curl up with my blanket and watch Downton Abby on Netflix. Right now I want to fall asleep. I’ve lost heart in February. Ah! Sometimes the best laid plans do not work. I will throw up my hands and say, oh well and go to bed. Tomorrow is another day.
onethousandandtwo 
Once again, your words are so powerful. I’m usually a positive, half-full person, but yes, there are fleeting moments when the glass drops below the half-way mark. In my case, those moments are rare, but I can understand how difficult it would be for others. Asian and Western cultures seem so far apart. I imagine it would be hard to bridge the great divide between them as you live in one, but belong in another. Another great post – thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Thanks Maureen. February is a hard month. They gave us Family Day as a holiday not that I need it. Every day could be a holiday for me. 🙂
Lily
Indeed, tomorrow is another day! I think there are definitely days that call for Netflix and comfort blankets. That’s the essence of hygge, in a way, and I am big hygge fan. It doesn’t have to mean completely losing heart. In fact, tomorrow – whichever tomorrow it turns out to be – you might find yourself feeling reconnected to all things heart.
Yes, I’m a big fan of hygge, too. Thanks for introducing the word to me, Jeanine. Today is a better day.
Lily
Valentine’s Day is challenging, and I am sorry that you lost heart. And winter is hard, too. So cold and so lacking in color! I hope that your tomorrow is better than your yesterday!
Yes to everything! Today is better. Thanks, Alice!
Lily