THESE LITTLE STARS OF MINE

It’s one thing to talk about getting real but another to do it. I was readily led off into cyberspace first thing this morning. I was off again chasing others’ lives rather than my own. But it’s out of the way now (I hope). I’ll work on getting back into my own now.

The morning is as gloomy as can be. I’ll try to rise above my inertia and shine this little light of mine. I can’t sit and count others to do it for me. It has never happened. Why would it now? I better sit up and polish up my stars so they can twinkle and light up my world. I’ve folded up some laundry and a load is in the washer. Some ripe tomatoes are sorted, washed, bagged and in the freezer. The heavy traffic floors are vacuumed. I’m sipping my second cup of tea here, tapping out my thoughts and progress.

What I know for sure is it is difficult to be in the here and now. Seems like my natural inclination to drift anywhere but here. It feels uncomfortable to deal with whatever it is in front of me. I can’t quite understand it but that’s the thing. I don’t know about you, but I push it (whatever it is) aside, behind me – in avoidance. Not that it helps. I still have that uncomfortable, nagging, dreading feeling all the while.

I’m beginning to think all these feelings of avoidance and dread come from the habit of avoidance. It’s a well worn groove now and I need some muscle power to boost myself out. I’ve been spinning and spinning, tap and tapping about it all this time. I fall back in time after time. I need to tell a new story. I need new and better habits. I just have to start with one – now.

 

 

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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4 Responses to THESE LITTLE STARS OF MINE

  1. amybovai says:

    Hi Lily,
    You wrote, “I need to tell a new story. I need new and better habits. I just have to start with one – now.” So what is the one you will start with?
    I, too, have to stat and for me that means better communication with my brother. Maybe we will get a white board. Then I’ll know where he is and he will know where I am.
    Good luck to both of us!
    Amy

    • hafong says:

      Yes,good luck, Amy! I thought I would try to act as if I’ve already achieve in succeeding instead of wishing and whining all the time. Maybe I should make a poster with that phrase to remind me. 😀 Lily

  2. Terry says:

    Lily, don’t we all and aren’t we all avoiders!!! So much to face and do eac day….. Thus the slogan, Just Do It!!! Not easy😉 I feel the same and have allowed myself to give myself a break when neede it just because!!!! Today was that kinda day! Visited my Mom and then strolled along a wonderful foodie street in Montreal and home to veg out!!!! Enjoy life’s pleasures when I can. Loving your posts as usual,

    • hafong says:

      Thank you, Terry! Sounded you had a lovely outing with your mom. The guy and I are going on a little road trip for a break. Sheba’s at the sitter’s but I still feel and hear her.

      Lily

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