COMING HOME -beginning a year of…

Posted on July 23, 2016 by hafong

I can’t believe that I’ve been away since May 11th. Coming back, sitting here, tentatively tapping at the keyboard is both exhilarating and uncomfortable. The familiar sound and rhythm are soothing. I am stretching to find the words. I am starting a new project.

I haven’t been happy lately with how life and the world have unfolded. I would hazard a guess that I have a lot of company in that respect. I am disappointed with how I am unfolding. I am not living up to my own standards. See what I mean? I am beating on myself again – repeating past history. I want to change. If I change my actions, maybe I can change my brain. My brain is hardwired to my habits – or is it the other way around?

I Dare Our world is dark and gloomy but magic still resides. Merlin is listening, waiting with his abrahcadabra! After I expressed my wish for change, I found Luann Cahn’s book, I Dare Me among my bag of library books. The wish was already in me and the Universe knew.

So here I am, embarking on this new venture – a year of consciously doing something new. I can do it. This confidence and optimism is new. I CAN DO IT.

I will not be bungee jumping off a tall building in Las Vegas. Or sky diving or mountain climbing. But then I don’t know where this project will take me. For now, the challenge of change and writing about it every day will be exciting enough.

To mark this special occasion of change/transformation, I have clipped my hair. It’s like popping that champaign bottle for me. Here I am post clipping, fresh from the shower, no mousse. Not short/daring enough. Next time. I see I could use some makeup. That would be something new for me – makeup every day. I do hate those girls who takes such lovely selfies. Another first – expressing my envy!

IS THERE ANOTHER WAY?

Posted on March 21, 2016 by hafong

I am back with my cup of tea. Showing up can be as easy as that – showing up. I am sitting in this space – with a tap, a letter, word and a thought or two. The message for me this morning: Is there another way?

There is always another way. I am not happy this morning. In fact I was angry and unhappy waking up – with MYSELF. I probably took those thoughts and feelings with me to bed last night. I ask the hard question. Do I want to head in the direction of anger, resentment and self blame? Of course not. But. There is always that big BUT in the way.

BUT choosing a ~~new~~ different way is hard. Those well worn grooves are tricky. They don’t want to let go. I am still in the groove now, ruminating again over life’s quirks and quarks. Why can’t I just stop and move boldly forward? I’m reading the message in the picture –And otherwise start over again. That is what I need to do many times until a new groove/habit is form.

No better time to start in a different way than the present moment. No better time to start over than on a Monday, the beginning of a new week.

Today I looked at the world with different eyes. I questioned the validity of my thoughts. I changed the way I behaved if only slightly. I inhaled and exhaled before I reacted. I tried not to live in someone else’s sadness. I said no because that was what I wanted/needed to say. I did not apologize for no reason. I tried a different way of being today. Tomorrow I will try again.

THE BEST I CAN DO

Posted on November 5, 2014 by hafong

Routines can be so tedious at times. Ugh! That is what I am feeling at this moment. I am here, nevertheless, with my morning Chai. I am feeling more myself. It’s good to be able to sleep again laying down – two nights in a row now.

I had been sleeping in my recliner, being breathless and panicky laying down. I was feeling attached to my Lazy Boy. I was afraid of letting it go, but I survived. How quickly habits and attachments set in. It reminded me of a patient I had. Her hospital stay was longer than expected. She had one complication after another. She finally went home after a lengthy stay.

She dropped by with a box of chocolates and thank you card after being home for a week. She was teary talking about being home. She was anxious and missed the side rails on her bed and having curtains around. She worried about being crazy. I reassured her that she was not. She had been so sick and having people around her, checking on her 24 hours/day for weeks. It was a natural thing to feel a bit insecure, even if her husband and children were in the house. She breathed a big sigh of relieve. It mattered to her that I understood how she felt. She left with a smile amid her tears. I was happy to be able to do that.

Yesterday was a wordless day. It was a time to catch up with family. It was time for lunch with my mother and sister. I hadn’t seen them for awhile. It was time to get reconnected. It was a time for my sister and I to give our mother some time, to listen to her stories and reminiscences.

And today is a picture-less day. It’s not a day of creativity so I worked – at paying my bills and other necessities of life. When you can’t create, you can work. I can work at putting things in order. I am tired. I am worn out. I am feeling life. This is the best I can do today. Tomorrow is another day.

THE EXTRAS IN THE ORDINAIRE

Posted on May 6, 2014 by hafong

This morning the sun was a little brighter and the temperature a little warmer. Still it took some recalled oomph to get out of bed. I guess by now you’ve guessed that I’m not a bouncy morning type of gal.

I always need that little extra push to get going – anywhere. Are there really people who bounces out of bed, whistling and ready to wrestle a tiger and bring it home? Well, good for them, whoever they are! I’m just going to mosey along like the tortoise that I am, one slow step at a time.

I stretch and I breathe in the qi of life. I flow through the motions of qigong, feeling stronger and more awakened with each movement of the routine. My inertia and languidness are vanishing with the breath. It is necessary to bite the bullet – get up, dress up and show up to face the day. No matter what, we have to greet it.

So I am not Speedy Gonzales and I don’t have a tiger in my tank. I am living life at my own speed. I am not in a hurry. I have time to smell the coffee. I will see the flowers growing along the road. I will not miss their sweet scent in the air. I will not miss the extras in the ordinaire. How wonderful is that?

ON THE WINGS OF MY HABITS

Posted on April 28, 2014 by hafong

This morning I woke to snow again. I asked my Sheba if there’s a reason for me to get out of bed. She licked my face and said, ‘Come on! Play with me!’ So how can I say no? I got out of bed, washed my face, brushed my teeth and fixed my bed head.

I put the kettle on and went downstairs to turn on the grow light for my seedlings. It’s all routine now, part of my repertoire. The water is boiled. I fix my lemon water with a tad of honey. I take my medications. I stretch this way and that way, warming up for my qigong routine. Soon my languidness and what’s there to get up for attitude are gone. And I’m into my day.

Snow continues to fall in soft fluffy flakes into the afternoon. That’s how it is sometimes. Into your life some snow must fall. I get my cup of tea and wrap myself in my Hudson’s Bay blanket. What a good time to read a bit of Joan Hammersmith’s The Raw Bold Truth. I’m ready to read it now, though I am not quite ready to face all my own raw truth. Some day, some day I will.

I made plans to take my mother out for coffee in the afternoon. I have my tax return to mail and a prescription to pick up. It will be good for both of us to get out. I have some of my best times with my mother. She is the wisest and strongest woman that I know. I am lucky to be her daughter.

Days can start out on a dreary note. But we can choose how it can go. My day has been great. I am glad that I have developed habits that have enabled me to fly despite the inclement weather. How has your day gone?

WE CAN MAKE IT WORK

Posted on April 20, 2014 by hafong

I am well into this month’s challenge. Besides writing a post every day, I have incorporated some healthy habits into this challenge. It would make marking my progress and assessment easier and in writing.

I have been faithfully getting up, dressing up and showing up. I have done my qigong exercises faithfully every morning. Some mornings I am more focus and in the moment than others. But I am always here, trying. I always feel the better for it. It opens up my channels to receive the world. So why would I neglect a good thing? After awhile it is like brushing your teeth and washing your face when you get up in the morning. It is a habit. Ahhhh, it feels so good after!

Another challenge is to keep the floors reasonably clear of Sheba’s hair. She sheds a lot and I haven’t been good at housekeeping for awhile. Some days, it is light duty and when time and energy permits – a thorough vacuum. It is a surprise to find the big vacuum is not really that big. With practice and practice, I have been able to do it in a relatively short time and with ease.

These are simple challenges that I have success with. I have been consistent and persistent or you can say, I have been neurotic about it. They are good neurosis, wouldn’t you say? But I have not been successful in other areas – the area of the heart and mind. The gremlins are still rearing their ugly heads. Though it is the holy time of Easter, the demons are still tearing at me. They are not succeeding yet. I have put up my shield and sending out hot and searing flames to thwart them.

All I need is consistency and persistence and lots of heart…and a good hearted Easter bunny, and maybe an Easter basket. Well, the hot chocolate sort of helped.

PRIORITIES AND PROCRASTATION

Posted on April 3, 2014 by hafong

If you are a friend of mine, you will know that I am obsessed with self-improvement. It is my habit to read and gather information of how I could change for the better. I don’t know if I ever put the knowledge into application.

They say that recognition is the first step towards a journey of a thousand changes. At least I got that. I often just sit on my duff, read and gather, looking for yet more information. So let me be a little more proactive and use this month to propel myself forward into action and towards towards changes.

How can I succeed in this journey? What tools do I need?

Goals
Commitment
Priorities
Courage
Patience
Flexibility

I am committed to carry out my actions every day this month. Next month is next month. I am already setting my priorities for the NOW instead of later. It is important for me to do my morning quigong routine. It is a must. The movements set my body ready to meet the day. The breathing and quietness fuels my brain and heart.

So here’s to my courage, patience and flexibility.

RITUALS AND HABITS

Posted on June 7, 2013 by hafong

This morning the sky is overcast, but the leaves are still the greenest green and I am a shade paler than blue. I have been caught unaware by ‘forces’ and inattention. I have allowed myself be invaded by energies of not my liking. Perhaps I am talking too much, revealing too much. I am being vulnerable.

So what? I am, after all, just a mortal being. And if I have all these feelings and experiences, there must be other people going through similar things. And if no one talks and shares, we will be isolated like islands in the stream- with no Dolly Parton to sail away with.

I am working hard to bring myself back to center. I am paying attention and setting intentions. It is those rituals and habits that save the day. One of my favourite phrase from Regina Brett is: Get up, dress up and show up. I remember that on mornings when getting up is hard to do. You see things in different perspective when you’re up and standing tall. So when I remember, I change my point of view…like changing my walk route with Sheba. I do get lost sometimes by going in a different direction.

Getting lost is not a bad thing. Getting lost makes you slow down and get your bearing. You focus, you think, you observe, you see. I see that I don’t have to rush and find the answer right away. I see that I have time to breathe, to look around, to find my directions, to find me.

So this morning I got up, dressed up and showed up. I made my cup of tea and did my qigong exercises, throwing out my stagnant chi. I focused and felt my energy field. I set my intentions. I breathed. Everything is copacetic.

PROGRESS

Posted on March 27, 2013 by hafong

I think I have had too many glasses of wine. I am not feeling myself on this 43rd day into Lent. I am feeling rather angry, ticked off.

Making progress in becoming enlightened is a hard task. I am no Buddha but I do try hard. I have no Bodhi tree to sit under. But I do have a snow pile to clear. I am learning to use my bad energy to do good things. Today I have cleared a wide path all the way in front of the house. Now, there’s less worry about melting snow doing damage to the foundation.

I have not lost any of my excess weight yet, though I have stepped on the scale a few times. Getting slimmer is not easy or simple. I am walking Sheba twice a day. I am not really thrilled about it, but I do it anyways. As soon as we start out, I want to come back and hit the couch already. I talk myself into one block, then another block, and another. I have to train myself into liking something. I have to train myself into good habits.

I threw out my drawer full of old ugly, utilitarian bras today….finally. Funny how that is. Even though I’ve brought 4 nice new ones and 6 really pretty vibrant camisoles, it was still difficult to toss those ugly old bras. Attachment? What was I attached to – things of no use and no longer desirable. So what other undesirables are still lurking in my drawers and closet? What yukkies are hidden in my head?

Well, it is getting late. I am scare of the dark. I am scare of my shadow. Best wait for sunlight before digging further. I might have to stick with digging snow for awhile till I am stronger. And I will – get stronger. I trust the God in me.

SMALL WINS

Posted on January 8, 2013 by hafong

I’m back reading The Power of Habit. I’m learning the power of small wins. So I’m giving myself a small bouquet and a second cup of tea for a reward. I have done well this morning. Sheba is brushed and fluffed, the floor is cleared of her hair with a damp mop. It is time to savour my small victories in the warmth and sunshine of my sun room. Oops! There goes the sun.

No matter! I am buoyed by the information in the book. I CAN change my habits for the better. I CAN make life better and some parts of it easier. Empowerment comes with enlightenment. We don’t have to go down the same old roads if they don’t take us to where we want to go. We CAN change directions.

My big win today is getting Sheba brushed and the floor cleared. My small win…taking last year’s calendar off the window and into the recycling. And it’s only January. Sometimes it hangs outdated for most of the year. They say little changes/wins spills into big ones. I don’t need to start a revolution or a movement. Somehow they tend to burn themselves out. No banners, drums or marching for me, but I will IDLE NO MORE.

I will do the hard work of changing one thing at a time. I will exercise my will power , muscle one day at a time. I WILL evolve into a conscious human being. Amen.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

Tag Archives: habits