The house is quiet. I am alone. Times like this, I feel Sheba is still here, keeping me company. I was feeling tranquil and peaceful until I checked my emails. Now I am all nettled and disturbed. I take a deep breath and another one. I watch my steam and breath evaporate into air. I close my eyes and drop my shoulders. This is life. Take charge of it.

I’m doing the best I can. I get up and put disturbed energy to use. 3 rooms are vacuumed and I am sipping a cup of decaf. This is a good time to slow down and really watch Professor Paul Gilbert’s videos on understanding our tricky brain and using compassion to take us into a better life. Last night I was in a hurry. I was stressed and too focused on writing my post on the Ultimate Blog Challenge. As a result I did not get a good read on the video. Not only that, I made a mistake of copying and pasting the wrong link to the loop. My post was deleted by the moderator, though I had corrected it by that time.

I thought about arguing the point. Then I had second thoughts. How important is it to stay in the loop? My topic was interesting and important maybe only to me but my post was not well written. How important was it for me to have 2 comments on it because the 2 writers below me were obligated by rules to read and comment on it? I rather people read and comment because of their interest in the content. I’m rethinking the ‘challenge’ thing. I’ve lost some joy of my writing space. I am not competitive with others, only with myself. I am not selling any product or service. I want to read and write of things interesting and important to me.

In the light of day, it makes sense to revamp my must dos. I am not abandoning the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I will go by the rules and not put my link in the thread. This will free up my sense of obligations. I have alot of my plate for April. That deadline for Tax Return is closing in. I am not feeling ready. My greenhouse and seedlings and seeding are yelling at me. I have an online class with U of S Tuesday afternoons. April Love is easy, gentle and soothing and do-able. My #100dayproject is on top of my must list. My daily draw/watercolour are improving day by day. I am so happy with Helios I painted as a puppy and a one year old. They’ve made my days.


Less is Better and More

October 3/20

So far, so good. I’m still here. It is only day 3 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge after all. I’ll try to keep it short and simple. There’s more likelihood of keeping the reader here. There’s more chances of me showing up again and again. I was exhausted trying to navigate on this new page yesterday. I like to play by the rules. I like reading the 2 postings above mine. I like the randomness, the chance of meeting a new blogger, different type of writing. I also like to revisit old friends and those who visit me. It’s a fine balance of finding time and energy to do all that.

It’s a fine exercise – assessing my energy levels and my priorities. I’m always pulled every which way. I’ve never given much time in thinking through. I let guilt and sense of obligation dictate what I do. I’m just awakening to the sense of ‘me’ now. What am I all about? I’m taking time to stand back, to be that fly on the wall, to try to see myself in action objectively. Have you done the exercise?

I’m seeing my slate wiped clean today, all my obligations fulfilled. This is another first day of the rest of my life. It is a beautiful though cloudy October day. No frost overnight. There’s still strawberries coming, though ripening ever so slow. My raised beds of greens are still thriving. And our greenhouse is half finished. It is not as big as we had wanted. But small is better. I harvested 2 ice cream pails of Concord grapes yesterday. Guess what I’ll be doing today? I’ve found an excellent site for dealing with them. Hopefully I’ll have some pies, sorbet or jam soon.


Life is difficult, writes M. Scott Peck in The Road Less Travelled. He wasn’t kidding. Life is damn hard. You probably know that already. I struggle every day – how to be, how to talk, how to. The list goes on and on. This morning I’m struggling on priorities, what to do first, what to do after that, and then WHAT.

What I enjoy first thing after getting up, dressing up and showing up is my cup of tea. There is just that time, tea and me. I’m trying to keep it that way and not let anything mess up my mind except a book of fiction. It’s nice to escape into someone else’s creativity. Sometimes reality is overrated. Besides, who can you believe nowadays?

This morning I came across an interesting article: Doctors and Scientists explain why vaccines aren’t safe. It’s pretty convincing. Jenny McCarthy is not just an actress with no merit. But then there are just as much information out there to negate all of this. So much fake news. When and how did all this happen? Life is difficult. It can be depressing but I won’t let it be. I will stay loose and open, gather and investigate information and do the best I can. It is important to stay informed though sometimes it’s more comfortable being naive.

Enough of that! It’s time to move on or I could depress myself. On setting priorities, the one nagging on me was contacting my parents’ insurance company about the hail damage on their house. It’s never an easy or fun time. You have to make repeated calls or emails to get any answer or action. I always feel that I’m beholden to them. It should be the other way around. Aren’t they working for us? We’re paying, paying those ever increasing premiums every year. On a happy note, the adjuster replied back that the claim was processed. But why didn’t they send me the info as I was told?  I waited 2 months and I had to ask for it. I’m sure their answer would be, Do you know how many claims we have? I’ve heard it often enough.

Damn, life is difficult!  Living is a repetitive action with many repetitive injuries. Did you exercise today? Did you do your warmup and stretches? I did. It prevents injuries, you know. Now to decide the next thing…




IMG_6596If you are a friend of mine, you will know that I am obsessed with self-improvement.  It is my habit to read and gather information of how I could change for the better.  I don’t know if I ever put the knowledge into application.

They say that recognition is the first step towards a journey of a thousand changes.  At least I got that.   I  often just sit on my duff, read and gather, looking for yet more information.  So let me be a little more proactive and use this month to propel myself forward into action and towards towards changes.

How can I succeed in this journey?  What tools do I need?

  • Goals
  • Commitment
  • Priorities
  • Courage
  • Patience
  • Flexibility

I am committed to carry out my actions every day this month.  Next month is next month.  I am already setting my priorities for the NOW instead of later.  It is important for me to do my morning quigong routine.  It is a must.  The movements set my body ready to meet the day.  The breathing and quietness fuels my brain and heart.

So here’s to my courage, patience and flexibility.








Sheba and I are spending time alone today.  She is cuddled up with her toys and I am sitting before my keyboard, tapping out my thoughts and feelings.

It has been a good day.  I am not only reading self-help books, but I am actually putting my gained knowledge into use….finally.  Imagine that!  I have spent a lifetime gathering information on mood disorders and how to be happy.  But knowledge without action equals zilch.  If we keep doing the same things over and over, we keep getting the same results.  Who said that…Oprah, Dr. Phil or some other luminary?  You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to know that, but sometimes a hammer on the head is necessary.

After reading Sitting Kills, Moving Heals by Joan Vernikos, I decided I better MOVE today.  And so I did.  Sheba and I went for an early morning walk after breakfast.  The morning sunshine and kids going to school was energizing.  I did my qigong routine after we got home.  I breathed and moved, clearing my stagnant chi.

Having limbered and stretched,  I got on my bike before I could procrastinate away the opportunity.  I am learning to prioritize…get the important things done first.  I rode to the park at the school, pedaling along the meandering paths, practicing gear shifts.  I made it up the hill once.  On my second time around, I couldn’t find the right gear and couldn’t make it up.  I had to stop and turn the bike around.  It was still a valiant effort.


I kept my natural restlessness in check by moving – doing my neglected daily living activities.  I ironed my uniforms and damp mopped the floors in a steady leisurely pace.  I tried to keep my attention focused on what I was doing.  I was practicing the yoga of housekeeping.  I felt a certain pleasure in doing my chores.  Weird!

It sure sounds like I did a lot today.  I did, compared to my usual slothful ways.  Sheba and I even went to the park after lunch and then stopped at the library on the way home.  The secret for me is tiny steps and small varied chores….a little of this and a little of that.  They add up big.

I’m not saying it was easy, but I’m not saying it was hard either.  Throughout the day, I felt moments of blueness, anxiety, fatigue.  I took a break in those moments for a cup of tea, a handful of walnuts, an avocado.  I laid on the floor and did some stretching and meditation.  I’m not at all flexible.  My mind wanders.  So what?


And my mood waxes and wanes…the blueness and anxiety.  They are fleeting, but I resist the need for conversation, company and comfort.  Sometimes you need to spend time with yourself…to wrestle with your demons or to talk with the angels.  You cannot share everything.  You have to save something for yourself.