AFLOAT AND FLOWING

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Sunday morning. It’s cool, cloudy and snowing. It’s 1℃ outside and 8.4℃ in the greenhouse at 10:00. No promise of sun but I took some of the covers off the plants and seedlings so they can get some natural day light at least. We’re going to run some electric heat in there today for the next few days of no sunlight. The greenhouse will not have a chance of getting heated enough during the day to sustain the frosty nights. I have too many growing things and work invested in there to lose now.

I’m trying to maintain the flow. I’ve worked hard to start it. Maintenance takes less energy than having to start over. If I can get up, dress up and show up, that’s half the battle. I have to remember I am not my emotions. I have to set my intentions for the day, make a list and do it. I don’t have to like it. I just need to make it a habit. Liking can come later.

It is Sunday afternoon. No sun but the greenhouse did get up to a high of 15.9℃ at 1:30pm. Now at 3:30 it is on the decline. I’ve become a weather/temperature watcher this spring. I’m paying more attention and seeing how erratic our present day climate is. I’m also more aware of my inner climate. It’s helping me understand and manage my anxiety better. I can feel how powerful and negative my inner dialogue can be. I’m trying to change my thoughts to change my life.

Though I have many bad habits, I have established some good routines and habits these last few years. I fall off the wagon occasionally but I do climb back on. I always try and give a damn. It’s hard for me to give up. These are my main powerful medicines. They keep me afloat and flowing.

                • Getting enough sleep 
                • Being outdoors in nature
                • A daily meditation routine
                • Daily exercise routine
                • Hobbies 

CREATING FLOW

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Today I’m focusing on creating flow, making good use of my time and not getting bogged down with negative feelings. There’s so much to feel bad about the world but feeling sad and helpless is not going to make it better. On the flip side there’s still alot of good in this world of ours. My energy is better served by thinking about how I can make it better. What can I do? How can I contribute? I’m not a big person. I don’t do big but I can still do something, even if it is small. Sometimes my small is someone else’s big. We don’t all see the same. We don’t all measure by the same yardstick.

I thought I knew that before but I didn’t. I had thought that everyone see and think like me. The real realization only came the other day. I’m more than halfway through The100DayProject. My project is sewing a logcabin quilt block a day for 100 days. I post each block on Instagram. I enjoyed the whole process – sewing the strips and posting. It is very relaxing and satisfying but I thought that my followers would find my blocks boring. After all, they’re all the same except that the strips are of different fabrics and colours. To my surprise, I’m getting alot of good responses. What surprises me the most is the ones that I don’t really think I’ve done well gets a lot of likes.

Take these 3 blocks for instance. I did not think the colours were put together well for the first block on the left. But I got 247 likes for it. I was totally amazed. The other 2 on the right got 29 and 24 likes respectively. I thought they were more soothing to the eye. Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. But I am straying from my intented post.

I’m feeling a little stuck with this conversation at the moment but my day has flowed somewhat. Success is a little easier than intention and planning. I haven’t quite got my quilt block sewn yet. I’m almost there though. I got my daily walk in the park behind the library and by the Wildwood Golf Course. It was lovely, a little country amid the city. I’ll let the photos tell the story.

It’s good to shake up the day with different activities. It gets my brain out of that sad/mad groove. Being outdoors in nature and with the animals that we share this planet with is much healthier than shopping or stewing about things we can’t change. It soothes my soul and creates flow.

TAKING NOTES

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It is April 8, 2021 at 7:48 am. It is 8℃ outside and 11℃ in the greenhouse. The sun is out. I’m expecting that it will be higher than the 13℃ they have predicted. Yesterday was crazy warm – 21℃. It’s like summer in April. The thing is the forecast is for snow come Saturday and there will be minus temperatures of -6℃. There’s just no telling what the weather will do. Isn’t that what life is like, too. We/I just have to take it one day at a time. But I can still prepare for the instability. That means taking notes.

I haven’t been good at taking notes. I’ve been living by gosh, darn and poop. It’s one of the reasons why I’ve had such a difficult journey. I’ve been doing the same things and expecting different results. Now I do know better but doing the familiar things is such a deep seated habit, it is hard to change. I will have to focus, work hard and write down the things and changes I want to do. Just thinking about them does not lead to commitment.

I find it useful to read my own journals. I had a whole pile of them. I’ve gotten rid of many of them because the advice was not to revisit them. I still have a few from different times in my life. I’ve sifted through them the last few days. I see that I’ve had to struggle with my moods all my adult life. Most, if not all of my writings were the same – my feelings and the ways I was coping. I think I am in a better space today. I am not struggling, working on my feelings. I am just working at the things I love to do. It’s good to look back to see where I was so that I don’t keep doing the same things that doesn’t work.

LEFT OVERS MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER

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Leftover Chinese take out is so satisfying in these funky Covid times. They do the same for me as french fries on night shifts when I was still working. The girl working the food didn’t even have to ask for my order. She was super generous with the servings. I think she was usually happy on something. They caught on to her and the servings were weighed. Then she was gone, replaced by someone much older, slower and with a dour disposition. And she reheats the cold fries in the microwave. One time I protested and wanted fresh fries. She said I was lucky to even get some. My co-worker was afraid she wouldn’t give us any food. She took the microwaved fries. I’m happy to find I love leftover Chinese noodles reheated in the microwave.

I think I am getting fed up now with everything – the sameness of our days. A year into the pandemic we know more about the Covid virus. We have started to get the vaccine. Yet our daily numbers of new cases of infection continues to climb. Our provincial population is a little over 1 million. We have 34,763 cases and 440 deaths. Taiwan has a population of 23 million, 1,048 cases and 10 deaths. New Zealand has a population of 4.9 million, 2,507 cases and 26 deaths. Singapore has a population of 5,885,188, 60,495 cases and 30 deaths. It is depressing to see how poorly we’re doing.

I’m soldiering on as they say. There is no choice. We’re not all in the same boat. Life in Taiwain now is much the same as in pre-Covid times. That is pretty remarkable given that their population is 23 million. We have alot of space to get lost in, here on the wide prairies. Spring is here. I should cheer and smile up. I’ve got my first dose of the Pfizer vaccine. The greenhouse is doing great. We got 3 self openers/closers for the vents installed. Once we get 3 more, life could be perfect. I can sit back, relax a little and count my blessings instead of gripe about the way things are.

APRIL LOVE

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Happy Easter Sunday. I have to love these sunny days of April. Last night was the first night I felt comfortable leaving the beds uncovered in the greenhouse. It’s been above 0 temperatures in there for the last few days. It was 8.4℃ at 6:30. Now it is up to 11.7℃ at 9:40. It was so hot in there yesterday afternoon, I had to open the door as well as the vents. Spring is a sure thing now, isn’t it? I’m happy with our progress. I’m sure we will lettuce and Asian greens by end of April and tomatoes by end of June. I still have one of the Long Keepers I planted on March 9th. I planted 2 Scarlet Runner Beans in the spot vacated by a chilled tomato. They’re ready to climb already.

I had my first dose of Pfizer vaccine yesterday. Though I haven’t been fretting about it alot, it is a relief to cross this bridge. My appointment was at 2:10 pm. I was out at 2:30 pm. Everything was very organized. It went very smoothly. I never felt a thing. l told my nurse she was very good. My arm did start to ache in the evening and got a little worse and stiff towards night. But my shingles vaccine was much worse. It’s still achy and stiff this morning but if I keep my arm active, it’s better. I’ve done well. I’ve given to anxiety after my retirement from work. I never had the time or was just too tired to notice when I was working. I sure felt it after. I’m better now but still working through some issues. I know that the mind is very powerful. It can create great havoc. I know that the stress of listening to the news and stories people tell about the vaccines was much greater than the actual getting vaccinated. It’s another confidence builder for me. Breathe and relax. Everything is going to be all right.

WHEN EVERYTHING IS HARD

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Do you have days when everything is hard? I seem to have more than my share of them and often. I’m sounding rather childish and petulant but it just doesn’t seem fair, does it? There’s no one to cry to about it. Everyone has their troubles. The only thing to do is to ‘buckle up, Buttercup!’ My plan lately is not to complain out loud about it, be calm and agreeable. It’s a good time to be quiet and go about life and business slowly and steadily. Brain surgery and complicated procedures are out of the question.

Sewing my log cabin quilt square is a good activity. I’ve pieced and sewn over 50 of them now. It’s familiar and soothing. It’s never boring. I always try for precision – exact 1/4 inch seams and colours that go well together. Even so, I’m a little behind with my squares these last few days. Fatigue and heaviness are weighing me down. I’m practicing not stressing, letting it slide off me. All schedules are my own creation. I’m never behind. Everything will get done in due time.

When I get feeling down too much, I remember Caroline Myss’ advice to get up and move. And so I do. I go for our daily walks. A change of posture, a change of scenery and a change in thoughts and mood. The day is sunny and warm. I open some windows in the house to get some fresh air. I have such a difficult time putting things away and in order. I work not in understanding but in doing it. So I take the laundry off the line, fold them and now they’re all put away. It really wasn’t hard once I started. I’m learning to tackle each seemingly difficult task, thus – step by step.

I’m always surprised that when I get up and start moving, I feel better. Even stepping outside on a cloudy day gives me a rush of relief. So doing even a very small thing is better than not doing anything. A small accomplishment leads to another accomplishment and so on and so forth.

AFTER THE STORM

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It is late afternoon, the day after the storm. Happy to have some sun off and on during the day. It’s playing peek-a-boo. I’ll take what we can get. I’m feeling a bit deflated and despondent. I’m feeling with the weather. What is out there is in here. We had quite a storm yesterday with wind and snow. I thought the greenhouse held up well considering we had no sun at all yesterday. The sensor showed that we had above 0 temperature till after 2:30 and the lowest temperature was -1.2℃ at 6:48 am. We had survived -6℃ before. So I was surprised to find the scarlet runner beans looking poorly but not the cucumbers. I was sure the tomatoes would be ok. They were under heavier covers. Not so. I lost 3 of the first 4 planted and 3 or 4 of the others. 10 or 11 survived.

On second inspection later in the afternoon, the cucumbers are not looking good any more. It’s a good thing I had moved my 2 trays of seedling into the house. I still have one Gateway cucumber and lots of Long Keeper and Black Krim tomatoes left. Alas I only started 3 Red Alerts, the early variety. Never put all your eggs in one basket.

This was a good learning experience. It showed the ‘cold’ spots in the greenhouse. The sensor was placed under the covers yesterday. It probably didn’t show the true temperature. The buckets of water had thick layer ice in each except the ones that had covers over them. Next spring I will not plant tomatoes, beans and cucumbers till 2nd week of April. The greens were just fine overnight, even the newly seeded and germinated. They just had a crop cover over them. They are a sure bet for early spring along with other cool loving crops like radishes, daikons, carrots, kohlrabi…

It’s a learning experience this year with the greenhouse. It’s trial and error. It is the time to have fun and be daring and try new things. I think you have to fail a little to get wisdom. I’m not at all discouraged. I’m just feeling the end of the day sag. I’m experimenting with making paper pots for transplanting tomatoes. It’s fun and the paper is free. The pots are deep for the roots to grow and they will hold the pot together. You have to give them time to develope before handling them or else they will fall apart.

EXCITING TIMES AHEAD

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A beautiful sunny morning. We slept in till almost 8 am. We have no jobs or appointments to rush to. No big deal. It was -1℃ in the greenhouse and -4or 5℃ outside. These days the weather and temperatures are unpredictable. That is the pattern. I’m learning that I have to play it by ear day by day with the greenhouse. It is almost noon and 3℃ outside and 15.2℃ in the greenhouse. It is suppose to be sunny all day. I shall be planting more tomatoes, cucumbers and scarlet beans after lunch. We are almost into April but there are still snow and minus temperatures predicted ahead. Night time coverings are still wise and necessary.

It is afternoon, 4:30 to be exact. How time flies. I’ve planted more cucumbers, scarlet runners and tomatoes in the greenhouse. I always forget to put some crushed egg shells at the bottom before I put the tomatoes in. It helps to prevent bottom rot. I have to be satisfied with scratching them in around each plant. All in all, I’ve planted 8 Long Keeper Tomatoes, 6 Black Krim and 3 Red Alert. Both the Long Keeper and Black Krim are indeterminates which means they will climb like a vine. They will keep growing and produce fruit until frost arrives. They mature in 70-80 days. The Red Alert is a determinate/bush. They mature in 50-55 days. The determinate stop their shoot production once the blossoms form on the ends.

I have 3 cucumbers and 3 scarlet runners in one corner along the wall. I hope they grow and climb up and over the ceiling to provide shade to cool the greenhouse in the heat of summer. How to do that is still in the works. Meanwhile I have germinated 2 bitter melon seeds by soaking them in water overnight. I then clipped a tiny bit off the rounded end of each seed, wrapped them in a wet paper towel and put into a plastic bag. Next I put them into the oven with the light on. They sprouted in two days. Amazing! They are now potted up. I’m waiting for them to burst through the soil. They are also climbers and work as the cukes and runner beans. Exciting times ahead.

Now it is almost 5:30. Time to close shop. The sun is still shining bright. I have closed the vents in the greenhouse to save the heat for the night. It is sitting at 20.5℃. The outside temperature 7℃. The low forecast tonight is -2℃. It is all good.

EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT

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It’s a cool damp day with gentle snow that melts on the way down. No sun at all. The greenhouse has been able to keep the temperature above 0. It reached the high of 11.5℃ but is now on the decline. Everything there is happy still, each wearing their overnight covers. I made good use of old pots, row covers and old tablecloths from the Dollar Store. The low tonight is -9℃. We’ve survived -18℃, so no worries. Everything is going to be all right, just like Bob Marley sang.

I’ve been languid and listless all day. I did not fight it. I’m still processing the death of my 3rd uncle. He passed on Friday. My cousin’s email in loving memory of her father stirred up many memories and emotions. He was my mother’s older brother. All of her siblies are in NYC. There were 7 of them. Now there’s four. My mother is the only one here in Canada. We have a large extended family. I have a whole slew of cousins from my mother’s side in the U.S. I envied my cousins being in such close proximity to each other.

Though we’ve made only a few trips there over the years, I still feel the strong bond of family and kinship. My mother kept it alive with her many stories. My being the oldest, I heard the most stories and learned the most of our family history. They are good stories to warm the heart and soul on a cool wet and dreary day. Rest in peace, Third Uncle. You would’ve approve and enjoy our greenhouse.

MEANWHILE

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I woke up to snow and -8℃! Happily it was 4.4℃ in the greenhouse. Of course it dropped a bit until the sun rises. There is no sun today. It is almost 10:30 and the greenhouse is sitting at 5.6℃. I hope the sun will make a showing later on. Meanwhile the covers stays on everything for extra warmth. I had brought in my trays of seeding last night. Everything is an experiment this spring. I wonder if the cooler temperatures at night in the greenhouse affect the germination. Will I have to reseed them? Time will tell. I have time.

Meanwhile the world still turns. Covid-19 is still here and still rising. Our province’s stats are not good at all. Despite this, there are still anti-mask people protesting about their freedom. The news from Brazil is alarming. There are more than 2, 200 deaths daily from Covid-19. Then there’s rising Asian hate in the U.S. and Canada. It is very hard to understand and digest all this. I guess it is all right for me to have a blue funk day once in awhile. Life is hard. Now life is harder. But it can be an opportunity to see as we’ve never seen before. We are all captured and captivated by this virus. There is no discrimination, no borders unbound.

Meanwhile, I am happy to see that my blogger friend, Minna from Suddenly Mad is still writing. She was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer in 2016. It has been progressing, affecting her balance and walking. She started babbling incoherently in 2018. It has not affected her ability to write or draw though, but her posts are coming slower and further apart. I have learned much from them. They are very rich. Minna is an artist and was a professor at a university in New York. Then last summer, her husband/caregiver was diagnosed with lung cancer. They are both carrying on.

We all have our hard spots. My little episodes of blue funk are really nothing but a glitch in the day. They are like the clouds that drift in and out of the sky. Perfects I need them to anchor and remind me of what it is to be alive. I’m fortunate to have the tools of writing and photography to record my highs and lows. I am the weather girl.